“Oh Well” by Lacey

I just don’t think Lem could have been at Jack’s wedding without being more sad. His smile is too…happy. He’s just too happy. …I’m tired of doubting myself for the sake of other people’s…perceptions. It’s obnoxious.

…He’s got to have been straight. There’s no other explanation.

And…this is…the thing…I didn’t contact him. …Seemingly his ghost contacted me. …He contacted me. …He started talking to me. …I never…contacted him. …And I was told probably by him that he was straight. I didn’t invent that. I was told that. As shocking as that is. …And when I think about his life and his family’s sadness about it and the abuse he lived through…I wonder if it’s him, regardless. …It’s just too weird! …People who like the story about him and Jack seem to always ignore the abuse Lem lived through. And that’s disgusting to begin with, actually. It makes me wonder why the gay community has ever enjoyed their supposed romantic mythology. What’s so great about it? It’s depressing as fuck (sorry to swear). I mean what does it celebrate? Gay men? Or…self-sacrificing yourself for the sake of fame, prestige, fortune and a rare pat on the head by a bitchy narcissistic partner? …Are gay men really benefited any by a…an actually sad story about a horrifically abusive man who was a louse cheater…and his victim? They just happen to be gay and famous if Lem was not straight. Why is that enough justification to celebrate them at all? …Big fucking deal that it’s JFK! …Do gay men lack depth? Like…how does that help them!? It’s ludicrous. …SO FOOLISH.

…And actually…I suspect Lem was straight. I wrote what I hear. From spiritual sources, I tend to believe are ghosts. I’m not sharing what I think. Someone reading this might not understand that.

…I think Lem was probably straight. And I highly suspect, maybe even believe, he contacted me. As a ghost. I don’t think…it makes sense…to think I made this up. …I barely knew anything about him from what I read. I had heard of him…but I stopped reading about the Kennedys when I was a teenager. I read a lot about them for about three years…and then I just stopped. I remember a lot…because I have a very good memory…but…he’s told me a lot too. At least I think it’s him. …I really think it’s him,

I realize my…information is upsetting…and it seems to defy what you think you know. But…sadly or surprisingly a lot of that is just…opinion, not fact. See…Rip Horton says Lem was abused by Jack. That’s close to fact. You can’t imagine abuse very easily. However he also says that Lem relished giving Jack massages. Lem’s emotional response is far from fact when he’s being assessed by another person who’s perspective is really just the heir own. It’s not meaningless…but it’s also not fact. It’s Rip Horton’s opinion. And then it’s someone quoting Rip Horton’s comment and their interpretation of his comment on something he never personally experienced. Most of the even supposed professional analysis of Lem is just that. Not fact but interpretation and interpretation of interpretations. …We really don’t know if he was gay at all. It’s intellectually deceitful that Wikipedia says otherwise and a huge disservice to gay people everywhere, should they have any validity to their unique sexual orientation perspective at all in the world. It’s criminal, in my opinion, actually. Intellectually criminal.

…Given what Lem lived through with Jack, who’s most very likely bisexual, but also a heinous sexual predator and violently abusive narcissist…I find it abhorrent that people have defiled Lem’s grave by stupidly assuming he’s still in love with Jack or would appreciate…that memorial. …I mean maybe he’d feel loved by living people who think of him…except…it’s so shallow. …Because what was he really thinking!? …What were his real feelings? Why doesn’t he matter?

As a woman…I very much find it disappointing to see Lem as a supposed gay man turned into a…Stepford Wife extraordinaire. A vile 2D, empty space as a man who was actually a human. He’s not…your…gay-man Barbie Doll. …He’s not your gay man paper doll! He’s a real person.

I’m not…sure…why his real pain, that of an abused spouse, if he was gay…has been missed. Missed completely? I mean…almost completely. …We seem to focus almost entirely on JFK. Even when we make pretenses to be discussing Lem. It’s so JFK centered. All of it. …It reminds me of what people did to Zelda Fitzgerald before feminists discovered her in the 1970’s. …It’s wrong.

You know…as I write this I’m sitting here watching I Love Lucy. …That is a real relationship that was rocky…but worth something. ….They both had a presence. Both of them. …No one takes the back seat. They’re partners…even if it’s faulty. And…her value…to Ricky…even if he cheated…was…so obvious. THEY are the complicated couple I think gay historians imagine when they analyze Jack and Lem. …But…Lucy and him get divorced. Over and over. …And he…openly loves her. …I think even if Ricky was JFK and she was Lem…he’d have talked publicly about her. Or…been photographed with her…without Jackie. Or something. …I can’t quite articulate it…but…his love for her…isn’t something he could hide. Or would hide. Even if it had to be coded and covert. …He was capable of love though, even if he was also narcissistic. …There’s lots of people who knew Jack who seemed to say he was cruel and literally not capable of love. His own sister Kick was one of them. Claiming that she, like him, wasn’t capable of love. … And actually I recall JFK saying that himself! …Didn’t he say, “I don’t think I could ever love someone. Although I could admire people.”? Didn’t he say something like that!? …He did. I know he did! …That wasn’t necessarily at all about him being gay, either. It was seemingly more about him being…clinically narcissistic. …I don’t think…you get it…if you’re passionately arguing with me in your head at this point. …There’s abuse and then there’s abuse. There’s cheating and then there’s cheating. …Some people are terrible partners and should be given huge red flags attached their bodies everywhere they go…and then some people are…intolerable. …Like you genuinely can’t even love them almost at all. They destroy love. They obliterate bonds. Jack was the latter, from what we know of him, factually. If my memory serves me correctly. …And the fact that Mary Kennedy, Bobby’s ex-wife, hung herself…is…no coincidence. … Those men…at their worst…are psychological murderers of their intimate partners. …They slowly poison their intimate partners over time…like…a noxious gas you breath in slowly over time that gives you cancer, almost assuredly. …I don’t think people at all accept that in popular…media. …They are aware of it…probably…technically…but I don’t think they get it. …These men, the Kennedys, are often monsters…to their intimate partners. Absolute monsters.

…It’s true. I don’t think Lem could have been so happy at Jack’s wedding. I really don’t. I’m sorry. I’m sorry? I’m sorry if that bothers you? …I’m not sure why it would…but I think…it might. Depending on who you are reading this. …But…I’m sorry…it’s the truth. …And I think Lem’s ghost contacted me. So…

Yeah. …Please try to open your mind for real. …Some things don’t work. Cheating like a narcissist doesn’t work. Stealing like a heartless thief…doesn’t work. Destroying beauty and life…for the sake of ego…ends life. …You can’t…end life…without life itself ending. There is no backup. …Credit isn’t…money in the bank. You can’t assume too much. And in some cases you shouldn’t assume at all. It takes wisdom…and common sense to know the difference, so to speak.

Again, I’m sorry if it offends you. Raises your dander. Makes you feel…defensive. …But…I think Lem was straight. I’m almost a 100% certain.

How do I explain his sexual behavior? Confusion. Varying degrees of confusion.

How do I explain his gay look? Well…honestly…I don’t think he really looks gay. …I think he acts gay. And there is a huge difference. …And that’s how. He’s acting. And there’s some evidence to suggest he did act more than most people do. In a very psychologically odd way, actually. …I actually…think it looks like an act. I’m sorry if that scares you too, that you can’t tell what a bisexual or gay man looks like like I can. …I can’t read women nearly as well, but I’m straight and a cis woman. And I can genuinely tell, I suspect. It’s probably mild eugenics, so to speak…but honestly…I’m right every time I guess. Really. Every time. Everywhere I go. No exceptions. …I can’t tell with women as much…but I always get it right with men.

So…I’m probably talking to Lem’s ghost. …And there really isn’t any good reason why he was so happy at Jack’s wedding, other than heterosexuality. I’ve heard desperate ideas. Like polyamorous theories. But…they don’t hold up. Psychologically. …I’m sorry. …They don’t. …Lem’s ghost told me about that…I didn’t think of it myself. And it’s…amazing evidence that he was straight.

I’m not a psychic medium. I don’t practice witchcraft. I…just…hear and see them. But I’m not schizophrenic. I’ve had that (truly) medically documented. …And they’re spirit. They’re not…like…hallucinations. They actually move things. Occasionally share things with me that I’d not know otherwise. Stuff you hear about in ghost stories. Regularly.

I’m sorry if it scares you. I’m sorry if it challenges your perspective. But it is what it is.

Lem is very handsome! I think he’s…extremely handsome, actually. …But…there are other men JFK could have been with or be with…if homosexuality is allowed in Heaven. …You don’t need Lem to be with Jack. You don’t need him to have been being literal and clear and not opaque and confusing with his words and…thoughts…over the years. He’s allowed to be very mysterious without further explanation from him. He’s allowed to be…actually not Jack Kennedy’s soulmate. Not even in love with him really. Yes! That’s allowed! …If Jack was abusing him mentally, which he was…how much could he have loved Jack really? Yes! How much could he have loved Jack? …Because romantic love grows when it’s mutual and is merely a heartbreaking illusion when it’s not. …It’s real…but not actually all that deep, however much it seems otherwise. Real, truly meaningful love…is always mutual when it’s romantic and sexual. Always. You can’t fake that or avoid it. I’m sorry! …They weren’t soulmates. …Jack was a narcissist. Jack was abusive. He wasn’t in working order. And you can’t undo certain things. …You can apologize but you can’t take it back. And I’m sure Jack went far too far with Lem…even if Lem doesn’t or didn’t realize that until he died and met God face to face. …Once a bond is too severed you can’t go back. You just can’t. …That ideal you fell in love with that the narcissist created isn’t who they really are. And…you can’t undo what they did. The intimacy will never be there. Because…the trauma is too much. …It’s just too much. …And maybe that’s okay. …Even with Christ’s healing…we still have brains and memories and personalities and…real pain. Christianity gets confused about that at times, as does culture in general. You can forgive…but that isn’t forgetting.

…But really…I just don’t think Lem was gay. At all. …I really don’t.

So…

Sorry if that’s…too much to comprehend???