One of Lacey’s haters: This doesn’t work. You’re supposed to reject me.
But…I rejected you. And then…you blocked me on Instagram. And I don’t think you have any idea who I even am anymore.
Sweetie…you’re one of the “pretty” girls.
Lacey: What are those?
One of Lacey’s haters: They are…the mean girls. But younger.
Lacey: You know…the mother who raised me…is the one who hid that from me. I think I was starting to figure that out…and then she decided to end that.
Huh.
It wasn’t to make me straight. I think…it was to make sure I wasn’t mean.
A hater of Lacey’s: She was…into health food in the 1970’s?
Lacey: Yes.
A hater of Lacey’s: Yeah.
Lacey: Do people assume I am one?
A hater of Lacey’s: No. You just are one.
Lacey: I’ve not had that experience. Not really.
Huh.
So…there’s A TON I don’t know. Because that’s not my experience.
Another hater: You were raised as a nerd.
Huh.
And the other nerds accepted you…because they assumed you were a lesbian.
Lacey: I didn’t know that. They were fun.
Yet Another hater: Did the pretty girls accept you?
Lacey: They started to several times. But my mom who raised me always put an end to it.
A hater: Wow.
That’s…bad.
Lacey: How?
A hater: Because…-
What happened?
Lacey: She’d dress me oddly. Or say something about their family being a bad influence. …I don’t know, she just did…
A hater: Did Matt experience that?
Matt: Yes.
It was…uncool to be “cool” in our family.
A hater: Was it to close ranks?
Matt: *smiles*
No…but there was fear involved. They loved their home in Norway. Still do.
Yet another hater: But…now we have no idea who she is. We’re lost.
This isn’t Norway.
Not that Norway isn’t cool. But…who even are you? You know?
Matt: We’re Christians.
We’re, hopefully, kind.
We’re…tough.
According to Lacey we’re old money. But, maybe that’s true. She is smart.
That’s not enough?
A hater: Not for her.
She’s one of them, in the females. And…even at 43 it’s uncomfortable. Because she’s not making sense.
She’s doing what?
Lacey: Just living?
A hater: Yeah. But…you’re one of them.
Lacey: Well…-
Huh.
A hater: That’s a nice house.
Lacey: It is!
A hater: It’s not a castle.
Lacey: *Thinks*
A castle?
A hater: *Laughs*
*Eats potato chips*
Lacey: I’m-
Castle.
A hater: YES!
Lacey: You’ve never seen a castle in person?
A hater: *Thinks*
No.
Lacey: Yeah!!!
No!!! It’s definitely not a castle.
A hater: No.
I don’t mean a literal castle.
Lacey: Then what else would you mean?
A hater: *Thinks*
Don’t think about that much. I don’t mean to discuss an actual castle.
Lacey: *panics*
WHAT…-
OH MY.
But you’re using the word castle. You used the word castle!!!
A hater: I meant like a castle.
Lacey: People used to add the word like. It’s like a castle. Why did they stop doing that!?
A hater: Fair point!
Lacey: You were trying to insult me?
A hater: *Thinks*
Yeah.
Lacey: *Thinks*
No. It’s not like a castle.
A hater: It’s a big house?
Lacey: *exhales in exasperation*
What’s a big house to you?
A hater: Oops.
Umm…-
How big is it?
Lacey: 2,500? 2,600?
A hater: That’s big.
Lacey: Well..it depends on how you look at it.
A hater: Yeah.
To me that’s big.
Lacey: It isn’t to everyone.
But…I think calling it small would be wrong.
A hater: SHIT!!!
SHITT!!!!
*They suddenly seem to realize something. And then they run away.*
Lacey: What was that about?
Lem: They were processing everything you were saying. And they realized you were…not who they had assumed you were.
I’m sorry you’re not with me in the same exact place. This is sick.
A Christian: Lem are you in Heaven?
Lem: It’s not Heaven as it’s popularly understood, at the moment. So I can’t say yes. But I’d like to. Because…it basically is? I can talk to God whenever I want. Just like that. *He snaps his fingers*
A Christian: I’m sorry we defiled your legacy.
Lem: *sighs*
Yeah.
And I’m sorry. I left- I made horrific mistakes.
*Later*
Lacey: What did you say?
A hater: Why did you choose to tell everyone you were old money.
Lacey: Because I am.
A hater: Yeah, but that’s too much.
Lacey: No it’s not.
A hater: NO! It really is.
Lacey: *Smirks*
No. It’s not.
A hater: Would Lem ever be confused about this?
God: No.
But you’d never be as mean to him.
Lacey: Why is it so much?
A hater: People can’t handle it.
Lacey: *Rolls eyes*
A hater: NO!! YOU HAVE BEEN LIED TO.
We CANNOT handle it…at all.
Lacey: Why?
A hater: Because…it’s just too sad.
Lacey: You really want to be old money that badly?
A hater: *Thinks*
Okay. Maybe not for real.
But…it looks…nice.
You make it look nice!
Lacey: Huh.
Please don’t take this the wrong way, but that’s silly.
A hater: No!! It’s not.
Lacey: Mmm-
A hater: No. I mean from the outside. I do not mean…actual old money.
Lacey: Does the reality of it fascinate you at all?
A hater: Yes and no.
Lacey: Why no?
A hater: Because it’s…probably sad. And disturbing.
Lacey: *Thinks*
I thought people were fascinated by sad and disturbing?
A hater: Yes…as long as it’s entertaining. This feels…way too…sad.
Lacey: Well, I don’t think there was much else I could have said.
*She shrugs*
I’m just glad I left the perfume community when I had a chance.
A hater: Okay! Okay…what was so toxic about it!?
Lacey: People were…just…really mean. Like obsessively mean. Obviously not just to me.
A hater: Yeah.
What do you think was causing it?
Lacey: Wow.
Well…-
I’ll have to get back this later. Do you mind?
A hater: No!
Keen to Cross the Pond 