Wigram And The Great Oldoini

A reader: Who is K. Lemoyne Billings?

Lem: My daughter. Kay. Or Kathryn?

It’s supposed to be me. But it isn’t.

Someone dead knew Lacey was connected to Matt. And they found it HILARIOUS.

A reader: Which daughter?

Lem: Our eldest. In Great Britain.

A reader: This is creepy. I’m not going to lie.

Cue the music.

Perhaps something by Wagner, although not necessarily.

Casi: This isn’t funny.

Matt: Well…turns out I’m a man named Loftus or a Bible Thumper.

Casi: I think we look cute together.

Matt: But would we now?

Casi: Yes and no.

Matt: WOW!

We were RICH.

Matt Nesheim: Wanna know who I was?

I was a Black slave. And…

This guy:

I barely changed.

It’s not cloning.

It’s genuinely just gilgul.

Lacey: *laughs*

Someone thinks I should write down publicly, so to speak, although this isn’t really public, but it is in a way, the story where I end-up dead in the hallway of a hotel in Wisconsin. 

Casi: How is that funny!?!

Matt Nesheim, former Duke of Northumberland: I think you have to understand the context.

It was my wedding. In a posh town in Wisconsin.

A neighbor of Lacey’s: *laughs*

Matt: We don’t know who’s reading this and why.

She’s not my biological cousin. And I had a HUGE crush on her.

Casi: Wait! WHAT!?

Matt N.: She’s not my cousin, and I had a huge crush on her.

I had a crush on Lacey.

Casi: *laughs*

Lacey’s neighbor: Wait, she ends-up dead?

Matt N.: Yes! Because she’s not-

My wife…-

Lacey’s not dead because of my wife.

*he laughs*

Lacey’s dead because someone else kills her.

Casi: Why is this funny?

Matt: Because she’s not at all one to find herself dead under the stairs of a posh hotel. Even in Wisconsin.

Lacey: *laughs*

Lacey’s neighbor: Is she not a crass person, at all?

Matt N.: I’m not even going to bother with that.

I’m sorry you’re so bitter.

A Black woman: So you went from being the Duke of Northumberland to being a Black slave?

Matt N.: YES. To being Matt Nesheim.

*he laughs with Lacey*

A Black woman: Wow!

Matt: Ja!

A Black woman: What was that like being a Black slave?

Matt: Well…actually…- *he laughs*

How many Black slaves have you met?

A Black woman: *looks serious*

Matt: *takes a deep breath*

I was…very happy.

*he holds his hand-up*

Hear me out!

I got married. To a wonderful Black woman.

We stayed married. Until we died.

She was…AMAZING.

I wasn’t as happy in either life. I was white and very privileged. But I was never as happy.

A Black woman: Is this funny to you, Lacey you’re obviously an evil bitch making this up to make fun of me.

Alisha: *laughs*

Lacey: No. Not at all.

Alisha: I’m not laughing at Lacey! I’m sorry!

How dumb are we all!?

You seriously think she could just keep coming-up with all of this!?

*she keeps laughing*

Lacey: I’ve been waiting for someone to say that for a while.

No offense.

A Black woman: But she’s so smart?

The CID: No. No one is smart enough to have the entire of world history completely memorized.

A Black woman: Like every person to ever live?

The CID: That’s not humanly possible. I wish it was. It’s not.

And no, she’s not a robot.

We could almost do it. But it’s too much data. Too many names and faces.

A Black woman: I just can’t believe it.

The CID: It’s not humanly possible.

Eric: Her family really does have that much oil. I know her house isn’t very impressive, but she’s not making that up.

A Black woman: How do you, Eric, channel these ghosts better than most people can channel them?

Eric: You know how in “The Shining” Danny has a gift?

A Black woman: Yeah.

Eric: I have a gift and so does she.

That’s the first thing to keep in mind. And it’s not something she’s done to herself. It’s just how our brains work. 

And then the rest of it is witchcraft that is very secretive. I’m not really allowed to disclose how they specifically do it because some of it is very secretive.

And yes, part of it may involve jewels that are held by certain royal families or items that are held by extremely wealthy people. Those items may have spiritual abilities, for lack of a better way to explain it, as evil as that sounds. 

Although you can’t use those items unless if you are experienced. And that sounds like a movie, but it could actually be true. 

So there may be crown jewels that are literally allowing me at this moment to talk. Or possibly there are things hidden in the ground in the Rosslyn chapel, like Lacey. 

A Black woman: So…basically it’s just Illuminati witchcraft? 

Eric: Do you understand that she is not one of them or not?

A Black woman: No.

Eric: Yeah. *he rolls his eyes* She’s not one of them and neither am I.

I mean I wouldn’t say that I’m not at all, but I’m not like some people.

I am in a secret society, but I am only able to guess at what the true Illuminati, should it exist, is really up to. 

Matt: This isn’t funny.

I actually look like those people.

Matt N.: Yup!

Matt: I’m not a clone!

Matt N.: Yeah!