Are You Sure We Understand?

A reader: Are you sure we understand what Lacey was actually thinking and feeling the whole time? …We obviously felt bad for Casi, and all the other people who were involved. But…what actually happened?

A hater: You’re out of luck. I already know.

A reader: No way that’s true.

We truly can’t know certain things.

A hater: That doesn’t ring true.

A reader: No. It does.

I kinda think there’s something wrong with you.

*Lacey sips tea.*

Lacey: What exactly do you want to know?

A reader: Why were you offended?

Lacey: Because the whole community ran up to my house, threw eggs at my garage…and yelled “YOU POOP YOUR PANTS!!! POOPY!” repeatedly at 3 AM. Metaphorically speaking.

A reader: Why is that offensive?

Lacey: What the heck are they implying? They were dead serious.

At first I took it as a joke. But actually…they did more than once.

To me, saying “I’m old money.” was the equivalent of calling the police. It should just end the conversation. Take care of the situation…

One of the perfume community members who hated her: Did you find us funny?

Lacey: Yes.

A reader: Why did you process what they were implying?

Lacey: Because…it’s my house. And it’s 3 AM. And they’re adults. Typically…actually, always, in a sane adult, what they say in that sort of context…means SOMETHING. That’s part of diplomacy, actually. Internationally. You have to learn to listen.

A reader (from the perfume community): Well, we’re listening to you right now. Tell us what makes you angry.

Lacey: I’ve already explained.

A reader: You weren’t that angry.

Lacey: I mean…I was.

But in a nutshell, it’s what I just said.

They were constantly trying to aggravate me. And I wasn’t aggravated the way they wanted. But…it’s aggravating that they wanted me to be so aggravated.

The perfume community: We told ourselves you were faking it. This…”You aggravated me by trying to aggravate me.”

Lacey: Wow. So you all lie to yourselves that much? You should be able to tell I’m being completely sincere.

The perfume community: You don’t fit the narrative. You’re not actually being mean. And we hate rich people.

Lacey: Love it!!!

So…you’re having an awakening? And you’re realizing things are so SIMPLE?

The perfume community: See…I just can’t handle it.

Lacey: Hmm.

They really aren’t though.

The perfume community: What is simple?

Lacey: Nothing. But in a way, evil is evil. That’s simple.

Molesting kids? Evil.

Ripping off a whole culture? Evil.

Sadistically torturing an innocent person? Evil.

The perfume community: We don’t drive through Boston to the Cape.

A former friend of Lacey’s: Oh come on! Yes you do!!!

You guys LIE.

Lacey: I think you all…are…sleazy?

The perfume community: *Thinks*

Yes.

Lacey: Okay, but you REALLY ARE.

How do you expect to keep everything kosher…in regard to me…when you’re slimy? Like in your hearts and minds. Why would you be able to be kosher? I think you all took your…hatred? way too seriously. And then you tried to invent something out of nothing.

Why were you all always trying to aggravate me?

The perfume community: It actually wasn’t just to try to make you feel ugly and poor, out of insecurity. That’s not all. We are insecure. Yes. But it’s more than that.

We felt…hostility.

Lacey: Why?

The perfume community: *Thinks*

It felt…justified?

Like…you were…really…wrong about something.

Lacey: And it’s not just a class issue?

The perfume community: *Thinks*

Yeah?

What are you lying about?

Lacey: I’m old money.

In a nutshell, I’m old money.

The perfume community: And that was the lie?

Lacey: Yes. Essentially. To summarize.

I’m not…just another perfume-head.

The perfume community: Okay.

What?

Lacey: I’m not…like you all.

I’m exceptionally intelligent. And…I’m better at analyzing the notes than most people because of that. Also, I’m girly and completely heterosexual. But…I’m…worldly. *she cringes* So…I’m not just…”into perfume”. I’m not the daughter of a hair stylist, like a lot of you. We…own the oil.

Like…we own the oil.

So…I OBVIOUSLY have an unfair advantage. Analyzing notes. Understanding the chemistry. Total advantage, to the point where it’s almost sick.

*She shrugs*

But there’s nothing I can do about it, and I’m actually a good person. I hoped you understand, but I didn’t count on it.

But…we never got to that. Because you just kept insisting I was a liar, and a “poopy pants”.

A member of the perfume community: You know…that is what happened.