“Recommendations”

Haunted house investigation locations for Queen Elizabeth I:

  1. Lakewood Cemetery (in Minneapolis)
  2. Manny’s Steakhouse
  3. Glueks Bar
  4. The James J. Hill House
  5. The Congdon Mansion
  6. The Wabasha Caves in Saint Paul, Minnesota
  7. Southdale Shopping Center
  8. Downtown Saint Paul airport.
  9. The Connecticut Room in the Minneapolis Institute of Art
  10. The Ann Bean Mansion in Stillwater
  11. The St. James Hotel in Red Wing
  12. Mt. Frontenac (that could be difficult and unsafe)

Later.

(Some adult content below)

“Dreamer’s Path” by James Quinn plays,

Tonight Lem manifested and stared at Lacey momentarily in the hallway. And then vanished. When she walked downstairs he tapped her on the back. She felt a tap.

Some people have awful lives. Like genuinely severely autistic children and their heartbroken parents. Kids with violent autism. …Kids who’s parents die of cancer and something or another…leaving the kids homeless.

I’m like those people, I guess. …I hadn’t figured it that way. It sprung up on me over time. But…once your life slides into Hell…on Earth…you realize how bad bad can truly be. You worry it could get worse. And…yet…you learn how to enjoy other people’s happiness with them. You learn how to enjoy being a hero. Yes, relishing your own bravery, shunning false humility. And you give-upin the best way.

“You can’t give-up! You have to keep hoping!” said Dr. Moritz about dating over age 40.

Being alone without a spouse isn’t preferable…unless there’s something wrong with you. Not having good friends isn’t ever what’s best. Those worst case scenarios. Not alternatives.

I’ve spent years fervently doing my best…in Christ…and…it simply…didn’t work. …I’m one of those very unfortunate people who don’t have nice lives. I’m fortunate to be happy with myself. I’m fortunate to be well-off. I’m fortunate to be unusually smart and pretty. I’m fortunate to be sane. …But other than that I have my legal husband and ghosts and God.

No. I wouldn’t wish my life on my worst enemy. Not really. And yet I’m sure actual Hell is far worse.

Yes. Hell is a place. So is Heaven. Don’t get lost and confused and think otherwise. No matter how popular it is to think otherwise.

There’s nothing that can rectify my life. Not anymore. I’m 41. I’m 41. …And in my case…there is no hope. …I’ve been kissed by a ghost. I’ve made love with a ghost. …And as terrifying and bizarre as it is…I may have accidentally found the real Illuminati.

Once you make love with an actual ghost…what else is left? They’re DEAD. Well…I suppose some people do have bizarre supernatural encounters and they…walk away…baffled and…yet…fully alive. That’s not the case with me.

1:33

The song ends.

Terra Firma by Johann Jóhannsson plays.

I was looking for love.

And I’m not a broad shouldered man. I am and have always been and will always be a slightly petite woman. That’s all. …And I’m happy to be that. But I am nothing else.

The song ends.

Meditation by Johann Jóhannsson plays.

Who are YOU?

The song plays.

I was looking for love. …And I found it. In an absurd fashion.

Is Kirk LeMoyne Billings my distant cousin? Maybe. One’s “twin flame” could be a distant cousin. Or someone who even seems like one. Or was my father a man who was actual friends with Humphrey Bogart and Clark Gable, who was born in 1894? Yes 1894. My FARHER may have been born in 1894. …Regardless, it seems my eternal “husband” is Lem. And so…you see…he isn’t gay anymore. If he ever was. …And I’m fairly sure he’s told me he was actually heterosexual, not gay at all. Clinically Depressed most of his life too.

And there’s no going back. Like the story of the Witch of Endor…when you contact the actual dead…it’s not necessarily just life as usual afterwards.

God seemingly has mercy on me. He seemingly understands my desperate loneliness. My ghastly situation, especially if I accidentally found the real Illuminati. But…there’s no way out. And once you’ve set your heart on love waiting for you in Heaven…almost like a widow who lost her absolute true love to death…life is…about waiting. Loving your children. Enjoying the simple things. Appreciating what’s here…that matters outside of…your heart’s deepest needs.

Am I dead? No. But close. And life…ends. Even bad lives. …And I refuse to surrender to evil. Fighting until the end for Christ, regardless.

But we are ETERNAL. When you stop to think about it…it makes sense. We KNOW we’re eternal until we’re taught otherwise. We often assume there’s a God until we’re taught otherwise. No…we know. Don’t forget. Don’t forget it.

And so…yes. My life is not exactly nice. I can say that with some certainty now at 41, at the very least. But…in God’s mercy I now am looking-forward to forever.

If I’ve found the Illuminati I’ve come so close to death on numerous occasions. Falling down the stairs. Nearly suffocating on several occasions. …Having to take an antibiotic prescribed for Anthrax. But…living in that…with God’s grace…I’ve lost my fear of complete physical death just a bit. And that’s…really nice. …I think when you’ve lived a happy life and you’ve felt especially alive…if you’re not a careless person…you are removed from death and it feels…far more scary and unknown.

No. Lem isn’t a demon.

“I’m not. She’s not writing the thoughts of demons. …I’m actually Lem Billings.” says Lem, himself,

And, if I did find the Illuminati, it terrifies them that he’s possibly real.

“Lacey. Come on! What would you have done with George? …If there was a phone call?” says Sarah Jessica Parker. “George was inspired by Lem. Obviously.”

“In bed?” says Lacey.

“Yes!” she says.

“They aren’t married. George is far more complicated than that. …Men like that are truly close to very few people. Ever. And people love them. But…they’re rarely close. They’re…off. Off somewhere in their minds. …I relate to them, in a way with being removed. Observing. Lem…maybe is like that…but not completely. …Actually Louis is like that and so was Scott Fitzgerald…and so was Harold possibly.

I would have stayed. Of course.

The thing that-“ says Lacey.

“The thing that made ME angry was that you didn’t seem aware of the fact that I would NEVER put Lacey in that situation!” says Lem.

Murmurs.

“I’d never think to answer a phone call during sex with Lacey from anyone!” says Lem.

“So…she stays. …He confides in her. She’s there for him in a way his business partner is not. …He starts to depend on her. She confides in him. They grow apart from his business partner. …And to be honest…he’s possibly autistic.” says a psychologist. “There’s something off about Carrie’s analysis.

“That’s not Jack and I anyway!” says Lem. “The popular narrative isn’t that accurate. I’m sorry.”

Kevin Spacey cracks-up laughing. “You guys, we’re DUMB!

He’s a huge man. …Six foot four! And I’m going to be honest with you…those men are not often gay. …Those super tall men? They just aren’t!

*Radio by Johann Jóhannsson plays*

And then he’s…rough. Raffish?? Okay? Maybe. But…he’s sloppy. …His clothes are a mess. …Stains. Bad tailoring. Bad ironing. Bad fitting clothes. There are very few gay men who are that…messy. VERY FEW. …I mean, did he wash his hair in the White House? Or just style it? In some photos it looks greasy.

He does say…mysterious things. And act gay. YET…there’s something about him…that’s…so NOT homosexual. …And it never goes away. Not just his clothes, but his…very being. It’s way down deep within him.

…And then how do we explain his obvious joy at Jack Kennedy’s wedding? …He should be a groomsman. He should be…smiling…but with sad eyes. …He’s not! He’s happy! …SO DAMN HAPPY.

3:00

Coupled with what I’ve heard…and I’ve heard them make love…I cannot say…that I believe he’s a homosexual, nor that I think he ever was one, probably at all. …I even harbor suspicions that he helped kill ‘his best friend.’ Or looked the other way, as they planned it.

We’re not going to be sure? Or are we? Maybe we are.” says Kevin Spacey.

The song ends.

Silence.

Sounds of Lacey’s children saying goodnight.

Waterways by Einaudi plays.

“Maybe we are mere singular beings. Living one life. …But that makes us no less epic. …She’s sad. She’s very sad. But…it’s the truth. And by accepting her pain for what it is…God can give her grace to see the light at the end.

Someday she will die. And see me. Far more clearly. And Lord willing at no point will she not be with me. Nothing makes sense anymore without each other there. Not a thing.” says Lem. “I’ve not had that kind of love with anyone but her. Ever. Safe. Enduring. ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.”

“So you weren’t even bisexual?” says a woman in Palm Beach.

“No. I was straight. …I was straight. …I was straight. Yeah! I know! It’s nearly impossible to believe. …But I was. …I’m incredibly sorry you don’t know that.” says Lem, with sincere apologies.

The song ends.

“Jack…if you were killed by the CIA…you have a weird relationship with oil. WEIRD! …Any idea why?” asks a woman.

“Amity. The feeling of friendship.” says JFK. “LIKE LEM?? Ha! LIAR! …The Rockefellers started it. Oil. It’s just them. …Nelson still thinks he should have won.”

Silence.

“Goodnight, for now.” says Lem. “For Lacey and I.”

Later. The next day.

“It’s grace that God gives. You don’t have to be better than anyone else! …Salvation comes as a gift. So no man can boast! …The difficult thing is loving God more than anything else!” says a Protestant pastor.

JD Vance laughs, maniacally. Lacey laughs with him. “No! We’re only kidding. …Or are we?” he says.

“They’re insecure!” says the dumbass Millennial pastor.

“WHAT!??” yells Louis. “THAT’S YOUR RESPONSE!??”

“They’re immature!?!” says the dumbass Millennial male pastor.

“Want me to kill ‘em!??” says a white female Boomer to Lacey, only half joking.

Lacey feels like crying. Because she gets it now. She sorta gets why they’re angry.

“I’m an Old School Republican.” says Lacey.

“YES!” she says to Lacey, smiling.

“I kinda am too in a way.” says JD Vance.

“Listen! What is it?” asks the female Boomer.

“Is it a gross amount of stupidity?” says Lacey.

“What he’s saying…makes no logical sense!” she says.

“OH WOW! YEAH! …It REALLY DOESN’T!” says Lacey.

“I can tell that. But what is it?” she says.

“It’s rooted in NOTHING. It’s like a string of words and thoughts that aren’t grounded in reality.” says Lacey.

“He’s talking about Protestant salvation.” says a Catholic.

“Yes! And I’ve heard decent arguments for Protestant salvation! But this one is atrocious!” says Lacey.

A Catholic woman laughs.

“Then how are you saved?” she asks Lacey.

“Well…I worry there are flaws in Catholic teaching too. …But essentially…it is through grace. Except…he seems to totally misunderstand the meaning of sin. And the meaning of good versus evil. …Sin isn’t okay! Sin is damaging. There is good and evil. And Jesus doesn’t just wanna fuck you.” says Lacey.

“Jesus is our HIGH PRIEST!” says a woman at the man’s church.

JD Vance cracks-up laughing with Lacey.

“Oh really!?” says Usha, also laughing. “Like literally or figuratively?”

The woman thinks. “LITERALLY!” she finally says, brightly.

Later.

One of Mark’s old college friends sent a death threat to Lacey. Via text message. After Lacey and Mark fought with each other, partially also prompted by a theological conflict between them the police were called by one of Lacey’s children who were scared.

The police arrived. Talked to them. Left.

Her legal husband Mark has a tendency to defend his old buddies. And so even though he hadn’t spoken to this person in years…his reaction was, “I mean…I don’t think he’s being serious.”

“We deleted the message.” says someone in the Illuminati.

“There’s no history of it!?” yells Russia.

“None. We’re taking it seriously…but…we suspect an anti-Trump terrorist within the Illuminati prompted him to seen the message to her. So…he’s mentally-ill. And…we doubt he’s serious either.” says the Illuminati.

“What did he actually say?” asks a reader.

“He said, ‘I read your blog, BITCH QUEEN! DIE!!

P.S. I have a gun.’” says Lem.

“What was the theological argument over?” asks a reader.

“Ahh…Catholic versus Protestant salvation.” says Elizabeth. “Mark was watching Time of Grace. It’s a church in Wisconsin. Milwaukee.”

“So…are you trying to kill her?” a liberal woman asks JD Vance. “Or does it just seem like that?”

“Yeah? No? …Mmm…I dunno.” says JD Vance.

“If she dies…her kids will die too. If I have to send Jesus to do it. I guarantee you that!” says God.

“Why did you delete the text message!??” yells a liberal feminist reader.

“Because JD Vance told us to. …The young man who sent it is a Union College graduate. And from a very wealthy family. …And they’re sure he voted for them.” says the CIA.

“You did it!?” screams a journalist at the CIA.

“One of us did. Yes.” says the CIA. “We are internally divided.”

“So you didn’t want anyone ever reading that text message?” asks NBC.

“WHY WOULD I!?” says JD Vance.

“JD…why would it implicate you!?” says NBC.

“Because I hate her.” says JD. “And I’m narcissistic.”

“Is that dude serious!??” yells a man in the CIA.

“Ummm…maybe. I doubt it? He’s bisexual. He tried to have a sexual relationship with Mark. Mark wasn’t interested. And he’s never gotten over it apparently.” says another female CIA operative.

“So he’s stalking them???” says a reader.

“Yup. Lots of Mark’s ex lovers and ex friends stalk him.” says the CIA.

“He’s mentally-ill!?” says a reader.

“Yup. He has Bipolar Disorder and he’s somewhat DSM certified narcissist, so to speak. Like…it’s a real personality disorder.” says the CIA.

“Why does her husband do that!???” yells another reader.

“He’s…lacking in empathy. He’s psychologically abusive. Even if he’s not consciously intending to be.” says Lem.

“She bit him!” says JD Vance.

“Yes! Because he kept trying to grab the phone from her. …She was going to try to call her father’s lawyer. Mark told her it wasn’t necessary and he’d been psychologically abusive all morning. Whether it’s reactive abuse or accidental reactive abuse. So…in excruciating pain, because he genuinely didn’t seem to care at all that his friend had a gun and was threatening her life and the lives of her kids, she bit him. …Yes, she’d rather be with me…but it hurt that he didn’t care. …Part of what she was going to look into was their will. In case both she and Mark were killed. But…she never got a chance to explain. He was so cold! So…she bit him.” says Lem.

“So Lem…you helped assassinate JFK?” says JD Vance.

“I did.” he says.

Later.

“You’ve never actually met Lacey!” says God.

“So what!?” says JD.

“Why did you prompt that attack?” asks God.

“Because! She’s…annoying. …And I’m sick of her!” says JD.

“You’ve never really met her!” says Russia.

“Are you mad because she’s so intelligent?” says God.

“I’m mad because Lem was gay!” says JD. “Bobby is my friend. …And I know homosexuality is nonsense.”

“Ahh! What is homosexuality?” asks God of JD.

“A choice!” says JD. “No one is actually homosexual!”

“I hear you.” says the pastor at Time of Grace.

“What is it then?” says Lem.

“YOU WERE GAY! …YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH Jack Kennedy!” yells JD Vance at Lem.

“No. He wasn’t. …Not like men who feel attracted to men.” says God.

“So he was kinda gay?” says JD Vance.

“No! He acted homosexual. But he wasn’t gay, in an actual sense of any homosexual desire.” say God. “He hated all homosexual sexual behavior.”

“That was terrifying.” says Lacey. “Having the police here! My gosh!”

“Are you worried for your personal safety?” says Harry Young.

“She’s more sad that Mark just couldn’t care. Just barely reacted at all.” says Lem.

“I’m sorry!” says the man in question, in the afterlife.

“WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST KILL THEM!!?” yells JFK.

“I mean…because it’s murder. …It’s serious.”says the man in question from Mark’s college in the afterlife. He laughs.

“THEN WHY YOU SEND TEXT!!??” yells JFK.

“Because…I was angry. …I know her family does have a lot of oil. And this blog could be real. So…” he says.

“Friends are like family.” said Mark.

“Ahh…no. I wouldn’t call him family…but…I guess that’s nice that he feels that way.” says the man in question, in the afterlife.

“So you sent the joke as a text? No! I mean you sent the text as a joke?” says JD Vance.

“Ahh…no? I mean…Kamala Harris should have won. …And I’m pretty sure her family bought the election. So…it wasn’t a joke. …But…I’m not going to actually drive to Minnesota!” he says.

“Then she’d have to take you seriously!” yells the CIA.

“Yup. And she did.” he says.

“We showed-up at her house.” says a Saint Paul police officer in the afterlife.

“Okay!? Well…nobody has responded to me at all. This is the only response I get. …I’m showing-up in the afterlife just to say I’m sorry.” he says.

“That’s nice!” says Bethany.

“Sure!” he says, laughing. “Ahh…I was high.”

“This morning!??” says a reader.

“Yup. And I’m clinically Depressed.” he says.

“So you assumed if she lashed out…you’d just end up dead.” says Katie H..

“Yeah.” he says, shrugging.

“So you aren’t a Trump supporter?” says JD Vance.

“No! …I’m just…rich.” he says. “My parents are ambivalent.”

“You were in Mark’s frat!?” says JD.

“Yes.” says the man, in question. “Mark is kinda an ass. …But I think he was…kinda nice? Shit!”

Later.

“She really only has me.” says Lem.

“Why are you all sadistically attacking me through just her!?” says God. “WHY HER!???”

“I didn’t think she’d count!” confesses Jonah Wiley.

“Why?” says God.

“Ahh…she’s…not that important.” confesses Jonah.

“Why wouldn’t she be important to me?” asks God.

“Because she’s…prissy and annoying?? And you want us to be nice.” says Jonah.

“Prissy is not necessarily unkind.” says God.

“No! To me it’s one and the same!” says Jonah.

“So when Lacey defends herself to Mark or anyone else…she’s the problem?” says God.

“Yes!! I have most people being that utterly worthless to each other, nowadays. Or they’re squished like bugs.” says Satan.

“Then it’s the end of humanity.” yells God at Satan.

Satan thinks.

“Okay. So maybe her humanity does matter.” says Jonah.

“It does. Jonah…she’s horrifically spiritually attacked.” says God.

“How horrific?” asks Jonah.

“She can barely breath at times. When she was younger she could fight it off but with what’s been going on and her fall the stairs…she’s been close to death. At times she has to wrestle demons and evil dead people just to take a breath at all. …No. It’s real. And there’s no clear medical explanation.” says God.

“There isn’t. Anemia and anxiety and hypothyroidism don’t account for it. It’s supernatural. And we know that.” says the Illuminati.

“So you guys have tried to help her or what?” says a woman to the Illuminati.

“I smash her nose in. Jack tries to make her choke and give her grand mal seizures.” says Joe Junior. “I hate her face!!!” he yells, like a crazy person.

“No. Not really.” says Chris Rock. “Kinda. But most of these people are crazy!”

“I help them!” says Kick.

“They’re conjured from Hell.” says Satan. “Or the worst parts of Purgatory.”

“Who’s conjuring them!??” yells Jonah.

“Gay men! Okay!? Gay men. …They think they’re being nice.” explains Kick.

“They think that she should be…kept away from Lem. Or…they’re just trying to stick Jack and Lem together. They caused the earthquake in Cuba today too. For real. …They say New Age stuff over them-“ says Kick. “And I guess the world is very dark. So…”

“BECAUSE IT’S NOVEMBER!??” says a reader.

“YES!!” says God.

“What are they doing??!” yells Susanne.

“They’re saying…New Age blessings. Stuff like that. Things to force their spirits together. To unite them.” says Kick.

“Are we uniting them…or just allowing Jack to attack her?” asks a gay man in the Illuminati.

“Them!! Lem is totally detached. And there’s no way he can be affected anymore. That’s over. For eternity. …But it allows Jack to be intensely united with Lacey Banks. Lacey. Karrie. It allows him to sadistically physically attack her.”

An Asian woman laughs. Lacey smiles as she has a good gallows sense of humor.

Later.

“So we’re just doing that because we care!” says a gay man.

“I know!” says God. “But it’s not done in my name. So it can be misused. …Sometimes it’s close and that’s better than nothing. Sometimes it’s just so loving and well-intentioned I can use that. But…ultimately if it’s not me…Satan can use it and he does. Sometimes people actually try to literally conjure JFK and Lem using witchcraft. Some men try to have threesomes with them. There’s a lot of perverts who use them. And all that energy is being used to attack Lacey. And has been most of her life. Lem is in a horrible situation because of it. …It’s not Hell…but it’s close.” says God.

“Is it harder to do in Canada?” asks Queen Camilla.

“Yes.” says God.

“Russia?” says Tsar Putin.

“Yes.” says God.

“I’m SORRY!” yells the man who sent the text earlier today.

“Why…is today…so bad?” asks a reader.

“Because last night she really heard from Lem that he was heterosexual for the first time ever. She really heard him. He’s been clouded before. Or muted, rather.” says God. “And that made Jack furious.

“The death threat was connected to the possible disclosure that Jack caused the Amityville horror story.” says a psychic. “And I’d bet he uses demons who cause earthquakes. Remember the one in Japan?”

“Jack why didn’t you just kill her with an earthquake in Seattle?” asks Susanne.

“I don’t want to actually kill her.” says JFK. “Because then it’s over.”

“Jack…she’s not Lem.” says a living gay man.

Jack thinks.

Her son has a seizure.

“He can die from these!??” yells a Russian woman.

“YES!” screams Queen Elizabeth I.

“But she’s so much like him!” says JFK about Lem and Lacey.

“I MADE THEM THAT WAY!!!” yells God.

Jack laughs. Rolls his eyes.

“Who’s conjuring him right now??” yells a reader.

“A gay man in Tennessee.” says someone.

Later.

“No! I’m real! It’s not her subconscious mind!

Elliott Roosevelt’s voice…is an excellent example of how it’s not her subconscious. …Our subconscious has a ton of information but it can’t really perfectly recreate a human being’s extremely unique voice. Close? Maybe. But we don’t have that much information. We just don’t!

Also there’s the fact that she’s struggling for her life as she writes this. And something is moving her body. She’s willing herself to survive. It’s an actual force outside her control that’s affecting her. Not just a subconscious trick.

Also…I’ve told her things that she had no way of knowing…before they happened. And…she’s felt my touch. …And she knows it’s not someone else.

Look…people try not to believe. But…at some point it gets out of control.

(Adult content below)

It was late at night…after drinking at a local pub…that Lacey returned back to her room at a b&b in Penzance, England. They were in a fight. And she was praying to God desperately to get a sense of whether or not Mark was a complete liar.

I was incredibly sad she was suffering. I was mad I was dead.

Because she and Mark didn’t have any children yet…this vacation was like a honeymoon for them. So…as silly as it seems in retrospect she prayed that Mark would come on to her. As a sign that he was…in love with her. …I suppose she imagined them making love and being happy and ending the fight. …And it was so…possible. …All he had to do was just insist one last time that he wasn’t lying…and come on to her. And she, in her extremely exhausted state, would have been willing to ‘let it go and get over it.’ …But instead he just sat there…on the other side of the room…staring at the wall.

Later he said he saw weird balls of blue light bouncing over her head. And he did. But at the time…he ignored the odd blue lights…and simply ‘kept trying to think.’ …Yes. He saw actual balls of bluish light bouncing around over her head. Like…someone was flashing a blue tinted flashlight into the room. But he looked out the window and saw nothing coming in. And he couldn’t figure out where it was coming from…but he was less than concerned…and just…noted it but let it go.

However…it was me.

I was praying for some way to manifest. Because I just couldn’t stand her suffering anymore. …And within an hour…she felt my physical hand…coming on to her. And it was peculiar. Because it was the touch of a man who had very different hands than her husband. …She felt my calloused hands. The shape of my thumbs. IT FELT DIFFERENT. …HOW…could her mind have created me? The unique shapeOF MY THUMBS!? MY THUMBS!? …That’s extremely unlikely. …Why not Elliott Roosevelt’s thumbs? Why my thumbs? …And mind you she wasn’t expecting anyone else to be there. She wasn’t expecting anyone else to show up. …And she felt me touch her. She actually felt a human hand. A male human hand. That was uniquely shaped like mine… And she had never seen my hand before. Or at least my thumbs. …It is near impossible that she could have invented me. Because she wasn’t looking for that experience anywhere in her subconscious. It caught her completely off-guard. Shocked her. And she was so scared by it that it ended the fight. She completely gave up on solving the fight to some degree. And she was so scared by it that she and Mark had to leave.

When she stayed at the Grant House Hotel she felt touched, she heard weird noises, things may have moved…but she didn’t care. She just prayed.

And her growing ambivalence and spiritual endurance in the face of things moving, manifesting, etc. is why Jack is desperately trying to torture her. Tonight she’s come very close to dying. He’s also tried to rape her. Her son noted that she repeatedly gasped for air.

He’s too dumb to realize that if he pushes too much more she’ll actually die. …Because he feels he’s still in control. And he’s not. …He originally set out to torment her but not embarrass himself. But she’s been so…difficult to attack…and yet she’s been so bullied that…he’s become violently addicted. He can never ‘get off’ because she’s incapable of giving him the real narcissistic high he keeps pathetically striving to get. But she’s really suffering…so he keeps thinking that if he just tries harder he’ll get it. And Satan has lied to him and guaranteed him he can get it.” says Lem.

“Why didn’t God just kill her!!?” yells a perfume collector.

“Because when He’s been able to the timing has been dishonorable. …It would cause way too much suffering to her immediate family or you or someone else. SHE DOES NOT DESERVE ANY MORE SUFFERING! She never deserved it in the first place. …And when He’s needed to…Satan has moved time and space around if he’s capable of it…to prevent it. He’s used demons to inappropriately keep her alive. …But…she will die eventually. And Jack is insane and doesn’t realize how dangerous it is…to keep tormenting her.

Who’s reading this and sadistically asking she be killed?” says Lem to God.

“A hateful group of very foolish people.” says God.

“Will it work? I feel odd.” says Lacey.

“It could. But the people doing it…are assigning a love for Jack from Lem that never existed. So…it’s not fully possible. And they hate you for idiotic reasons. So…no. It won’t ultimately work.” says God.

“We could kill her.

We’ve experimented with it.

You calm her down. You calm her down and get her talking with Queen Elizabeth. My mother-in-law. And then you don’t attack her breath! My GOD that’s DUMB! …You just…literally move her out of her body. And we’ve almost done it.

*someone reading tries and it nearly works*

But you can’t be attacking her. …Why are you attacking her!??” says Queen Camilla.

“Do you know Lem was straight?” asks a gay man.

“YES!!” says King Charles III. “I can’t fully guarantee it. But…I’m fairly certain.”

“So…we should try to calm her down. Let her be healthy. But then catch her…what? Sick?” says a man who wishes she’d just die.

“Mmm…why don’t you just shoot them?” says Queen Camilla.

“Because! I don’t want to get caught!” he says.

“STOP!!!” yells God at a group of liberals still trying to attack her.

“Why are you attacking her?” asks a psychic.

“Because she keeps saying JFK was homosexual! And I find that offensive!” says a white male skinhead.

“Why don’t you just SHOOT THEM!?” says Alan Crosby.

“Because! They’re cowards!” shouts an atheist.

“Lemmers…I don’t…understand.

First, I’m genuinely impressed. You came on to her? Wow! …Just…wow!

Secondly…how can they possibly be killing her!??” says the Pseudo Intellectual Father. He may be an intellectual in certain respects and not others? Or?

“So…you know how ghosts are able to shut doors and move things? Not constantly, but once and a while?” says Lem.

“Yes.” he says.

“So…Jack is manifesting with that same energy to try to force the air literally out of Lacey’s body. She feels a weird force inside and around her physical body. And it feels like something is pushing her. From the inside out.” says Lem.

God uses a witch to talk Jack out of it. And Lacey can hear them talking. He does seem to lighten up.

“Sweetie…she’s like John Ritter. This is just weird! …Come on!!!” says a wizard God is using.

Later.

Lacey is able to make lunch for herself for tomorrow. That’s unusual.

“Goodnight!” says Lem.

Later.

“We’re still awake. The air hunger improved but it’s not completely gone.

Jack are you trying to torture her with it because of my opiate use!?” says Lem.

“Yes! …You’ve got it!” says JFK.

“Is it mostly spiritual?” Lem asks God.

“YES! It’s not just anemia or something. She’s being attacked.” says God.

“Could I die?” says Lacey.

“Yes!” say God.

“How?” asks Lem.

“Stroke.” says God.

Later.

Bobby and Jack are torturing her with the idea of killing her. Out of violent jealousy. Cheryl snacks Bobby in the face as someone tries to sedate him.

“Goodnight!” says Lem again.

“Sexy Sex”

“Sexy Fuck” by Dr. Dre as written for private Illuminati meetings to celebrate Bobby Kennedy Junior’s candidacy for US President plays.

Bobby fondly recalls lighting a dildo on fire putting it in his butthole and then running away from Cheryl, over a year ago! …Yes. He really did that. …In front of hundreds of donors.

Bon Voyage by Wallerstedt plays.

“I went through so much physical pain!” says Bobby Kennedy Junior. “And just to be made a fool of by Usha Vance.”

1:60

He weeps.

Usha wore a lace teddy from Victoria’s Secret. In blue. And danced.

2:56

He stops crying. “I just have to keep telling myself…that daddy was there.” says Bobby.

“Yeah.” says Cheryl.

“HE LOVES ME!!!” says Bobby dry weeping.

“Yup.” says Cheryl.

“DADDY STILL LOVES ME!!!” shrieks Bobby Kennedy Junior.

“YOU LOST!!” yells Charlie Kirk telepathically at Bobby Kennedy Junior.

Bobby shoots at him telepathically.

The song starts over.

“LOSER!” yells a Republican woman at Bobby.

“I’m NOT A LOSER!!!” yells Bobby Kennedy Junior.

“YOU LOST!!” yells another Republican at Bobby.

“I did not LOSE!!!” bellows Bobby.

“Bobby! Calm down!!” urges Cheryl.

“You only did what you did because you wanted to seem like you won! …You knew Trump was more likely to win. And you wanted to stay relevant! …You thought, ‘I’m either going to destroy him…or protect myself from ridicule!’” yells Charlie Kirk.

“I…was…a CHAMPION!!!” yells Bobby.

“Loser.” says a Republican.

He gets angry and walks off.

This song plays as it’s an homage to Bobby’s ass.

The woman has an average butt. But she’s a huge slut. And that’s the idea. Bobby lies. He knew Lem was very possibly straight.

So the idea is to use his average ass to create magic. Because…he’s “with the band.”

I’m With The Band

There’s a party at the neon graveyard
A Dixie cup full of sin
My chaperone is playing the trick card
And all my good intentions were bad (Hey)

[Pre-Chorus: Dan Auerbach]
I’m walking through a ring of fire
With a credit card glued to my hand
And my cellphone is slowly melting
Don’t you know I’m still a friend of the band?

I’m with the band
I’m with the band
I’m with the band

[Verse 2: Beck]
I got a heart full of napalm
And a black bouquet
I’m taking calls from your mom
Asking if I’m okay (Hey)

[Pre-Chorus: Dan Auerbach]
I’m walking through a ring of fire
With a credit card glued to my hand
And my cellphone is slowly melting
Well, don’t you know I’m still a friend of the band?

[Chorus: Dan Auerbach & Beck]
I’m with the band
I’m with the band
I’m with the band
I’m still a friend of the band

[Instrumental Break]

[Chorus: Dan Auerbach, Beck]
Hey
I’m with the band
I’m with the band
I’m with the band

Those lyrics were all inspired by Bobby’s annoying obsession with Lem Billings. Very few people know about it. But the few people who do get creeped out by him…or they tend to be sympathetic. People have been so programmed to feel sorry for homosexuals that they feel incredibly sorry for Bobby. He’s a tragically closeted gay.

“Why are you…so quiet about this?” asked a Queer Eye For The Straight Guy man.

Bobby hesitated. “Because I’m not really gay.” he said very quietly.

“Then what are you?” asked the fashion expert.

“I’m…choosing to have sex with Lem. In my heart. Because my dad died.” says Bobby.

“What’s the connection?” he said.

“My dad forced Lem to give him oral sex at gun point. Once. In the Oval Office. Caroline Kennedy, my cousin, found Secret Service records! My cousin JFK Jr. found them before he was killed. …LOTS of shit!! …Okay!? I’m talking about BIG DEAL INFORMATION!

Ah…

*He shrugged*

Anyway…apparently my dad forced Lem to given him oral sex. Threatening the life of him and his whole family. In the Oval Office.

And…he did it. HE SERVICED…MY DAD!” said Bobby Kennedy Junior.

“He was gay Bobby!” said the fashion expert. “WE ALL KNOW LEM WAS GAY!!!”

Bobby looked confused.

“He didn’t force him to. I’d HAPPILY fuck any of the men in your damn family!” said the fashion expert.

“That’s not what the official records show.” says Bobby.

“THEY WERE HOMOPHOBIC! It’s so common! No! Your dad was a player! Just like you.” said the fashion expert.

“Well…so…see the thing is…I was…damaged.” said Bobby, shuffling his feet. Looking mysterious and tragic. His hands in his pockets.

“Okay???” said the fashion expert.

“I think…my sexual obsession with Lem Billings is because I’m just trying to make my dad come back. …My head is twisted!” says Bobby.

“No. Bobby…that’s not how homosexuality works. …NO!” said the fashion expert.

“Whatever.” said Bobby in a totally ambiguous way.

They went back and forth for a while. Anyway…this song came from that. He was trying to help Bobby come out of the closet. Using the image of an average American woman in the 1960’s or so. Showing off her butt. Awkwardly. …So Bobby thought it was good sex magic to shove a dildo up his asshole and literally light it on fire. It was an homage to some Asian religious practice. An attempt to seduce both Lem Billings and Jesus.

“WHAT!??!” says Harry Young.

“Yup!” says Tan France.

“Why!?” says Harry.

“Why what??” says Tan,

“He didn’t sleep with him! Oh my god, no!” says another gay man.

“No. I just wanted to be kind.” says Tan, shrugging. “He is a black hole. Mary called him a black hole. Mary his wife who hung herself??? Surely you’ve heard of her? No?? Okay…well…she hung herself, Harry. …And Bobby…

Nevermind!” he says laughing.

“This was supposed to be my secret victory song.” says Bobby.

“I often shove dildos up my butt. …Okay!? It’s a thing.” says Bobby, defensively,

“The song was in production for over five years. Okay!? …We had to force The Black Keys to go along with us. …Well…not me…but our connections. …They found it too gross. …But then a psychic working with Bobby…explained to them that it was good sex magic. …And they used Bobby’s supposed concern for the environment…to strong-arm the Black Keys. …They were super nice about it.” explains Tan France.

The song plays and finishes for the third time. The Illuminati is trying to calm down Bobby.

The play it one more time. Hoping it will chill him out.

“All your good intentions are BAD!” says Cheryl trying to seem sexy for Bobby. Like old times. She laughs and stands-up dancing. Grinning. She does an imitation of a 1960’s go-go dancer.

The song ends. Cheryl claps.

“I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!” Bobby yells violently at Donald Trump. “IF YOU GET SHOT AT…JIST ASSUME I HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT!!!”

“Is that a way of trying to get my parents back together and on a date?” says Ivanka, hopefully.

“NO!!!” yells Bobby. “I WANT HIM DEAD!!!”

“We just elected him Bobby.” says an American man.

“SO WHAT!??” yells Bobby.

“Bobby…he’s our President.” says a man in America.

“NOT REALLY!” yells Bobby.

“How!?” asks Kamala.

Bobby folds his arms across his chest. Smirks. “YOU DAMN WELL KNOW WHY YOU NIGGER!” yells Bobby.

“Oh! My marriage to Jarrod?” says Ivanka.

“NO!

Donald Trump…IS AFRICAN!” yells Bobby.

“Like African American?” says Kamala in her Valley Girl manner.

“NO! AFRICAN!!!” yells Bobby Kennedy Junior.

“How?” asks Meghan Markle. “How, my love?”

“REINCARNATION!!!” yells Bobby.

Awkward silence.

“I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING!!! I HAVE SEEN THE MOVIE. I have HEARD the songs. He’s selling us out. To the Ancient Africans.” says Bobby Kennedy Junior.

“It’s IN THIS FILM!” says Bobby. “ALL OF IT!!”

“I AM THAT WOMAN!!! SHE IS ME!!!” yells Bobby.

“You’re like Emily…but richer and prettier?” says a gay man.

“YES!!! OBVIOUSLY!!!” yells Bobby.

“Okay?” says the gay man. “Go on!”

“OH MY GOD!! It is SO OBVIOUS!!!

But…if you really need me to explain:

DIGGORY VENN!“ says Bobby.

“What?” says JD Vance.

“He’s BLACK.” says Bobby, nodding.

“Reincarnated?” says Catherine.

YES!!!!” screams Bobby.

“Huh.” says China.

“So you’re saying…the entire film has to be seen from that perspective?” says Catherine.

“YES!!!! OF COURSE.” says Bobby, exasperated.

“Was Call Me By Your Name inspired by this film?” asks a man.

“AHH…WHAT DO YOU THINK!? YES!!! …I love this film.

You guys…Egdon Heath…is US. It’s ALL OF HUMANITY.

…I’ll never forget when I watched it with Mary.” says Bobby, fondly.

Awkward silence.

“She was…so…quiet. …I think she was scared. Scared she was going to die of heat exhaustion.

Clym…IS EVIL. CLYM IS…UGLY.” says Bobby.

“So what’s the message?” says Jeremiah.

“SEX…IS…IN…THE EARTH!” says Bobby.

“Oh. Okay.” says another famous gay man.

“And the Africans know that. BUT THEY LIE!!!” says Bobby.

Awkward silence.

“THOMAS HARDY was not the author. …I WAS.” finally reveals Bobby.

“You went back in time and wrote this?” asks a Native American woman.

“YES!!!” says Bobby.

“Have you read the book?” asks Cheryl of Bobby.

“NO! …Mary told me not to.

And we were soulmates. So…I guess I just…never have.” says Bobby, cuttingly.

“Yeah. You were soulmates.” says Cheryl.

“WE WERE!!!

So…I’ll just never read it! It’s verboten!” says Bobby channeling Lacey, against her will.

“So this is her interpretation!?” says Dr. David Miller.

“NO!” says Bobby, irritated.

David looks annoyed. “No!! She had terrible hermeneutics. …RIGHT. …But you were just channeling her?” he says.

“YES!!” says Bobby.

“He has been channeling her his whole life. To sound cute. Stuff like that. Not this.” says Cheryl.

“She’s mocking ISRAEL!!!” yells Dr. David Miller.

“No!! She’s mocking stupidity.” says a gay man.

“NO!” says David Miller.

“What are you talking about?” says Bobby.

“You know!!!” yells David Miller.

“No. I don’t.” says Bobby.

David Miller laughs and shakes his head no. “YOU JOKE TOO MUCH! …People are going to start thinking you’re serious, Bobby.” he says.

“ABOUT WHAT!?” yells Bobby.

“OH COME ON!!” says David Miller.

“DAVID?” says Bobby.

“YOU ARE NOT STUPID!!!” yells Dr. David Miller at Bobby Kennedy Junior, almost sounding anguished.

“I know.

Come on! You’ve seen it!?” says Bobby.

“Seen WHAT!? Return of the Native?” says David Miller, laughing, arrogantly.

“YEAH!” says Bobby Kennedy Junior.

“No. But I’m capable of doing my research. Bobby…this is nonsense!” says David Miller. “You’re being had.”

“NO!

I love this film.” says Bobby.

“Is Lacey better looking than Catherine Zeta Jones?” asks a reader.

“YES!” says Dr. David Miller her Messiah College Bible Professor. He scoffs. “Bobby…you’ve never seen the film! I can tell!!!”

“NO!! I’ve watched it. Dozens of times.” says Bobby.

“No!!

You sound like a student who’s never watched the film!!!” yells Dr. David Miller.

“No!! I’ve watched it. …Good GOD!!” says Bobby Kennedy Junior.

“But that’s not the plot.” says Dr. David Miller.

Bobby puts the film on.

You are no blessing, my husband!” Bobby yells at Dr. David Miller, laughing. “Seriously! WATCH THE FRICKEN MOVIE!” he says playfully to Dr. Miller.

“WHAT!?” says Dr. Miller, laughing.

“YOU ARE SUCH A THOMASIN!” Bobby says to David Miller.

Moon River by Henry Mancini plays.

“Ahh…he’s watched the film. I think you just have an ego problem.” China says to Dr. David Miller.

“No! He’s never watched it!” says Dr. David Miller.

“How can you tell?” asks China.

“He’s missing the point! He’s missing the details. He’s missing- Well! *Dr. David Miller rolls his eyes* He’s missing essential plot points. …His version of the story is vastly different than what was created.” says Dr. David Miller, scoffing.

“No!! I understand what you refuse to understand! …YOU MORON!!!” yells Bobby Kennedy Junior at Dr. David Miller.

“Which is WHAT!?” says Dr. David Miller.

“THOMASIN…is EVIL. Catherine Zeta-Jones is simply à misunderstood woman. …Thomas Hardy is a fool.

*Blue Moon as performed by Swingfield Big Band plays.*

Eustacia is a goddess. …Mkay!? You’ve never slept with Catherine. I did! Once.

She is…a goddess!

She is…MOI!

And…I went back in time. …Wrote the novel. But made sure to make references to African people at the beginning…to keep myself clear.

The lights? AFRICA! ….HELLO!? Kwanzaa.

…HA!!!” says Bobby. “Dude! You don’t know me. Sorry!”

The song ends.

“Bobby! You did not go back in time.” says Dr. David Miller.

“No! I DID!” says Bobby.

Try To Remember by Perry Como plays.

“He did.” says Cheryl.

“No he didn’t.” says Dr. David Miller.

“NO! YOU KIKE!! I DID!!” yells Bobby.

1:33

“Ha! You’ve never read the book.” says Dr. David Miller.

“NO!! I explained. …My GOD!!!” yells Bobby.

The two men get into a horrific fight.

The song ends.

More as sung by Frank Sinatra & Count Basie plays.

Last night Lem Billings was sent to Hell by a jealous Frank Sinatra. Over Lacey’s breasts.

And Lacey was woken up twice by psychics in America who pathetically have taken to harassing the British people. Why? Because they’re mad. They’re all psychotically angry.

“I UNDERSTAND!!” yells Bobby. “Let’s just kill DONALD TRUMP!??”

Lem was prevented from having sex with Lacey. Repeatedly and Peggy Flanagan insisted Lacey was a lesbian. So Lacey was raped by Becca Fuester’s father and a herd of Boomer lesbians. In her sleep.

Lacey woke-up confused. Went back to sleep and had a dream that she shot all of the Boomer women in the head. Brutally massacring them into limp pools of blood.

Smile as performed by Nat King Cole plays.

“I don’t understand why she goes along with it.” says Peggy Flanagan.

“TO KILL THEM.” says Donald Trump.

“But her body responds!” says Peggy Flanagan.

“Yes!! But that’s her acting ability. She was molested. So she figured out how to fool people that way. She’s never fooled me. She can’t. But…you’re obviously a hick.” says Lem Billings to Peggy Flanagan.

“So…she’s psychologically capable of being sexual. And yet disturbingly being totally absent from her body. In reality.” says a man.

“YUP!

…She’s tried to explain this hundreds of times. And actors can back-up her words. But…you refuse to believe it. Because you’ve attached too much meaning to her not existing.” says Lem.

“So she shot me too?” says John Fuester, Becca’s father.

“No! You just disappeared? In a minivan.” says a porn star.

A Summer Song by The Lettermen plays.

There’s a great chance dozens of lesbian Boomer women will develop deadly breast cancer because of that dream.

“WHAT!? She’s a lesbian!” says the DNC.

“Has she threatened to shoot them before?” asks an Englishwoman.

“NO! She said she was scared she’d have done that. In the wrong circumstances. …So…we just assumed she was a lesbian. …Because…well…she’s a big stupid idiot.” says the DNC, sincerely on truth serum.

“So she tried to tell you that she was going to get violent!?” yells the CIA.

“No! …She tried to tell us…she was ‘uncomfortable’ and we KNEW that was just her being sexually repressed. Because Katy Perry insists she’s a sex expert and so does Harry Styles. And they claim we all have multi gender energy. And that we’re all bisexual!” yells a herd of Hollywood stars.

“No exceptions?” says God.

“DUH!!!” say the Hollywood stars.

“That’s RUBBISH!” says God.

Strangers In The Night as performed by Bert Kaempfert & His Orchestra plays.

“So…she’s not a secret lesbian? Who’s just too poor and beneath us to understand?” says the DNC, laughing. “We won! We won big! …But…we lost the US Presidential election because there were so many Americans who are WORTHLESS!! I HATE THEM!!!! I HATE THEM! LET’S KILL THEM!!!!”

“So…you were told no by Lacey and that she was straight and purely feminine? But you didn’t believe that because you believe you know better?” says Donald Trump.

“YES!!! WE DO!!! …Look she’s an ugly, masc butch bitch. And I for one refuse to accept her version of reality. She’s LESBIAN!!!!” screams the DNC on truth serum. “ERIN IS STRAIGHT!!! NOT LACEY! HOUSEWIVES WERE ALL LESBIANS, PEDOPHILES, KIKES, NIGGERS, HOES, OR FRAUDS!!!”

NIGGERS?” says a Black woman.

“YES!! YOU KNOW YOU NIGGER! YOU KNOW!!” yells the DNC.

“See…I told Jack Kennedy to watch over Lacey and Lem last night. Because I assumed they were lying about him.” says the psychopathic billionaire, mystified. “I KNOW they were just lying. There are no bad people who are dead. …Everyone who dies is made perfect. Instantly. There are no bad dead people. …Well…I mean…if there are even dead people.”

“Ahh…but Lacey’s not attracted to women!” says a reader.

“NOT TRUE!! She’s GOT to be a dyke, a pedophile, or a peasant, or an idiot, or a liar!!! BECAUSE WE SURE AS HELL ARE NOT INFERIOR!!!!!” yells the DNC on truth serum.

“Yup! Those were women who were real. In her dream. And they knew not to partake. But they did anyway. They used Lem’s sexual desire for her as she was forced to sleep…to arouse them via Satan.” says God.

“How!?” yells Dr. David Miller.

“They viciously stole it from him. As he’s with her. For eternity. By choice.” says God.

“B. J. Thomas? Were you gay?” asks Tamara.

“No. I was bisexual. …But I fell in love with my wife. …And I still am in love with Gloria.” says Billy Joel Thomas.

He advises Lacey to get drunk. Regularly. To die. With the caveat that she should do it in Christ.

“So…she’s not attracted to women?” says God.

“No! She is!” says Peggy Flanagan.

“No! She’s attracted to women?” says God.

“WHAT!?” says Peggy Flanagan.

“Yeah. You keep incessantly trying to convince me and everyone else that she’s a lesbian. CONSTANTLY. …So I just wanted to hear from you, directly.” says God.

“NO!” says Peggy Flanagan. “SHE IS GAY.”

“Except she isn’t at all.” says God.

“THEN WHAT DO I KEEP SENSING!??” yells Peggy Flanagan.

“HER SWEETNESS.” yells God.

“No. She’s not sweet. She was a huge butch bitch from like…HELL…and still is.” says Peggy Flanagan.

“No. She’s sweet.

She’s also being brutally raped in her sleep now regularly by women. Thanks to the Illuminati. And those are real women.” says God.

Downtown by Petula Clark plays.

Lacey smashes in Petula Clark’s dumb face with a huge metal rod. Then she smashes in her body forcing her insides out of her mouth and asshole. And Jesus cheers her on. As does Queen Elizabeth I. If Petula Clark has come on to Lacey inappropriately.

“If I’ve told her no and she refuses to hear it.” explains Lacey.

“This is such an innocent song!” says a dead woman. “Or it was supposed to be.”

“That’s up to Petula.” says God.

In The Mood as performed by Airmen Of Note plays.

And at that Lacey violently mutilates the genitalia of her female sex offenders in her sleep. They scream in excruciating pain. And at that Lacey gags them on giant penises made of demons who put them through extraordinary anguish. Then she revives them and smashes their brains into a brick wall like she’s beating a dirty rug.

And all of humanity cheers her on. Aww! …But of course…this only happens..if it’s what’s best in God’s will.

A String of Pearls as performed by Glenn Miller plays.

Lacey washes her hands off. Sits down. Wearing pearls, red lipstick and curls. Sweet. Tender. Beautiful as always.

With Lem.

“My gosh! What a boring business.

Why did God create those worthless pieces of mud?” says Lacey.

“Darling! You’re flattering them. …They aren’t mud. They’re…Hell’s sweet diarrhea. Possibly for eternity. If they don’t repent.” says Lem.

“Shoot. …I had hoped better for them.

Why do these lesbians in the Illuminati with weird hair and odd mannerisms…keep insisting I’m more masculine and gay than them!?” says Lacey.

Chances Are as performed by Johnny Mathis plays.

“Because so many people have lied. Like Johnny Mathis. He was SO obviously gay. But…people were offended that he was ‘accustomed’ to homosexuality. …He wasn’t accustomed. He was. …So when you try to tell people something nuanced about orientation they don’t listen to what you’re saying. They listen to what they want to hear. Unless they’re like you and I. …But no! That’s an excuse.

I’ll tell you what! It’s pure jealousy.

Emma tried. But she’s ugly as shit compared to you. And so is Peggy.

See…they cling to ideas they have based on their past guiding moments. Someone told them they were wrong about Johnny Mathis and it hurt. It hurt their egos. And they also felt convicted. …So…they blindly use that as a template for EVERYTHING now. And you upset them. So…you will NEVER be heard by them…until God intervenes.

They CANNOT think it through. Because it’s too psychologically difficult for them. …They’d have to deal with so many painful things. And they are too weak, greedy, immature, poorly educated, poor, ugly, and evil to do it. …It’s OBVIOUS you’re just defending yourself and that you’re being brutally sexually assaulted by women. But those women dumb or evil enough to not understand all that…and they’re dumb enough to think that they’re GODLY for doing it.” explains Lem.

Meet Virginia by Train plays.

“I KNOW Lacey is still in love with me.” says Joe Kennedy Junior. “And that’s part of why they keep thinking she’s homosexual and looking for sex with John Fuester and her mother who raised her.”

“Yup!” says Peggy Flanagan, smiling. “WE HAVE TO BE HONEST! HE’S HER MAN!”

“No. He’s not.” says God.

The song ends.

“Joe. What happened!?” screams a reader.

“Ahh…Lacey…is Kirk LeMoyne Billings’s twin flame. God doesn’t call them twin flames. But there’s no word for it in Christianity. So I’m using the word twin flame.

That evil ghost is my younger brother, Jack Kennedy. He’s actually having his picture taken right now. As I write this. Because he’s been avoiding God, using Satan. And right now he’s stuck as an evil little boy.

Ahh…so…basically he’s been tormenting Lacey her whole life. Jack. He’s been torturing Lacey her whole life.

…And…the reason why is because he’s mad at Lem for being straight. …We knew Lem was straight. But we were mad that he was better than us. …Okay? Not pretending to be Old Money but actually Old Money. …People had a better sense of those things back then. …And so we lied. We lied a lot. To ourselves and to others.

Fast forward to her life. Ahh…I agreed to fall in love with her. To confuse her. And cover for Jack. And he’s still playing dumb and pretending he’s not the brains behind the operation, so to speak. He’s just…obsessed with them. Both. People do have the story backwards, in the popular narrative. But it requires understanding homosexuality honestly…and most people alive today, in 2024, are actually still too ignorant and backwards to understand. Jack looks homosexual, somewhat. Lem does not. And that’s something else Jack is livid about.

So…I’ve been covering for him. Okay? And…it got weird. Because she’s actually Tom Banks’s daughter. …And we…just didn’t analyze that. So…she’d NEVER have begged to marry me. …Mary begged Bobby. Emily Black begged Bobby. Pat Wilson begged me. Ethel begged Bobby Senior. …It’s a thing. Jackie BEGGED Jack. …We LIVE for that. …Lem did not beg. Ever. Jack did beg Lem for gay sex and then he violently threatened Lem. Repeatedly. The popular narrative is upside down. …Because Jack seemed straight after our spin machine insisted on it. Worked at it. And…you all are too ignorant to understand that Lem really faked being gay. So it seems too convoluted to think Jack was gay and Lem was straight, even though that’s actually reality.

In this case, gay men are almost pure evil.

Ahh…so I was pretending and going along with it until Pat Wilson died. …And then I started sleeping with her. And…Jack’s well crafted pure evil torture for Lacey fell completely apart. …God was trying to use F. Scott Fitzgerald to gradually walk us away from it. But…Chris was…a HUGE fault line.

And…it just happened. After Pat died…it was just…over. But…I fell in love with Lacey. And yet because we had a totally fucked-up narrative about her…I’m not able to get over her.

Kick is nuts. And in a way so am I. And we thought we were in love. …But we’re really just siblings and we are too jaded and evil and messed-up to comprehend brotherly and sisterly love. We mislabeled it as something sexual. Because we truly didn’t cognitively understand the concept of familial love. …And it got…weird. And our heads started to kill each other’s heads. And it really hurt. …But we didn’t know that would happen.

And we’re still confused. …Because Kick is super narcissistic. And I’m…narcissistic too.

So…turns out…I actually was attracted to her. And God acknowledged that. But…it didn’t matter. I guess? Because He didn’t design her for me. And we had to brainwash her into it. So…it was just temporary. Possible! Because she’s a woman, I’m a man, and I’m straight. But temporary.

But…she’d NEVER have begged for my marriage. And I didn’t know that. I didn’t understand her actual psychology. Just the way she responded to our bullshit. …So I had assumed an enormous amount of control over her. And…I didn’t have ANY. …Not really. And my whole family was counting on it. Because we support each other…and Jack was determined to get REVENGE.

So…now I’m hurting. Because I actually fell in love. And it’s completely over. But I truly DO NOT UNDERSTAND. …I thought I would. Because I spent HOURS observing her and obsessively analyzing her. For years! …Just to be kind to Jack. And to be evil. I guess. Both.

But…I have no idea what’s going on.” says Joe. “I guess she’s completely over me??? MAN!”

“No. She’s genuinely over you.” says Chris Hayes.

“BUT IT WAS SO REAL!! AND SO INTENSE!” yells Joe Kennedy.

“YUP. …Oh well. …You’re done forever. For real. She doesn’t know this…I got curious in the afterlife…and looked into it…and yup. You literally have NO chance. …AT ALL. …AT ALL. …Her doubts are a trick of Satan. …And I’m pulling the plug.

…SHE IS SO…CAREFUL. …And it’s in Christ. It’s rooted in morality and goodness and it’s safe. But…it’s not…your entry point. At all. That’s a trick of Satan. …You genuinely have no chance. *Chris laughs* Neither do I. Lots of men don’t. *He shrugs* …How are you so SLOW!?!” says Chris Hayes to Joe Kennedy

Later.

“I am the evil force in the house. Lacey looked like the mom. But prettier. …A lot. And better bred.

Ahh…the pig is Jody. Jody Henderson. …Lacey insists Jody didn’t molest her. But I had hoped she did.

Jody was plus size. Not fat.

Ahh…their house is about where Lacey and Lem were supposed to have lived.

…So. I inspired the evil.” says JFK.

“Why are you so attached to 1975?!?” yells George Soros.

“I slept with a train conductor. Who worked for Amtrak. In Saint Paul, Minnesota. In 1975. He gave me his pants. …And…he hurt me. Because he used me.” says JFK.

“So…why did you kill the six people?” says a ghost hunter.

“Because God removed the evil. From her. As she warred in the Holy Spirit when I conjured them to attack her in 2016. They threw all of Hell at her. Almost literally.

And she fended them off. …But I couldn’t stand that. So I tried to find a way to attack her…and it just became Amityville.

I inspired the murders. And Athalia Ponsell got killed too. …But…the murder was supposed to help her survive when God has tried to help her and her family die. …Demons and angry dead Americans, including lesbians mad that Donald Trump lost, helped us confuse Ronnie. Because I hate Ron Craft.

…Truth is…if any of the stuff that happens in the house happened to Lacey…she’d probably have fun. …We’ve had to try really hard to scare her.

The red room? Lacey’s perfume cabinet in the basement.

It’s a Dutch Colonial. Her house!? A CAPE COD! ….How rude!

Ahh…HELL is literally running out of evil to attack her with.” says Jack Kennedy.

“So…did Lem Billings kill you?” asks Queen Elizabeth I.

“Oh! And the green slime is meconium.

Ahh…I am not John Ketchum. I’m John Kennedy trying to catch them. Catch Lem. Ah….I refuse to accept it. He may have.” says JFK.

“He’s guilty. …He isn’t directly responsible. But he is responsible.” says the train conductor who slept with JFK.

“Why do you all so VIOLENTLY insist Lem was gay!?!” yells Al Franken.

“Because she’s LYING!!!” says a Millennial woman, laughing.

“NO!!!! You don’t know that!!!” shrieks Al Franken.

“Gosh it must be fun fucking her!” she says, attacking Lacey out of the blue.

“NO!! SHE IS NOT LYING!!!” yells Al Franken.

She ignores him.

“NO!!!! SHE’S NOT LYING!!!!” shrieks Al Franken.

She looks terrified.

“SHE’S NOT LYING!!!” screams AL Franken.

“Why does she have to be prettier than me!?” she asks like Lacey is attacking her with her beauty.

“DEAR GOD!!!! USE YOUR BRAIN!!!!” yells Al Franken.

“She’s possessed by Jack.” says a dead Native American woman who’s buried on the land. “No! Not Lacey. …The woman you’re talking to.”

“Thank you.” says Al Franken.

“Nobody should be living in that house. …But it’s happened. …It’s a portal to Hell.” says Lem.

“It’s NOT a hoax. The murders happened.” says one of the victims.

“So…you helped kill, Lem?” says Al Franken.

“Yes. I did.” says Lem.

“Why?” says David Pitts, shaking.

“I hated him.” says Lem. “I genuinely couldn’t stand him. He ruined my life. He was a psychotically self-obsessed man.”