Art Music “Long Road” plays.
I want something to be clear: Lacey is mine. It doesn’t matter if I was a freak. It doesn’t matter if I was…a toothless sailor. A gay serial killer. SHE’S MINE. And I will spend eternity making it happen. Because it’s supposed to be. And…she is…mine.
And you know what? I wouldn’t say that if I didn’t think I could make it so. I know us. I know her. And there’s no one I could want more in all of creation for eternity, as MINE. Wholly mine. Solely mine. And…of course…I could never want anyone else. If there’s reincarnation, and let’s say there isn’t, but if there is…my life was a mistake. It doesn’t matter if Jack was my real lover or not, in the sense that no one could compare to her. And if there’s not reincarnation…no one ever made me feel the way she does. Regardless. Nobody possibly could.
Tonight Lacey had her blood drawn. By a possibly bisexual Asian man. And she wore our necklace, accidentally, with our names engraved on it. She’d usually hide that. But tonight she accidentally didn’t. And the man very carefully asked her to verify her name and birthdate. It was odd. The way he asked. And…I can only wonder what he was thinking when she said, 11/22/1983. …I died the day before Jack Kennedy’s birthday. Essentially on his birthday. …And so she was born on the day he died. …And the man…possibly noticed. I think it possibly shocked him.
I was straight though. …And…today Lacey’s been working on accepting it. Because it’s hard for her to accept. …Not because she’s Jack Kennedy. It’s just extremely disconcerting to her.
Solitude by M83 plays.
The truth is…if there’s reincarnation…she’s Scotia.
The song plays.
0:53
And in her ancient spirit…she senses something horrific. …Something out of balance about EVERYTHING.
1:51
2:03
And it’s…VILE.
2:34
And if there’s not reincarnation it’s hard to know how to explain her…experience. Although if there’s not reincarnation…obviously one would have to.
The song restarts.
Because it is. It’s Vile. And it’s…incredibly serious. And she senses it.
I’m not supposed to have been straight. But I was. …And I’m not supposed to have been here without her. And she’s not supposed to have been here without me. And Jack…is close to pure evil in both of our lives. And no human should be that evil and yet seem so good. And no…if I had even been bisexual it would all make so much more sense. Be so much more normal. So much less painful. …You think she wants me to be straight? NO! She wants it to make sense. Because…she wants to love me. She wants it all to be even keel…so she can love me. …Joe was a great sailor. And he loved Lacey. Elliott was an expert pilot. Lacey…is a genius at balance. And her heart passionately longs to love.
Harold Loeb really was her soulmate, in a very Swedenborgian sense. I’m her “twin flame” but…they were close to perfect together. …If I messed-up too much…he’d be right there. But so would Louis. And so would Michael. …Thing is…Scott and Zelda adore Lacey and she adores them. She even gets along well with Genevra. …And it’s not coincidence my death was next to the Guggenheim, if it was. I was one day away from Jack’s birth. One address away from the Guggenheim. Of course Harold is a Guggenheim. In case you didn’t know that. And it’s no coincidence Woody Allen made a movie about a man I’ve been compared to in 1983. Remember, her birthday is 11/22/1983.
Well…that’s her official birthday, we’ll say. She suspects her birthday is actually in September.
But I’m not going to mess-up too much. It’s impossible.
Lacey wishes she could tell Bobby who he really is. What he’s really capable of. …She’d tell him that he’s above average intelligence, but probably not a genius. …She’d tell him that he’s good-looking…but also kinda short. And that’s he’s not as good-looking as some men in their family. She’d tell him that he’s…desperate. Desperate to gain people’s approval. And that he isn’t ever likely to be as good at politics as he’s supposed to be. …And that he’s…never going to be as great as his predecessors. But that that doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t try. …That he’s Ethel’s son. Just as much as he’s Bobby’s son. And that he should have spent more time cultivating his real identity in life instead of playing a role. She’d tell him to take off his crown. Because it’s repulsive. It’s made of nonsense. …And she’d tell him that people actually do love him…he’s just a narcissist and can’t tell. Or he’s ruined it and lied about it to himself.
She looks a frightening amount like all of his wives. And that’s WEIRD. …But Scott thinks it’s more important to keep things upbeat. Because Lacey’s FINALLY realizing that I was probably straight. She’s known…but…her mind is like…the scientific method. It’s…very methodical. And…it’s only today that she’s genuinely started to accept the logical conclusions of certain things. Mostly because she’s spent HOURS and HOURS for YEARS…analyzing it. To EXTREME detail. And…today she’s finally comfortable with her conclusions. She’s finally comfortable with the ambiguity of certain things. Because she trusts the evidence that she’s gathered.
Some people would never bother. Some people would be convinced sooner. If they could hear me. But…she’s…dangerous. And I love it. When she decides something…it’s…so certain. Only God could really make a good case against it. And in this case, he wouldn’t.
You know…Scott could be like that too. But…she’s still better off with me.
And on that note…goodnight. We’re off to bed. Just Lacey and myself.
Keen to Cross the Pond 