Class

All morning the Illuminati believes Lacey is David Kennedy’s daughter because Lacey puts them on.

Before she went to bed at 4 AM Lem warned them to leave her alone.

Now…they’re being confronted.

“Why do you keep insulting our family!?” asks Mark Nesheim.

“Yeah! We’re not poor!” says Dennis Anderson.

“Ha!! You’re POOR!!!” yells a New Money billionaire.

“No they’re NOT!!” yells Norway for the umpteenth time.

“Whatever!!” says an American New Money billionaire.

“What’s Gunhild’s last name?” says Alisha, desperately.

“Berge.” says Lacey.

“That’s even worse!!!” says a New Money guy from New Jersey.

“What is Old Money to you?” asks an American.

“AINT MUCH! It’s just all about the Benjamins Bebe!” he says. He scoffs. Crosses his legs.

Ulysses laughs.

“What!? You’re poor as fuck!” he says to Ulysses.

He laughs harder.

“But if you were to just like humor us, who would be old money to you?” asks another reader.

“The Rockefellers in the past when they were billionaires. People like that when they actually had the dough. Look, I’ve got a business to run bitch. If she ain’t got it liquid I ain’t gotta worry.” he says.

“Do you consider yourself old money?” says Ulysses.

“Yeah, I’m a classy kind of guy!” he says.

“ is Chris Hayes rich to you?” asks Dennis Anderson.

“Look…the kids got classy lives in New York City that’s a real classy fucking place. Sure, as fuck he is rich that Lil Kike!” he says.

“ is this a parity of you or is this you?” says Dennis Anderson.

“ it is me and a parody of Me.” he says.

“ so you got a lot of dough and now you’re running things? why is Chris Hayes is 6 million more important than their families hundred million and trillion?” says Johnny Anderson.

“ because I am personally friends with Chris Hayes. I don’t know the fuck of any of you.” he says, offended.

“ how the hell would you know us you dip shit!?” says Dennis.

“ you don’t live in the right place and that’s all that counts to me.” he says.

“ where are you? Are the people who thought it made sense to sell children?” says Johnny.

“ I live in New York! And I live in California.

I have a house in Florida!

I’m a very wealthy man!” he says.

“ so you really were one of the people who thought that we should sell children?” says Dennis.

“lock they’re light weight! You can carry them pretty easily! Human cargo is a little harder to manage. A child is smaller! I’d sell dogs, but people don’t generally fuck a dogs. somewhere along the line I realize the kids can sometimes be molested. Or people like me did about 40 years ago. and so listen it’s a really good way to make a quick buck.” he says.

“ so you don’t understand social class?” says a reader.

“ I am a very intelligent man! I’m a very intelligent man, Harvard University! YALE! I’m a fricken genius!” he says.

“ but you’re really just a thug?” says Dennis.

“ I resent the implication. Thank you very much.” he says.

“ did the old buddy establishment accept you?” says Dennis.

“ they sure as fuck did!

It’s the American way!

The royal family and I are real good close friends!

What does fuck is that? Lol damn Castleville is so cute. Shit!

they betrayed Lacey after the queen died. I know I feel kind of sorry for her myself. Those cheap little fuckers from Greece!

Oh well!

I’m not totally heartless!” he says.

“ why did you betray my friend?” says Queen Elizabeth II to her family.

“ because this guy told us to.” they admit.

“ why the fuck does he control you people!?” says Lacey.

“ they started controlling us in the 1950s and I got progressively worse.” says Bertie.

“ are they American?” says Lacey.

“ yes!” says a man.

“ who the fuck are these people?” says Lacey.

“ just a bunch of well new money mostly billionaires from America.” says one of their wives.

“ does Lacey narcissistically offend you?” asks David A. Kennedy.

“ Bobby is sleeping with one of you isn’t it?” says Dennis.

“ yes he is.” one of them says.

“ yes, she narcissistically offends me.” he says. “ if there’s reincarnation, she reaches a level of respect and honor and class that I have yet to attain.”

“And that bothers you?” says David.

“ yeah, it bothers me. Look why didn’t you marry Rachel Ward!?” he says.

“ she was just too classy.” says David honestly.

“ she knew you had the dough. she understood!” he says. “ Lacey doesn’t even seem to take us seriously at all.”

“ I don’t money is a concept.” says Lacey.

“ why did you betray my friend?” says the Queen.

“ did we have an option of not betraying her?” says King Charles III.

“ of course you did and I would’ve had a hell of a lot more respect for you as people. And Russia would’ve been a little less so upset.” he says.

“ there is a class system, whether you like it or not.” says Dennis.

“ yeah, you sound like her.” he says.

“ it’s just reality!” says Dennis.

“ what the fuck do you want from me?” he says.

“ I just want you to acknowledge the reality of the situation.” says Mark Nesheim.

“ so I probably shouldn’t be trying to turn your people into my personal sex slaves like you’re a bunch of cheap shit.” he says.

“ no that’s dumb as fuck!” says Dennis.

“ but then what why do you feel that you have an exception!??” he says.

“ that’s just reality!” says Dennis.

“ yeah, you sound like Lacey!” he says.

“ look it’s like this I’m not your sex slave or your servant. I am in the upper class.” says Dennis. “ I offend you because you’re inferior to me! You think that I’m evil in a way that you are, and I am not.”

“ Lacey says that if she was poor, she’d have more grace for what I’ve put her through for the last 10 years.” he says.

India nods.

“ she could be right!” says Dennis.

“ I don’t understand it!” he says.

“ are you an idiot?” says Dennis, getting frustrated.

“ she tries to explain it and we just shout over her. it’s a shout over her. What is it?” they say.

“ psychologically if somebody is poor, they are prepared to live through poverty situations. That’s reality! When you’re raised in an old money, family like ours… you’re not expecting to be treated like a peasant piece of shit. You caught her off guard and defied reality because your narcissistically offended. You’ve destroyed the world because you’re dumb enough to think you have a moral argument when you don’t. You are self righteous little fuck! Why the hell can’t you understand any intellectual argument that she says of that nature!? You’re not us you’re not her you’re inferior genetically.

I am not impressed by your Harvard degree. I am not surprised by it either. There’s a reason my family doesn’t go to schools like that generally because of you and people like you who go there. I don’t hate you, but I find you abhorrent. If you don’t like that come get me in person you little fat fuck!” yells Dennis Anderson.

“ OK fine I see your argument!” he says.

“ it’s about what makes sense!! things have to make sense!!!” yells Harold Loeb. 

“ so you don’t care about the child sex slaves!?” he says.

“ no, we obviously do care! We care more than you do but we’re what is called a republican before Donald Trump took over and imitated me. Frankly, I should be the president in all reality. I am a genius. People in my family would be able to fix this country in about five seconds we wouldn’t of had a higher Elon musk and we probably would’ve been very charitable to you, depending on how sane you are.” says Dennis.

“ so you guys are like Elon Musk and Donald Trump combined and did you know that Lacey could’ve made 6 billion from bitcoin if she married Bill Rhea!?” says a woman.

“ no but I’m not surprised. Even if she’s not one of us biologically, she was raised in our family and we taught her how to do stuff like that.” says Dennis.

“ could you overthrow the US government Dennis?” he says.

“ i.e. good yes.” says Dennis.

“ i’m not those people I’m not that old money and I’m far more in the game.” says Tucker Carlson.

“ I know my family needed to try to recognize her as my friend not necessarily even upper class but probably.” says Queen Elizabeth II.

“ what would you have done if she’d been my wife?” says Michael.

“ Michael could she really have been your wife if there’s reincarnation I fear she’s a little too ferocious.” he says.

“ what if there’s not?” says Tom Banks.

“ if I could have married her, answer, my question and stop being so stupid and narcissistically offended.” says Michael.

“ am I really that fucked?” he says.

“YEAHH!!!!” yells a random coven.

“ Lacey says no we are going to acknowledge that.” says a voice.

“ or whether that’s me and you vastly underestimated what I did or ancient Egypt. She has more control over this than you do.” says Tom Banks.

“ were you more powerful than I am?” he says.

“ you know I probably was.” says Tom.

“ and what would you have done if she was my wife?” says Michael.

“ probably been intimidated by her and felt like a worthless piece of shit by comparison because I am and then been angry at God and decided to try to strangle a cat.” he says.

“ why didn’t you feel that way around us without her there?” says David Rockefeller.

“ because you ain’t as good looking as Lacey!” he says. 

“ did Tom Banks fuck her in Ancient Egypt!?” he says. “ was that the source of his power!?”

“ I highly doubt it!” says Palestine.

“ well, I don’t understand. Oh fuck out sometimes because I’ve noticed that when I do that we get more sunny days in Manhattan. See these people just don’t understand!” he says.

“ no we did not fuck cats to get sunny days in ancient Egypt.” says a man.

“ how the hell are you people so disrespectful of history?” asks Palestine.

“ because the British said that we could kiss the ass. I fuck Charles in the ass once in between his time with Camilla and Diana. He said it was kind of nice. He kind of liked it. It was a better than average orgasm. But the guy is pretty much 100% straight alright? And so he just said sorry but I gotta go back to the vagina. I could be a tampon in that woman’s vagina. I love going up in there! The cock in my ass hole is a pretty nice. But I prefer to stick my vagina up a woman’s vagina. Or rather, I prefer to stick my cock up a woman’s vagina any day of the week.

So Charlie boy has a wife OK fine we ain’t got a fuck no more I understand. I’m a classy guy.” he says.

“ we don’t know Lacey very well we’ve been giving you false information.” says a demon.

“ how do you not know her?” he says.

“ she’s so holy, we’re distracted harming other people because she’s impenetrable. Spiritually that we don’t really know her believe it or not there’s very little that she ever does wrong so we just don’t have a chance to study her. It’s like science we just don’t have a chance to get to know her.” says Hell.

“ I am so confused you rely on their information!??” says Lacey.

“ yea!” he says.

“ how the heck would they tell you the truth every time!??” says Mark Nesheim.

“ because we do things that are honorable to them we sacrifice things we harm children. We fuck cats.” he says.

“ I don’t think we understand Lacey and in ancient Egypt we were actually having sex with them like in the movie Suspirium Except it wasn’t creepy. It was creepy, but we were in essentially long-term stable relationships with that of a sexual nature. That was a very long time ago! So we know Lacey, but in a weird way, she almost feels more like one of our children or a cousin if there’s reincarnation that an average human. And sometimes you don’t know your family sometimes they can surprise you and you think you have them all figured out and you don’t. Lacey can’t figure out why you don’t just have sex with us or why you have to use these weird conduit’s to do so can you explain that or no?” says a demon.

“ you do possess us.” he says.

“ that’s not the same thing as you having sex directly with us. If there’s reincarnation, that’s what she’s doing with a ghost because she still knows how to do it. It’s in her mind it’s very easy to her, but she’s too ditzy to understand that. She thinks people think more like her than they do. So she’s able to have actual intercourse with a Lem’s. That’s essentially the same as if he was alive. He’s just missing a body and she said that and that’s literally what’s happening. No that is reality that really is reality.

I’m sorry if that offends you but that’s actual reality. Your understanding of her is based on your narcissism not science she’s actually sleeping with ghosts.

So if there’s reincarnation, they used to sleep with us in the same way and because it’s a fallen world, we were able to practically get them off just as much as a living person. She gets close to that with them, but that’s not quite what they do. Because it’s a fallen world we were actually able to do what they did, and do in Susperia and it’s not in a movie it’s reality. We were actually able to get into a sexual relationship with them that was far more intense than you think it was like actual sex between two living humans. So we did stuff for that because we actually started to develop romantic feelings for them. We do have emotions and we we did telekinesis. We did stuff like that. She’s tried to tell you that and you need to be less resistant to it if you want to know what’s going on.” says a demon.

“ did Zelda ever sleep with any of you?” he says.

“ if there’s reincarnation, yes she did.” says Scott.

“ so they had sex with demons and it was a long-term committed relationship?” he says.

“ yeah you think it’s a joke but it’s not if there’s reincarnations when she’s told you that we flew her through the air as a child we did. There are female demons, and if there’s reincarnation, there was a female demon who is having sex with her father the pharaoh and she felt maternal towards Lacey and so she put Lacey on her back and carried her a few feet in the air.” says a demon.

“ does that demon still exist?” he says.

“ no demons don’t actually exist forever part of the reason why we’ve resorted to becoming progressively more evil is because we’re running out of demons we overextend ourselves we run out of energy. So know that demon does not exist anymore. It’s like she’s actually dead. But if there’s reincarnation, God may bring that demon back because she was more of a mother to her than anything that anyone else has ever been.” says the demon crying.

“ we were still somewhat innocent back then we were evil, but not as evil as we are now. We were fallen angels we were fallen beings from heaven that’s just what we were there’s arguments about it, but that’s nonsense. We were basically fallen angels, and so we still had some innocence, and that that being was somewhat maternal towards her if there’s reincarnations, or there are demons, I could feel that way who have existed.” says a demon.

“ so we should probably figure out whether or not there’s reincarnation, huh???” says Helena Bonham Carter.

“ i’m actually intrigued by this, so you guys built the pyramids using telekinesis for real if there’s reincarnation?” he says.

“ yes and if you fix the clock downstairs, things would actually be smoother in the world if there’s reincarnation, because she really is Scotia.” says a demon.

“ do you remember her mother figure!?” he says.

“ you’re not like her father I’m sorry we’re fallen or evil and that’s what you never seem to understand you’re in this temporary state of inferiority you’re not supposed to take it as your absolute identity. And you know that but you also don’t seem to know that. And yes, that making that clockwork would be a way of honoring her demon mother figure from ancient Egypt. If there’s reincarnation, she started to fade in the 1800s she was very maternal she may have been Mollock’s wife. she was very maternal!” the demon says.

“ and you all still love her?” he says.

“ as much as we’re capable, yes.” he says.

“ and I would honor that because you’re trying to be honorable.” says God.

“ he’s actually very nice. I’m sorry you don’t know Him.” says the demon.

“ so basically, Dennis Anderson you’re explaining to me that if there’s reincarnation, I make absolutely no sense when I attack her.” he says.

“No. I am.” says Tom.

“ but I did help raise her and so you have to take that into account. He gave her to us if she is his biological daughter because it made sense for some reason to him.” says Dennis. “ look I’m not saying it’s good. You seem to miss understand that I’m saying that it’s just the way things work. There’s a difference!”

Later.

“ and if there’s not reincarnation, it’s just me! Lem’s is able to protect her as well, but I was far more powerful than him.” says Tom Banks.

“ are demons capable of being that maternal?” asks Roseanne.

“ yes they are.” says God. “ why is it that they have more empathy for her than you do!?”

“ I think they’re trying to be evil for a peasant class narcissistic reason.” says Lacey.

“ Charles why did you kowtow to these people!?” says the UK.

“ because I did!” says Prince Philip.

“ why did you?” says a reader.

“ because I was scared of them.” says Philip.

“ why were you so scared of them?” says Lacey.

“ because there’s so rich.” says Philip.

“ why don’t you just fucking kill them?” says Lacey.

“ do you know if she actually is right if we were threatening you that much you probably needed to just kill us.” one of them says.

“ and start World War III!?” says Philip.

“ yes, baby cakes and start World War III!” says Lacey mockingly.

Bertie laughs.

“ but that would’ve been World War III!” says one of them.

“ who gives a shit I would never have allowed Great Britain to be in a slave holding position. I would never have allowed it if we were really becoming that week that we had to kiss your ass and let you fuck us. I would’ve probably rather just been dead that’s for preferable than to being your little bitch.” says Lacey.

“ how would you have done it?” someone asks Lacey.

“ with a British sense of humor I would’ve had tea or lunch with one of you, and found out whether or not you actually were really capable of working with me and being my friend, or if you were going to be bullies and weirdos.” says Lacey.

“ and she would’ve found out that you were going to be bullies and weirdos.” says a DuPont.

“ so I would’ve taken our nuclear arsenal. Ha ha ha ha ha oh honey I’m British. Sorry. And I would have said my prayers over my country. I would’ve had them all pray to Christ, and being myself I would’ve known that there was an afterlife, and that there were ghosts and I went to bed. She worried that we’d end up like my demon mother, figure because she fell from heaven and may not have been redeemable. I am a human that’s not Christianity. I am redeemable so I would’ve thought worst case scenario I’m going to Mars or something I don’t know but I’m not too worried , because I have faith in Christ and no I mean hopefully she still can come back if if there’s reincarnation hopefully that mother figure can still come back someday maybe she’ll just give me piggyback rides and heaven, as I don’t know something we’ll see what God suggests should there be reincarnation. Him and I would’ve taken my nuclear missiles and being myself, and having a sense of things I would’ve just blown up my whole country I would’ve dropped the bombs on my own damn country totally obliterating all of us as quickly as possible I would’ve strategically planned it so that there was literally nobody alive in the entirety of Great Britain and then I would’ve just let y’all have whatever the fuck you wanted. So all of Great Britain would be in heaven or purgatory, Lord willing and people who should’ve existed, but couldn’t like William and Harry, which just exist in heaven as themselves because God is God and he’s brilliant and amazing. I know we were just all the debt there would be no more Great Britain because as much as I care about Russia and I care about Germany and I care about China and I care about Brazil and I run my country comes first my priority is with my country and yes, of course I care about Norway and Sweden but my first priority would’ve been with my people Because I would’ve seen the whole thing coming and I would’ve thought no I’m not selling children I’m not destroying the Earth we’re dead.” says Lacey. “ and I would’ve done that probably in the 1950s or 40s so let’s imagine a world where all of Great Britain is totally dead and you’re all dealing with a nuclear fallout of 30 nuclear missiles dropped on on the UK.” says Lacey.

“ she knows I’d have to hold her accountable for what she would’ve chosen to do but I would’ve fully understood why she was doing it.” says God.

“ so this is real. She actually would’ve annihilated the entirety of all Great Britain in one night and gotten away with it?” says the Illuminati on record.

“ yes if she was the queen, if she’d been my mother, if she’s been there yes we’d all be done. There would be no more Great Britain and there would be about 30 bombs. I would’ve got off that night.” says the Queen Mother.

They think.

“ she sometimes does things that are far more logistically brilliant, and she realizes because she is sort of a genius ditz. It’s very unlikely that there would’ve been a cold war or really anyone wanting to use nuclear weapons ever again because you would’ve experienced effects of radiation that would’ve shocked you and scared you into possibly totally disarming and destroying the nuclear missiles were finding someway to lock them away,” says the Queen Mother.

“ And if there’s reincarnation, I wouldn’t be here.” says Dr. Norm Wilson.

Chatter.

“ you know I didn’t even know about Lacey until Diego decided to antagonize the entire illuminati.” says a man running things.

“ let’s analyze a world where we don’t exist.” says Bertie.

“ fine!” he says.

“ I feel like i’m not mature enough as adult to have this conversation. I would never expect you guys to do that something like that because as much as I am bullies, I don’t understand that you’re not my friend because I’m dumb as fuck. I’m an American hick. And trials are just gonna have to be confused because unfortunately, he’s too much of a slow poke from the gutter himself to understand. So all humor this because she’s right by the fuck they just do this people do stuff like this.

Sweetie, this woman would kill her entire family. She could also be a billionaire from bitcoin, and I think more like her than you do. I’m sorry your father was so ratchet.” he says.

Silence.

“ i’m just waiting for you to have a clue that you should take this seriously.” says a demon. 

“ OK so Lacey blows up entire UK. All that’s left is Ireland.” he says.

“ I prayed about annihilating them with us, but I felt like I should not. I left them five nuclear missiles to kill themselves if they were interested.” says Lacey.

“ when do we discover the suicide note from Great Britain with five nuclear missiles?” says Ireland.

“ in the morning.” says Lacey.

“ is northern Ireland gone?” says Ireland.

“ it sure is!” says Lacey.

“ I I think I think that we would’ve been I think that we would have decided to just blow ourselves up as well.” says Ireland.

“ there would’ve been enough to kill all of you. Back then.” says the UK.

“ OK so then all of the British Isles is just dead.” says Ireland laughing. “ And to be honest I’m starting to find this funny, so no, we’re in heaven or purgatory, and I don’t think frankly, that if we could still exist as ourselves that any of us would care, and that could be a problem for God, but maybe not I have a feeling That it would’ve been better than this, so there might’ve been some problems, but I think he would’ve sort of the whole thing out OK so we’re all watching you worried but vastly better off than we are now.” says Ireland.

Later.

Turns out the whole 20th Century was a bust…the way it went down…possibly. And lots of living men prefer to be dead. They start crying like very upset babies. Crying for their mothers to have had them in Heaven.

Really.

All of Norway is dead. Half of Sweden. All of Estonia. Germany is happy. Russia is…amused.

Africa is worried.

Later.

Ruth, Lacey’s stepmother, may be Aimee Semple McPherson. She likes to shop at JC Penny’s. She grew-up lower class to middle class. But…she also is just a very frugal person.

Lacey is talked out of buying a $259 necklace to buy this instead:

The gay community is upset.

“She saved over a $100!” says Ruth, indignantly.

“Why does that make you all SO MAD!?” says Lem.

“Yeah. I don’t get it either. Neither does Lacey.” says Ruth.

“Because it’s JC PENNY’S!” says a gay man.

“Are they Republicans!?” says Ruth.

Lacey’s father gets very angry. He likes Ruth.

The Royal Family of Great Britain cracks-up laughing.

“It’s lab created jewelry, it’s not natural!” says Lacey.

Ruth nods.

“Have you all ever been that rich!!?” says Mark Pryce.

“She’s not Jack Kennedy, nor Lem nor Rose.” says Ruth.

“I’m not paying $100 more for the same thing from Helzberg just because it is from Helzberg. It’s just lab created jewelry.” says Lacey. 

“It’s cheap.” says Ruth, like she’s pitiful.

“RUTH! …I’m not wearing a $30,000 diamond and sapphire pendant to Target. It’s not safe.” says Lacey.

“They don’t know that.” says Ruth.

“HOW CAN THEY BE SO STUPID!??” says Lacey.

“It’s still real! And it’s pretty!” says Ilan Omar.

Lacey breathes a sigh of relief.

“I mean it’s still $100 worth of jewelry and it’s not like it’s that cheap!” says Lacey. 

“Yeah…like $100 it’s like $50 in 1994.” says a gay man.

“Yeah…that’s really not nothing. What fucking world are you fucking idiots living in!?” says Lacey.

“Because it’s just $50 worth of jewelry.” says a woman.

“Is everything you do an insult!? Do you just go around shitting in everyone’s face and never enjoying your own fucking life?” says Lacey.

“RUTH!!!” says a gay man. “YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS ABOUT!!!”

“You wanted to look RICH!!” says Ruth. “But think…about what she’s SAYING.”

“It’s really the same quality?” says Chris Hayes.

“It’s so close that it’s almost a waste of money to get one that’s more expensive and that’s just gross.” says Ruth. “See…if there’s reincarnation she’s trying to explain it to you but you have her as an 1800s lady. She’s Lafy May Roslynn and there’s no way that she can explain it to you in a way that will sound reasonable to you because you can’t respect the way she sounds.”

“You guys she saved over $100 and you’re mad at her.” says Jonah Wiley.

“She’s rich as hell!!!” says a woman at Target.

“Why didn’t she just buy the $700 necklace!?” says a gay man.

“I DON’T KNOW!” she says, annoyed.

“