…I thought I was done writing about Lacey.
The thing is…my novel is being worked on subconsciously by writing on this blog… And I love putting things in perspective by writing about Lacey as a narrator…
…You know…Lem doesn’t understand Lacey’s pain even half as much as she’d like. He isn’t insensitive or lacking in depth or emotional intelligence. But he just can’t seem to wrap his mind around why the life he led looks so baffling to her. Or why she can be so insensitive from his perspective but from her perspective more…defiant.
“Defiant of what? Insensitive about what?” asks Michael.
Lem gets nervous…
“You took your time to warm up to me. But you didn’t take long to be with Joe Jr., or Elliott or etc.. They turned your head away from me in a week at most. I felt used.”
“It wasn’t that…simple.”
“No. It really wasn’t. I’m not that shallow.”
Lem starts to get worried.
“Well then what happened?” asks Michael.
“It’s ugly. But basically…I wasn’t sold on the idea of our being right for each other. I think I thought you were only mildly in love with me… That you were maybe a bit…disinterested still. It felt unsafe. And I think that’s key. It just felt very unsafe… Elliott and Joe are historically proven to have been with women and to have seemingly enjoyed it. …And as open-minded as I am I don’t like to feel like I’m ever imposing myself on someone. That’s vile. Pure ugliness. Ick. …It was soo tempting to entertain their affections again and feel wanted without a doubt as a woman. Also, I can’t tell who I’m best with. And I’m trying to do the right thing by everyone and not pick the wrong person.”
“That’s what I thought.” says Peter.
“She’s not your girlfriend.” says Lem.
“Well ok. What else?” says Michael.
Lem looks offended by this.
“I’m sorry I was…insensitive. To be honest I just didn’t have it in me to resist their interest and based on what I know about myself I think that’s because I didn’t trust you. It seemed…lacking. Not you, but the strength of the bond itself. If you’d been more like Michael and demanded more or claimed more it would have been different. At least, I think so.”
Women listening in the background seem affected by this. Michael tries to shush them. They feel proud of Michael but also very bad for Lem. They feel truly terrible for him.
“So you needed me to be more upfront? More curt? Less forgiving?”
“I don’t play games. People say that, but I really don’t. I do test people to figure them out. But otherwise I’m not…good at knowing how people feel about me unless they’re direct. Unless they really hate me. Then I can tell. Usually. Even if they’re passive-aggressive. And I say usually because for all I know you secretly hate me.”
“I’m good at analyzing people not…in relationship with me as an equal. I understand parents. Kids. Equals not in relationship with me. But equals in relationship with me are very tough to analyze and I’d rather just enjoy them. *shrug* Anyway, I don’t assume the best anymore. *she shakes her head to indicate a no* Deep down I felt like Jack would sooner cut off my head than let you go. And that he had a heard of vicious backers ready to torture my whole family too. *she laughs* He’s very, very, very cunning. Very cruel, possessive and conniving. And if you don’t see that that’s why I found Elliott fascinating.”
“She’s right. That is dumb!” says Peter. Michael laughs at this.
“Why don’t you trust me?”
“Because you’re Lem!!! Lemmers. Lemmy. The Lemster! Jack’s tension reliever. His…good ol’ boy.” *she shakes her eye-brows up and down* “The fact that you didn’t…protect me more from his demented cult-worshippers dead and alive…and him…put me on edge. The fact that you let me think you could be with him still at all. Or that you’d have chosen him over me at all…scared me. Even if I’ve changed my perspective on that now, that should have never been an issue.” She seems upset to Michael but no one else notices her agitation or they ignore it?
Elliott notices Michael getting ready to leave and feels empathetically worried for Lem’s sake.
“I tried to warn him. I really did.” says the woman in Seattle in irritation.
“I told him you’d not mince words.”
“I’m sorry.” says Lem cooly to Lacey.
“So you do hate me?” Lacey asks.
“My gosh you’re cutthroat.” he says through tears. But he’s serious.
“Oh! She’d have strangled us for our evil if we deserved it. We’re worms compared to her.” says Bobby Kennedy.
“Worms whose dicks you had in your mouth for decades. Who owned your soul. Who control what everyone…has or mostly will ever say about you. You sold your soul to those two sacks of shit, if that’s what they are.” She turns to Bobby. “I’d not have strangled you. Don’t flatter yourself.” She looks at Jackie who seems embarrassed. “I’d have destroyed you. I’d have ruined you. Not through gossip. Through silence.” She looks at Bobby sadly.
“Don’t worry! If you’re more innocent than that…it’s just me being emotional. Sorry!”
“I don’t hate you.” says Lem.
“Then go back and fix all of your life from the grave. I’m just being stupid. Right?”
And at that Lacey gets up to leave. “Have fun getting Jack off as per usual tonight you wannabe.” Then she starts to walk off.
“I love you!” says Michael.
*Harold Loeb laughs*
“I’m not being serious, Lacey. I’m trying to piss you off.” Lem races after her as he says this.
Michael chases after them both.
Further on, “I’m disappointed.” Lacey says to Lem.
“You’re putting on a great show.”
“That’s almost all you’ve ever seen and I choose my words carefully.”
“I doubt you now. I doubted you then. But I am sorry if I actually hurt you.”
“I wasn’t a sack of shit!” yells Bobby to Lacey to clarify as he’s carried off by unknown individuals. Don’t worry. They’re already all dead.
“Well that’s great. Do you have any idea what it’s like thinking about you screwing these men?! Do you have any idea the thoughts she’s had going through her mind every day. Your lack of empathy pisses me off. Truly!” and at that Michael punches Lem in the gut. “How about I do that everyday for hours. For a few months. And then I’ll ask you if you finally get it!”
“Well! This is-“ says Lacey’s paternal grandfather who raised her. He seems as sweet and unsure but well-intentioned as always.
“Lem is a dear boy.” says his father humorously, taking him away.
“See, this is why I chose Harold!” says Scott.
Lacey nods in understanding.
“I’m exasperated. I’m sorry. Lem, I am sorry.” says Lacey.
“You’ve already apologized to him so many times, Lacey.” says Elliott.
“You dropped her on her face!” says a man Lem and Jack both went to school with at Choate who did not like Jack. “I love her!” he laughs. “And I think you owe her an apology. Lem, she really didn’t know. What’s the harm in being vulnerable?”
“She’s not illogical, dear!” says his wife as if she’s talking to a “fabulous” sort of man.
“I hate you!!!!” says Jack to Lacey.
“I wanted him to say we.” says Bobby Jr..
*Bill Gates, his frenemy, giggles as he tricked him into saying it on this blog*
“It’s I.” clarifies Jack who seems unimpressed by his nephew.
Bobby Jr. is hurt by this.
“Well why don’t you go find out.” someone says to him in irritation.
“You’re his father! Not Jack!” Lacey says to Bobby Sr. in anger.
“Let’s go. Let Lem figure it out with God’s help. We are dead, you know.”
“I’ll pray for him. I’m sorry I swore everyone! Lem, I do love you! And I am sorry.”
His former Choate roommate before Jack rolls his eyes. “What fools!!” He’s being very serious and not as a compliment to Jack. At all. “Sorry liberals! Awww!” He turns to Lacey to apologize on behalf of Lem’s actual graduating class.
“Yeah.” says the surprisingly intelligent pimp who apparently worked in Lower Queen Anne starting in the 1940’s. He says it with melancholy..