Contentions

(More fiction)

An angry reader: The St. James Hotel!?

Putin:

Another reader: I mean, it’s cool, I guess?

Ken Burns: Why is this not cool?

Lacey: I loved the fact that he valued real American history. That’s a genuinely American hotel.

Elliott Roosevelt: I was impressed too.

Lem: A lot of people were, who he’d want to impress.

A reader: Why?

Lem: Do you think I’m gay?

Everyone with “contentions”: Yes.

Lem: I’m not.

Hey!

Let’s take this in a different direction.

Why don’t you explain back to me, why you’re sure I didn’t assist the CIA in assassinating JFK? You tell me why that’s not real.

*nobody responds*

*later*

A female reader of the blog: What happened? Refresh my memory.

Lem: She met him at the bar.

The Port.

A female reader of the blog: What did they drink?

Lem: Vodka. He made a joke about it.

She had a gin and tonic.

A female reader of the blog: Where’d they meet.

Lem: I’m not taking any more questions from you.