Rick is a paranormal investigator.
The Illuminati, if it exists, uses Rick’s natural abilities to contact the dead. And for other purposes.
For the last three and a half years…many Liberals in the U.S. have insisted that “Lem is Rick”. In other words, that Rick…is…Lem’s reincarnation…or that Rick is able to speak on Lem’s behalf, even physically “be” him.
“I think-
I’m trying to keep this PG and be respectful of Lem and Lacey’s privacy.
How do I say this?
*he exhales and looks exasperated*
I’m getting angry…at a lot of people!”
“We’re working on her name.” says Reta Banks. “Tom named her Lacey. It suits her. But it’s not a good look with the name Lem.”
We see Rick lying on a bed. He tries to intuit what Lacey and Lem are doing. Using demonic forces, who give him images and ideas.
It’s 2024.
“I think I see him-“ says Rick to two men in the CIA, who for whatever reason, have been tasked with “investigating” the situation.
Rick twists his whole body.
He’s wearing expensive, yet sporty and casual clothes. Neutrals. Some pink. Beige and white.
Rick is a white, middle-aged, 5 foot 11 man. Medium build. Mostly gay, but not entirely.
“He’s-He’s twisting-“ says Rick.
“To right? Or to the left?” says a female CIA agent, watching him,
“Ahh…left? It’s to the left!” says Rick.
“I have laid in bed…FOR DAYS…at this point…desperately trying to figure out what they’re doing.
So many people…have taken such an interest.
It’s TIRING.” says Rick.
Again, we go back to 2024.
In reality, Lem and Lacey are being…together. And he’s kissing her.
Rick…interprets it as…them “pecking” each other.
“They look-I’m seeing birds?” says Rick. “It’s almost like he’s eating her? But I don’t think you can eat another person’s face.” he says. He laughs.
“Is he-
He’s eating-“ says Barney Frank.
“NO!
No.
It’s pretty.
It’s like they’re…birds.” says Rick.
Barney Frank looks genuinely confused and distraught. He sits down. Breathing heavy in despair.
“He was worried God would make him give away his husband.” explains Rick.
On another occasion in 2025.
“I’m seeing-I’m seeing…- *Rick laughs with several living Kennedys* No! Let’s be serious.
I’m seeing…-
*He starts acting like he’s hugging someone invisible, and then kissing them.*
*He steps back. Tries to reassess the situation.*
I’m seeing- *He shrugs, nervously, and scratches the back of his neck.*
I mean- *he shrugs*
It’s like, they’re on a date.” he says.
The Kennedys look irate and crestfallen.
“Maybe he’s raping her?” says one of the women.
Rick shakes his head no.
“Huh.
They’re friends?
Is that what I’m supposed to think!?” says a man.
Another male Kennedy, “Who even is Tom Banks!?
He’s like Tony Soprano!
My family wasn’t into bootlegging. That’s MYTH.” spits the man.
Rick, anxiously nods.
In 2023.
“I’m happy.
He’s making her feel…so loved.” says Rick, dreamily.
“Can you make him be mean!?” says Joe Biden, excitedly. “MAKE HIM BE MEAN!”
“He’s gotta hate her!
He’s gotta HATE her!” says Ethel. *she laughs at Lacey*
Rick shakes his head no. Patiently. He’s used to these people.
“I can’t make him do anything.
He’s his own entity.” explains Rick.
“IF YOU DON’T MAKE LEM BILLINGS GAY…LIKE A GOOD GODDAMN AMERICAN…-“ says Ethel, trying to be intimidating. She’s mustering as much energy as she can find. “I WILL KICK YOUR ASS!!”
“Ha! Mom!
No. I WILL!” says one of her sons.
“Okay.
Huh.
Umm…
I need crystals.” says Rick. “TEN DIFFERENT COLORS OF DIAMONDS.”
In spring 2025.
Rick has arranged ten colored diamonds into the shape of a heart. Fifteen candles are lit. It’s sunset. On Hyannis Port. And it’s Lem’s half birthday? No? It’s someone’s half birthday.
They play John Denver in the background.
Two women walk around misting rose water.
“OKAY! I’m feeling good!” says Rick. “THIS IS GOOD!”
“Let’s go for it!!” says a man, on behalf of Ethel.
“YEAH!” says Rick.
And for the next hour…as Lacey and Lem are falling asleep together. In Saint Paul. Rick pretends to be Lem.
Lacey keeps being silenced. She keeps trying to say, “That’s NOT HIM! He’s right here!”
But most people believe Rick has it totally under control.
(Rick is obviously not his real name. The name Rick is being used for his own safety.)
“I’m saying it.
Hold on.
She’s trying to kiss me.
‘I don’t like you. EWW!!’” he says, batting at her, as if he’s an angry cat.
She’s not there. But he’s sending endless messages to her brain, that she has no control over, through the demonic. Images of Lem hissing at her. Images of Lem attacking her with a knife.
“That doesn’t even make sense.” says Daveigh, as she listens, in despair. “You guys, we’re being WEIRD.”
Hayden cries.
“It’s FINE!
It’s fine.
He’s gay now.” says Rick, laughing, trying not to seem nervous. “All over!
Mission accomplished!”
The Kennedys, laugh. Relax.
“MAN! What a BITCH!” says one of them, about Lacey.
Two weeks later:
“IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN!
Bobby is HEARING THEM!!” yells a son of Ethel and Bobby Kennedy.
“CALL Rick!” says a woman in the family.
Glenn: TWO WEEKS!?
Lem: No. They just missed us.
We snuck out.
“Rick! YOU-“ cries Caroline. “He IS my DADDY!”
“No. He’s not her father!” says Lacey.
Bobby laughs, at Caroline. Joe laughs too.
“FUCK YOU!” says Caroline, to the boys.
“He’s not any of their fathers! HE IS NOT A FATHER TO ANY OF THEM!” yells Lacey.
They all stand silent for a moment. Thinking.
“Let’s just let it go?” says Rick. “Let’s work on healing exercises?”
“I’m not convinced rose quartz does anything.” says Joe.
Rick looks very distressed. And stressed.
“NAH! I’m not taking this!” says Bobby. “I’M going in!
I’m going to make love to them both.
Get them addicted to ME.
And then we can dump them.” says Bobby.
Caroline nods.
“Eww!” says Rory.
“It’s not that big of a deal!” says Joe.
“Okay.
Creative solution!
I LOVE IT!
But I think…I’m far more experienced in this energy field.” says Rick.
“He is very good. Maria swears by him.” says Caroline.
“FINE.
I’m not an expert.” says Bobby. “What do I know!? I’m just- MAN! You PEOPLE ARE DIFFICULT!”
“I’m not trying to cause a rift.
Let’s just see…if I can tweak a few things?” says Rick.
And now…we’re in the middle of World War III.
A perfume community member: I feel so bad for Rick.
Keen to Cross the Pond 