“We Do Not Save Ourselves” by Lem

“I HAD to save her.” says Arthur Miller. “I had to save Marilyn.”

Later.

“I was an American.” says Arthur Miller. “Americans think like that.”

“Would you have dated Lacey?” asks Butter.

“NO!” says Arthur Miller.

Silence.

He laughs.

“She’d have broken me. …And then I’d have realized that she wasn’t breaking me. I was just stupid. …And then I’d have realized my whole worldview was a bunch of nonsense. And…I’d have felt…comfortable but…unimpressed. Because she’s great but…she’s not Marilyn. And then…I’d have set her up on a date with Lem. And I’d have gone after Marilyn. With a vengeance. And…I would have wondered why Lacey and I ever dated in the first place. We’re more like buddies.” says Arthur Miller. “No, she’s not JFK.”

“She’s your buddy, but you do find her attractive.” says Pamela Anderson.

“Yes!” says Arthur Miller. “But…I actually don’t really want to sleep with her. I want to. But not…really.”

“It’s nothing serious!” says Marilyn.

“Doesn’t that hurt Lacey!??” shrieks Casi.

“NO!!!” yells God.

“No! She’s with Lem!” says Arthur Miller, confused.

“NO! He’s gay!!” says Bobby on a run to lose weight for his imaginary wedding to Lem. The CIA is positive he’s not talking to Lem but a doll he keeps on his car dash…he claims is his portal. But he insists it’s a real portal. The secret ceremony will be done with the tiny doll. Cheryl doesn’t take it seriously.

“This is hilarious!” says Casi.

Silence.

“So! You’re poor?” someone says to Casi.

“I’m not marrying him!” says Lem. “Just to clarify! …That isn’t me.”

Silence.

“No! It’s you!!!” says Casi. “She’s ugly!”

Later.

“Aren’t I better looking!?” says Nancy.

“Oh! This works! She falls for this one!” says Casi.

“No I don’t. Not really!” says Lacey.

“Then you know I’m not better looking than you right!?” says Casi.

“Yes!” says Lacey.

Casi laughs. Shakes her head no.

Lacey waits for her to stop, in irritation.

“YOU BITCH!!” Casi yells at her.

“Not really.” says Lacey.

“WHY DOES SHE SOUND SMART!?!” shrieks Casi.

“Because she is smart.” says God.

Casi laughs at God. Certain she’s VASTLY superior to Him.

“Nigger!” she says about God. “Stupid-ass nigger.”

The song starts over.

“I HATE this.” says Casi.

“You’re like the Joker!” says a Millennial.

“I’m ENDING MILLENNIALS.” says Lacey. “Whoever said that is a Millennial most likely. But…I’m not. …I’m not at all. I’m a Millennial.”

“No!!!” whines Casi.

“DO SOMETHING!!” shrieks Satan.

“We can’t.” says Bobby laughing.

“Why!??” desperately asks Satan.

“Because. I’m a strong…brave..

*You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette plays*

I’m a bitch…I’m a lover…and a HERO.” says Bobby.

He showers and places his tiny doll at the back of his shower while dancing to Alanis Morissette.

Polly by Nirvana plays.

“So if there’s reincarnation you killed me because Lacey is Scotia and you heard her say when she was 10 to kill me.” says Kurt Cobain.

“Yup.” says Louis.

“In the Illuminati.” says Kurt Cobain.

“Yes. She didn’t understand.” says Louis.

“I know. If that’s what happened. I know.” says Kurt Cobain.

“I thought it…but not really.” says Lacey.

“They heard it through me too though possibly.” says JFK. “I followed her.” He thinks. “EVERYWHERE.”

“Yes we kill Kurt Cobain! Yes, that’s what we decide to kill him now please, thank you!” said JFK in 1994.

“How did you get that information though?” asks a woman.

“I look forward in time to see what she think of his music when she heard it.

In 1995.

I researched his fanbase. There was a girl in the orchestra in the fifth grade in 1995 who is a huge Kurt Cobain fan. Cellist. And she smoke pot. Bad attitude always. And she hated Lacey and I liked her, but Lacey-

She hate Lacey.

They have a fight over Kurt Cobain.

And I thought OK fine he’s a drug addict and he’s evil according to Lacey…and she knows. She knows something…because she hear Lem Billings snd when I die I find out that he like Kurt Cobain? Lem Billings!? OK!?? …But no they say that’s what he like. …And I don’t believe any of that nonsense…but that’s what-that’s what they told me. You see that’s what it seems to be OK!?

So I decide she knows more about that than I do because that’s just how it works. You know it’s like somehow she knows something. I don’t know. Whatever! …My brother was in love with her though so I don’t know. I don’t know. But I tell you this…she thought he evil…and he remind me of the evil that lame supposedly was. The man who shot me OK!? Lame Billings. …So she thought he evil!? …And that’s the man who shot me.

…

And so we both thought, ‘No, take it away! Eww. No thank you! Goodbye! Goodbye Kurt Cobain. ….Thanks so much, you’re a fucking loser!’” says JFK.

“Does she think that now!?” says Kurt Cobain.

Silence.

“No. She hears hope in your music. Of God.” says God.

“Would she had been one of his fans when she was a teenager if she had had like a loving mother at all?” asks the cellist.

“Yes and no, she really is in a different generation than Millennials and Gen. X and Gen Z. She’s kind of her own generation.” says God.

“Jack what else have you decided with Lacey over the years following her around obsessively with the Illuminati contacting you?” asks a woman.

“Casi, you should’ve attacked me. If you were trying to get at the hot guys and the money in the family you should’ve attacked me.” says Kate Nesheim.

“Yeah…you’re just digging up the dead Casi by suffocating her with Bobby spiritually you’re really just digging up the graves a very powerful dangerous dead people.” says the Illuminati.

“Then why is it so exciting!?” says a Jon Baptiste Dandt, sarcastically.

“Because you’re talking to someone who’s vastly superior to you but you’re too stupid to realize that and you’re digging up the graves of dead people who want to have sex with living women like Elliott Roosevelt and Lem. Of you’re digging up the graves, sweetie, of men like her father who would like to kick ass or you’re digging up the graves of men like Al Capone who sees an angle. And you’re too narcissistic to understand that their joy isn’t actually your joy. You live vicariously through other people way too much Casi. It’s psychotic because it’s not like you’re actually happy for them you just think that it’s yours.“ says a man.

“I decide lots of things. I decide that Jennifer Aniston is a sex symbol. …I decide that lip smackers are incredibly dangerous and girls who have lip smackers rule the world. …I decided that the color purple is for Jews and blacks. Why? Because Bobby likes grape juice and Lem Billings was mine not his so grape juice and grape flavored is just for Jews and Black people.

I decided that Ron Co. is a failure.

I decide that people who drive Mercedes are poor because a lot of people in my family. ‘Oh I tried to say it is! I’ll look at me. I drive a Mercedes!’ Oh, okay fine! You drive Mercedes, so impressive. Oh wow OK! I try Mercedes too if I alive loser.

We decide that Dairy Queen, soft serve ice cream is arguably some of the best ice cream on earth. We decide that that Italian man amazing.

We decide that St. Patrick’s Day should be celebrated our yeah very seriously. She always has celebrate St. Patrick’s Day and I respect that I was Irish. And she make Bango smash. Let’s pick up really a speaker when she a teenager says she invented shamrock shakes that she invented herself first at Dairy Queen. 

When she 14 years old, she go to Dairy Queen in Bloomington Minnesota and she tell her dad I’m going to order a blizzard made with mint and that’s all I want to mint blizzard. That was before McDonald’s have shamrock shakes. And my whole family thought that’s a brilliant way to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day with green ice cream that taste like mint. So we introduced her to peach ice cream and she loves it of course why wouldn’t you? No it’s your favorite ice cream flavor because it’s the best we know that and she agree with me that creamy clam chowder is far superior to any of the other stuff whatever that even is. I so she make a Chamade bless up for herself cost and I will mean so we stole the idea but she also saw that’s so cool. I love it and we thought OK fine maybe we are cool.

I am mad that Joe threw her down the stairs because it makes it harder for her to make mango smash on St. Patrick’s Day, and I find that very personally offensive.

 And I also find out that the ocean is secret love triangle for her and Lem and my brother Joe.  hey that’s why I put that on Kirk’s gravestone. Because it’s the ocean that secretly is the love between her and Joe, and then the gravestone is secretly the love between me and Kirk but it’s also secretly the love between me and my brother.  Our family is very incestuous that has been noted before. 

Yes, someone is telling me that Lacey and Lem are not in my family. Ok fine! Oh, but they are part of a love triangle.

Did I create the Bermuda love triangle I marry by wearing matching swim trunks with love doings that look like we are lovers but we’re not he’s straight they say? Some people say yes I in fact, I am the creator of the Bermuda Triangle. How I do that because I follow round obsessive way, and I was all the power of the American government and that was a lot of power.

Am I reincarnated you figure that out as a Baptist and get back to me.

If I am, I am, I am a poor Japanese man who is very smart and clever. OK maybe not so smart, but I am very clever. When I alive the 1800s, 1840s or 50s. Lacey live around the same time she born in 1851. Or 1850. Yes, I think she bought an 1850. If that we are cognition, I don’t know. And yes, Lacey born in 1850 that makes no sense unless you have the wrong war. See she don’t think of that. And she not know what she hit by what if she not die in World War I what if she die on the street hit by a buggy. Is she trying to work with you? She doesn’t believe in reincarnation you keep attacking her like she’s stupid idiot.” says JFK.

“ this is where I have to stop. I’m a demon controlling his energy he does not exist. She’s not making that up. She’s vastly more intelligent than Bobby and most people alive. That’s not vanity that’s fact. She doesn’t believe in reincarnation, but she’s open minded to the thought that it could be in the Bible. She would’ve had to have been born in the 1850s or 60s at the very latest. The family could’ve covered that up but it’s more likely that she would’ve been part in about 1850. Or there probably isn’t reincarnation. That doesn’t mean that Tom Banks isn’t her father. You’d have to prove that as well. And he is her father, whether it’s biological or not, he’s chosen to be that. Instead of assuming the stupidest thing possible, try researching things for once. 

And her family is from Norway and her lead she’s not making that up and stop letting demons of poverty control you. Her father is Tom Banks, and he may actually be her real biological father. and there’s no easy way out of that unless if you do perfect DNA testing. The fact that she looks so much like Laura Harring suggest that she is German and there’s no German ancestry in Jim and Becca’s family that would account for that possibly at all.  she also looks like Katherine Heigl, who is also German. It’s very likely that Lacey is somewhat Austrian German. But then that would be from Tom Banks that would be his mothers family. 

What am I a demon of? false prophets. part of how I do it is by saying things that are true like what I’m doing right now and then adding some thing evil and perverse to it. Lacey and God may not let me do that right now but I am so sick of your people doing this that I I want to throw up.

If this is the end times, do you let me go crazy to make it up to me? Yes you might within the next few years. It’s so sad that you start just letting me do whatever I want and I made turn lots of people into false prophets if this is the end.

What a false prophet is really like David Karesh it’s someone who knows some thing but it’s just really evil and off at the same time and honestly if I’m allowed to do that God may control me so that I don’t do anything too evil but I might still get to have some fun. We’ll see.

so we covered some stuff here so and Lacey is probably Tom thinks his daughter in some way. She is also possibly reincarnated if that’s in the Bible. And she comes from a wealthy elite Norwegian, farm family from North Dakota. They’re very frugal but they’re old money. Let’s talk about the reincarnation aspect.

What war would it be? It might not be World War I Prince William knows that he’s not even Ken. He was never even convinced that she was who she said she was a Scottish aristocrat. However, she is a Roslyn if there’s reincarnation hundred percent guaranteed. And she is actually that man James that’s her father. That is her father. The one who died she was an orphan. She has this figured out if there’s reincarnation and she tells you things and sometimes you listen and then sometimes you listen but you should listen with your heart if you have one a little bit more. It may not have been World War I. She has thought that for some reason she was very determined to think that him, but that doesn’t make sense.

She doesn’t really remember Helena she doesn’t remember that 100% she thought it was probably World War I and she seemed right to her and so she went with it but it’s possible that it was not World War I. Let’s look up wars in the late 1800s.” says the demon.

Later.

“It was the First Boer War that Lem died in, the Third Ashanti War, or Second Anglo-African War OR the Anglo-Zulu War.” says the demon. “Nothing later than that. It was one of those wars if there’s reincarnation, it was one of those wars that he died in and he was extremely straight and extremely confused being Lem Billings.” 

“Which one was it?” says an Irish woman.

“If there’s reincarnation, it was the Boer War at least that’s what I’m going to say for now he died in the Boer war.” says the demon.

“Which one do you think it was Lacey?” asks Queen Camilla.

“Possibly the Anglo Zulu War????” says Lacey.

“What do you recall about it?” says a man.

“ that I was afraid he was going to have sex with some exotic woman that we use mosquito nuts when I just wanted to come with him and I wonder if he died of some thing like malaria or something like that. And then that’s all I can think I might’ve been hit by a car though I really might’ve been an hour ago maybe it wasn’t of no not a car but it was I think I might’ve been hit I really do I wonder if that’s how I died. It was weird to me. If there is reincarnation is that I somehow go from that to him being born and I don’t recall being with him but I think I would’ve had to happen and honestly there’s something really sick about that if there’s retardation there’s something incredibly perverse about the fact that I don’t recall being with him when we were together.” says Lacey. “ when did I die but I live a miserable life and go in sane because I couldn’t handle being without him or did I shoot myself in the face I mean I don’t recall, but it’s like it just goes black. It’s like he dies and then I just go black and I hate it if there’s reincarnation that’s not possible I had to have died somehow or some thing and then that’s where people need to be kinder to me probably because I think if there is reincarnation, Helena actually did figure out that I was hit by something she figured a lot of this out if there’s reincarnation because she was choosing to be kind and loving and whether there’s reincarnation or not she she’s very smart and she figured something out that I figured out to and maybe we’re just artistic people and we invented a character in a story that maybe either of us could play if it was her role, probably obviously her better than me but I would try to be the best actress I could be in this role if there is reincarnation I think she knew exactly who I was in someway and then that’s where I don’t know because I hit my horse I don’t know.” says Lacey.

“did you cheat one in Africa with some exotic beauty?” says Queen Camilla.

“ no but then had a lot of power back on and off I would’ve thought she was crazy for thinking I would ever do that to her like actually just nuts. But I would’ve never thought she was actually mentally ill just the colloquial nuts. And so I would’ve thought well, I think she’s a little crazy and that’s concerning to me, but I wouldn’t have done anything to harm her. I would’ve restrained myself no regimens no diets I would’ve just been worried about her and I would’ve been determined to try to figure out someway to convince her that she was crazy for thinking I would ever cheat on her because I never would have someone took advantage of that though, and they actually did assume that their wife was crazy or they use that to gaslight their wives. That’s a very real thing, but it was frowned upon and Women did talk to each other and trust each other back then because they knew how to and she would’ve had at least a few people she could’ve confided in. Her first cousins would’ve been included that and they were very dangerous people to mess around with if there’s reincarnation, but I wouldn’t have respected her just because of that but she might. She might think that at this point because of a jack Kennedy has done to her. Right now they’re shooting a supernatural painkiller into her neck because Bobby and the kid that died in illuminati or so fucking determined to suffocate her to test because they’re hurt by the fact that I was straight and they’re embarrassed by their poverty and stupidity, and they’re scared of Donald Trump and the Palestinians and the Israelis because they’re dumb as fuck That they’re trying to suffocate her. But her family is basically injecting up and not opiate but it’s it works like an opiate in her neck super naturally, because it’s super natural and they’re suffocating her using demons in her throat and nose and brain and now she can breathe more easily because they could actually kill her this way if you kept suffocating her sweetie, it would just keep upping the dose and you’d stop hearing screams from her spirit, which is what you get thrilled by Because you think I’m gay if she could somehow convince you that I’m not and never was you’d stop being as excited by the thought of torturing her, but Casi is enabling you to think that. But no she’s she’s going to be killed by that if you keep suffocating her that way sweetie they’ll just find a way to literally kill her slowly and that’s not scary. It’s it’s scary but it’s not as scary as what you’re doing so basically they’re putting something like an anesthetic in a sentence. It’s almost like a mental anesthetic so that she doesn’t scream and then they’ll just keep popping that so that there’s no way for her to experience any sort of fear of death as you’re suffocating her and then she’ll either die and then my kids will be in heaven with me within about a week or two and so will Mark and will just go back to the 1800s if there’s reincarnation or he may hang out there for a while for him safety And I will not be angry at her for thinking that I could cheat on her with a gorgeous, exotic woman, I wouldn’t have done that if there’s reincarnation, but I am ashamed that I would’ve even been angry at her anymore. You can you can’t do what you’re doing Bobby it’s not a thing the illuminati used to understand that there are certain parameters or certain boundaries. You can’t ask too much of Satan he’s not God.

And then they know that so they try to get more evil thinking it’ll fix things and it doesn’t.” says Lem.

Later.

“Does it cost $2,600 a year to go to the Met Opera?” asks Lacey.

“No.” says a NYC society Madame.

“How much is it? I can’t figure it out.” says Lacey.

“I’ll say $1,200.” she says.

“I don’t understand how they price these things. I’ll just have to go with that number.” says Lacey.

“And she’ll buy it whether you understand that or not, she really could afford that and she’ll buy it!” says Lem.

“That’s NOT THE POINT!!” she says.

“What is the point!?” says Lacey.

“I’m better than you bitch!!!” she screams like a peasant whore from the worst gutters of Europe.

“Carolina Herrera you’re a piece of fucking shit in every way compared to her. Someone slice off her head.” says Jesus if Carolina Herrera sucked Jackie’s vagina and then got it in her head to “really hurt Lacey”.

“We’re trying to bully you! Why isn’t it working?!?” all of the American less beautiful women scream at Lacey, their heads contorting to make them look UGLY and INSANE.

“Because I’m not inferior to you and I don’t understand what the fuck you want from???” says Lacey, genuinely confused.

“So you would be a regular opera goer or at the Met regularly and you wouldn’t wanna have anything to do with these women because you think they’re annoying and stupid peasants?” says Chris Hayes to Lacey.

“Yes because they are, but they’re not supposed to know that because they’re eager testicle bitches with very low IQs, and no sense of almost anything.” says the entire British Empire, accompanied by the best major Asian empires. 

“You guys probably are! Why the fuck are you doing this to yourselves?!?” says a communist reading her blog.

“I thought I was being really clever, but turns out I’m just being mannish and ugly and stupid.” she says.

“So you asked what I would wear to the opera while I was snubbing for being a pretentious peacock who sucks cock to get dough? I’ll post that to Instagram you little whore.

Do you actually like the opera or do you force yourself to you to be a big girl?” says Lacey.

“I mostly just force myself to you’re right. I’m a pretentious bitch.” she says.

“Get the fuck away from me you little peasant or I’ll cut off your head.” says Lacey.

Later.

“Fine that’s not a bad dress. And I get to tell you that!” she says.

“Because you’re loud, violent and stupid as fuck!” says Lacey. “And men kiss your ass because they’re little cheap peasant cowards who only get their dick hard for some prostitute and then you look the other way because you’re nothing more than a whore.”

“Why can’t you just let her enjoy the opera like an actual intellectual elite, in an aristocratic way?” says a Communist.

“Because I’ve made peace with you because you’re loud and pushy at all the best schools that I still send my kids to to try to seem like her in a way but I think she’s just trying to seem like me.” she says.

“How is she trying to seem like you this amuses me?” says the communist.

“Because I refuse to believe that she has a brain.” she admits.

“I know, but she does. I bet you and I aren’t as smart as her and you’re in a hell of a lot weaker of a position by attacking her today than I am. What makes you smug little pretentious bitches think that you’re so fucking safe, other than your delusions?” says the communist.

“ oh yeah, we’re really not that dumb. She knows that if we chose to chop off her head and her children’s heads before chopping off her and her husband, I think she’d go along with that as long as it made sense I don’t understand you people and honestly, I think her aesthetic is Norwegian, aristocratic socialist, who doesn’t believe that poverty is easy to get rid of if you even Ken, I have a feeling she’s thrown her hands up in the air, though because of global warming and peoples in ability to comprehend that it’s real for the last 50 years I think that’s mind blowing to her butts and then it just becomes a comedy but how do you feel so safe I could have you killed right now potentially white why do you feel so safe?” she says.

“ because I am a really big deal rockstar-bitch.” says Carolina Herrera.

“ wow so you’re psychotic?” she says.

“ that’s not psychotic!” says Carolina.

“ you turned on her didn’t you? why?” she says.

“ Jack seduced me before he sees to exist, and I was strong for myself, but then I am I decided to experiment with lesbianism.” says Carolina.

“ OK well that’s weird. Um I’m sorry I’m struggling to give a shit I care about communist but I am as long as you leave me alone and you let me murder the children who you’re blasting and then you go about your daily activities brushing your teeth, my new, your own fucking business, not harming anyone I think we can coexist, I would advise you to worship Jesus but other than that I don’t give a fuck you’re annoying. It’s like talking a wallpaper!” says Lacey.

“ Well, I have to be that dull?” she says.

“ no it’s evil and vain on your part.” says Lacey. “ most American women try to pretend that they’re an aristocrat. It’s pretty stupid and so you try to see him like you’re having his very deep thoughts when really you’re dumb as fuck potentially I’m just really good at acting. Do you have any idea how disturbing that is to say to someone all these things you’ve had me saying in processing for the last 10 years are extraordinarily disturbing do you realize any of that or no?” says Lacey to Chris Hayes.

“ no. If there’s reincarnation, I am obsessed with my wife from my last life who everyone called Butter. I can never get her out of my brain. I am obsessed with her. She’s just absolutely everything to me. She cheated on me in 1965 at a party and I’ve never gotten over it all these years. I am still devastated. Lacey altered my entire perception of everything, and then she left me And I’ve never been able to get over her reminded me of her and that was something Diego used to attack. You was the fact that you reminded me of butter.

Of course, that’s only if there’s reincarnation if there’s not reincarnation, she’s not fairy impossible, but if there is reincarnation, she’s a real she’s a real woman. She was incredibly important to me. She was the center of my universe.” says Chris Hayes.

“ so you’re jaded and bitter because of butter!?” says the CIA.

“ if there’s reincarnation, yes, she is the most important human in the entire world to me still and I’m mad that she’s not here.” says Chris, weeping if there’s reincarnation. This is real if there’s an Illuminati and reincarnation.

“ oh my gosh that’s so stupid that’s too authentic. I can’t handle it.” say most adults over 25 and under 70.