“One Last Try” by Lem

this will have to be edited later, but I am game because it is hilarious.

Let’s imagine a world where I am with Jack, and I am gay in the way that you imagined I was. This is the world that most people who read about me online believe exists. Or who read about me in the novels that have been created, based on half substantiated ideas of me. Let’s actually go there and this won’t be very long but I think Lacey is tempted to get drunk as she writes it because she writes better when she’s drunk and edits when she’s sober like F Scott Fitzgerald one said I think it was him who said that, but she’s not going to.

She rarely drinks, but there are times when she’s riding when she does get tempted to drink because she is more in touch with herself when she drinks anyway um so she she has an interesting concept in her head and we’ll see how it works.

Oh it’s like this let’s say that it’s 1963 June 19 63 and I am standing in the oval office and Jack Kennedy is walking past me with his flat ass that I know is flat because I’ve seen him naked and he smells bad because he’s a drug addict and his pores are literally processing toxins because his kidneys are so overtaxed and so is his liver that his skin is altered in color. Because it’s true right before he died, his skin smelled his skin in I literally stink right before he died and so when you were close to him, it smelled like a mixture of poop and dirt.

But let’s just imagine the world that you that you think exist exist so he walks by me smelling of dirt, literal dirt and poop with his flat butt and his scrawny body. That’s in a very beautifully tailored suit in the oval office, and he asked me to suck his dick, but only at a certain time and not until that so Even if he flirts with me and gets me in the mood he wants me to wait until four hours later and he’s prepping me ahead of time because he wants me to be available in four hours. To suck his tiny grown man stinky cock.

no this is reality this is not exaggerator. This is all substantial so that it is totally substantiated by fact, his skin nail actually was altered in color. His body really was giving out on him and when people are in that state, their skin does start to smell look it up.

So I know he had a flat ass there’s pictures to prove it.

So he gets in his desk, sits there and winks at me to go. You know mind my own fucking business and bought and stop bothering him because he’s very important and he’s the president but he wants me to suck his cock that reeks and his unappealing the small, in exactly 4 hours.

I know Lacey walks in because let’s just put her there OK and a tight fitted tailored sheath dress wearing high heels and walking very sexy with perfect hair and make up and perfume. That’s heavy because people wore perfume back then people also smoked so she smells amazing and she looks amazing and she’s walking away that you would never see her walk nowadays because people don’t wear heels when they look like her unless if they’re trying to pick up a date and get paid for it, there are some women who when they wear heels and a tight dress look really slutty just because of how they’re built and she’s one of them. She hast to be very careful or it starts to look a little too promiscuous that some women can get away with it, but she’s not one of them. She’s not slender and that way and so when she wears heels it’s it’s too much it’s too much information my generation, though it went to bed because women looked like that because they were more fertile. I’m sorry if that’s hard for some men to hear today, but women in the past were more fertile, they were more estrogen heavy and she’s one of them OK so she walks in looking Liz Kirby is can be in high heels and she’s herself feminine attracted to me to, and I’ve tried to create this scene before, but I have not been able to do it because people don’t want me to.

So she walks in shaking her butt accidentally and heels, and you know being extremely polite and cheerful, like women weren’t on madman at the beginning of the series, because the truth is all women were a little bit like Joanne and Joanne was not as much like Joanne as she was on the show in reality.

So she walks in and we did have a Madonna whore problem all right we did but we also were less confused and someways and men are now so she walks in and she comes up to me and asks if I have anything that she needs me to do because it’s her first day on the job And she’s just wondering if there’s anything that I would like for her to do and I was very sexually repressed and that was part of the reason why Jack’s that I had a dirty mind because I was horny all the time because I was straight and I wasn’t having sex and it was very hard on me so being incredibly sexually starved, I see her and she says you know in her innocent sexy way like Marilyn Monroe is there anything I can do for you anything at all?

But we’re living in your reality, right so oh wholesome brown eyed, very elegant, well bred, aristocratic, Marilyn Monroe type, walks in who’s a little petit a petit to me because she’s close to 57 but not quite walks in and asks me in the sweetest and yet most accidentally flirtatious way is there anything I can do for you anything at all, but in your reality, I am completely gay, except I’m also not, and you don’t realize that because there’s a lot of evidence to suggest that I almost slept with people who were for female like that prostitute who report and thought that I slept with possibly or a few other women there is some evidence to suggest that I was considering it or something so you think I wasn’t gay, but you don’t know that because you’ve not lived in reality in regards to me ever intellectually there’s no historian who has ever sincerely studied me and a truly objective way. And so you walk in or excuse me, you don’t walk in Lacey walks in and because I may have lost my virginity to a female prostitute in a threesome, and I didn’t lose my erection when she got naked and I was able to penetrate her without being repulsed I must not be 100% pristine, gay, right I wasn’t repulsed by all of the women that Jack brought up either so again there’s something weirdly not completely gay about me and you’ve never process that honestly any of you intellectually but but but that’s OK we’ll patronize you and as you demand violently of all of humanity, in assume that I’m still gay, somehow magically.

This and madly, in love with Jack in some weird way that doesn’t make any sense psychologically.

So Lacey says, is there anything I can do for you and I start laughing because I’m so aroused by her and I think it’s funny cause I had kind of a raffish body sense of humor. And I’m smoking a cigarette and Jack is noticing her butts because she has an exquisite butt and it’s aging well but when she was young it was breathtaking so she is bending over slightly and he’s staring at it or if he’s not I’m wondering why because I am extremely aroused by her and I ask if she would Would mind catching a drink with me later as a joke.

And she says no I don’t generally drink with men who want to make love to me as a joke and return, because people made jokes like that back then.

And so she says that to me and I say oh well, how about in there I say how how about how about I just take you no throw you over a desk and and have my way with you and Jack can watch and see if he can make any suggestions

And she being lazy and being from my generation, is not remotely surprised by this, and so she sets the stands up more more properly as women in my generation would have in that situation, because they understood us believe it or not, and she looks at Jack and she looks at me and she says well I don’t think men like you understand how depressing these sort of jokes are. It’s very hard to find a nice man to settle down with in Washington DC and start a family. You should be more careful, Mr. Billings. What you say around someone like me it might just go to my head and I might get very sad if you keep poking fun at me

And I say well, how do you know I’m poking fun at you?

And she says because that’s an atrocious thing for someone like you to say

And I say listen if I had my way, the whole world would be full of chicks like you who are game as you are you have no idea how much you want me right now does she Jack? She has no idea and then being drunk and being very aroused by her and being an idiot like you imagine I was I say listen you’re wet right now just thinking about it.

And she says he just can’t stop Ken he he has no sense of a woman’s emotions at all, and she says that to Jack very indignantly, and she marches off as sexy as can be a towards the door in a very feminine matter extremely upset, and then she turns to us right before she walks out and she says listen I am being professional because I am taking my job. Seriously if there’s anything I can do if you gentlemen would like please have the courtesy to let me know.

Hi Phyl, aroused and confused and hurt because I am extremely attracted to her. We have amazing chemistry and I don’t know what to do with myself.

And so Jack, being Jack, and kind of a wet blanket, believe it or not, but you don’t think that, but that that was reality, but he covered for that by being ostentatious in his craziness at times so he, he says well, something something I don’t know he makes some witty joke like you imagine him making, and it makes me laugh because he’s so hopelessly, hilarious, and charming.

And I start cracking up laughing, and I think to myself what an amazing man. Jack really is but then I think about his butt and the fact that he stinks to high heaven if I can say that without being sacrilegious, and that he has a tiny little limp dick with the skin that is dry and irritated and he has herpes and he has an outbreak so he has a pussy dick and I’m gonna have to put that little sucker in my mouth

And I think to myself well what do I want to do right now go squeeze some ripe oranges will say and finally have an exciting experience with a woman who wants me or I’m using euphemisms right now would I rather do that or would I rather put my mouth on poop dirt mixed with herpes? In exactly 4 hours!

And being human with those thinking brain, I choose the former instead of the latter, is much, is that shocks you because you’re expecting me to be uncontrollably unconditionally in love with Jack, who is never faithful to me who throws in my face every conquest that he ever has in a way, that’s not like a polyamorous relationship because he’s throwing it in my face That’s not polyamory polyamory would involve love and trust if it was sincere, and it would be someone confessing these things to me like we’re the primary relationship that’s not how he told me stuff he bragged to me you don’t brag to someone the way that he did to me with a tone that he used in a polyamorous relationship, he was breaking in a way that would be hurtful if I was in love with him at all, and as much as men might think that they could enjoy that with a bisexual woman you actually really can’t it gets old and you can lie to yourself about it, but that’s bullshit Because he saying rational person knows that it actually really gets old not any certain rational rather any Saint rational person knows that that that that’s a real adult and that if they’re at that it’s not about them and they they weren’t there and so it affects you so all of the hundreds of women that he slept with Would’ve bothered me from the very beginning the gay men are stupid as fuck when they analyze me and they just forgot that. And so is Sally Vidal Smith.

But but but but no, let’s just let’s just put that aside because we’re humoring you, and let’s just think about it from a purely human perspective. Do I choose Jack and his shriveled up herpes, poop or do I choose a woman who is arousing and aroused by knee, and a helpless Beautiful way that I automatically understand? A woman with a healthy, elegance, plump, but not plum juicy delicious body. How about that? Do I choose to have pleasure with a very aroused, arousing woman or do I choose a poopy stinky icky dirt deck with herpes in my mouth? If I was in a committed monogamous relationship with Jack, or if he was expecting that from me, what do I do that or not what would be making me do that? He’s married to someone else he’s sleeping with lots of other people and I’m not even aware of all of it or consenting to all of it because I can’t be that’s impossible. I’m not able to do that much controlling of his life there are moments where I can’t be with him And he’s easily stabbing me in the back with somebody that was or oh or at an actually wasn’t trying to say or that was a demon that was interrupting us so he stabbing me in the back he’s never been faithful he’s married to somebody else, what is keeping me From being with her what right does he have to ask me to be faithful to him in that situation and I’m not saying you know he could ask that of me but really how would he psychologically be able to ask that of me?

I mean, he could ask that of me, but that’s a bit much to ask.

You think that I wouldn’t do it you think that I would just be faithful to that stinky icky piece of crud because of some magical, insane loyalty that I have to him.

I don’t know what that’s based off of because he was never faithful to me. If I was ever in love with him, he was never remotely faithful to me. He offered me nothing in that regard at all ever.

I don’t think there was a week that went by. I don’t think there was five minutes that went by when he was truly faithful if I was ever with him at all.

So I don’t understand where you think this beautiful unbelievable happiness and joy is coming from within me that would allow me to be faithful to him.

I mean, people have needs of their own I had needs of my own, so if he wasn’t meeting those needs where am I getting the met by other people?

And then you don’t think I’m completely gay, so why wouldn’t I have my needs met with her?

Why winter if she was there and she easily actually could’ve been why would I have slept with her? Why there’s there’s really no rational reason as far as I can tell.

Because you do you think that I might have stuck with women I’m not repulsed by him talking about them the way that a gay man would be potentially. I put up with a lot about other women in a way that’s not really gay so maybe I wasn’t completely gay and then why do you imagine I’m just unbelievably faithful to him even if she was there, and she was very attracted to me because she is why in the world would I have never slept with her?

And if we’re a lot alike, and we get along extremely well, why why would you ever imagine that nothing would happen between us?

Listen, Joe was in love with her and if I wasn’t straight, and Jack was in love with me, we’re not sharing ourselves with other people it’s not like that it’s more like I understand her in a way that she understands me because of what we both have live through believe it or not, and there’s very few people that would ever understand our psychology the way that we understand each other and so if she’s not heard me completely, this isn’t fair because there’s nobody who’s ever lived that understands my perspective as well as she does.

She really is Tom’s daughter. Joe really was in love with her for decades, and that is not an experience that anybody who’s ever lived has ever had other than me if I wasn’t straight.

But I was actually straight.

But let’s have some more fun let’s imagine that I wasn’t.

Hi, will choose Jack because that’s what you insist I would’ve chosen I don’t know why you think that it’s mysterious, but we’re being patronizing to you, so I choose Jack.

And Lacey, however, offered to be helpful, and I have papers that I need sorted on my desk and put away in the filing cabinet. And so I ask her to sort through them and file them away, using the filing method that I have described her in a memo that she was given within the first hour of her employment. She however, needs to be told to do that and so I have to re-approach her because everyone’s busy so I walk in to the room where she sits and I ask her if she would please file some papers on my desk and she says absolutely, Mr. Billings, as quickly as possible And I smell her perfume, and I am unable to walk away physically I’m too affected by her, so, even if I am magically choosing in my conscious mind to have sex with Jack in four hours on the dot I am physically in capable of walking away from her, and so I stand by her desk, smelling her perfume with her Farrah moans Not able to move she is that attractive of and at times but have been that affected by her sincerely and this is her at her absolute best and I am her generation so it’s a powerful effect so I’m standing there and I am staring off into nothing, unable to control myself, sincerely and It’s not a choice that I’m making. I’m just that unloved by Jack room and you have admitted that so I’m allowed to at least believe that part of reality. Thank you for understanding that he was not faithful to me.

So I just stand there and I just manifested a ghost in her office right in front of her face and she’s not scared she’s confused which is not surprising actually, I didn’t manifest it but I did it away because I asked them to appear and they did she saw someone’s face very briefly about 3 feet from her dad no Because it wasn’t a demon it didn’t scare her that much it just confused her and scared or slightly and now she’s more or less just confused but that’s sorry that’s beyond that’s we’re getting sidetracked but she’s in her husband’s office right now writing this and it’s very dark and when he’s not here at night, there are a lot of ghosts who hang out in this room it was what was called a smoking room and so many times at night would sit in this room and smoke and talk and listen to the radio and it was very popular during World War II. There were a lot of men who sat in this room late at night, talking about politics, and added also during World War I. She lives in an old house and there are interesting conversations that happened in this room and so that was a ghost of a very old man who was born in the 1800s, who just appeared and he did not scare her she did not expect to see him standing in the corner of her husband’s office OK.

So so part of the joke I just have to say is that there is a little ghost that her daughter made a couple of Halloween‘s ago in that corner of her husband’s office and he’s just left it there all these years and that was worth a ghost to Paris, where there’s a pretend ghost from Halloween, and I think that man thought it was funny to appear in the same spot that her daughters little paper ghost is hanging in I think he just thought it was kind of a funny joke so.

No, that is an old Norwegian man with a very Norwegian sense of humor. If if Lacey is illegitimate, he may be related to her on her mother side it could be her dead grandfather or dead, great grandfather, or dead great uncle, who has a similar sense of humor to her, which is intriguing or it’s some other dead, Norwegian man.

Him anyway getting back to 1963 so there is there is a very little chance that I would’ve been able to move. I was just standing there and arm and unable to move and we’re pretending that I was gay so but not really though gay in the way that you think I was, I’m not gonna let you off the hook with that one in so I can write something like that later but we’re gonna do this right now because this is what you really do seem to actually believe about me and so I am holding you accountable for it um, so I’m unable to move. I’m standing there and I’m smelling her perfume and then I say to myself why don’t die just talk to her a little bit so I say you know Lacey how about you and I go and get some coffee together?

Because I think he’s a Haitians talk to her long enough she’ll say something annoying or she’ll do something that I don’t like and I can sort of be a little less overwhelmed by her and so we walked to get coffee and she says to me well you know I’m rather surprised by you. I had it in my mind that you were more artistic person Than you seem to be

And iSay whatever are you trying to describe? What sort of man is it that you imagine oh, she talking about this idea that she has of a sort of eccentric Harrell Loeb type a real artist and I tell her that I have a part of my personality that’s like that but that part of me just likes playing around maybe doing pranks drinking And watching movies smoking and just sort of living living easy and she says to me I see well you certainly have a nice tan and I say well thank you how do you spend a lot of time on the beach and she says you know I would too, but I don’t know anyone yet with a Beach House Add and I say oh I’m sure at some point the Kennedys will invite you don’t worry and she said oh I wouldn’t wanna mix business with pleasure and I say oh well I do that all the time and she says oh I see oh that makes sense, and she says well to be perfectly honest with you. You must know what I’m talking about then it doesn’t really function as well as Not and I say you know, I actually would agree with you although there are plenty of secretaries who marry their husbands in the office and she says I suppose you could do that, but I would have to think that would be a rough life to some degree because when would you ever feel like you were working and when would you ever feel like you were really at home and I say you know you’re right you’re right, you’re absolutely right and for some reason I am so psychologically affected by that but I can explain it but I’m not going to right now that I am in capable of not wrapping my arms around her and making love to her.

Silence.

And so I am sorry, but I was unable to restrain myself in this version of events that you’ve created. And even if I am mostly gay and magically, loyal to Jack in a way that isn’t really humanly possible but that you insist happened I’m still making love to Lacey if she was there for more than about three hours.

And she is so naturally attractive that even if she was covered in dirt and poop from head to toe, I would still notice that she was very beautiful. I don’t think you understand how dumb your perspective has been for the last 3 to 4 years.

So she is with me we are together we’re making love and I am unclear on what exactly I’m supposed to be doing at this point because I am magically loyal to Jack but I do have needs of my own. He’s not really meeting those needs and I’m a man, so even if he was meeting those needs, I don’t know how it is that you expect me to not be attracted to her at all and you do admit that I dated other men besides him I’ve read that. So you can’t get out of that one you have admitted that I dated men besides JFK I’ve I’ve read that in more than one place that I was involved with other men. So I know that you don’t think that I was just dating him even after I was with him I know that you don’t think that so you can’t pretend otherwise right now using the demons attacking us

so if I was with other men, why would I be with her given your trajectory of things what you claim there’s absolutely no reason why I wouldn’t be making love to her in the scenario, given what you’ve given us to work with from your perception, that you violently demand of her and me both is 100% accurate to the point where you’ve almost killed her and you’ve defiled my grave, so how about you harassed my family for decades so how about including her, so how about how about that because I’ve stuck to the rules there’s nothing wrong with what I’m saying and yet even so I’m still making love to Lacey and there’s no way out of it OK because I did date other men which means that I was sexually involved with other people I did you’ve said that you’ve admitted that in more than one place. That’s not some thing on Wikipedia, but that’s that doesn’t matter because there’s plenty of of websites that say that I pursued erotic relationships furtively with other men, and that was after Jack, so I clearly was not monogamous with him, and there would be no reason why I went to sleep with her, given the way that I interacted with him about women there would be absolutely no way that I would be 100% gay given what you said about me Know I’m sorry will be impossible given what you said about me whether you realize it or not you don’t think I’m 100% gay. You can say that as a party in self-righteous as you want to right now but that’s bullshit absolute fucking bullshit because you whether you realize it cognitively you’re not have clearly said that I was bisexual even if you wouldn’t call it that that.

No you, you might not Collett bisexual, but you have suggested that I was capable of being essentially bisexual, and I was not faithful to him in a purely monogamous way, so given that promise, and given who she is and the reality of the situation in which you can’t do anything about less if you wanna destroy gravity with your self righteous bullshit I’m sorry, but I making love to her in the scenario and it’s your scenario fucking idiots!

So I’m making love to Lacey she’s 100% female entirely straight sis and you’ve tried to mess with that and your stupidity in the last two years because you’re such a bitches from hell even to yourselves but we’re just gonna move on because I’m too angry to be nice to you right now. I’m sorry.

So she, she and I are making love and I don’t know what I’m gonna do because because she’s not Jack. Meaning she’s not Jack Kennedy. Oh, and that’s bad news for me, so I’m incredibly in love with him, and you know, fantastically loyal to him I have profound on Thousand Below unconditional love for him of a sort of astounding variety more than almost any humans ever loved anybody according to the daily mail, people, and David Pitts and Louis the yard and several dozen people online so cording to those people, my love is beyond words, incredibly romantic and yeah, I am fucking someone else, and I’m having an incredibly good time Because we have really good chemistry and she’s extremely attractive to me and I am extremely attractive to her and I’m very aroused and so is she so we’re having really good sex and we get along extremely well and she’s not really slut and I am not actually either. So I’m getting really confused because I’m not supposed to be doing this, and yet I am.

And so we make love And we we don’t know what to do with ourselves because we get along so well and we’re still trying to teach other that it’s getting really awkward because we’re making love and it’s just like hmm.

I mean here I am magically in love with Jack and yeah, I’m having possibly the best sex of my life with a woman who’s available really in credibly fascinated by me and you know I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I don’t know what to do because it’s like why would I want to give this person up and yet waiting to you every part of my being tells me to other than my actual body in that moment and my brain For the most part.

But according to you, I would, because I was never going to leave Jack and at least two articles that I’ve read lately you literally say two or three times lame was never going to leave. Jackie Ploen was never going to leave Jack. It’s almost like a child in denial because they’re being told her parents are getting divorced which is interesting isn’t it? But you just said you write over and over long was never going to leave Jack

So I guess I was never going to leave him according to you and yet I don’t know.

Oh, I mean, it’s a conundrum like a loving person who is fabulously, intelligent, and madly in love with you who you have really hot sex with and that every fiber of your being tells you to go fuck who is this person that you’re just magically in love with?

I mean, it’s a real conundrum.

So umm… I guess

We we we I guess we can’t have any more sex even though that’s gonna be really difficult for me to do because she works in the White House and I’m falling in love with her uncontrollably and she’s falling in love with me and we’re actually making love so we have a little bit of a problem.

And this is where the British are a little more advanced than Americans and so are the Russians and the Germans and even the French because they about out of this whole entire argument years ago.

Actually, the entire world did other than the United States, but there are some loyalists around the world who still are still holding the line. The daily Mail wrote a very interesting article, because there were things in there that were incredibly insidious. Actually, that’s not quite the right word that were incredibly encrypted will say Because there was a lot of information in there that was hidden that they knew Lacey would pick up on that actually corroborates what I told her but they snuck it in because they’re British and they’re not stupid

I don’t know how that all went over Bobby’s head I have a feeling, if there’s an illuminati that Elon Musk was aware of what was really being written in the article, but he’s South African and he’s a billionaire and I don’t think he’s stupid enough to care him but Bobby seemingly did not notice the incredible inconsistencies logically and what was actually being said there’s a difference between what was said, and what was said, in a superficial way And as far as Lacey knows, and this could be true, it went right over his head.

And they knew that it would, which is why they did it because they knew that they could get away with it and then he would think that even when she said this that it was probably just bullshit because she’s desperate and his imagination even though he’s bankrupt.

Him so you know when she says the daily mail snuck information and he’s gonna think oh she imagined that because I talk to those people and they love me.

He’s a very petty person, and it seems crazy to think that someone we go to such great legs, but people really on when they’re narcissistic are very dysfunctional and unfortunately, it’s very personal to him. He has huge delusions about me and a lot of other people, but I am one of them and I am probably one of the ones that matter the most to him because he’s not honest about his sexuality. He’s very insecure about it and I’m tied up with that.

I could be wrong you think he’s straight, but I don’t think so. I think he’s bisexual like Jack and I always thought that he was.

I could involve him in the story, but I don’t think I will. I was not in love with him, though I was straight, and I was not in love with him. I was not, but we’re going to leave him out of this for now, but no, I am high. I guess you could say I am, I I was right I would be rather confused at this point or what to do with myself because I am magically in love with Jack when he shot I will say that I will be falling magically in love with Bobby so I’m in trouble because I am with Lacey now, so but what am I gonna do you know Butts, I think, given the nature of procreation and evolutionarily biology, which I would suspect most of you believe in, my instinct would probably be to be with her in my generation, because my generation had a lot of kids, so I would probably have a very strong instinct to marry her. Oh, so we have a problem because according to you, I’m magically in love with Jack, and yet my all of my being is telling me to go be with her so I don’t know what I’m gonna do.

How about this? How about if how about if we just see what happens?

So I icing what I would fall bubbly do is, is just probably just well. You know to take her to Paris for a week at and then can and then tell her that I am that I want her to have children with her because I was getting older and I could tell that we could have kids together, so I would probably get her pregnant in Paris and then and then I would probably end up just realizing that there was no way I could really be separated from her forever so that we have a problem.

Because I don’t want to leave her for possibly for eternity, and I’m incredibly possessive of her because I don’t wanna share her with anybody and I am not legally married to him. So, even though I am magically in love with Jack, I decided that we should get married. So we get married and I get her pregnant and in the process of making love to her for the 30th time and having progressively better sex I decide that I want to have a life of my own and have my own house and just sort of have my own things and not really be around. Jackie puts even though I magically in love with him.

So I leave him about 80% of the time to have my own house with my wife and our family and we’re pretty happy. Jack doesn’t see me very often anymore because I have to get a job outside of him to provide for my family but you don’t think he would’ve ever cared because you think he was straight and totally reasonable and you don’t think he was violently threatening me. You don’t think his family was holding me hostage you think I was a hanger on. So you think that if I wanted to leave and marry her that he wouldn’t of cared at all, he would’ve actually made like screaming noises of joy because he was so confused about why he didn’t marry a woman it bothered him. He was traumatized by it, according to all of you. Not the British not the French but according to a lot of Americans, he was totally straight and normal and would’ve never threatened me with violence if I ever told anybody anything or left him and so there’s nothing like that going on at all, so he was confused and weirded out by me and I was just kind of a clingy little bitch And so I leave and start my whole life and I see him like 20% of the time and that’s because I’m magically obsessed and in love with him even though I’m married and in love with somebody else I think maybe if I polyamorous and so he was my primary, but I only see him like 20% of the time And you can’t get out of that one in so even though he still magically my primary she’s also my primary because you would imagine such bullshit and so I guess that’s what we’ll say. I have two primaries. I have a primary and a super primary and she’s my super primary to be honest and so we get married and have a family and I get a job and I I think he’s lied to be done with me, and then, because I’m so magically in love with him even though I rarely ever see him more than maybe once a year, eventually am I weak when he dies because I had nothing to do with his death and it was a total accident. I mean that’s also the official story so Lee Harvey Oswald kills him 1963 even though I’ve seen him like three or four times and I barely know him anymore. Actually, this doesn’t quite work. Let’s just say that we get married and then he gets shot, and I’ve only seen him once or twice and then he dies and I and love and I bought a house and I’m expecting my first child, and I married him, but I weep bitterly over him because I was magically in love with him.

And it wasn’t like it mattered to me anymore as much because I’m in love with her in a way that I’m not with him at this point because that’s just human nature and the situation that you believe existed so I am crying over him, bawling my eyes out, because that was just bound to happen because I was magically in love with him, but I don’t really give a shit at the same time I mean I care, but in a way I’m actually kind of glad he’s dead because it’s one less thing to think about.

I mean, I have a wife I have this bizarre, gay sexuality that’s just pervasive and loud and historic him and then there’s Jack. And Jack is magical about. You know he is just a lot to think about for someone as slow and stupid as me the way that you’ve imagined me and so with what little brain power I had like as it was a lot to keep track of and so I use my critical thinking skills that I are used at at once. Did you one smart thing, my whole life when I wrote that paper at at Princeton and collected a few really cool things in my house so I used that little tiny part of my smart brain to keep track of all these things you know now that he shot it’s a little bit of a relief because it was a lot for my little stupid brain to keep track of being so poor and dull, as you imagined, I am.

So so he’s dead and I am weeping because you were magically a love he didn’t give a shit about me because he was straight and yeah he did because he was such a nice man. I mean I was magically in love with him and he was straight, but he just allowed us to be in a relationship because he was such a nice man.! I mean, everyone knows Jack Kennedy was straight, but he was such a nice man, and so he allowed us to be in a relationship that was just magic! And then this magical relationship I was, I was just I was just captured and yeah I was human and so I was alone with Lacey and then somehow when he dies because it was Lee Harvey Oswald, according to you and I age, I am kind of relieved because I’m just like well. There’s one less thing to think about it I don’t really have the capacity to love him like Oradell or Tennessee Williams, so I’m not gonna pretend like I could do anything like that, but I will definitely Still cry because I could at least put together a few tears.

Am I weird? I was just a real real sensitive person. I didn’t understand almost anything but I had a few opinions of my own and so I cry.

I cry when he gets shot because I mean that’s the end

He’s dead, and that’s sad, because I was magically in love with him even though there was no real relationship, and yet there was, but only in the realm of magic and intrigue and mystery

So no, there was no actual relationship I mean there was but only in a magical gay way. And then that means that there’s no accountability there’s no emotion. Everything is just happy and deep and amazing and intimate and beautiful and special and mysterious beyond all believe ever and it’s just really amazing and there was like no way no way that it was anything less than that at all so I cry.

So I cry and and his dad and I’m always depressed a little bit for the rest of my life.

I mean, I have an incredibly wonderful life with kids and grandkids and a wife who loves me until I am dad and my whole family and we have thanksgivings and Easters and Christmases and real memories and I have a real life that I didn’t get to have him but as wonderful as that is, I’m still really depressed Because Jack tired and what we had was amazing magic! We were soulmates according to you, not twin flames, but soulmates so even though she’s my twin flame, even in the scenario, that’s actually possible he was my soulmate, and what we had even though he’s not my twin flame was amazing magic because it was gay.

Yeah, you guys really are that hateful towards heterosexuals nowadays and it really is essentially being bigoted, but I can’t call it that but that’s basically what it is. So I mean even though she’s my twin flame I’m still a little depressed in a special way because it was homosexual according to you and then that makes a totally different because heterosexual sex is like normal crap. According to you. Which means that even though she’s my twin flame and I’m actually really happy because what I had with him was gay it was really amazing in a way that it would never be with her. She’s super sees that because she’s my twin flame but it’s like specially amazing and it almost reach is the level of twin flame just because it’s homosexual. According to most people Who know who I am.

So are you so I mean no it was gay, so it was just so much better according to you than anything ever!

So we we visit his grave and I lay seashells on it every November 22. I weigh magical glittered seashells all over his and Lacey does the dance and she sings and I weep every November 22.

I don’t do drugs I don’t fall apart and I have to just write Bobby a I’m sorry letter saying I am sorry Bobby I got married goodbye. and he understands I just had to get married so she’s my twin flame and actually that that really that’s what I would have said in this scenario just I’ll see you later goodbye.

So that I get married to her Barbie understand but every 22nd of November we have to lay the magical seashells on his grave and I guess Bobby sometimes might see me but probably not probably probably not him and every time Jack has a birthday on 29 May II send I send five kites up in the air and set forth five doves into the ocean breeze with glare on their wings of gold and then sometimes I bend over and display my ass and let the wind blow up my butt hole in remembrance of our love. And Lacey says yes it is my bottle now but I do respect that in your life. You had a great love before me and his name was Jack Kennedy, and now he is dead.

Oh, and we don’t do that for any of my other lovers or for any of hers because I don’t give a shit about any of her sex life with anybody according to you, I wouldn’t give two flying fucks about anyone who she ever slept with so she has history in the scenario of Harold Loeb and F Scott Fitzgerald, and Louis Hill Junior And Elliot Roosevelt and I know nothing about it at all . I know that she was with them but I’ve never asked any questions. I don’t have any idea what happened I’m incredibly possessive of her, but I don’t really care about any of her history in that way at all because of Jack. So I don’t know I mean she could’ve been more in love with them in a way that I’ll never comprehend. They could’ve said things which other that would devastate me but I’ll never know because every May 29 I let the wind blow up my ass on the beach because we were gay together. Don’t you understand we were gay together!?

I mean we were gay together!

So it’s totally different than everything!!!!!

So, even though she’s my wife for eternity, I don’t give a shit about anyone that she’s ever found attractive and if there’s reincarnation, and I am Constantine and my son wants to sleep with her I don’t care because of Jacks

I don’t care about Michael Rockefeller, her first cousin I don’t care lol why would I care because of Jack Kennedy! Because of Jack Kennedy.

According to your interpretation of my words, he made a huge difference of my life, and he treated me like an absolute fucking piece of shit and a slave, but there’s no way that I meant anything I said, in any sort of a tongue in cheek, or ironic way at all there’s no nuance to any of it. I meant it as literally and adamantly, and certainly as possible. And by first cousin, I don’t mean physical I mean her legal first cousin Michael

So I don’t care I don’t care about my son. I don’t care who wasn’t her son I don’t care about her first cousin I don’t care about Elliot. I don’t care that every Valentine’s Day. He sends her roses and I don’t know why. I don’t care that Louis tells jokes about her anyway that I don’t understand something to do with her and a cherry and the cherry popped and it was her but I don’t know what that Means.

I mean, she’s my wife and I have a huge ego sometimes and I’m very possessive but I don’t know I guess I just don’t care because I was gay with Jack and he made all the difference in the world and nothing else matter to me ever just money and Jack! Money, same and Jack and Bobby and drugs, but probably not as much drugs, his money, and Jack and Bobby.

According to you, that’s all I cared about Bobby Jack money and that’s it and fame. End, and prestige to some degree. And yet I was an incredibly deep sensitive person at the same time because I was gay even though that doesn’t really make sense because I was gay I could be in a logical, weird, rational human because I was gay and gay people don’t have to make sense to normal psychology because they’re special according to all of you.

So I was special because I was gay.  according to you. So I was special according to you, and I decided I decided to just not care about any of her history at all. it’s totally inconsequential that totally inconsequential, so so Louis makes jokes about her taking her virginity and Elliot sends her flowers every Valentine’s Day but I have absolutely no idea why at all and I could get very hurt and very worried about her being promiscuous. But I’m not because I don’t care because gay men don’t care about promiscuity in women.

And I don’t see her cheating on me, so I don’t think there’s a problem and I don’t care at all. It never worries me I never get scared. I just don’t care because I’m a really understanding amazing gay man.

And this is the part that actually Lacey might like I just assume the best of her I never get worried I never get hurt by anything I don’t know about anything and men never really bother me because they don’t feel competition with me. Louie never feels threatened by me as a man and neither does Elliot or Harold lobe because I’m gay and Anne so they never try to pick a fight with me. They just think I’m kind of a little queen. And they think Alys Seay is Lacey‘s husband is 6 foot four and he’s kind of loud and difficult but you know I don’t care because he’s just a homosexual and he likes decorating. And that’s primarily what we do we have sex and we decorate.

We clean we have sex and we decorate and we we share secrets and talk about skin care and boys that we used to have crushes on and and it’s not weird because she’s straight and a death in love with me and I’m gay according to you I’m not bisexual and so we have a really nice marriage. It’s it’s not a lavender marriage though it’s a Home, is it a marriage him and I think you wanna call the lavender marriage but it’s not I’m sorry it’s not because I was attracted to women according to you and there’s no way out of that one. We’ll have to admit you’re full of shit and an idiot.

So, so no I don’t have a problem with Latin because I am law but I have a problem with a Louis because Louis is Louis is totally cool because I’m gay and everyone wanted gay people to get married back then no one like gay people shouldn’t get married everyone thought that according to you, there were no straight people who thought gay people shouldn’t get married according to you that’s not reality, but according to you, everyone in the world thought the gay people should get married like a heterosexual person That’s not reality but that’s what people say nowadays because they’re full of shit but but no but we’re not. We’re not talking about that we’re talking about what you believe so so you you don’t think Louis would’ve had a problem with me at all, even though I walked around, acting gay all the time and making jokes that were gay and giggling and talking in a high-pitched voice And decorating with her. Louis wouldn’t have been bothered by that he would’ve just thought. Oh, thank God Lem’s got married to a woman thank God he finally got married to a woman you know every time one of those men like that get married to a really beautiful woman I just, I am so relieved because as a straight man and a rocky marriage, who has had to turn into a prostitute who I then had to kill because I am from one of the wealthiest families in the World, I, I just love the thought of another attractive woman being taken off the market, especially one who is aging and in love with me, I love the thought of that this flaming, homosexual weird man who is madly in love with her because he is weird I was weird because I was straight acting gay people have called me weird who went to school with me at Choate but we’re not acknowledging that so I was Elisha say that it looked weird to him for some weird mysterious reason and let you know, but he would think that would be really though because he would just be so relieved so relieved that I was married to a woman finally!

So no big deal no big deal arm and then we’re just magically in love Jack and I that is and every New Year’s Day I blow bubbles into the wind and say I love you jack in my heart in the past and every Valentine’s Day I kiss a flower and think of the fact that I knew him. Isn’t that great?

You guys are so insightful. This is so possible I’m saying that sarcastically.