“Lacey’s Boobs”

“Did Joel…understand that you had boobs?” asks Mr. Cologne 76 of Lacey.

“No, I did not!” admits Joel.

Mr. Cologne 76 laughs.

“I didn’t realize that she had boobs so to speak until I gave her a hug. And I gave her that hug right as I was saying goodbye to her for the summer. When I looked at her chest at the student council meeting, I thought, ‘Eh, it’s not that bad!’ I thought I could work with the situation and then maybe I would buy her big boobs. She didn’t look flat chested like some people can be. But I didn’t realize that she really had boobs.” says Joel.

Lem rubs his forehead. He read way too many issues of Playboy.

”So Joel like…what are we talking about here?” says Mr. Cologne 76.

“I’m not gonna talk about that!” says Joel laughing.

Mr. Cologne 76 laughs.

“You know what I mean don’t you!?” says Joel.

Mr. Cologne 76 looks serious.

“How much of a difference was it?” says Mr. Cologne 75.

“Considerable!” says Joel.

“What went through your head?” says Mr. Cologne 76.

“I felt confused.” says Joel.

“What did you feel confused by?” says Mr. Cologne 76.

“When I hugged her, and I felt her chest squished into mine I hugged her really tightly, and I was shocked because I didn’t realize that there was that much to squish, for lack of a better way to explain it without being sexual.” says Joel.

“Joel I’m trying to hate her because she’s better than me, but I’m also feeling really hurt for her because how the hell did you not realize that she was like a little stacked!?” says a hater. “I mean I presume that you stared at her chest, right?” 

“Yes, I did.” he says. “I actually like I I mean I find women attractive. Yes I did.”

“Then how did you miss it?” says a hater.

“I was staring at her breasts, but I wasn’t realizing that her clothing and her bra had a masked everything.” he says.

“I’ve explained this before, but people forget what I say for one reason or another.” says Lacey.

“So she wore T-shirts that squished in her boobs because they were fitted and then she wore bras that squished in her boobs because that’s the kind of bras that people make today.” says Joel.

“So how how much did it squish in her chest?” says God.

“Very, very very badly.” says Joel.

“OH NO!” says a gay man.

“Yes, very badly.” says Joel.

Suzanne laughs.

“Why didn’t you give her a hug before the last day of school?” says Mr. Cologne 76.

“Because I was trying to keep things pure. I was raised in a conservative family, and I was taught to be a gentleman. And then I accidentally insulted her by inviting her over to my fraternity late at night to hook-up. … I should have just gone on a date with her, but there were other girls who I was looking into. And I didn’t think they were better looking than her because they weren’t or even better than her really in any way. But I thought that they were better prospects. And I made the mistake of asking her out in an extremely casual way. And then, at the very end of the year I gave her a hug as I was saying goodbye, and I realized that she was far more stacked as you put it than I had imagined, and it wasn’t just her chest it was everything. I mean she had a great ass although I didn’t touch it. And she had hips that were pronounced. And she had a flat stomach but it’s just everything was so soft and feminine. And everything was squishy. She wasn’t a bony person at all. And I mean, obviously, she is a cis female, but I suppose I should say that nowadays. So no, it was just it was like, squeezing a really feminine juicy plump woman who is skinny at the same time. And I had never felt a woman like that before and it was kind of awe-inspiring to be honest. I’m sorry. I’ve never felt anyone like that since.

So that was one great hug!” says Joel.

Later.

Summer Overture by Clint Mansell & Kronos Quartet plays as Lacey walks off from Joel’s embrace. The sound of Native drums and oil…is heard. Then the strings of Heaven. Cut through like a blade fashioned in Ancient Egypt to slit throats.

JFK stands open-mouthed and grim. An actual poltergeist. In a creepy laugh. Glaring at Joel as Joel…looks sad. Contemplating his summer.

A poltergeist. Nobody can see him.

Evil on his face. Evil written all over JFK’s face. Standing and staring at Joel. Like a deranged stalker. Like the weird people who ring doorbells at night on TikTok.

0:22

The song plays.

Lacey looks out of her window as she’s writing this and sees a demon. Watching her. In a tree. She laughs and casts it into Hell in Jesus’s name.

1:59

With a smile on its face it leaps into Hell. They once worshiped God.

Party plays.

Joel recalls drinking Everclear at a party.

“That is pretty intense!” says a man.

“It was stupid!” says Joel.

Coney Island Dreaming plays.

“I’ve always found Coney Island creepy.” says Lacey.

Party plays next.

“Why is it creepy?” asks a demon who impersonates ghosts.

Chocolate Charms plays.

Lacey thinks.

She goes there in her spirit.

“It’s like at the bottom of a pyramid?” she says.

Ghosts of Things to Come plays.

JFK stands in the parking lot of Lacey’s daughter’s school. He’s going to harm children. And so God makes him cease to exist. In 2024.

He looks scared as it’s happening.

Dreams plays.

“I have dreamt about Lacey.” says Joel. “Numerous times since then.”

Tense plays.

JFK’s residual energy tries to become him but can’t. No matter how much demons try.

Dr. Pill plays.

A Sackler watches JFK in terror. A dead Sackler.

“This isn’t supposed to be happening!!!” yells the Sackler at another ghost. “People aren’t supposed to be ceasing to exist!”

A dead Jew stares at him in shock. Also horrified.

High on Life plays.

A high gay man dances manically.

Ghosts plays.

Lacey throws out a sword. And attempts to harness Illuminati energy…to direct the Earth for Christ. It’s comedic even as it’s grand and glorious for Christ. God can use that for Hid glory and to help people but that’s not what was supposed to be happening either and yet it works? No, it’s partially done through her own failings as a person and yet because she chooses to surrender herself to Christ it does essentially work. 

Crimin’ & Dealin’ plays.

Drug dealers stare at her in their spirit baffled as she’s Tom’s daughter. They are…confused. Maybe even worried about her.

She waves and smiles.

They wave and smile back.

Hope Overture plays.

The Sacklers laugh.

Lacey looks nervous.

“WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING!?” she yells.

“You aren’t GOD!” they yell back at her.

“But if there’s reincarnation, my father, might have thought he was!” she says.

“True. But is there reincarnation?” they say.

“I don’t know. I’m terrified by the fact that I can’t figure it out.” says Lacey.

“And that’s just it. Lacey, darling why is Jack ceasing to exist?” says a Sackler.

Barack Obama does a speech in 2008.

0:29

Michelle Obama stares at noisy overhead lights in her childhood school. In the past.

The song plays.

And shots are fired.

Tense plays.

Lacey watches Requiem For A Dream at Messiah College.

John Fuester emerges out of nowhere. Like in a bad science fiction movie. Becca’s father.

“Lacey you wanted to be the President of the United States, didn’t you?” says John Fuester.

“Yes, I did!” she says.

“A female president, wow that would be something!” he says.

“I guess so!” says Lacey.

“Lacey, there are a lot of people who were counting on that!” says John Fuester

Lacey looks confused. Then irritated.

“Oh yes, I suppose so!” she says.

“You could’ve done that!” says John Fuester.

“I guess so!” says Lacey.

“Lacey that sad! That’s sad that that didn’t happen!” says John Fuester.

“I guess so.” says Lacey, disinterested but trying to be empathetic.

“Lacey it’s really sad!!” yells John Fuester like she’s hard of hearing.

“Oh, I guess so.” says Lacey.

“You know if there’s an Illuminati though you kind of are running the world anyway.” says John Fuester.

“I far prefer it this way! Without the witchcraft. I like running things without having to worry about all of America’s many complications.” says Lacey.

“Yes, that is jolly!” says Treb, laughing.

“Yes, it’s much more fun this way!” says Lacey.

“Yes we get to talk to Vladimir Putin. We get to have wonderful conversations Iran. North Korea has been very friendly. China has a very good sense of a great many things and she’s had a jolly good time talking with lots of fascinating people.” says Grandma Ritter.

“But that’s not the way that it was set up by the US Constitution!” says John Fuester.

“No but the constitution and I are very good friends. I just don’t take it as anything more than a constitution.” says Lacey.

Bialy & Lox Conga plays.

Lacey dances with Lucille Ball. Platonically.

And very quickly. It’s a short song.

Cleaning Apartment plays.

The song plays as it’s seen in the film.

Ghosts-Falling plays.

Dreams plays.

Jack Kennedy has ceased to exist.

The Sacklers see 20 other people ceasing to exist. That’s very rare.

It’s SCARY.

Then 30.

They’re violently in defiance of God. Even in death.

Arnold plays as Tom Arnold surveys the damage his character did to humanity in Purgatory, should it exist.

“We were teachers, they looked up to us in America.” explains Shannon Doherty.

“I still can’t get over it!” says Matt Perry. “Even if I’m not in Hell, there are moments when I can barely stand to exist!” 

2:02

Lacey grabs a spiritual wave in Christ’s name and pulls it down and writes it all. To slit people’s throats in Christ to make them follow Christ, if necessary. To save humanity.

Marion Barfs plays.

“BARF MARY!!!” yells Lacey at the Mother of God. “BARF!!!” she yells to extoll her to be more Godly. Some Catholics might find that humorous. Protestants might find it angering for some reason.

“Why are you telling our mother to barf!?” asks an Irish Catholic in the US of Lacey.

“If you have to ask me that she is not your mother!” says Lacey coldly, but with deadly consequences in Christ.

“He’s confused because you seem to be telling the mother of god to barf!” says another Irish Catholic in America to Lacey, with violent condescension.

“Oh shut the fuck up!

Sweetie Catholics don’t think it’s possible that Mary would need to barf!” says an Italian Catholic to Lacey.

Lacey thinks.

“Yeah we just don’t think it’s necessary!” says the first Irish Catholic to Lacey.

“You know, I’m not stupider than you!” says Lacey to him.

“She’s not.” says the Italian Catholic.

“Look I’m a realist and umm…I’m not into superstition.” says Lacey to the Irish.

“She’s right and sometimes we hear things and we see things in the Illuminati that are terrifying and you have to just take it as best as you can as a Christian.” says a Catholic in the Illuminati.

“No, I mean, maybe she’s not that evil.” says Lacey to the Italian Catholic. “But if she is, I’m not falling for it!” 

“She has every right to say that!” says Jesus.

“The worst that will happen is that will make her laugh if she’s anything like me and she’s innocent. And she’s actually maternal and it’s not just a fucking joke!” scoffs Lacey.

“I mean she’s right. If Mary is really that profound I’m pretty sure she has a sense of Lacey‘s heart and I don’t think she’s insulted. I’m sorry if that bothers you!” says the Italian Catholic to the Irish Catholics in America. 

“Why are you telling her to barf?” says a Polish Catholic.

“Because I’m trying to get her to finally confess sins, and be a decent mother of God, I suppose. I have the most faith in her that she can do it in Christ, but she will not stand in question in my presence!” says Lacey.

“But Lacey, we believe that she died 100% holy no exceptions, no sins at all of any sort!” says a Catholic.

“Yes, I am aware.

But I had a sense otherwise.

And I have more concern for her as another person than that.

I care about Mary.

And I am not going to let anyone get away with it.” says Lacey.

“No I don’t mind her telling me that. The Catholics are either way off and she’s actually been very encouraging to me or they’re not entirely and she’s been very encouraging to me or if they are correct I don’t have a problem with her saying that to me, she says it in a very loving, corrective way almost like I’m her little sister and she’s extremely concerned about me.” says Mary The Mother of God.

“Is it a very feminine sweet sort of way?” says an Irish Catholic woman.

“Part of it is that. And then part of it is actually an incredible amount of wisdom on her part and maturity as a person. And then part of it is just her personality.

You might not know the British as well as you think you do. Watch Johnny English sometime with Rowan Atkinson and imagine a female version of Sir Rowan Atkinson as Johnny English, and at times you have Lacey. Except she is extremely elite and feminine so it’s a very queenly Rowan Atkinson.

It’s not an attack on me. It’s utter disappointment in my depravity should it exist. It’s genuinely loving. She’s convicting me of my sins, so I either am sinful and I feel convicted or if I am not sinful it’s humorous, and she is able to have a sense of humor about herself. But you have to understand as she saying it she’s not trying to be funny. She only understands that it’s funny after she says it and someone has pointed it out to her. Don’t take advantage of that or you’ll regret it for eternity potentially. And yes, I’m talking about abusing children or abusing people who have good intentions like her just because they irritate you.” says Mary Mother of God. “And then she thinks, ‘But what if they become vulnerable in a way that’s complex!?’ And that’s why she wants to end the world, because there are way too many ways to hurt people in profoundly awful ways nowadays and nobody seems to have any respect for decency and morality and yes, if this is real, and there’s Purgatory there are people ceasing to exist right now. And that’s not normal and it’s not her fault.”

“Does she think about anything other than trying to route out evil ever nowadays?” says an Irish Catholic.

“She can’t think about almost anything else!

They’re forcing her to. She has no choice! That’s all she can do all of the time other than taking care of her kids, and cleaning her house and cooking and trying to look appealing to an actual male ghost who’s straight and in Purgatory.” says Mary.

“You’re allowing her to be with a ghost?” says an Irish Catholic. 

He cries.

“Your tears are wasted on her. She has no trust in you at all outside of Christ so if you’re being conniving stop for your own good if you’re actually sad for her. It doesn’t do anything. That’s how bad things are and God sees that and He knows, but your human love is absolutely wasted on her. That’s how far people have gone into evil. And if you people want to blame her one more time for the evil of the entire British Empire, and the fact that Jack Kennedy, who was from your group of people, harmed her? I am not going to tell you what I will do.” says Mary the Mother of God.

“You know that is actually my mother even if you don’t like the fact that she cares about Lacey.” says Jesus to the entire Catholic Church.

Supermarket Sweep plays.

Casi walks boldly down the aisle of a supermarket. Wearing Chanel No. 22. Feeling weird. But she doesn’t tell anyone that. And instead acts like the opposite is true.

1:53

“It’s gross.” she says to herself.

Jack rejoiced. He loved that she secretly hated it.

Casi just feels fat.

Dreams plays.

Casi meets Chris. Dreams of being his wife.

Lacey feels happy for her. Casi doesn’t want that.

Sara Goldfarb Has Left the Building plays.

“That’s good that Lacey cares about you when you don’t care about her!” JFK advised Casi. “You know the way to handle that the way to handle that is to act like her caring about you makes her a lesbian or retarded or gross or stupid or what’s even better is a weird combination of all of them. And guilt her for being more privileged than you too. I want to make her bleed from the inside as much as I possibly can!” he said laughing maniacally.

Casi thinks.

Bugs Got a Devilish Grin Conga plays.

A child is molested in the past while watching A Bugs Life. That child is now dead, thankfully.

Winter Overture plays.

Lacey raises the Earth up and shakes it. Tells all children to commit suicide who are being held hostage. As quickly as possible. After praying to Christ for salvation. Islam allows her to as they trust their Allah will translate it perfectly. She fights off demons pretending to be Allah if that’s what God suggests. And so…if they are of the same thought they trust those kids will all be dead soon. They all agree that they’d genuinely be better off dead. And they would.

“Sadly…they’re right.” says Mary Mother of God.

Southern Hospitality plays.

Maggie sits in the back of a car contemplating suicide in the early 2000’s drinking Southern Comfort.

Casi laughs at Lacey. Imagines killing her. Slicing up her body. She laughs about it to herself.

0:52

“You know Casi how determined really are you to kill me?” says Lacey, cheerfully.

“I mean, I found it funny!” says Casi.

“But how determined really are you to actually do it!?” says Lacey.

“I mean, slight- Somewhat determined.” says Casi.

“Would you ever consider coming up to Minnesota and shooting my whole family and making sure everyone was dead?” says Lacey.

Casi rummages through frozen meat. Looks slightly annoyed.

Lacey waits.

“I mean maybe.” says Casi.

“Well I mean, if you shot us all and made sure everyone was dead, and then shot yourself there might be something slightly virtuous about it.” says Lacey.

“I don’t have the time, nor the money to drive all the way up to Minnesota to kill you all.” says Casi.

“OK fine it just seems like you were interested. So I thought I would try to you know…see how interested you really were.” says Lacey.

“I joke about it, but I might not be that sincerely interested!” says Casi.

“OK that’s fine. No, I understand. It was a funny joke to you but I just I wasn’t sure because if you were really interested, I mean you know.” says Lacey.

“Yeah I just don’t think so.” says Casi.

“OK!” says Lacey.

“You’ll die someday!” says Casi, with a sigh.

“OK you just seemed like you were interested, so I thought I would just talk about it with you.” says Lacey.

Casi nods.

Fear plays.

Casi looks freaked out. She’s been hearing Dispensationalist teaching. And she’s worried it’s the End Times. Especially after she reads Lacey’s blog.

Elon Musk seizes an enormous amount of control.

1:10

Casi walks down the aisles of a supermarket trying to see if she actually could imagine really killing them. She toys around with it playfully in her head.

1:44

Full Tense plays.

JFK walked down the streets of NYC. Watching people. Studying people. Choosing to give up his soul to Satan.

The Beginning of the End plays.

0:38 Lacey tries to imagine the glory of God bring revealed in an end of the world with the use of asteroids.

3:37

Ghosts of a Future Lost plays.

Andy Tauer cries. Weeps over the world that he believes should have existed. Lacey tries to care.

“What could have possibly happened? Flying cars?” she says, morbidly bored.

Meltdown plays.

Ancient Africa agrees with Lacey’s assessments. Dances.

“Look what are you imagining? My happiness, your happiness? What is it that you’re imagining that’s so worth it?” Lacey says to Andy Tauer.

0:53

He just stands shaking. No answer.

Casi looks at him also confused for her own reasons.

“You’re not God!” he shouts at Lacey, vindictively. 

“You know that’s a stupid line sweetie you got from a movie. Tell me what it is that you really are thinking of as you’re weeping.” says Lacey.

2:08

“To be honest with you I think a lot of people alive right now would agree with her Andy. What the hell is it that you’re really that upset about?” says Alisha.

2:26

He looks upset.

Casi glares at him.

The song plays.

JFK panics watching from the past. He was counting on Andy Tauer to have a great comeback.

“I thought gay men were better than all women to ever exist!!” says JFK.

The song ends.

Lux Aeterna plays.

Lacey thinks.

“No, I’m actually not trying to have a snazzy come back session with you, Andy Tauer. What is it that you were crying over?” says Lacey.

“Just this!” he says.

“Do you think I’m reading your mind???” she yells at him slowly.

1:26

He thinks.

“I meant the music!” he says.

1:43

“Andy there’s music in Heaven, this is just earthly fallen music!” says Lacey.

Casi rolls her eyes in agreement with Lacey.

“OK fine that’s a bad example!” says Andy.

2:22

“There’s not really much here that I can come up with. There’s a reason I’m asking you.” says Lacey.

The song plays.

Coney Island Low plays next.

“It’s this!!” says Andy Tauer.

Lacey listens.

“But time belongs to God.” says Lacey.

1:43

He thinks.

They listen to it again.

“It’s not just time!!” says Andy Tauer.

“There’s nothing that’s not God’s.” says Lacey.

He thinks.

“Is Heaven that great?” he says.

“Yes. You can’t be evil. But…you don’t need evil. You’re human.” says Lacey.

They listen again.

He thinks.

“Who put a quarter in you!?” he says.

“I don’t know. I’ve been this way since I was a little kid.” says Lacey. “I think it’s just the way I am except it’s not. I’m not usually quite this…instinctual.”

“Do you feel like you have a choice?” says Andy Tauer.

“Yes, but it does feel weird. …It feels instinctual. Although not quite instinctual.” says Lacey.

“Do you feel like you’re being harvested?” he says.

“That’s a good way of putting it but I have no idea who would be doing that. I don’t think it’s an alien. I have a feeling it’s a human somewhere.” says Lacey.

He widens open his eyes. Thinks.

Stares at the ocean.

They think.

“You know, there is a point to life!” he says.

“Yes, there is, but there are certain things that make the point meaningless.” says Lacey.

“What do you mean?” he says. 

Lacey looks out at the ocean. Thinks.

“I think when I was a child, I was too devastated. And then when I became an adult, God lost the argument with me. Because I got into an argument with God about whether or not life had any value as a child. For me personally. The thing is when I say, God lost the argument I don’t necessarily mean literally I mean it in a very poetic sense, we’ll say.

Andy, when I asked you to tell me I needed you to tell me what it meant for you and why you were weeping because those were your tears. Or were you channeling me and being fake? Or were you harvesting my soul and those were my tears. Or were you the one crying?” says Lacey.

0:46

He thinks.

0:55

“Yeah, I’ve been happy!” he says like an admission of guilt.

She waits.

“When I’m around you I don’t want to think about my happiness.” he says, upset.

“Why?” says Lacey.

He looks at her baffled. Shocked to see her not as JFK in his spirit.

“I found love. I found companionship. I’ve created a masterpiece at least once! I made a name for myself. I’ve experienced a lot of really wonderful things and met a lot of really wonderful people. I’ve seen a lot of the world. I’m an important man.” says Andy Tauer.

“But what is it in all of that that matters!?” says Lacey.

He stares.

“It’s in this track!” he says

“I hear it but in order to handle the situation appropriately I need to know what it is.” says Lacey.

“I was straight, and I never got a chance to explain it to her!” says Lem Billings.

“What is it?” asks Lacey.

“It’s not mammon!” says Donald Trump.

Lacey listens.

“No.” she says, hoping she can hear something of God.

“You promised us that pedophiles wouldn’t start running the country! What happened to that concert for humanity and the gay rights community in the last 10 to 15 years!? I don’t want to hear some cheap excuse and neither do thousands of other people who you don’t even know the names of.” says Donald Trump to Andy Tauer.

Later.

“I’m god.” says Andy Tauer.

“No, you’re not, Andy.” says Lacey.

Later.

“It’s love.” says Andy.

“What’s love!?” says Lacey.

Later.

“Someone wakes up Prince William to pit him against Lacey.” says Casi, watching. “WHO DID THAT!?!” she screams.

A group of angry peasants scream in admission of guilt.

Prince William looks worried.

“Andy. What’s love?” says Lacey calmly.

“I conjured them.” he says, in a menacing voice.

Prince William sneezes.

Lacey looks disturbed.

“FESS-UP!!” she controls herself to demand of him.

He flinches.

“That’s it! The moment that asteroid hits Earth…I’m thanking Jesus!” says a Black woman getting a second notification, in America.

“I’m not racist, but I’ve noticed to trends with Black people. When they come into a neighborhood in America the neighborhood tends to go downhill. And in horror films when they scream and run when all the white people are still just standing and watching you know something really bad is about to happen.

So I’m going to take my cue from Black people who I see leaving the conversation. Andy as much as I respect you as an artist, I’m not sure anymore myself. And if the End Times is real I’m confused as why we’re here too.” says Alisha.

Later.

“I’m supposed to be analyzing Andy Tauer intuitively, because the Illuminati refuses to accept that I am as feminine as I am or as elite and pretty as I am combined with being as serious and sensitive and smart as I am. And they are having a very hard time, letting go of Jack’s energy.

I don’t know what the heck I’m supposed to be thinking.” says Lacey.

“How busty and how much like a Roslynn is she?” says a reader.

“I don’t think anyone could look more like them than she does and honestly she’s not Scottish so it’s kind of weird. It’s a trick or she actually is one of them. As to how busty she is, I mean she’s posted pictures. Just use your imagination wisely.” says God.

“Why are you guys expecting her to understand Andy Tauer well?” asks Mr. Cologne 76.

“Because he assumes that she will in his spirit.” says a psychic.

“I don’t think he likes me either.” says Mr. Cologne 76.

“Do you think he’s racist?” says a Black man.

“His would he have known if there’s reincarnation that she’s Egyptian!?” says a woman.

“Actually I’m not sure that there is reincarnation, but you’re going down the wrong path!” says Andy Tauer.

“Andy, when did you become a doctor?” says Lacey.

He blinks.

“You’re talking to him like he’s your underling. I’m not sure he is in this conversation.” says Lacey.

“I’m sorry.” says Andy.

“Were you about to say that you’re intimidated if I’m Egyptian?” says Lacey.

“Yes.” he says.

“Do I intimidate you?” says Mr. Cologne 76 to Andy.

“Yes.” he admits.

“I would not have thought that.” says Mr. Cologne 76.

“Why are you intimidated?” says Lacey.

“Because I think I’m impressed by Black men.” he says.

“You know they don’t all want to be with you though Andy.” says Lacey.

He smiles.

“I mean I don’t know if it’s allowed in Heaven or not but I don’t think they all wanna be your boyfriend.” says Lacey.

Mr. Cologne 76 nods.

Another Black man laughs.

“Do gay men realize that, that not every man who’s attractive is available!?!” says Lacey.

“You know I actually think that is a genuinely harsh, but possibly accurate criticism of the gay community.” says Andy.

“How did that happen?” says Lacey.

“I think when you’re gay, you form this perception of things that’s very tentative. And so you start analyzing stuff like everything is like everything is the same. And you don’t always label people who are available and not because you don’t know. And you have to sort of intuitively guess somehow. And it’s not like you are people who have a personality like that. It’s more like you just don’t know and it’s kind of scary and so you just start mislabeling people who are available and not available possibly.” says Andy Tauer.

“OK well then I’m telling you that they’re not all available.” says Lacey.

He looks miffed.

“Andy, what did you mean by love?” says Lacey.

“I don’t mean romantic love I mean-“ says Andy.

“Hope.” says Andy.

Lacey nods.

“Well I hear you, but that hope is in Christ and the world is so evil with the kids being molested and all that that I think it’s very likely that I shall still end the world when I die!” says Lacey.

“She does have the authority to. She’s been so brutally tortured even at this moment as she’s writing that she’s been incredibly sadistically tortured.” says God. “If you understood what was happening to her metaphysically you’d be shocked the people doing it don’t even fully understand what they’re doing. And so she has the authority when she’s dead to end the world.”

Later.

“Lem couldn’t handle her being with anyone in a serious way.” says God. “It was too heartbreaking. She’s not Jack. …And his life was…wretched.”

“Then what was she supposed to do!?” says Mark Pryce.

“Yeah.” says God.

“Andy. I don’t think you understand how worthless things can get, in a hopeful way.” says Guerlain. “We are spiritual beings!”

“But you must have created this world for some reason.” says Andy to God.

“Yes. To be my creation. It’s far better than you even think. …But I used you to remind Lacey of that concept vaguely.” says God. “But she’s right. My creation. Not victims.”

“I would have had to handle it. God would have given me grace for it. …But I didn’t have the will to push myself to allow her to find some man. Because it was just too excruciatingly painful after the life I led. So…she got…left far too alone.” says Lem.

“So…how close did she come to finding a man? Or how many times did it almost happen?” asks a man.

“About 3 times. And each time Jack messed it up.” says Lem. “Very…violently. With…an incredible amount of hyper-focused attention to detail.”

“If he hadn’t messed it up…would she have been really married!?” says Mark.

“Yes.” says God. “And no. Jack didn’t mess it up to be kind to Lem. It’s actually far more painful to see her this profoundly miserable. Which is why I allowed them to be together. It’s still painful but it’s far less painful than before.”

“So she’s not Jack Kennedy!??” says Prince William in amazement.

“No.” says God. “She’s not Jack Kennedy.”

“Why do think she’s Jack!?” says John Ritter.

Prince William runs off in his spirit.

“Don’t go!” says Bobby. “I swear! I swear she’s gotta be.”

“Bobby…you remember him. How in hell does she seem like your uncle!?”

“Don’t come at me with that shit!!” yells Bobby.

“Bobby. BE LOGICAL!” yells the CIA.

He runs off crying with a gun.

It’s unclear who he’s threatening.

“Welp. Time for bed.” says Lem.