“Russia” by Lem

In 2016 a Russian perfume collector commented on one of Lacey’s posts. They got into a conversation. She said, “Mother Russia with you.” As in, “May Russia be with you.”

Why?

Why…was Russia “on her side”? What an odd thing to say. Just randomly.

Here’s the problem: Lacey just talked with Vladimir Putin. And I watched. And it was obvious they were restraining themselves from making love. Yes. He’s fully capable of making love to a beautiful 41 year old American woman who he’s in love with. He has the mental capacity to make time to very casually chat with her. They refrained from doing so because of me. I was there the whole time. And she loves me. And he knows I’m real. He’s not a phony intellectual.

What struck me though was how…able he was to seduce her. She’s not at all easy to seduce. And he was able. Just being…moral. As was she.

And she loves me.

He’s…not…going to fall apart. …He sought her attention. And that was smart. But…there’s NO WAY he’s going to crumble.

Look…I’m Lem Billings.

When Jack Kennedy was in the Cuban Missile Crisis he didn’t rely on Jackie. Nor me…really. He didn’t seek out the company of any…person who he had had sexual interactions with. Good or bad. He was…chaotic. Frazzled. …Bobby had to calm him down. He was…able to be President…but…he was scrambling to make do.

Putin…just…sauntered up to Lacey…still wearing his perfectly tailored suit. Top button undone. Looking…extremely powerful. Extremely rich. And handsome. A gentleman. Calm. But…somewhat apprehensive. So…not…lacking in human emotion. …I’m sure he seemed incredibly sexy. Beyond sexy actually. …So…humble too. Like a saint!

Jack was NEVER that…awe-inspiring. Ever.

If there’s reincarnation I can be. …And I’d like to think I could be, regardless. I’m not an insecure person.

But Jack…was…a complete LOSER in comparison. Okay?

And here’s the problem: PUTIN IS A TSAR.

Putin is arguably one of the most EPIC and remarkable leaders Russia has EVER had. It’s FACT. And…his sweet…tender…beautiful love for Lacey…is…awe-inspiring. He’s…remarkable.

She’s mine. She’s mine. …But I’m impressed. Putin is a rare person.

WHY…does NATO…think they can ruin him? Honest question. …So what they destroyed 40 bombers!? It’s not a pivotal moment. …Russia is MORE than capable of defeating Ukraine. They still are! And the people who are delusional about it…and who believe otherwise…are just that: DELUSIONAL.

But they’ve PISSED…HIM…OFF.

And I know…men like him…can’t be defeated that way. It’s WAR. Not a chess game. …His psychological state is such that…even killing him…wouldn’t make any difference. You’d be surprised.

Look, it’s like this, if I was running a country…regardless of reincarnation…I’d be making love to my wife. Not talking to my…concubines. Because I’d…not have them. He does. Lacey is sort of like a concubine. Yet not. Because he’s capable of being in a monogamous relationship with her. …But I’d have a wife. Alright? And…I’d be doing the same thing.

You unbutton your top button. Take off your cuff links. Throw off your shoes. And find your…lover. Get a drink. Maybe. And listen to the silence. Hold her. Close.

And you hear…in your spirit…EVERYTHING.

That’s the idea of the Illuminati if it exists. To hear EVERYTHING. To control it.

And some people…can. Almost. …I’m that way. So is he.

So as a man…it’s instinct…to find your woman. Hold her close. And plan. Calmly.

Not all men are made to be in charge of a country. He is.

I don’t care if Zelensky did plan his attack very carefully for months. I don’t care if it was ingenious and cheap. …If it doesn’t win the war…it doesn’t win. If it accomplishes nothing significant…it’s just a brilliant idea. That’s all!

And Kennedy didn’t hold anyone close in war. He ate cheeseburgers. …He smoked cigarettes. …He…took off his shirt completely and walked around wearing a white undershirt. Barefoot. Jackie…looked…awful.

Lacey…looks…ravishing. Putin looks…sexy. And I’m saying that as a straight man. It’s just true. They’re gorgeous to look at. …And he’s…calculating NUCLEAR WAR. …It’s like…a movie. She’s…like a…well…QUEEN.

Now…I know she’s weak sometimes. Nervous. …But in war…she’s…intoxicatingly lovely. War agrees with both of them. They’re…different. Alright? They’re different.

…You can’t…compete with that…unless you are that.

So I wanna know: WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING!?!

WHAT THE FUCK!??

“The idea is to…make a huge dent in their arsenal.” says Ukraine.

You can’t.

How strong is the Chinese army? …Or do you insist that China doesn’t care?

“We aren’t you.” says Zelensky.

Answer my question.

Later.

“China CARES!” yells Biden. “Fine. China cares!”

Then HOW DOES THIS MAKE SENSE!?

You’ve brought us to the brink of nuclear Armageddon.

I’m happy to see this shit show end. …But…I wish you’d grasp the idea of what’s happening a little more. We’re on the brink of NUCLEAR WAR!!!

“So…a ghost…has to yell at you all…to get you to care!?” says a reader.

“I mean…we care. But…we’re chatting more in person.” says a man in the U.S. intelligence service.

“BULLSHIT! You are who this blog depicts. I know that!” says a reader. “Why don’t you care!?!”

“He’s not going to nuke us!” says Zelensky.

“No. I might.” says Putin. “I might.”

Awkward silence.

Lacey coughs. Sighs.

Putin smirks. Thinks.

Lacey yawns.

Putin looks serious. Thoughtful.

Zelensky is nervous. Bouncing his foot. Running his hand across his face.

Lem laughs.

Lacey yawns again.

“I’m going to have to do something. …You knew that. Right!?” Putin says to Zelensky, smiling.

Zelensky stares at the floor. Legs stretched apart. Arms crossed at his chest.

Where? I can’t say.

Am I there? I can’t say.

Putin looks worried.

“I mean…you unfortunately don’t have a chance to get away with it. …I’m going to have to do something.

You knew that!” says Putin.

Zelensky shakes his foot. Cries. Rubs his eyes.

“You’re losing. And you’re really stressed-out!” says Lacey empathetically to Zelensky.

Zelensky smirks.

Awkward moment.

“Why are you guys forcing this!?” Lacey yells at “The West”.

“I agree.” says Israel.

“We’re broke.” says a banker.

“SO WHAT!?” says Lacey, yawning.

“So I’m demanding payment. So is China.” says Putin.

Zelensky nods. Smirks again. Looks sad. Winces.

“I’m refuse to let them keep infringing on us…while begging for help.” says Putin.

Zelensky chuckles sadly. Covers his eyes with his fingertips.

“Then why don’t we back off?” Lacey says to the U.S.

Hamas cracks up laughing.

“No!! …Why!?” says Lacey.

“Mmm.

It’s just…

It’s insecurity.” says Zelensky. He shrugs. “They feel insecure. And NATO is…their…last…token of superiority.”

“Finally you said it! Finally someone did!” says Lacey.

“I agree.” says China.

“Then why…are they pushing nuclear war!??” says Lacey. “It’s PATHETIC.”

“I agree.” says Queen Elizabeth II.

“Just…cut your loses. Stop…bleeding yourself or…destroying humanity.” says Lacey.

“I agree.” says Putin.

Lacey yawns.

Look…we’re disappointed.

Zelensky looks sad.

As brilliant as that maneuver was…and as aesthetically wonderful as it was…it’s disappointing.

Because…as much as I want my family to die. And nuclear war is…a great chance…it’s not…okay…that you’re all…failing so miserably.

Putin laughs.

He’s going to DESTROY you. I mean…you’re sliding into being immoral, weak buffoons in a way that’s…deadly.

He might end the world.

Look…if he ends the world…he gets to fuck Lacey. OR he gets to fuck someone he wants even more. As a younger man. But with the same amount of money and experience. …He gets to eat whatever he wants. See his parents! Travel freely. …And he’s aging.

What…are you REALLY threatening him with?

…His concern is for his people!

His concern is for his legacy.

You can’t…control him.

You can’t…make this happen.

Lacey and I are going to bed. Alone. And together. Putin approves. But don’t assume he’s losing. Stop assuming that! PLEASE!!

As you talk with him…remember he’s not going to back down. Not ever. Not really.

Goodnight.