So…Since we’re all still alive…on Sunday January 8th, 2023…we will discover the darkness of the Irish poverty.
Mr. Blue is somewhat Irish. Not like Irish soap. Not like Irises. Irish.
And as Frank McCourt put it…”Worse than the ordinary miserable childhood is the miserable Irish childhood, and worse yet is the miserable Irish Catholic childhood.” Mr. Blue was not raised as a Baptist in Tennessee.
And in the rotten teeth country of the United States of America…a poverty minded fool from the downtrodden nation of Ireland is still just that. If he so chooses to be.
Enter Ethel Snakel’s two brats. There names are Wobbly and Joeschmoshow.
Joeschmoshow and Wobby are two lads with lots of curls stolen from Lem Billings when their uncle and family at large sodomized him? Which Lem Billings? Hmm… Do you have a brain? Or are you as smart as a Google? Maybe you’re just like me. I the narrator have a human brain.
“I think the Illuminati needs to understand that they’re picking a fight with Betty White!” says Betty White.
…Mr. Blue can conjure people? Because the Irish are twisty and fantastic like that when they’re worshiping their creator, the God of the Bible.
“Is Catholicism really that horrible?” Lacey asks Frank McCourt.
Frank McCourt sighs.
“I understand that you think Catholicism is the scourge of Ireland? Or did you just hate sexual abuse?” Lacey asks him. “Like, you thought sexual abuse was evil so you just blamed Catholicism?” Lacey thinks. “I agree that the sexual abuse of children is the most vile evil. But that’s not to be conflated with Catholicism.”
“Does anyone want to hear about me?!?” asks Mr. Blue asks suddenly, seriously.
The witches of the Illuminati enable him. Or they’re delusional in some other way.
“Louis wants to hear what you have to say!! See…he was elite. So…I’m sure being elite in the way you really are that you’ll be of more interest to him than Lacey. He’s your kind of person. He’ll understand.” they sincerely say, one way or another to Mr. Blue. And at that they wage a war on Lacey claiming insincerity.
“You seem sincere.” Lacey says to them.
He believes them and goes on. And on. And on.
Joeschmoshow and Wobbly love that delusion. Do they live that delusion more than Mr. Blue?
Lacey watches them as they float in an old Irish fishing boat on the Irish Sea. It’s placid water. Frighteningly placid.
“I’m Frank McCourt’s father. And I’d like to ask these chaps…why they estimate the water to be so calm today?!” asks Frank McCourt’s father, standing on the shore.
The Illuminati tries to choke Lacey.
They do not, however, seem bothered. It’s their moment to float?
“Look!! I can conjure Lem!! He’s gay!!!” says Mr. Blue.
The three men sitting in the fishing boat close their eyes and concentrate. Wobbly starts flailing his arms around like Elsa Lam did in the Cecil. He’s trying to grab Lem’s penis because he estimates Lem to be like Snakel and assumes Lem wants Wobbly to touch him inappropriately in some way? …Regardless, Wobbly assumes Lem’s in love with him, it seems.
“I’ve found him!!!” Wobbly announces, eyes closed, as he grabs his brother’s shoulder.
“Hahaha!” giggles Joeschmoshow with his eyes closed still as well. “You’re in love with me Lem?” He laughs even more. “I have turned into quite the handsome man.” He smiles and nods his head, eyes still closed. “Thank you, Lem.”
Wobbly laughs in Lacey’s face. He believes he’s in his own private joke with “The Universe” about his superiority as a Kennedy amongst mere mortal men.
“Lem! We feel you!” jokes Joeschmoshow.
“Yeah, he’s manifesting! See when Lacey has sex with these gnoses I wonder if she realizes how easy it is? Any one of us can do it.” says Wobbly.
Mr. Blue sensing a psychic problem quickly nods his head to gain control of the conversation. His eyes are closed as well.
“Are two sure you’ve found Lem? On your word of honor according to the great codes of our people?” asks Mr. Blue.
Wobbly and Joeschmoshow think back to their days imagining themselves as Lem’s sons. They imitate him as best they can. They try to submit to his spiritual authority as a son would. They giggle a haughty giggle. Lem advised one way or another not to take certain forms of authority too seriously and Wobbly and Joeschmoshow assume that means the Illuminati in some roundabout way they must estimate roughly. Lem was such a strange and complex man in their estimations.
Mr. Blue tries not to feel offended by their snickers. He takes his role in the spiritual practices involving demons, witches, and ghosts very seriously. When one floats in the Irish Sea one must be calm and Mr. Blue as an Irishman in his blood intuits this.
Wobbly and Joeschmoshow fight to keep from falling apart into giggles watching Mr. Blue be so calm.
“Was Lem sexually repressed? Like…he wanted men? But he mostly wanted love? But he also wanted sex…with men?!” asks Mr. Blue.
“Lem pretended to be gay. I mean he was gay, but he’s not to be trusted!!” yells Joe Jr. arriving on the shore to yell at Mr. Blue. “Lem’s not safe!!!” he yells at Joe Jr..
Mr. Blue can sense Lem isn’t quite as dangerous as Joe Jr. is cutting him out to be. He smiles to himself and chooses to ignore the lies.
“Lem was gay.” says Wobbly as he leans back with a look of sexual pleasure. They’ve moved their arms out into the ether. Their eyes are still shut.
“Yeah! He was!” says Joeschmoshow.
Wobbly giggles. “I can picture him now.” A tall, dark handsome Jew came to mind for Wobbly but he labeled it Lem as he wants to believe Lem is a homosexual. He superimposes Lem’s face on a handsome, dark Jewish man’s body. And then when it still doesn’t quite resemble Lem he alters the other troublesome features to resemble Lem accurately enough to be convincing to the Illuminati and others.
“I find Lem very attractive. But that doesn’t seem like Lem.” says Lacey as she looks at the man in her head.
“That’s him!!” yells Jack at Lacey as Jack or a demon impersonating Jack possesses Wobbly’s body. Jack or the demon impersonating him forces Wobbly to stand up in the fishing boat. And of course Wobbly is still choosing to go along with the entity forcing him to stand and yell, “That’s him!!”
As they are floating in the Irish Sea wearing business attire they worry about their fate should the craft tip over. Joeschmoshow telepathically tells his brother to sit down and let him calm him.
“It’s okay. We’ve got this. We just need to stick together. I know what happened. I was there too. We know Lem was gay. We know. We know.” he says to Wobbly.
“That’s not Lem you’re channeling and I’m worried you two are going to molest each other!!!” yells Joe Jr. at his nephews from the shore.
“I’m not a child molester! Lem was gay!!!” Wobbly yells at Joe Jr. and sensing authority he doesn’t like and that sides with Lacey he refuses to submit. “My mother is prettier than your wife! You slut!” he yells at Joe Jr.. In his gut Wobbly tries to channel his uncle again to get out of his so-called mess.
“Are you all going to Hell?” asks Lacey seriously.
“No!!! You are you ugly nothing!” yells Wobbly, smiling at Lacey. Then trying to impersonate Lem he and Joeschmoshow feel the need to be what they’d call classy. They put on “Separator” by Radiohead and start trying to dance. They shake their hands. The shake. They try to get jiggy with it, but of course not so much so that they topple over the fishing boat. As a mere Mr. Blue, Mr. Blue waits patiently and respectfully for their idiotic dancing to be over.
At the end of “Separator” by Radiohead Wobbly and Joeschmoshow sit down carefully. Wobbly is suddenly terrified of the water.
Calming themselves he asks with what he believes is the authority of the Old Money Upper Class, “Where are we!? Is this the Irish Sea?!” He looks into the water. “It’s so placid!” He thinks. “Ha!! I’m a rocket scientist. This is…”. He thinks. …He thinks. He blinks. “This is…water?”
“It’s a joke!” says Joeschmoshow. “I know Lem was gay. Please! I just asked him.”
The three sit, close their eyes and try to concentrate. They listen to “How to Disappear Completely” by Radiohead to go into what they call “Zen mode.”
“Mm. I can feel his spirit.” says Wobbly possibly sensing what Charismatics call The Holy Spirit. “He’s…”. Wobbly almost cries. “He needs our help. He loves us. So much!!” He thinks. “I think…Lem is just…” Then he senses Lem might be straight after all. “I think you two are soulmates!” he says seemingly seriously to Lacey. He thinks more. “What?! You’re close to 40?! What about me??” he says to Lacey.
Joeschmoshow looks disturbed. Mr. Blue looks “zen.” Mr. Blue smiles.
“No! That’s not…”. Lacey looks upset. “No!!! No!!!” Lacey yells in her spirit at Wobbly. She keeps calm and likely completely resists Wobbly attempts to seduce her.
“No!! That peace you sense in Lacey is sincere. But is sexual satisfaction from Lem or me. She’s not remotely interested in your sexuality other than to tell you to not be evil and cheat on your wives.” yells Michael at Wobbly and the Illuminati.
Wobbly grows enraged. Mr. Blue is mad too. “How dare you resist him!! You peasant whore!! You white cracker!!” he giggles.
Black bourgeois whores in the Illuminati giggle along with Mr. Blue.
“I can’t believe she’s being serious!!! That’s impossible!! That smile of total disgust and disdain and profound rejection can’t be real. Because it just can’t! That makes her soo elite. And I can’t let her be better than me.” says a singer of Lacey and a few other bourgeois black whores in the Illuminati.
“Did it ever occur to that Wobbly might be rather conceited, vain and ugly? Genuinely so.” asks Lem of the black whore women in the Illuminati.
It’s unclear. But God knows.
“That’s okay.” says Lacey to a personally offended man named Bill Clinton who can’t believe Lacey doesn’t find him attractive too.
Meanwhile Joe Jr. dances with Pat Wilson to “Swallowed in The Sea” by Coldplay.
The cameras close in on Pat’s face as the wind blows through her hair, “Joe, I’m dead.” she says looking him in the eyes longingly, dramatically.
“Hey!! That’s-that’s-that’s my camera!!” says Wobbly with a grin towards the Hollywood element in the Illuminati.
Mr. Blue smiles. He maintains his “zen.”
“It’s okay. I can solve this!” Mr. Blue says.
“We’re better in bed than everyone who’s ever lived.” suddenly says a Millennial actor, standing in a fishing boat floating behind, on behalf of all generations born after the Silent Generation but before Gen Z.
“Joe, this is our moment!!” says Pat Wilson.
“Yeah! Because she hates Lacey!! And that’s wise and Godly and moral. Women who use condoms with their husbands and have ever been involved in the abortion industry by using contraceptives are the Devil Himself. They pollute the world. They are our enemies. Our eternal enemies.” says Wobbly very matter-of-factly, and calmly as he sits down in the rushing boat. He’s being sincere in a way, it seems.
“Well, we can address those concerns later?” Mr. Blue says pleasantly to Wobbly.
“We can! And now, for love!!” Pat Wilson demands of Joe Jr..
“Alright, so…Lem is gay?” asks Mr. Blue of Wobbly and Joeschmoshow. He’s growing exasperated but doesn’t want to show it and lose his job.
“Yes!!!” announces an Arab, bourgeois gay man standing on the shore. “Pat was Joe’s true love. Lacey needs to learn to mind. She’s icky. I can’t believe she exists!! I’m your savior. And…I’m actually just a Muslim and that’s not true. I just wish I was as objectively historically significant and powerful as Jesus.” He collects himself. “If I say otherwise I’ve lost my mind.” He sighs. “But…keep in mind Lacey is gay!!! Pat Wilson wins!!!”
“Lacey is gay?!” asks a woman trying to understand, sincerely.
“No!!!! I meant Lem!” the Arab man shouts.
“Let’s dance Joe, let’s shake it!” says Pat to Joe seductively.
“Are you sure?” the Illuminati loves the idea of Lacey secretly being gay and lying about it. They can use that against her. The only thing is, she isn’t actually homosexual. She’s also cis a gendered woman and heterosexual.
“If we use water. We don’t have to worry about Michael Rockefeller.” says Wobbly, smugly to the Illuminati. “And see really, he doesn’t even exist. And I am him, if anyone is him. I’m his son reincarnationed!!!”
Joe Jr. looks concerned.
“Well…that was not a seance. That was a Sean.” says Mr. Blue placidly, trying to conclude the voyage to the Irish Sea on a glib, mysterious note.
The fishing boat slowly floats backward as if being pulled backwards by strings.
In the middle of the Atlantic Ocean Mr. Blue loses his patience.
“Shut-up!! We’re off the air!!” he yells at Wobbly and Joeschmoshow.
They ignore him and treat him badly.
By the time the fishing boat has reached the USA Mr. Blue has jumped out and swam. Wobbly and Joeschnoshow use the boat and get high.
“Lem was my lover” says Wobbly laughing at Lacey in every direction possible. Then, “This water us what I’m looking at as a way to get more power. Doesn’t that impress you?!” he says to Joeschmoshow.
Joeschmoshow laughs and does his best to channel his dead uncle Joe Jr. because he’s in charge still somehow.
“I’m sure we own Lem. Right?” Wobbly checks with Joeschmoshow to verify his claims.
“Oh I think yes.” says Joeschmoshow to Wobbly.
They land on the shores of the US. Somewhere in the Hudson River.
“Boy this is class!” says Wobbly to Joeschmoshow about the Hudson River.
“Is that Lavender?!” asks Joeschmoshow.
They giggle. “It’s our city. We are the Old Money New York that owned all of the land near the Hudson on mom’s side. All of it. And I bet our ancestors planted lavender in the ether to welcome their conquering heroes home.”
“Mmm. Whatever. I’m busy tonight. I can’t talk too long. Okay?” says Wobbly to Joeschmoshow, patronizingly.
And on the wings of the ether they float away into the world they believe fervently loves them for their innate Kennedy-superiority. It’s a very…interesting River Hudson.
—
Keen to Cross the Pond 