Laura and Lacey try to make sense of the “ether”.
The Illuminati 1.: So I heard Lacey and Lem together. This morning.
Who’s channeling him?
The Illuminati 2.: Did Hayden channel Lacey?
The Illuminati 3.: …Princess Anne says her mother never used a channel. And she was offended on behalf of Hayden…but she was-
Princess Anne says…there is no channel.
The Illuminati 1.: Doesn’t Rick do Lem?
The Illuminati 2.: Do him?! As in…do…him?
The Illuminati 3.: Princess Anne says there’s absolutely no chance there’s a channel.
A reader: Aren’t y’all supposed to be doing a war or something??!
Princess Anne: I AGREE!
The Illuminati 1.: Was Sam doing Lem?
The Illuminati 2.: NON! …I say, we try to think ghosts are real.
I see Hayden staring at me. It’s creepy. But I’m-
She just disappeared.
Did Christy have something to do with this?
The Illuminati 3.: Apparently, they all heard Lem and Lacey. A month ago.
The Illuminati 4.: Why were they listening!?!
The Illuminati 2.: WE TOLD THEM TO! OR ELSE!
Eric: You can’t keep embracing evil. I almost think Satan killed both Christy and Hayden. Because he felt so sorry for them.
The Illuminati 1.: He’d never do that.
The Illuminati 2.: No, he might.
The Illuminati 3.: Are we this dysfunctional!?
Ever since we started attacking Lacey and her family…I’ve been insulted.
They’re making us suffer!
God: No. You’re seeing the truth. And you’re destroying yourselves by attacking the truth.
Every day. Every day you do something to attack truth.
Matt: I’m sure Hayden is HAPPY.
God: She is, Matt. She just misses her daughter.
Matt: As she would.
I’m happy for her! MUST BE NICE. All that cool fresh air.
Lacey: YES!
But I’m sure she does miss her daughter!
Matt: Let’s not get jealous, Lacey.
A Hasidic Jew: I take you two aren’t in a…happy gilgul?
Matt: I’m POOR. And HOT. No, not just attractive. I’m HOT.
It’s been like Hell this summer.
Lacey: Ha! I’m not commenting.
Matt: I’m happy for her.
What shouldn’t we be jealous of?
Octavius: Matthew…you know full well! She’s with God.
Matt: *cries*
Then she’s miserable!
Octavius: I can’t believe your faith is so weak! You may have been a very strong Believer.
Matt: *laughs*
I probably still am.
I just worry about what God would say about me if I died right now.
Octavius: Fear of God…without rejection…is good!
You’re on the right track, my man.
Matt: Why did I DO THIS!? …My daughter! Poor darling.
Octavius: Yes. We pray for you, you see. We love you.
Matt: Let me get this right. You pray for me!?
Octavius: Yes! I’m outside of time. I always knew you’d be confused and think we are possibly related…or…WE ARE. *he cackles, jokingly*
Matt: I love you man!
Octavius: *Tries not to cry*
Casi: Matt’s family is…AMAZING.
God: And this is why…Matt and Lacey…are trying not to be jealous. Of Hayden.
Daveigh: I was worried after I died that people were going to start copying me.
Yes, most people have no idea how bad it is.
Lacey is 42 but she remembers when Hayden and I were young. And cool. And today she went into shock seeing pictures of Hayden because she remembers when Hayden was doing hair commercials.
And she remembers looking at pictures of Hayden and thinking, “If only I could just be happy like that person.” As in like, “I wish I wasn’t so messed-up and sad all the time and such a depressed loser.”. And no, most of the people who she was surrounded by were not depressed.
Hayden actually was, but she did a really good impersonation of somebody who was happy. And I did a good job acting happy too.
I think of Lacey had stared at Hayden and I long enough, she would’ve realized that we were not happy.  But people aren’t looking that closely and they know how to edit for the moment that we look our best.  She would’ve seen it, though, if she looked closely enough. 
To be honest, I’m happy to be dead.
People who have read this blog and judged her for writing stuff like that are morons.
Matt: *nods emphatically* *laughs*
A man pooing, in Iowa. He has parasites. He ate lettuce.: I’m going to KILL THAT BASTARD!
Bobby: *laughs*
Blame the man. Not “The man”.
A man pooing, in Iowa: I HATE YOU, YOU SICK-
Bobby: Why is he so upset?
Princess Anne: Perhaps he’s unwell.
Bobby: *laughs*
The things I’ve done!
Trump: We’re better than the alternative.
Bobby: I’m the best man on your team!
I’m the light!
Joe Biden: Go home ET! *he says to Lacey*
Doesn’t she look like ET? *he jokes to Bobby*
Chris Farley: You sound sedated, Joe.
Joe Biden: I’m not! I’m fine! FUCK YOU!
A woman reading her blog: You look like ET too, Joe.
Joe Biden: *laughs at Lacey*
A woman reading her blog: Did he hear me?
Bobby: Can’t! He’s Illuminated. Not you!
I’m Illuminated too.
…Do you understand what it means to be Illuminated?
A poor child: *in agony, crying out for help*
Mollock: KILL THE CHILD! KILL THE CHILD and I’ll bring money to the U.S..
Joe Biden: We don’t kill children.
Ghislaine: We did molest them though, Joe.
Joe Biden: “We” did that on behalf of the poor! And you can’t tell me we did the wrong thing.
“We” were saving lives!
Ghislaine: We were giving away free crayons. To poor kids. In Chicago.
Joe Biden: That’s not how I see it! No, sir! That’s not how I see it.
Tonette Nesheim: How do you see it?
Joe Biden: YOU WICKED BITCH!
Tonette: *laughs*
Why’s he saying that?
The CID: The oil.
I think?
Tonette: It’s not thata way.
Joe Biden: You say so, huh!?
Tonette: You’re a stubborn son-of-a-bitch? Huh?
Joe Biden: I’ll kill you! You WHORE!
The CID: She’s been dead since 2007? 2008?
Joe Biden: But she’s still a WHORE!
God: Joe, that’s absolutely insane. She was the complete opposite!
Joe Biden: I MAKE NO MISTAKES!
The Pope: That makes two of us.
God: That was a disgusting joke!
The Pope: She’s saying that! Not GOD! I’m THE POPE!
Jim: Are you really the Pope!?
The Pope: *looks deeply offended and menacing*
Jim: Who hired you?
Karrie (Jim’s daughter): He’s real. But just barely.
Uncle Ron can’t stand him anyway.
Becca: *cries*
Jim: *looks shocked*
How are they channeling you?
Karrie: I like my name, by the way. It doesn’t suit Lacey. But I love Karrie Linn. It’s flattering.
I’m more like Becca, than Lacey. By the way.
Yeah. It’s just…- *she shrugs* I’m just here.
Becca: How!? How are you just here!?
Karrie: You know!
I’m just-
I’m just-
They just make it easy for us to appear.
That’s the best way I can describe it.
Jim: So you’re not in Don Lemon’s head. You just…exist?
Karrie: Yes!
She can channel us. Lacey. But…we just exist. We’re just…here.
A female reader, from the perfume community: Creepy as fuck!
Karrie: Ahh…no.
Maybe you are!
*she makes a face*
You’ll die too!!!
*she rolls her eyes like Alys*
Alys: You seem like me!
Karrie: We’re cousins.
Alys: *laughs*
Becca: Would you have done missionary work?
A female reader from the perfume community: But doesn’t that scare you? Jim and Becca? The way Lacey talks to your daughter?
I find Lacey UGLY and…SCARY!
Jim: *cries*
YOU BITCH! *he yells at the woman*
I guarantee you, LACEY is FAR better looking than YOU! And A LOT kinder!
Lacey doesn’t practice witchcraft. GET A CLUE!
Karrie: Yes.
I’d have gone to Venezuela and Puerto Rico. And I’d have begged to go to the USSR.
Jim: *laughs*
Wow!
Karrie: I’m not as smart as Lacey. But I’m not stupid. You know?
Jim: Yeah!
Becca: *gets incredibly angry*
Alys: We’d have been close.
Karrie: Yeah. She’s a bad replacement for me. She’s an awesome her. But we’re not…the same.
Bryn: You sound like Alys.
Karrie: Do I!?
Stephen: You do! You sound like my daughter.
Terese: Hi!
Karrie: Hey!
Bryn: What sports do you play?
Karrie: Tennis. Jim would have been insistent on giving me tennis lessons.
He’s classy.
Ron: *nods and smiles*
Karrie: Art.
*she laughs*
No, I play tennis.
Alys: You play basketball! WITH ME.
Karrie: *laughs*
Terese: I suppose you know my daughter?
Karrie: We talk.
Mark Nesheim: We all have fun!
Karrie: I’m not happy about how you treated Lacey.
I love you all. But I’m not okay.
Alys: She frustrates me.
Karrie: For real, yo.
*awkward silence*
Matt Nesheim: I had a crush on Lacey.
Karrie: She’s not his cousin. I am!
*she smiles really big*
Becca: Wouldn’t he have thought of her like his cousin?
Karrie: MOM…-
They barely ever saw each other.
Becca: And they were second cousins.
Karrie: Yeah!
She’s not his cousin.
You used to go on and on about how everyone loved her? Nah! …She never fit in.
He-
He saw her as a cousin. But…it got weird. He saw her once as at 15…and then at 26!? She was almost like a different person.
Matt: The crush was before that.
Karrie: BUT SHE WAS NOT EVEN HIS COUSIN!
Matt: I just- *he shrugs*
She didn’t seem like my cousin.
Karrie: I get it!
*she looks offended on Matt’s behalf*
The Duke of Northumberland: I just couldn’t think of her as a cousin.
Casi: I get it too.
Something just felt off?
The Duke: YES! Very much so.
Stephen: Well, I guess you could have dated her.
The Duke: *nods*
*later*
Another reader: When do things go back to normal?
God: *laughs*
Casi: You’re a moron.
Things don’t.
I mean, I want them to. But…it’s not like we can-
Lacey’s neighbor: So she just is Tom Banks’s daughter?
God: YES.
*later*
A Man: How many of you had a crush on her? *to her family*
Matt: A few!
A Man: Did she bore you?
Matt: She did bore them. Yes.
*later*
A Man: Did she cry, when people started attacking her? In the society? And they began to slowly reveal to her how the Nesheims really felt about her?
Matt: Yeah!
A Man: Do they understand that she knows!?
Matt: *laughs and says no*
A Man: What!? It seems like they do.
Matt: *indicates so-so with his hand*
A Man: So they knew she wasn’t one of them?
Matt: We did. But we didn’t have a way to explain it.
Jim always said she looked like him.
But she didn’t really look that much like him. There’s a similarity, but…they have different faces. They’re similar.
She looks a lot more like Tom.
Matt’s Dad: You noticed that!?
Matt: Yes.
Karrie: Jim should know. But I don’t think he’s going to talk about it.
Funny how they all like me more, instantly.
I’m hurt for Lacey.
Lem: I’m not surprised!
No! I’m just a ghost.
Rick isn’t “being me”.
Keen to Cross the Pond 