“Dirty”

I didn’t have a dirty mind. Not like Jack said. He had one. And he was bisexual and hiding it. He felt I read too much into things.

Lacey is beginning to realize that I was straight. Nothing makes any sense to her though, on a certain level. And she’s struggling to figure out why.

Adult content below.

How do I make love with Lacey? I physically manifest and we make love as much as I can. You know how witches claim to feel things when they’re channeling people? Like…if they’re channeling a drug addict who died they might feel itchy? And there’s no reason for them to feel itchy. Well…I touch her sexually. I’ve figured out a way to do that. With my whole body. …And no I’m not a demon. And yes, I am thee Kirk LeMoyne Billings. It’s not like being alive. Or her being dead with me. Yes, God allows ghosts to be together after they die. We can be together though. God has allowed it…in part because I was actually straight…and I spent my whole damn life trying to be a happily married gay man because my father died and I was molested and I genuinely mistakenly thought I was gay. *I laugh* I spent so many DECADES imitating gay men…thinking that someday I’d FINALLY figure out how to be happy in a relationship with a man. And then right before I died…I figured it out! …But I was too wasted to save myself…and there was nobody there. …Also though…Lacey is rather limited in her prospects. She’s really from my generation more than any other and we’re all almost dead from old age. She’s DOOMED. …And God is merciful. So…He’s allowed us to be together.

I also can posses her body. And we’ve made love both ways. Both through me manifesting and moving her body with mine and through just manifesting. It’s nothing like being alive. But it’s far better than being alone without her.

You know…I really wouldn’t have to keep saying I was straight. While I was alive. I could just insist she’s better than Jack Kennedy and that I love her more than I could ever live him. But…that’s a VERY difficult topic to discuss without deeply enraging people. Why? Because the Kennedys can’t handle it. And a lot of other people can’t either. …Casi and the perfume community can’t handle Lacey being Old Money either. People have this problem with Lacey. A LOT.

I really was straight though. …And it became an issue early on. …And I regret how I’ve handled it. Because it’s been excruciatingly painful for her…and that’s ABSURD. …People don’t take her REMOTELY seriously enough in the Illuminati if it exists. And that’s part of the reason why. People want her to be a very different person than who she is. And they’re ripping apart the entire world to prove she’s not who she is. …It’s ASTONISHING. That just one meek woman…could bother SO many narcissists so much.

I was not…at odds with her. When I shared my orientation with Lacey. …I was being attacked by Jack Kennedy…and Joe Kennedy…and Louis Hill Junior and to some small degree by Elliott Roosevelt. …Louis was in love with her. And…his second wife ruined it for them. And he was…not happy about it. So he started to be rather nasty about it all.

…Yes. Lacey is EXTREMELY sexy. She’s sexier than a lot of people. …And no…Jack was…not like that. …You know it’s impossible for me to have been so happy at his wedding. It’s completely impossible, even if we were just fuck buddies. Even if I was friends with Jackie. Even if I was on dates with them before they got married. You people don’t think things through like a writer and Lacey does and I’ve had to learn to do that to communicate with her. Harold Loeb is still in the picture and so is Elliott, because of how atrocious you all are in relation to us. And they blame all of you, but not the way they blame me for putting her in this situation. The fact that she didn’t finish college but she is a supergenius and then she’s sitting here writing this blog while Bobby tries to suffocate her using demon technology via the Illuminati, has convinced Harold Loeb that it’s worthless to let her go. Essentially, he believes that he has to hang on until she’s dead and safe in Heaven because he doesn’t trust anyone and he struggles to trust God in the situation. He knows that I am meant for her, but there’s a little tiny part of him that worries. Because he seen so many things go wrong in his existence. And he’s in love with her and he doesn’t think it’s right to assume that everything will just be OK. And Elliott has the exact same response. And I can cope with that but it’s not fun and that’s putting it mildly. And I understand that there’s nothing that they can do about it that and it’s my fault and I take responsibility for that completely but I am not responsible for being confused. That was an innocent accident on my part and it really did actually happen.

Lacey’s son sounds like me and looks like me because he’s my son too. He’s almost died many times and that’s not unrelated to the fact that he is my son. I am bringing that up right now because people are not taking this seriously enough who are reading this blog. 

I never meant to be a really cruel sociopathic person in relation to any of the Kennedys and if you could meet my son and see our relationship, you’d understand who I am. It’s creepy watching the Andy Griffith Show. Opie is like my son. And I’m a lot like Andy. One of the things that we do in Heaven is go fishing. That was what I was meant to do but I never got to do. And and instead it was turned into a television show. There are a lot of people in the East who strongly believe that I am Constantine and if there’s reincarnation, I am. But there might not be reincarnation. If there is, it is no coincidence that my son is being kept from me, and that he’s almost died on many occasions.  But on the other hand, if there isn’t reincarnation I also am dealing with Constantine at this point because I do look like him and if he’s not in a relationship with someone, he’s noticed Lacey. However, God is God and He knows that I am the man for her so to speak. 

The Illuminati can’t understand what I am saying to them, because in order to do that, they have to except that she’s old money and better looking than most people and smarter and kinder and they can’t do that because they’re too narcissistically offended. And Bobby is too hurt. He had deluded himself, his entire life into thinking that he is a super genius who is extraordinarily handsome and it’s very hard for him to believe that he’s not, and that I was straight. Part of the reason why I gave him a false sense of self was because I was trying to outsmart him. And if you can imagine me being like Andy Taylor, dealing with a spoiled pretentious, sociopathic little brat that maybe you can understand. I didn’t hate him and yet I did. And of course I hid it. Of course I lied about it. Of course I pretended otherwise, but most people who are narcissistic wouldn’t have believed me, they would’ve seen through what I was doing. I, however, was straight.

There really is no way for me to have been as happy at Jack’s wedding as I was without being heterosexual there’s no psychological way that that’s possible. There really is no way that that’s possible. And Lacey has spent three years, analyzing it, looking at my every tiny little movement and gesture, and it is a watertight granite, rock diamond titanium, alien technology craft at this point. It is totally impenetrable and impossible to argue with her. she has spent so many hours, staring at those pictures of me at that wedding, looking at my face and my body analyzing the picture it would put people who are conspiracy theorist, who analyze those sort of things to shame. It really is impossible to argue with her because she’s right. 

This isn’t the only photo where I’m smiling and I actually was very sad that too, but it wasn’t related to Jack Kennedy. It was in a way that it wasn’t jealousy or hurt feelings in any sort of sexual or romantic way. My smile is sincere. My smile in every single picture at that wedding is sincere. I really enjoyed myself that day. I wasn’t jealous at all. I wasn’t touching him in every single photo where I was smiling either. And actually, it would be very hard to touch him that day and smile people are thinking like a writer, which is what I was saying before. And look at Camila‘s face Camilla is hurt at every way that a person could be at Charles‘s wedding to Diana. That’s the face I should have had if I was attracted to men at all. And it is no coincidence that her photo of her looking the way I was supposed to have looked is so public. If there is reincarnation, they were cursed and that’s all I’m going to say right now. I and if there is not reincarnation something else is at play. But that’s the face that I should have had. And I might not have been that obvious about it I might have tried to smile. But it would’ve been obvious that I was hurt. Maybe not to everybody but to somebody somewhere. And my face doesn’t look like that. And there’s no way that I could have looked that genuinely happy and been that sincerely sad at the same time. It’s impossible even for a good actor. There are some emotional experiences that you can’t hide. being at their wedding, having to watch her go down the aisle, and be physically separated from both of them as that happened, which is what happened having to watch them go through the ceremony, which is what happened and having to watch them kiss in front of all of those people all those cheering people who believed that they were in love and believed that they were happily going to be married, and were encouraging them and celebrating them…having to watch them hold hands in front of people who were cheering them on and fawning over their love and celebrating it…watching Red Fay be jealous watching women be jealous over their love… watching them, hold each other and pose for pictures, where Jack was obviously in love with her and expressing love to her in a way that he was never expressing love to me and certainly not publicly…watching him look into her eyes in front of people, and not being able to do a damn thing about it and having to watch as an usher…would have made me sad if I was attracted to men at all. That all happened. I’m sorry if that scares you, but that’s reality. There’s no way I could have watched all of that, and not been upset by it, and looked hurt in a sexual romantic way if I was attracted to men at all. Because there’s no way that Jack and I had no sexual relationship prior to the wedding, and the trajectory of the relationship that I had with him would not allow for me to not be hurt by that. The friendship that I had with him that wasn’t really friendship, one way or another would never have allowed me to not be hurt by that. There is ample evidence that I was either attracted to him, or that he was attracted to me, and I was confused, which is what happened in reality…and the nature of our bond is such that I could not have been his friend and been anything other than straight, and then that happy at his wedding. See people lie and they’re friends with the opposite sex or they’re friends with the same gender and they’re not straight and they go to people’s weddings and they’re nice and they’re happy for them but they’re not happy the way that I was at his wedding because they can’t be.  And it does show!! Not everyone can read out the way Lacey can, but it does show in your eyes or in your face or in your posture it shows! And there is no physically possible way that I could’ve been that happy at his wedding without being straight. I’m sorry, but that’s a fact. It’s the nature of a wedding and especially a wedding at that time, and that it would be impossible not to be hurt by it. It still is today and almost every situation, but there are some people who have very non-traditional weddings that might be able to avoid hurting someone in my situation, but those are very non-traditional weddings. I would say it would be damn near impossible for a wedding to exist at all that wouldn’t hurt somebody in the situation. I was supposedly in. I mean think about it. Camilla was hurt at a very publicly televised, super public wedding, and some people might say that would make it worse for her but other people would say would make it better because it’s a big show and she knew that. But she’s devastated! A lot of what you read about me is absolute fucking trash!! And a lot of the hypotheses about my feelings about things are just 100% bullshit!  There is no wedding that could exist possibly at all that wouldn’t hurt somebody in my supposed situation given the nature of a wedding. And a wedding with people celebrating the couple in any capacity a wedding with a liturgy a wedding with a priest, a wedding in a church, a wedding in front of people with an aisle a wedding with a wedding dress? Those are all things that they had at their wedding! Combining all of those things together and I’m not completely explaining but this should really suffice, a wedding with what I have listed in the 1950s, would make it impossible for me not to have been hurt if I was attracted to men at all! So  this is just logical fact and there is no way that I could not have been straight. It’s psychologically impossible. 

There is no way that I was not actually heterosexual. It is psychologically impossible. And actually, if you look at my picture, I look straight. I wasn’t just closeted and trying to pretend to be straight. I actually was it was the opposite. I was straight and trying to pretend to be gay. And yes, I was closeted, but the irony is that I was double closeted because I was actually I was actually straight, but I was closeted in a sense in my own mind otherwise slightly knew I was straight, but I was in a sense closeted from myself, because I was so severely dissociated, in part, all of the time, after all the trauma that I lived through. And then I was thinking I was gay and I was closeted in that way as well. I was a very sweet, tenderhearted, romantic, intelligent, sensitive young man, but I was a guy and I was straight and I was not someone safe for the Kennedys to get involved with. Jack got shot because of his friendship with me. And so did Bobby. Sometimes I even wonder if Joe died, and Kick died because I was there as well. And it is a really stupid idea to take a sexually confused, traumatized young man such as myself when I met Jack and use that to your advantage when you’re a closeted, narcissistic bisexual like Jack Kennedy was. I was not attracted to Jack that is bullshit and hearsay, but they pretend like it’s fact. And they really don’t have verifiable 100% fact to prove that but they’re backward in that family and they don’t have the intellectual integrity to care in the media that caters to them.

I was a straight guy who liked sex and was confused. Of course, I like talking about sex because Jack liked women not just men. And so he likes talking about women. And I like talking about women too. But I was a lot more shy about it than him, and I had a different set of values than he did. And so I enjoyed him talking about masturbation with him, and because I was thinking about women and I knew he was too. And there was something about our friendship that I thought existed, but really didn’t…that allowed me to think that we were like men at war conquering women sexually. You know sort of like oh where we’re going to go you know charge our way in to some woman’s house and have our way with her except I didn’t want to do that and I was really looking for Lacey believe it or not and she wasn’t there. And so I had it in my head that we were two guys about town two men at war when we would discuss masturbation when we were discussing those things it was, it was a heterosexual experience for me entirely.  and I could easily say otherwise Lacey is with me regardless, and she was an entirely know that, but she is, but that that wouldn’t be right because that’s not what happened. I really was entirely straight.  And it’s very easy for people to get confused because it’s not something that people analyze about themselves. But I actually was entirely heterosexual. And I was sincerely confused. And so there are some people who could go really far with that sincerely and do and believe that they’re gay or believe that they’re straight when they’re not. But I actually did not do that. I actually was not confused that degree. I would just get very cold and distant, or I would be very patronizing or fake, but I wasn’t really capable of being that empathetic we’ll call it or engaged with Jack at times when he would sort of go off into a genuinely heterosexual sort of state, in his time with me in person, and in his letters, there was no time when I really engaged with him, in a way that would suggest I was actually enjoying myself at all. And I could have I could’ve been that confused and still been straight but that’s not what happened, what happened is that he just didn’t notice or didn’t care and I patronized him and faked it enough that I think he just assumed that everything was fine on a certain level. He didn’t realize that I wasn’t really engaging with him in a real way psychologically.  And at his wedding when I was happy, he didn’t realize that that was a red flag and then it wasn’t a good thing. 

I didn’t respond to him and his letters the way that he wanted me to because I couldn’t. And I’ve said this before but it’s true at times I was not as fast in responding to him or I didn’t respond to him at all. For weeks!!! And it’s amusing to me that David Pitts didn’t find that to be more concerning. Because how could a guy just blow somebody off and I’m sorry that’s not a euphemism. I’m not trying to be coy or clever I’m using a colloquialism that applies in this situation, how could a guy blow somebody off for months for weeks repeatedly without that being kind of weird? I mean I didn’t talk to Jack for weeks! I didn’t talk to him for months at times!! Because he was busy or I was busy in a way that he couldn’t do anything about. And that would be to most people a sign that I actually secretly lacked genuine interest, and was faking my obsession with him, or I was faking interest in him entirely but he never chose to process that in a real way, because he was raised by his mother and his father to live in denial when you didn’t like something. But there is no way that I was not straight. …And when I didn’t want to talk to him when he was in Hollywood or when I was at war that should have alerted him to the reality that I actually didn’t give a shit about him all that much. Because I didn’t want him to know about my daily life. I didn’t want to find out what was going on with him I didn’t care! I did the bare minimum at times in our conversations because I didn’t really give a shit! And all of this teasing and supposed flirting between us is just bullshit. And to be honest a lot of it was actually me being angry at him, and finding passive aggressive ways to insult him. I did not relish giving him massages. I was not a good kisser I could have been and been confused, but actually no, no he wrote that kind of shit next to my pictures because he wanted it to be true not because it actually was. I might have been a good kisser in his estimation, but I have a feeling it’s more that he purposefully exaggerated my feelings in his head and projected his own feelings for me onto me for him, and imagined that my kissing was better than it actually was. It was very very mechanical and methodical and maybe I’m really good at bed, but that’s not the same thing as being a good kisser in reality those are two separate things. At any rate, you have to understand that all of the perspective that people have on me is messed up because they’re not understanding that I was actually straight 100% and that there is actually a lot of evidence to support that.

You might think it’s stupid or backward to take it so seriously that I was smiling at his wedding, but it actually isn’t it’s actually psychologically 100% verifiable. There are certain emotional things we can’t do at certain times, and that’s sort of common sense. Like, when someone’s in excruciating pain during childbirth, they can’t just stand up, walk out the door, and and laugh about it. If you could do something like that, you would probably be in sane or you’d have some sort of severe disorder. I didn’t have any of those disorders, and that also is obvious. People are not as intelligent or sophisticated as they think they are nowadays. There really is no psychologically possible way that I would’ve been not happy at his wedding without being straight, it is totally impossible.

the fact that I blew him off and now again, I’m using colloquialism because I am so sick of having to be so careful about what I say in part, because I didn’t give a shit I was trying to get away from him because my family wanted me to, and I wanted to. I didn’t contact him when he was in Hollywood enough because I was secretly enjoying being away from him. I was secretly enjoying having absolutely nothing to do with him. And time went by very slowly back then. So I went for three weeks without telling him anything going on in my daily life. Think about that! …I went for three weeks without telling him how I felt about anything that I was experiencing about anything that I was doing in my day about anything. People wrote a lot of lot letters back then so the fact that there are so many between us, and I kept them all is not evidence that I was in love with him. And to be honest I was thinking that I was in a relationship with him and I was trying to make it work and I also thought that we were friends and so I was keeping things for a reason and I did try to write him for a reason. But at times I did blow him off, and I relished that more than anyone noticed. And again I am using that as a colloquialism. I loved giving him the cold shoulder. Because I didn’t give a shit. And I enjoyed going to the store and going to sleep and reading and talking with other people and having a life separate from his and not telling him anything about it. And it freaked him out, more than once he says contact me get in touch with me in a way that sounds desperate. Secretly he was obsessed with me, and he wanted me around all of the time and requested my presence and controlled me. Jack was a closeted bisexual and his family is still in denial about that. I was heterosexual and confused and his family goes insane when they try to fathom that and always has.

And what is the thing is it really isn’t safe and never has been safe for them to be in denial about it, and if there is an Illuminati Bobby has destroyed their reputation by violently trying to fight the reality of what actually happened. I was not attracted to that little kid, I was not attracted to him ever.

I would not have been so upset about using drugs with him the way that I was if I was ever attracted to him or a pedophile. The way that I got upset suggests that I was not a pedophile and I wasn’t one. I was upset because I hated him, and I wanted him to die to be honest, but I also cared about him and I felt as though I let him down.

I was straight, and he was not as far as I can tell. And a lot of gay men are leery of getting into friendships with straight men, because straight men have a history of not being repressed homosexuals like some gay men want to think but of being cold and hurtful and obtuse. Because we don’t really understand them, and there is hetero normative culture. And because I actually was heterosexual, and Jack was attracted to me because I was heterosexual and he was a predator I was not as safe as they think I was. Bobby has some quack ideas about a lot of things with science, but that is not actually as rare and that family as you might think it is. They came from poverty and Ireland, and even though they were rich and went to Harvard, they didn’t entirely leave that part of the thinking behind. And there are rich people with crackpot ideas but their approach is at its core more like a poor person. So they are not safe people to trust unfortunately. I am fairly certain Bobby was straight in his imagination, but in reality he was probably pansexual or bisexual. And I think he had a crush on me and still does and it was nurtured by a lot of people and unfortunately I worry that I gave him the wrong impression myself in an attempt to control him at times but I am not sure about it. I really thought I was gay until shortly before I died. But I did not find him attractive and of course I didn’t, but I didn’t even think that I did and I don’t think I ever did anything or said anything that really would have given him the impression that I was genuinely in love with him, but I do worry that I might have done something. Because I was straight but I genuinely thought that I was gay and so I use gay mannerisms. I styled my hair in a gay way, and I looked gay I really was straight, but I made myself appear gay in how I moved my face, how I held myself, I was trying to be gay. And it’s convincing to a lot of people. But it wasn’t real. And and sometimes it looks so real that some people don’t think it’s possible that I could be anything other than gay or possibly bisexual. But I was actually straight. And it’s not as easy to read people as some people think it is. And yet ironically, it’s actually easier because if you know what you’re looking for you can tell. There are many men who think they’re gay, who are actually bisexual and of course, there are a lot of gay man who knows that there are many men who think that they’re straight who are also actually bisexual. It’s not an easy thing for some people to figure out. But if it feels wrong to you and you don’t want to do it regardless of what you think the Bible says about it, don’t do it! Don’t let someone tell you. Oh, you’re in love with me let’s have sex when you’re not really in love with them. It’s really not that hard to tell though once you know what you’re looking for but it’s not something that is easy to figure out and Lacey has but that’s because I’ve helped her it’s not something that she would’ve figured out on her own. Not because she’s stupid she’s exceptionally intelligent because it’s hard to tell and you kind of have to have some guidance about what facial features to look for. Or what physical features otherwise to look for.

I actually appear straight and was. I even when I contorted my face if you’re as gifted at reading people in the ways that they can alter themselves even as Lacey is and has become, you can tell that I was straight. But there are some people who look gay. And that’s where the Pope is right. There are people who are possibly either born or who have some physical situation, where it’s very hard for them, not to be attracted to the same gender. And it’s not something they can just get out of it’s very difficult for them. I was straight. And I actually looked straight. It’s it’s very finally nuanced, but it’s it’s there. And at the very least, I look bisexual, but I actually was straight. And I actually do look straight. Jack Kennedy looks bisexual and so does Bobby.

Ted was possibly the most genuinely heterosexual of all of those young men and he looks that way. He also did the best and that’s not a coincidence.  They really shot themselves in the foot with that one. …Their hyper insistence on being virile straight men to an astounding, epic degree of grandeur. When they were really just bisexual. 

I did not protect Jack the way that he needed a husband or a lover to protect him. Jackie was very beautiful, but she wasn’t a safe wife for him to have married. I had plenty of criticisms about her, and her one of them was that she was cold towards him at times. See the thing is he needed somebody who was a lot more shrewd. She understood by sexuality because of her father and Joe Kennedy Senior knew that. But she didn’t really understand that he needed to be sheltered from himself. She was too straight and two feminine and too romantic. He needed a bisexual, masculine woman who would babysit him essentially. And they would’ve had an awful marriage. He would’ve cheated on her and broken her heart but he would not have been as shocking to her, or as hurtful as he was to Jackie. And he probably would’ve survived. She was dependent on him like he was a real husband and he was, but he was an absolute failure as a husband as well and she didn’t understand what was going on. He was not a competent, mature man. He was a dependent, clingy, needy, violent narcissist. And I did give him a lot of oral sex and I later did try to brag about it in a sense but I also was trying to tell people what happened because I wanted people to know. I wouldn’t say it was so much bragging as it was admitting. And it wasn’t possibly almost anyone other than one or two people. I did that because he was so needy! There are apparently a lot of gay men who claim that they don’t care if they’re always giving oral sex, and never receiving anything that can’t possibly be true. That is not psychologically healthy or normal. There is something genuinely dysfunctional about those people or the entire thing is bullshit and they’re all insane or both. And people have a normal physical desire for sex that is part of human psychology. There is nobody created in such a way where they don’t give and receive. There are people who are asexual, but you can’t really give that much, and then not desire something in return. If you do, there’s something wrong. There’s something wrong if you’re just giving and not receiving. What was wrong with me is that I was straight. And and so I didn’t have any heterosexual desires that were being met in a normal way, and I didn’t have any homosexual desires at all. So I didn’t mind giving because it was just like a physical job for me. It wasn’t actually giving. Some people could maybe be in an abusive relationship or they could possibly be messed up, but I would argue that it does bother them somehow, they’re just repressing that or they’re not acknowledging it. So it’ll come out in the wash in some way. And given my situation, it would’ve been impossible for me to not have been extraordinarily sexually frustrated by him. It would’ve been impossible. So that is another huge glaring error in people’s analysis of the situation. And the gay men who lie about that obviously are not helpful to their own community in analyzing my life. The women really don’t dislike giving oral sex more than gay men gay men say that because they’re insecure. And they’re also not worse than gave that I giving it they just don’t know what it feels like to have a penis and so you have to tell them what you like and you have to give them insight, which actually is more intimate than with a man. They have to learn you in a way that men don’t because men already know what’s happening. People lie about stuff like that they lie about the fact that men have a desire to conquer, and then combined with their insight because they have their own penis that they may actually be better initially at giving oral sex. but knowing the idiosyncrasies of each individual person and having a wife who loves you that much and wants you that badly is actually a lot more arousing and a lot more exciting when you’re a mature adult and you’re looking for something deep and meaningful and actually very satisfying especially long-term obviously than when you’re just getting something quick and easy from a guy. They don’t really have the monopoly on oral sex that they think they have. And there are some women who are actually so good at it that there’s probably no gay alive who would be as good as them. Many men have a tendency to be egotistical especially when they’re insecure and shows in relation to women in the gay community about topics of sex. The truth is when you’re straight and you’re with a woman who has a really good vagina it’s very difficult to restrain yourself during oral sex that she’s giving you no matter how good she is. Because it isn’t as much fun to just sit there or lay there and it’s a lot more fun to do things. And sometimes maybe oral sex is pleasurable, but it’s not as much fun as vaginal sex. The vagina really is astoundingly good at giving pleasure to a penis.

There is nothing more pleasurable than that there just isn’t. And there’s no gay orgasm that ever surpasses the best heterosexual ones, I’m sorry, A lot of what you read otherwise it’s just written by insecure gay men. Very insecure!

And the Kennedys know that. Which is why they’re so mean to women. They hate the power that women have over their bodies, and their minds. It’s unbelievably narcissistically threatening to them, and so they compensate for it by being unbelievably psychologically, sadistic and evil towards women. And they are violently threatened by women, and so they preemptively find ways to attack them before women even see it coming. Because for the most part, they’re bisexual, and so they still have a desire for women and a fear of that. I don’t think there are any actual homosexuals entirely who are entirely homosexual in that family, but I could be wrong in one of the younger generations. They are very bisexual. And very narcissistic.

I was straight and they didn’t understand me. I was harsh. I was cold, and I was far more damaging to them than they even realize today. And part of the reason why ironically is because they’ve done so well. I had it figured that when I died they would be very damaged by that because I thought that I was far more important than I was. And I didn’t realize that when I died that it was very likely to do nothing. To be honest part of the reason why it did nothing is because of Lacey.

I was never involved in any homosexual activity with Bobby. I know you probably have ideas of debauchery in your head that are far more homosexual or pedophilic or just perverse than what actually happened. And I can’t do anything about that. Almost at all. Because there are so many stories about what we did that are so wild that it’s going to be very difficult for me to prove that none of that ever happened. I am saying that it didn’t, and that would happen was actually a lot more mild and dull by today’s standards than you might think. We did use drugs, but I wasn’t involved in any sexual activity with him, or any of his female friends. …But that is not why I thought I was so important.  It wasn’t as if I thought I had made some huge impact with my wild parties that would be missed when I died or I was so high on cocaine that I thought that I was more important that I was. 

I thought that I had a power over them emotionally but I just didn’t really have at all. Lacey has it not me. But I had absolutely no idea that she existed, at least in a conscious way. And I might not have had any idea that she existed at all. And she was Joe Kennedy Senior’s soulmate until he messed up his life. And she was one of his soulmates. It’s very Swedenborgian. But he totally messed it up. And because of that, she still has that authority over all of them. So they are drawn to her through me and that is part of why they were so attached to me and they have never accepted that possibly any of them. They don’t understand that Bobby’s fixation with her is real. He has found a woman who looks like some weird iteration of her in every single marriage he’s ever had. His first wife is frighteningly similar to Lacey. And his second wife is bizarrely similar, but she also looks like Jackie. His third wife is also very strangely similar to Lacey. And to be honest when I told him to marry someone like Jackie, I was trying to tell him to marry someone like Jackie. And I was not attracted to him, or love with him. I was trying to give him good advice because I didn’t fully understand myself or what Jack really needed. He was a terrible husband, but he could’ve been a better husband to someone who is less straight and less feminine. But that was not something that I understood, and I thought that Jackie had been unusually understanding of him and loving to him, and so I thought that somehow he was better off, marrying someone like her, given the fact that he seemed bisexual than a lot of women. I was not so confused that I thought that he was my next Jack Kennedy. If I ever indicated that I was not meaning it that way that people took or if I did mean it that way I might’ve had malicious intent. I really was straight and I actually wasn’t that confused!

Oh, but at any rate, Lacey actually is mine for eternity, and she really does mean more to them than they want to accept. And when I fed Bobby lies, it was cruel. I was straight. I was a straight man masquerading by accident as a flamingly gay homosexual. And I gave him the impression that he was a lot more of a man than he was as awful as that is to say. And because I was laughing at him on the inside. And I’m not heartless, and I actually felt bad about it especially right before I died. But I was laughing at him a lot, and I laughed at Jack too. And it was the sort of bullying that straight men do when they’re not homophobic they’re not homosexual they’re just mean. But the sad truth is they might not have evil heart intent they just can’t stand the way that gay men act, so prissy, and high and mighty and powerful in a way that they’re not. It’s because they don’t actually have power over straight men sexually at all. And I would bet there are some some “straight men” like the Murdaughs who actually are bisexual, call themselves straight…who are irritated by that as well. Because it’s irritating! And the idea is that they have some secret trick that they don’t have. And so if you’re bisexual or you’re straight like I was and you have these narcissistic little twats who think they’re God trying to convince you that you should serve them indefinitely like a clown it gets old. And it’s because you don’t really feel that for them, but they are so convinced that you do like the most annoying straight woman imaginable. And you know the type that I am talking about. Loose but only somewhat good-looking women who love to be manipulative and think that men are just madly in love with them when they’re not. Lacey is the polar opposite of that. And she has problems because of that but she’s not the polar opposite of that in a pejorative sense. She’s extremely good looking, and I don’t think she thinks anyone’s in love with her, including me and she’s kind of a ditz, but she’s very good hearted and very intelligent. And you can tell her that she is a ditz and she accepts that very humbly and with remorse when she’s guilty of something but there’s nothing she can do about it because that’s just who she is. But they irritate her because women like that are at least just as ditzy as her, but they don’t accept that about themselves and they’re very narcissistic. And they’re not as good looking nor is intelligent and frankly they’re probably just dumb. And they irritate men like me because we have a twin flame who is like Lacey potentially or we know someone like Lacey and so we don’t have a lot of tolerance for their stupidity and narcissism because it’s just so fucking annoying! And Jack was like that and Bobby was like that and it’s really aggravating. Because they’re so obviously stupid but they can’t accept that. And so they tend to think people are in love with them who are not. And there are plenty of bisexual men who can get very angry about it, because they don’t like being played with. And they don’t think that these men realize that that they’re not the only show on the road. Because they’re so in love with themselves that they can’t believe that anyone could really be competition for them. And they’re very insecure and so they lie about their sexual abilities. And if the man is closeted like the Murdoch kid…they may over, emphasize their importance to a dangerous degree. I was straight, but I was very abused and pushed over the edge. And they still think that I was endlessly in love with him. Because they’re all like that! They’re all narcissistic. And but I definitely put them all in harms way and still do because they can’t let go of me. They can’t let go of the mythology around me. 

I was straight and I was confused. And Lacey actually is far more significant to them than they like to admit. And I was not endlessly in love with Jack. And actually I wasn’t even in love with him at all.

Why would I give up a woman like that? Who is perfect for me? To be with this:

Don’t be nice to him look at what a piece of shit his body actually is. He was a scrawny flat ass tiny dick man! Look at his body honestly in comparison to the models below, and then explain to me. Why the fuck I would want to have sex with that man for eternity even if I was gay. He was a narcissistic asshole! I was abused! And you seriously think that doesn’t matter!? NO!! It does matter and that’s common fucking SENSE!!!

A man with a skinny as fuck waist, a flat ass that he thinks is ginormous and sexy as all get out and a tiny dick!? The only thing that was really all that attractive about him was his face and his hair. He could photograph well, but in reality, he had a shit body. And the way that he talked to me about his penis is hilarious. 

I was actually straight. And that’s why he did it because he didn’t realize that he was being offensive because he was an idiot narcissist, but he actually was gross at times the way that he would talk about himself when he was trying to flirt with me. I mean telling me that his penis looked like shit and that he hadn’t masturbated for two days? You know…that’s not sexy, that’s really not sexy. You don’t tell somebody stuff like that when you’re trying to be in a relationship with them or you’re trying to arouse them. Even if you have a really great dick telling someone that your penis looks like shit and doesn’t actually help the situation so to speak if you’re trying to be arousing. Because our bodies can look that bad. And he had a small dick. They all do. See it’s genetic. You can tell in the second picture that there’s not a lot there. And so you can imagine telling me that your tiny dick looks like shit, especially the way that he says it would be unarousing but he doesn’t know that. And I don’t care because I’m straight. And I don’t think there’s anything weird about the fact that I don’t care because I think I’m gay for really sad reasons. But that really should be stranger to people when they read it than it is.

I am sorry, but Lacey is not the one who’s wrong people who thinks that she’s wrong all the time unfortunately are probably not as intelligent as they think they are. And Jack was just not that big. And I neither was his father, Janet was unaware. And you really can tell in their pictures. And but at any rate telling me that, even if he had an amazing penis would’ve been a weird thing to do. Because it’s just not arousing! The way that he said it would be like if a woman were to say to a man “I’ve got a yeast infection that smells like a dead fish! And it’s pus of some sort, most likely but if you want to come over and have sex with me, I could use the room spray or you could wear a mask. I mean I’ll probably fart in your face because I’ve also got a really bad case of diarrhea. I’ve just been so sick lately but I am horny as heck and every time I fart I smell an egg and I think about those little eggs that you use on me and that makes me feel like shitting right now but- Maybe you could just eat my shit and give me a rim job?” I mean you can try to make it sexy but in all honesty, it’s not. Especially if this woman says it in a way that is meant to be taken seriously and not at all in jest. That’s what Lacey heard but that might not be the best example but the point is that’s essentially what he told me. And people just think that that’s normal for some reason. It’s not! Oh, and if they’re just too stupid to understand that it’s weird then they’re liars, because they pretend to be a far more intelligent than that! And if I was actually attracted to Jack, I would never have liked what he was saying to me. And he wouldn’t have probably said it in the way that he did, because he would’ve known that. We had conversations like that in person and he said stuff like that and I didn’t care and that was weird but he didn’t know that.

But even if I was gay, why the hell do you think I would in my grave want to still be with him? He was an ugly man. and it’s covered up with tanning and trick photography and good clothing. But a tiny dick and a scrawny body is a tiny dick and a scrawny body and a flat butt is a flat butt. And there was no way that I was ever going to be as aroused by him as I would be by somebody better looking than him if I was even gay at all. And he treated me like shit. I was straight and confused and that’s how he got away with it. But if I had been in a long-term relationship with him and gay, which isn’t even possible considering everything that happened, but if I was, there’s almost no way that I would still be interested in him after dying and being freed from all of the bullshit that he brainwashed into thinking. If I had had a good counselor I would’ve been far better off as well but that was the early 80s that was the 1970s and a lot of people didn’t understand what was going on and frankly a lot of people who did were scared of the Kennedys, and so was I. Back then they were far more powerful than they are today. I did have a counselor, possibly who suggested that I was straight and that I had been molested, but they weren’t quite sure how to express that to me. And I had to figure it out for myself. If I had a counselor like that, that may have been how I partially figured it out when I was at the peep show at 3 AM because I had these ideas in my head for counseling and I was processing them and I realized that I was just straight.

I’m sorry, but there’s no way that I would ever be with Jack. He went to far and once the confusion would’ve been lifted from my head upon death, I would no longer have felt a great desire to be with him, and I actually would’ve not wanted to be with him at all. That being said, I was actually straight. And I was confused, and as I said, everything can be explained, everything. And if it’s not something that means I’m a good person then I’ll unfortunately will have to find a way to make that up to her for eternity because I refuse to let her be with anyone but me. And God is 100% on board.

It’s possible there is actually a pretty good explanation for everything. That means I was a pretty good person, but I definitely was straight, and I do feel bad to some degree that I was as heartless towards them as I was. It seems like I was entirely victimized, but there are actually a lot of things that I did that people don’t see and I do actually feel sincerely bad.

The character of Skippy Handelman is very similar to me. It’s eerie actually. The actual doesn’t look as much like me as he’s aged but in his youth, we were very similar looking. I acted gay, but Skippy acted straight, and if you wanna know what I would’ve looks like if I had been myself, or when I was myself, that character is pretty similar to me. And perhaps people knew that.

One of the problems in America right now is that people like Bobby don’t wanna lose power. And so, even if I was involved in Jack’s assassination, he relies on men like Donald Trump to tell him that. and in reality if there’s an Illuminati I am the ghost of Lem Billings and I am telling him myself that it’s possible. And he should take that far more seriously. But he doesn’t. Ronald Reagan destroyed a lot of evidence in his presidency. And the JFK evidence was part of that. He just didn’t think that people should know what really happened, if something happened. But because Bobby clings to people like Donald Trump, and relies on them to tell him what happened he may not know until he dies that I had something to do with Jack’s death. If I did. And that’s very damaging to the US. Because people who are young right now, don’t understand. They don’t have the reasoning ability that he has to figure out what’s actually true and so they will not figure it out. Because they were not encouraged to think about things the way that his generation was. So when he dies and wet Trump dies to it’s going to be very hard for people to figure a lot of the stuff out. That will read the half assed, confusing, deceitful, and yet honest at the same time articles in the daily mail, and David Pitts’s book and they’ll assume that they’re accurate. or they’ll think that there’s something slightly wrong with them, but they won’t know quite what it is and they won’t care. And edit away that’ll allow Lacey and I a lot more freedom and privacy but there’s a dark side to it. And that dark side is that the truth will take a lot longer to come out, and it depends on what happens. It might take centuries at this point. Because no one’s going to be that interested or that aware of what they’re reading to figure it out. And you know maybe that’s not so bad, but it is an away because he is culturally significant. JFK. And their ambivalence towards him their lack of interest is partially because of the lie. I was straight, and he wasn’t and people might know that in their spirit, somehow. And no, I’m not talking about reincarnation, but people might know it in their spirit.  And so if they do, that’s a problem because they lose interest.  they may think that the entire thing is stupid, but they won’t know why. They’ll just sense it and then they’ll lose interest.