“Worst Day Ever” by Lem

Idea 25 by Gibran Alococer & Andrea Vanzo plays.

Dressed in my suit that I wore to the Kennedy White House. The one I’m pictured in standing next to JFK. I walk through an April garden in St. Anthony Park, Minnesota on a particularly sunny day. Lacey sees me. …And she thinks I’m the most HANDSOME and AROUSING man she’s EVER seen. She’s…in AWE of me. Truly.

But even though men often still check her out, including her college age male neighbors…she…TRULY thinks I’m too far out of her league to even consider her at all. …Because she’s so in awe of me. …I’m certainly not. She’s out of mine. …But she’s…not at all aware of that in any…normal way. Sadly. So…being viciously bullied her whole life by Millennials of every gender her whole life…who desperately want her to HATE herself…and foam at the mouth with perverse amounts of evil in regard to her…she assumes…the absolute worst. Smiles politely at me and then walks off to leave me alone.

Her still nubile breasts and ass bounce elegantly under her prim but sexy cloche straw sun hat. She’s…cute. …Cute like a bunny. But it’s womanly. And…unaware…in a way not seen since the Victorian Era. …Because it’s not unaware like…almost anyone alive is today. It’s…precarious. Dangerous. Very beautiful. And…risky. …Because it requires a strong husband. A good man. A very tough man. …And once upon a time…it was expected of women. It’s not at all stupidity. It’s…a…terrifying…raw…sensitivity TO EVERYTHING. …Not like a mentally-ill person. Like…someone…who…is reticent and…proper…and beautifully reserved…because they have to be. And…at its most intricate core…it’s…well…it’s the sort of intense feeling that makes it possible for a woman to cry herself TO DEATH. Almost. If she’s…ill enough. Sad enough. Alone enough.

And I WANT IT.

But SHE’S UTTERLY CLUELESS.

*I laugh.*

Even as she sits her…like a secretary…writing my words from the grave…she’s barely accepting anything. …She’s…far more silent than you understand. A silent soul.

Why is she silent? Because I’m her EVERYTHING but I’m too good for her. And…there’s no point in talking. I guess.

“You’re not too good for me.” I say now.

She can tell I mean it.

“Oh! You mean…you’re not too good for me!?” she says.

“Yes.” I say, but Scott slaps me in the face. Hard.

“You little fucking bitch! She can barely hear you!” says F. Scott Fitzgerald to me. Very sincerely. AND HE’S RIGHT.

He marches off towards Lacey, grabbing her arm. And then he walks off with her, very bitterly. And…given her immense pain…I’m sure God exists…based on F. Scott Fitzgerald’s incredible rage. Thank God for him.

Except…Harold Loeb…and Louis Hill Junior are close behind them. OF COURSE.

“You’re so stupid, Lem.

I told you to sleep with women.

But you just wouldn’t do it…you dumb prick!” bites JFK before he ceased to exist.

It’s not loving. He’s mad. And self-righteous.

“Boy!!! …You really did it. …You idiot!!” he says condescendingly as he walks off in a huff himself.

I ignore him. As always. I killed myself on his birthday. ON HIS BIRTHDAY. …That’s WEIRD.

Oh well.

The song ends.

But I’ll be back and write more later.

Later.

I sneak in. Late. Climb in bed with her. Seduce her. Make love to her. …Just as straight as any man has ever been. And will always be. …My heterosexual desire for her is not weak. In the slightest.

The Quality of Mercy by Max Richter plays after a moment of silence. Dark…damp…cold…silence.

1:21

I am heterosexual.

I am a real heterosexual.

…Was I ever attracted to men?

2:29

3:39

…

The song plays.

The song…bitterly finishes. Without me.

And I’m left…without words.

Words I WANT TO USE. …Almost at all!

The song ends.

Silence.

*The sound of Jack Kennedy’s angry fast breathing.*

“NO!!!” I yell. “NO!!”

And at that dragging behind…Michael Rockefeller arrives.

We’re back in the garden. In Saint Paul.

Louis glares at me. Leaning against a 1950’s Cadillac convertible. Hands in pockets. …It feels like he could kill somebody with those eyes.

A Sparrow Alighted Upon Our Shoulder by Johann Jóhannsson plays.

“Dammit. …I wonder if someone could get that confused though.” protests King Charles III. “I’ve thought about it. Yes.” he says to Lacey. Suddenly. Out of the blue.

And try as she might…she can’t escape his words. Psychologically.

“Why am I so affected?” says Lacey sincerely to God.

“Well…what if!?!?” says King Charles III, with concern.

“DAMMIT.” says Lacey.

“No. It’s not possible to escape.” says Lord Rosslyn to Lacey, his would-be daughter. “YOU DID IT!” he says, picking her up, almost upside down like she’s a very little girl.

“He knows I’m a silly goose. Despite my…sincerity.” says Lacey, to explain.

Life by Einaudi plays.

“No! She’s not Jack!” says Michael. “SHE’S just…so…tough.” he says, laughing. “Dads have a way. She’s…being scolded.”

“FOR WHAT!?” asks the BBC.

“For not being respectful enough of Lem, and or for coming back when she wasn’t supposed to, if there’s reincarnation. …Mostly the first, regardless.” says Michael.

He walks up to Lem.

“She’s apologized.

You better be WORTH EVERY SINGLE TEAR!!!” he says, menacingly.

“Are you FINALLY going to get around to it?” asks Harold.

“Ahh yes.

What Lacey has been trying to say, and I’ve been trying to get out for about an hour almost is that I was tricked if there’s reincarnation into leaving my sexy, beautiful unaware wife alone with numerous men who all find her incredibly attractive.  And if there’s not reincarnation it’s almost the same thing. 

Letting people believe that I was homosexual, made sense to me at the time. Because I genuinely thought that I was. You don’t seem to understand at the time I didn’t have resources to tell me that I wasn’t. There was nobody to talk to you. The only person I ever trusted was my father, and he died. And he was the one who gave me the idea that I was gay in the first place.  I was molested. I became confused because I felt something sexual in my penis when the priest grabbed it when I was 13. An Episcopalian priest grabbed my dick when I was 13, masturbated me against my will, as I attacked him to get him to leave me alone. And I felt something.  It’s as simple as that.  I just felt something in my dick! It’s stupid, because it wasn’t special. There was nothing more sexual about it than brushing up against the wall. But I didn’t understand that because I was a kid and I was being attacked and I was scared and I couldn’t get him off of me and I was trying to figure out what the hell was going on and so I figured that somehow I must’ve asked for it or prompted it in some fashion because that was the only thing that could make sense out of it to me, and the fact that I had felt something sexual physically when he grabbed my dick was what really confused me the most.  I’ve tried to explain this before less graphically, but people are stubborn Lee stupid to the point of evil.  And now Bobby Kennedy Junior is going to go down as being part of a presidential administration that took away gay marriage. 

There’s nothing Lacey I can do about it or her husband or anybody else in her family. If you hadn’t taken yourselves and you’re a false pseudo-intellectual bullshit about me so damn seriously, you wouldn’t be losing marriage. Really…there’s nothing I can do.

I’m sorry I’m so fucking confusing to you bitches!

I acted homosexual, very convincingly. That does not mean I actually was homosexual.

I said things that seem to indicate that I was, but I was extremely confused. And if you look at that picture of me at Jack’s wedding, there really is no explanation for it. You have no fucking explanation for why I was so happy at his wedding!

You have no explanation for why didn’t give a shit about the fact that he was sleeping with hundreds of other people!

And you’ve invented evidence that isn’t really evidence to suggest that I was jealous and possessive.

The photographic evidence of my face smiling is actual evidence. The supposed impressions that you’ve gathered second fourth hand at this point or not real evidence. You cannot rely on someone’s supposed impression of a situation like you would a medical diagnosis based on science. But that’s what you’ve done you fucking idiots!!!

I am a ghost and I’m trying to tell you what the hell actually happened but you’re not interested because you want to believe a bunch of fucking bullshit that doesn’t even make any sense! You want to believe that I was gay because I was tall and masculine in a way that Jack wasn’t. I was straight and that’s why you wanna think I was gay because it makes you feel less insecure about yourself.

Jack was gay almost entirely. He was also a narcissist and an absolute fool. There is no way anybody could’ve sustained a long-term genuine connection with him of any gender. I was obviously confused in some way. But that just goes over your head and you believe in some impossible bullshit fairytale that is impossible.

So thanks so much for being such misogynistic, judgmental, archaic idiots!

I hope you enjoy having your marriage nullified you stupid little bitches!

I’m gonna start calling you what you call me!

I’m mad. So stop stealing things from me!

You know it’s entirely possible that I could’ve been gay and if there’s reincarnation it was temporary, and it was not as great as you made it out to be, and I realized that it was worthless because there was no way that I was ever going to re-create what I had with her with anybody have any gender. I mean there are a million explanations for how I could still actually have been gay and be with her. So if you can hear this conversation, stop lying to yourself.

You are stupid as fuck! And she’s not the worthless, hateful little bigoted idiot that you want her to be you sad self-loathing, self preoccupied fools!

In reality, I was actually straight.

In reality, I was actually taken advantage of by Jack every single fucking time something he requested of me. I might have even bragged about it, but that doesn’t matter. Rape is rape. And sometimes people get confused and they can break about sex that was actually rape. I’m sure there are plenty of young women who have made the mistake of bragging about sleeping with someone who actually took advantage of them in reality. And that’s not something that’s talked about but I know that it happens and it’s sad. So if I ever did even slightly brag about some thing, that is not proof that I consented to it, or even understood what I was actually doing.

I was molested when I was 13. I became very confused because I didn’t understand that physical touch was something that gives an involuntary response. It never occurred to me that it was like having your knee hit at the doctor and having your reflexes checked. I never put those two things together in my head. I was so ashamed, and I was so sure that it wasn’t possible for a straight heterosexual man to be sexually affected by the touch of another man ever. That’s very ignorant but it was the 1930s 1920s when it happened I was young and I didn’t know any better. So I was so stupid and it was so long ago in time that I didn’t understand I thought that somehow I was actually prompting it and OK with it, and that it was affecting me the same way that a woman would. Because I didn’t understand that a normal heterosexual man could end up being affected by the physical touch of another man if the man surprised him if you didn’t work, thinking about it, and the right way, you know, it’s like you could end up being aroused and getting an erection without meaning to. It’s funny because it was some thing that I thought was normal and so that made it easier for people to rape me like Jack, because I didn’t understand being a victim sexually and I thought that that was normal to be anxious and scared, and Unaroused, and unaffected and disinterested and scared and grossed out I thought those were normal things potentially. So with Jack would ask for favors or touch me I assumed that that was normal to be squeamish and scared and uncomfortable. So I smiled through it, sometimes in a very fake way, but I tried to be pleasant because I didn’t want to be seen as frigid, even in my own eyes. I didn’t want to think of myself as a frigid bitch. and truthfully, I was rigid I was withholding I was disinterested, and it did start to bother him shortly before he was assassinated. There were times, when he physically assaulted me to force me to do things to him, and I screamed and fought him off, but he was very vicious.  And nobody would believe me because he was rich and privileged and he slept with lots of women. 

so it was by high-pitched (naturally not for homosexual reasons), asthmatic dead father, lost fortune, artistic, bespeckled word against his vicious, extremely wealthy brutality. 

I kept my mouth shut. I did what was asked of me. I try to be positive. I try to enjoy myself even and truthfully, I had myself fooled, and I really believe that, even though he was a jerk that it wasn’t crazy for the most part and if I just kept my wits about me and took care of myself as much as I could, I would be fine.

I was depressed after he died, because I felt that my life was over. Not because I was madly in love with him!

I’m sorry it’s so astounding to you to consider that a emotionally bizarre extremely confusing by most accounts, mysterious psychologically confounding, closeted, and yet not, baffling man could possibly be baffling?

I really did like women and Jack knew that. Rip knew that too. But none of my generation were scoundrels at times and they kissed peoples ass when they shouldn’t have. They thought they were watching their own ass and protecting themselves. But in the end, it never pays to be evil. Because yes, red fade you I was attracted to the ladies, and so did rip and so did most of Jack’s friends even though they openly said that I was gay before they died. And that doesn’t make any sense. I, but they saw what I thought that a man could be attracted to a woman, but if he was attracted to a man to man that would take precedence over the heterosexuality simply because it was so deviance and perverse. And they never said that they would’ve never said that because that sounds bigoted. But that’s what they were thinking OK? So it’s like if you have a little ounce of homosexuality in you and it affects you at any point in your life and you kiss a man or you know God for bid you’re like me and you’re molested and you get confused then you’re fucked and you’re just supposed to be had it you’re supposed to be homosexual or if you were frankly middle class and you were scared And either smart or stupid enough to think that it didn’t matter you might still marry a woman. But a lot of upper classmen either decided to be evil or they were smart, or they actually chose to be homosexual, because they thought that was more honorable than pretending to be a normal man. And so there are many supposedly gay men in history, who were actually bisexual, but because of social conventions at the time that are not discussed in any honest way by queer historians almost ever there was a code of honor. Where are you know if you were bisexual if you were a decent person you would choose to be gay unless if you thought it was wrong or You thought that you were really clever and could get away with it or if you thought that somehow it was stupid to fall for it.

And that was that was that was a line that Jackie took with me I’m not dumb enough to do this and take it seriously but the times he would also somewhat indicates me that he wasn’t dumb enough to fall for it the way that I had. So it’s like oh well I support you go ahead and do what you want to do but I don’t ever plan to take you seriously as a lover and I don’t plan to ever take you seriously as a person and this will never become anything more than just something that I do to make you feel loved he was made it seem like he was doing me a huge favor, but it was also along with being very patronizing him very hard and I don’t mean that euphemistically for him to ever admit that it was him actually needing something from me sexually or wanting something from me because he was the one who is desiring it. And that was not some thing that I ever really told anybody because I never processed it, so I never realized that he was the one desiring it because he was actually desiring it. I thought that I wanted it because I thought that for some reason I did but I really didn’t. It was more that I thought that I wanted it and it didn’t really occurred to me that I was getting nothing out of it at all, other than some sense that I wasn’t a complete loser Because I had that feeling a lot growing up that I was sort of a loser that I was kind of a loser and so it was very important to me to be sexual in someway even if it wasn’t who I really was, I felt like I had to be sexual somehow, because it was better to be a perverse weirdo, then to be a sloppy, lazy, slow, talking awkward bespeckled loser with no sexual interest at all. I was very uncomfortable posing for a lot of his sexual photographs that he posed because he he really did pose all of the photographs of us being sexual. Those were all his ideas grab my ass, pretend like you’re holding me up, get on my shoulders, jump jump on my back I mean no he would’ve been a porn star Director if you know if you’ve been on the right circumstances because he was obsessive about photographing Himself being sexual. Of course, he always had to be the center of attention, and the center of all desire and interest in the picture but and I was always supposed to be fighting over him, or some sort of supporting him as a husband because he wanted to see himself as sexier than any woman to ever exist. He was incredibly insecure about his body, and so he violently took that out on women, and rejected them after having sex with them to make them feel inferior to him, because he was ugly as fuck, naked. How many chose somebody who is sexy and Brony like me but vulnerable to suck his cock who is straights. He was incredibly sadistic and obsessed with himself.

I did not enjoy those poses. I was innocent, and I am actually physically uncomfortable and more than one of them if you really read my face honestly.

But again, I didn’t understand that it was awkward and weird and wrong for me to feel uncomfortable because I’ve been molested and so I normalized the experience of rape. And I started to think that I wanted to be raped, and that I was somehow in a normal relationship with Jack. Essentially, he just replaced the priest, but I wasn’t really OK with it. You see I was being attacked and I was confused.

You can’t prove that what I’m saying right now is false at all. It would be hard to prove that what I’m saying is false for almost anybody alive or dead. But you could do it in certain marriages you could prove that this would be impossible. But in a lot of peoples marriages, you couldn’t do that. If Richard Burton told us, he was gay, and that Elizabeth Taylor, and him thought so much because he was a closeted homosexual, and she was just almost someone that he loved that he was almost entirely gay that would actually be possible most likely. That’s not the case, but dismissing what I’ve said is incredibly stupid!

I was not gay!!!

I was a heterosexual who is molested when I was a teenager and got incredibly confused. And then I got into an abusive sexually exploitative relationship with Jack Kennedy as a straight man who acted very gay 80% of the time, but not 20% of the time because I was straight and sometimes I accidentally acted straight.

I honestly find it astounding, because Lacey knows that I was straight Innoway because she sees it. But because she’s been so severely neglected and miss treated and jacked it by fairy hurtful people, she sees my heterosexuality, and is instantly scared of it, because I am so profoundly perfect to her that it terrifies her. I know that sounds far-fetched, but it’s not so she sees me for who I am in some of my pictures, and then being the sexy ditzy woman that she is, she accidentally forgets and remembers again, but in a very cold, intellectual way, that is far too reticentz

What Harold wanted me to say, was simply that she’s very drawn to him and Louis because mostly him because he’s so depressed and all his was after his father died. And so he understands her and there’s a darkness that they both experienced in life that I never experience consciously because I thought I was gay.

I thought I was gay and so I thought I was doomed and I thought my life was shit but I also thought that if I just kept my head up, I don’t mean that euphemistically but I thought if I just kept my head up and that when I was dead, I would be happy with a woman because you know when people die, they get their limbs back or their eyes back, and I thought when I was dead that I would be free from my frailty, but I also thought that if I just kept a good attitude about things, I might be able to have some Normal life of some sort, even though it would be sort of a weird person and I just kept thinking that somehow things would work out. And I had that mentality, and it was very dangerous and it caused me to room my entire fucking life, but I was trying to be optimistic and strong for myself and so on my very last yours I had a gruesome death I had a gruesome, slow, painful death, because I slowly realized I was heterosexual, and I slowly realize that I had ruined my entire life And that I had failed to be of any value to almost anybody including my family that I was born into. and I realized that I was essentially worthless. I will be better off dead z. But I never experienced all of my pain, and I never experienced the pain that I experienced my last 15 years of life until I was in my last 15 years of life in the last five were the absolute worst. Because I just slowly begin to realize what an absolute waste everything had been. But Lacey and Hill Road experienced their pain and intricate detail physically in real time because being who they are, they felt that there was something inherently morally wrong about not experiencing their pain.

Harold experimented with heroin in the 20s he experimented with homosexuality. He did a lot of experimenting, and he was a very artistic avant-garde type of person. Most people don’t understand that about him that he was actually an unusually intellectually brave man. But that fervency was and is exactly why Lacey has slept with him in the last three years after she was sleeping with me because I slept with her but then someone started telling her that I was sleeping with Jack and I wasn’t at all.

And people started viciously attacking her the happier if she got with me, the better sex became the more viciously living in dead people started attacking her to the point where she’s almost died from demonic suffocation. But there’s some there’s nothing like that with Harold there’s Brett Ashley, but Harold always tells her that it doesn’t matter and if she shows up in Paris at his table with Scott and Zelda, the breath won’t be there and if she gets drunk, you know maybe they can hook up if she’s interested.

So he gives her this permanently, open back door to walk into his life in a very personal very sexual way whenever she wants until further notice which basically means that until she’s dead, and he has it in gods writing that she’s with someone forever he’s not leaving the door anything but open because he personally is not OK with it. That’s his moral stance on the issue that until she is safely and securely with somebody forever in the same realm, he’s not going to tell her to go away. I died next to the Guggenheim and that’s not a coincidence at all.

When people keep attacking her, they just stupidly, ignore stuff like that to their own peril.

Does it seem weird that she’s claiming to have slept with Harold Loeb whose mother was a Guggenheim when I died right next to the Guggenheim?

And then she’s claiming that Tom’s family are descendants of Dutch old money from new Amsterdam.

And then she’s also claiming that Harold is not the only person from New York, so is Elliot, so is Louis and so is Michael. Think about it! I am the only one who’s not!

I died next to the Guggenheim. They’re keeping an eye on me.

The movie that woody Allen made in 1983 was not a coincidence. People have compared me to that character and it’s not a coincidence that F Scott Fitzgerald, and the Nazis were referenced in the film. Nor is it a coincidence that she’s living in Saint Paul has been seeing F Scott Fitzgerald’s ghost since 2013 before she even knew that I was in love with her at all consciously at least. Claiming that this is a conspiracy is stupid as fuck!

Her birth year is 1983 you stupid bitch!

I’m talking to a psychic who’s trying to channel her right now who’s a real cunt from hell! You have been after her as a liberal fucking whole bag since 2013, but you don’t know that because you’re a pseudo-religious bitch who hates people but pretends not to.

That woman doesn’t necessarily even read this blog, but she knows who Lacey is and I’m talking to someone spirit through the Holy Spirit because I’m mad as hell at that crap little fucking hoe!

She pretends to be so fucking smart and and wise and loving, and she’s very into the old cult, and she’s a witch and I’m not saying she’s in the illuminati, but she might be, but she might not be too. There are a lot of people who attack Lacey who don’t even know her because of her father and because of me and because her life is a shit hole in that way. Tom is her dad and I’m in love with her, and Satan has known that since she was born.

So I die next to the Guggenheim, and how old is a dark horse. Herald. Not how old.

Harold is a very brilliant man. And the Guggenheims were extremely wealthy. And he is Scott’s friend and he understands Lacey extremely well. She’s very safe with him in a way that she hasn’t been able to be with me. And that does not mean that they’re together forever, but it is something that I have to explain to myself because I get very hurt but then I realize that she’s been very lied to and that there’s nothing that she can do about it. On her birthday when you’re a few years ago, someone told her that I used to wear women’s petal pushers on Cape Cod to get Jack aroused so that he’d fuck me later. And then I used to imitate Marilyn Monroe in a bratty voice just to get him to screw me. And she knew that was probably not true, but not 100% and that was when our relationship was in a much better place. But then what happened is she laid in bed probably felt suicidal but then thought that was stupid because I’m dead and she has children who are alive and so she decided that she had to go see Harold because Hild always leaves the door open for her and the light on, and there’s an understanding between them where it’s like it’s not necessarily forever, but they’re kind of they’re not fuck buddies there more soul buddies. So it’s not like about sex it’s about incredible painful loneliness and self. One of them should be so we need mostly just her, though he like I said until she’s safe he leaves the door open for her. So on her birthday a few years ago, she was given a bunch of bullshit about me and my sexuality that wasn’t real, but she still doesn’t even know for sure, and it was told to her like it was the absolute truth, and that she was an idiot an absolute idiot to trust me.

And Lacey is not one to be taken advantage of. Let me tell you.

And so she ran off. She ran off and slept with Harold essentially, and was very comforted by him and spent her birthday with him, and he yelled at me and another time Elliot seduced her add another time. Joe threw himself at her and seduced her for about two minutes. Until she decided that it was just weird and kind of threw him off. Michael was interested in her for a while, and he still is a very stabilizing force in her life because he always comes and talks to her when she’s most down and sometimes he brings his family and they’re very loving towards her and they like her sincerely and so they kind of clean things up sometimes but really, it’s Harold, who always manages to to have the last word when she’s the most upset.

And if there’s reincarnation, and even if there’s not, Alexei Romanov has also offered to be her husband for eternity.

That’s all real.

Lacey will never tell you that so if you try reading her you’ll just get confused. And if you try reading me, you will too unfortunately because you’re going to find a lot of bullshit before you hear the truth.

The Kennedys like to hide their tracks, but they went too far and now some of them temporary they do not exist.

I was not someone for Jack to mess around with, and neither was Lacey.

The truth is the father that Louis Hill Junior could’ve easily been involved in his assassination.

And at the time obviously I had no idea that this woman that I would masturbate to, and I kid you not who looks like her was connected to these people. If there was a conspiracy to kill JFK, I had no idea that Tom’s daughter was my wife, and that I was straight and confused and being raped by Jack, and that Tom would’ve taken that extremely seriously and that Louis would’ve felt as though his honor was being challenged as well on a personal level because she is his soulmate, even if they’re not together for eternity, and of course, the Rockefellers are also involves on the periphery for Michael, and the fact that Jack genuinely may have sacrificed Michael, if there’s an illuminati, how did incredible hostility towards his father rocky. It’s all interconnected, but I had no idea at the time that I was at the center of everything and then I was straight.

I truly did not understand that I was a heterosexual, and I thought my mannerisms were reasonable and sincere, which is why they were so convincing. I wanted them to be convincing, because I was wholeheartedly, repressing, my heterosexuality and my actual born desires, so to speak and so high I think somebody like Lacey could’ve told could’ve towel could’ve seen him could’ve been able to tell, but I wasn’t up, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t as appealing to every woman alive as I am to her. and she doesn’t understand that anymore.

She’s an incredibly rational person, and you can say you can tell her stuff like that about herself, but it’s not gonna do much because it’s not some thing that she is in control of. It’ll help me be taken more seriously by her but she’s a very emotional person, Innoway, even if she’s very in control of herself 100%. You can’t break through she could allow you to get close to her but you can’t actually get through to her unless if she allows you to there are some people who are like that and she’s one of them.

The thing is, it’s almost impossible to really get her to be your friend and less if you’d sincerely care, or you’re willing to go to astounding lengths to be convincing. I mean like pretending to care about her until you’re dead, and then saving your joke for the afterlife it it’s really worthless to lie to her

And so I just want you to understand that she’s not loose she’s being seduced and she’s never one to expect it. It’s more like she shows up at Harold’s house on her birthday and 2025 no in 2023 and there’s thinking that he’s just her friend. But that will probably be together somehow but she’s very ditzy. She’s very innocent and yet she’s not stupid. Don’t try to take advantage of her but she’s a very unusual person and so on her birthday in 2023 she read off to Harold’s. Actually it might even 2022 she ran off to Harold’s or 2021 event but she ran off to Harold’s on her birthday and her spirit I mean this literally happened and it manifested in the physical realm here in the fall world to some degree, and I say here through her butt Mostly, but she went to his house. He knew why she was there. He knew what she’s been told and he seduce her and surprised her and she was so caught off guard because she ended up basically sleeping with him. Louis doesn’t have that experience with her. Harold always does. It’s not an age thing it’s just Harold. Harold was an unusual person in the sense that he was a ladies man, but he was also completely capable of monogamy and intense love.

There are some bisexual men who are ready to drown Lacey. Because they want her to die and go be with Michael. Because they think Michael dying would be a very romantic end in regard to her, and that somehow they’re the best suited for each other of everybody.

And then there are other people reading this in Minnesota who know who Louis Hill Junior is. And they understand Louis and they understand her as Minnesotans and I think they think that she should really probably be with him but they don’t quite want to commit to that because I think they’re trying to be smart. And they don’t want to jinx it. So it’s kind of like hush-hush. Let’s not say what we really think is happening. Let’s just let her die in North Oaks in her 70s of a heart attack and then just sort of quietly mind our own business as we get the sense there are psychics in the elites of Minnesota That they’re together. If anybody asks where she is and we find out that she’s with Louis will just pretend like it’s no big deal. Will just act like it was no big deal.

And then there are some people who are Jewish, who are scared right now, for their lives, because of Israel and the Palestinians, who are starving to death, and they’re fighting by being loyal to Herald, and somehow they think that Harold is really who she’s with because Harold and I look alike, and I think they think it’s possible that she’s just misunderstood what she’s seeing and she’s actually been sleeping with him But he doesn’t have a way to explain that and so she’s just confused and she’s seeing a man with glasses who looks like me but it’s actually Harold in his 20s or 30s and when she’s dead she’ll figure that out and everything will be fine, and it will just be smooth sailing.

And then there are some people believe it or not, who worry that she supposed to be with Elliott. There are some people in the DNC if there’s an illuminati who have some concerns. There is a chair that she’s sitting on right now that’s vintage from North Carolina. It’s beautiful. And there’s a rip from a golf club that was put there because she was attacking Eleanor Roosevelt at 3 AM in the morning in her living room. Because she thought that Eleanor had molested Elliott. And Eleanor let her attack her, because that seems like the wise thing to do psychologically at the time. It didn’t harm Eleanor, unless if it was supposed to, but if Eleanor was innocent, it did nothing but it left a permanent mark in the chair. And it’s unlikely that they will go away and it’s now sitting in her bedroom, covered up by an antique quilt because Eleanor wants it there. Because she actually really loved Lacey a lot. Lacey is adorable to her like a little girl, and she admires her spunk and bravery, and there are some people who worry that Elliot is actually who she’s with.

I am her twin flame. She’s with me that’s the truth. But some people don’t like that because they have to let go and allow her to be happy and they hate her. And some people are very puritanical and uppity and uptight when they can’t let go of the idea that I’m in love with Jack.

If it’s the end times, Lacey is the fulfillment of the prophecy of the woman and her children who have to be carried off on eagles wings if there’s purgatory of any sort, and don’t be so sure that there isn’t ghosts, make a lot of sense to exist. Purgatory is not on earth, but that’s not quite imaginative enough to assume that there would be no interaction is very stupid. I purgatory is about walking away from your own evil that you’ve chosen for yourself with your free will, and excepting your salvation as ESKA as CS Lewis describes it in the great divorce, and some people choose to stay in the gray city where everything is dreary because they don’t want to become better. It’s scary to them they’re evil and so they stay in a sort of pleasant existence that’s like heaven in some regards it’s not, but it isn’t really Heaven.

I’m not in heaven yet because Lacey is alive and so are my kids and so is Mark I care about him because I care about him but it’s not homosexual at all. I just care about him as a person and if there’s reincarnation, I might see him as a sort of brother in arms like we’re fighting in the same battle because I am an Englishman, and so is he. If there’s reincarnation, we’re both English aristocrats different generations, but similar class and we think alike, and I have a lot of respect for him and so I care about him, and I would never leave him here without his family. My my desire would never be to take my kids and my wife to heaven with me and leave him alone so if it’s the end times, and there’s reincarnation things are very complicated but tell you what let’s say there’s not reincarnation I still care about him, and I can be a sort of allegory all right I wish people, though that consider the end times would realize that she could be the fulfillment of that prophecy of the woman and her children who have to be rescued that’s Lacey if we’re actually in the end times she’s that woman who Hass to literally be taken away because she’s being so tortured by the beast. What is the eagle well would be the Jews her husband legally is Jewish it’s also the German eagle because they’re Nazis who are working on protecting her right now. Her father is German on his mother side so it’s also the German eagle. It’s also the American eagle in my family. And it’s the Jews. What is the eagle though? It might be a plane I know you don’t want to believe this because you think it’s just totally theologically impossible but I really am a ghost. She really is being tortured and it’s not God‘s will for people to perish, but sometimes like during the holocaust, or when someone’s incredibly morbidly ill, it isn’t evil for them to die. So if I have my druthers, I am trying to blow her up on a plane with her whole family.

Not because I’m evil because I want her with me in heaven, I want my whole family there that’s not me being evil I read that somewhere and I think there’s charismatics you have that and I’m sorry but you’re the heretic and you’re wrong not her. Don’t get so dogmatically stuck in your stupid, low church theology that you lose track of reality. I’m sorry I don’t like the fact that she wants to die it’s miserable to me. I don’t like the fact that she’s talking to me and I’m a ghost but she’s literally being tortured in a way that you don’t seem to wanna believe because what it makes her special and it makes her family wealthy and that bothers you?

Her family is literally in possession of trillions of dollars of oil I’m not exaggerating! And if there’s no illuminati, they really are scared shitless of her because since they started attacking her, everything has gone crazy. And instead of understanding that there could be many things involved, if they can’t comprehend, and that they should call themselves down and stop being stupid and narcissistic in relation to her, they’ve gotten crazier. Although in the last year or two, since Trump Trump took took office, there are some people who have tried to work with her because they’ve realize that it’s in their best interest. And they do it cautiously, and yet not at the same time, because they can tell that in a way the nicer they are to her the more smoothie things seem to go. Elon musk is someone who understands that to some degree a lot of billionaires tend shoe understand her unfortunately people who aren’t as rich or as powerful. Don’t tend to like her as much I I mean I don’t know what to say so it is. People want her to be impressed with them but if you’re not impressive, she’s not impressed because she’s a very honest, intelligent person.

I don’t know how much of what I’ve just said is being heard the way that I said it but I this whole blog is a mess. A lot of the things that have been written are actual proof of the supernatural because the words are being said, but then what is heard is what demons are saying, or a ghost Sometimes it’s an accent that gets picked up that’s not being used at the time that supernatural and it’s a very very supernatural blog if you don’t believe in that you’ll have to just sort of suspend that belief as you read it to understand what’s going on

I am not a demon. I am a ghost. There are some Christians who wondered if I’ve been resurrected I have been slightly, yes. And she’s a little dead. But I don’t have a body and so is that a fulfillment of the prophecy yes, it is if this is the end times yes I am the dad walking as it’s foretold in the book of revelation. If this is the end times I am one of the dad who are walking and so is she because she’s a little Dad in a way that I’m not in someways because of what she’s been through and then in someways, I am alive But it’s complicated because I am dead so we’re both walking and we’re dead. We are the dead walking in the book of revelation and that’s why you can’t get so stuck in your low, search church theology or you’re gonna miss understand what’s actually happening in front of you. So if you’re a dispensation list, yes, this is the end times I am a prophetic experience will say this is a prophetic blog. She’s a Christian and me being with her is actually a fulfillment of prophecy. If it’s the end times,

So be very careful because if there’s not an end times, then Catholics are right and you just don’t understand their theology there’s Purgatory I am not in another realm in a way that she can’t interact with because Purgatory actually is while you’re alive to some degree so don’t try to pretend that you understand Catholicism when you don’t. And don’t try to pretend that you understand when Episcopalian was when you don’t. There are a lot of millennial bullshit artists, who pretend to know a hell of a lot more than they do and it’s disgusting.

I am a ghost there is no end times or if there is I am a fulfillment of prophecy. I’m sorry Jack was not a heterosexual get over yourself!

I mean, what are you want me to say I’ve said it before but it’s true I can explain every single thing you’ve read that you think is proof I was gay. None of that is real proof. There is no such thing other than my word there is no real such thing as proof. To some extent, OK that’s not completely true, because there are some things that could be an exception, but it would have to be in a very clear, certain relationship that was healthy or it would have to be really obvious than Subway and that is never been demonstrated in regard to me ever. I know if there’s an illuminati that in the most recent daily mail article, Bobby thought he found proof. Because he thought that Jack, calling me dirty minded was proof. It’s not, but he’s too, on educated and inexperienced to realize that he’s never really had a healthy relationship in his entire life. He has no idea what actually happens in a real relationship. And he just tried to choke Lacey to death. She’s eating some thing is she writes this and he tried to trick her throat into choking on on her food as her children are in the hallway. And now he’s mad at her for coughing because he thinks she’s being a drama queen literally. Because he’s that stupid, sheltered and pathetic!

I can explain everything, including the supposed obsession I had with him.

I I’m sorry there’s no going back. I was never gay.

The love story you have is bullshit anyway between Jack and I it’s totally impossible. It’s absolute contrived nonsense, but it also just did not happen. I was not a homosexual at all and a lot of the reason ironically, why you think I was one is because I wasn’t.

Later.

unfortunately, I just got into a fight with Liza Minnelli in the afterlife because she might actually care about Lacey and she was worried.” says Lem.