Lem: You know Lacey was actually the innocent person. You know Casi is a gross, evil hearted thief. A copycat. So was Marjolijn at times. A lot of people copied Lacey!
But the perfume industry chose to side with Casi and Marjolijn and all the other thieves, in their attack. You chose to deny reality.
The perfume community chose to DENY REALITY. And because of that, they’re destabilizing the whole industry. They may have some inkling of that already, but…not necessarily.
Do you all understand or not?
The perfume industry: Umm…-
What’s Lacey’s birthday?
God: I’m saying it’s September 22nd. Yes, that’s creepy. Considering her legal birthday is November 22nd. Oh well. It’s possible Thelma thought it was a good sign, like a good omen.
Yes. Lem helped assassinate JFK…on Lacey’s legal birthday.
The perfume industry: *They laugh*
Does she really do things like make homemade caramels? And…grow lavender?
God: Very much so!
The perfume industry: What’s for breakfast this morning?
God: A homemade egg sandwich. With sriracha. A homemade caramel. Tea. And juice.
The perfume industry: *Laughs*
What’s for breakfast for you, Casi?
Casi: Frozen sausage patties. With syrup. And…old tropical juice?
The perfume industry: Don’t take Kratom today?
Casi: *Laughs, as if they’re in some secret mutual joke together*
The perfume industry: We’ve released some real duds in the last five years. Is that related?
God: Yup!
Didn’t you all used to get really excited about her posts? Like you looked forward to them?
The perfume industry: Yes.
God: THAT WAS HER, NOT ANY OF YOU.
So now…you have trouble.
Why did you all have to take her beauty…SO PERSONALLY? It’s not necessarily about any of you, almost at all.
Lem: So y’all don’t want to fight the Kennedy Regime? You’d rather attack Lacey?
America: *Thinks*
Oops.
Lem: Are you aware that women like Casi use gullible men of today, for power and control over other women?
The perfume industry: No? But Casi isn’t as pretty as Lacey…
Lem: Okay? Why are you even saying that?
The perfume industry: Huh.
Lem: *Laughs*
Feminism actually did change things.
Casi is a bigger, more physically strong person than Lacey. And where she loses in the bedroom…because Lacey’s more fertile and sexy…she wins on the court. Not in a courtroom, but on the court.
If there wasn’t a patriarchy, Casi would just beat a lot of people shitless, or threaten to. And she may have even gotten into physical altercations with men. But “the patriarchy” exists because of real women like Lacey, real men of the past (at least) and an actual need for male leadership. Good, healthy male leadership. …Let’s be real. Humanity isn’t so stupid. The patriarchy exists for a real, practical reason.
However, the patriarchy doesn’t serve women like Casi, NOT LACEY, well. Because Casi is much much laden with testosterone than Lacey. And she can’t be as content with a husband as Lacey can. Making caramels. Growing wheat and sewing dresses.
*Lacey and Lem laugh together*
Casi wants power, like a man. But she also wants to be loved like a woman. Possibly by a man, possibly by a woman. That’s NOT ME…and THAT’S DEFINITELY NOT LACEY.
The problem in the situation at hand is that Casi was pretending to be Lacey. ALL of her haters were. Because they wanted to be her, not themselves. They wanted to be Lacey, but not with any of the problems. They wanted to marry me…but never have to clean my shoes, and look forward to it. “I’m desperate to get these clean!!!” she may have easily said to me. And being a real man of the past I’d have said nothing. I’d have kicked them off in the basement and walked away, or I’d have laid them on the ground in the washroom. Because I’m not angry about it, I’m just relieved she’s doing her job in our house so happily and I wanna get my shoes off and take a shower! Maybe have some dinner…
Can you really imagine Casi…cheerfully and meticulously cleaning my shoes? Buffing them? No. *He laughs* Buffing them before she serves me a hot, homemade dinner. No spice packets. …No, that’s Lacey.
Lacey’s realtor (?): Lem…why didn’t you and Lacey like the house in Marine on Saint Croix?
Lem: It’s a gorgeous house.
We honestly hate to walk away.
But here’s the real problem: It’s well water. And Lacey has had bad experiences with well water. So have I…actually. When I was alive.
A woman: But you just…check it.
Lem: Yup.
We just can’t handle it.
*He smiles*
It’s a beautiful house though!
Lacey’s realtor (?): Does Mark understand?
Lem: I think he has some inkling…
See, he’s never lived in a house with well water. I have.
Lacey’s realtor (?): *Nods*
Where did you have well water?
Lem: In a farm. Lacey is hearing me say both Maryland and Pennsylvania. Oh well.
Around about there…
The perfume community: Well water can be better though!
Lem: It can! But we’ve had it…and we just don’t prefer it. It’s not personal.
Let’s get back to what we were talking about.
Lacey’s realtor (?): Could I have sold you on that?
Lem: Well…-
Almost.
*He laughs*
I’m sure it’s good water! But it just…freaks us out. I’m sorry.
A day trader: Why?
Lem: The smell. The way it tastes. Stuff like that…
It’s a gorgeous house. I hope it sells soon!
Another reader: What happened to the two of you? With well water?
Lem: We had harsh parents.
I’m sorry, I’m just being honest. They were excellent parents in many ways. But…we really weren’t allowed to complain. Ever. So…sometimes we were forced to drink well water, straight from the tap…no ice…as kids. And…it was fine. Perfectly safe. But…it smelled bad and tasted weird. You know? Stuff kids hate.
Lacey’s realtor (?): And so she doesn’t want her kids experiencing that.
Lem: They wouldn’t. She’s already careful. But it traumatized us.
Gorgeous house though.
An aging Boomer: Why did we ever try to analyze our parent’s sex lives? What a stupid idea.
Another Boomer: Well, we had our reasons.
An aging Boomer: *Laughs*
But he’s not gay!
I can tell!
Do you have any idea how weird that is for me!?
Another Boomer: See…I want to know the truth. I prefer knowing that.
An aging Boomer: I don’t.
I feel too creeped out.
Another Boomer: But-
Isn’t it nice to know? He’s not who we thought he was.
An aging Boomer: *Stares, mouth ajar.*
Another Boomer: What?
An aging Boomer: He’s…not gay. That’s…-
I didn’t want to know what he was doing in bed anyway. But they tell you that now.
It’s just weird.
Another Boomer: *Thinks*
Maybe you’re right. But I like knowing the truth.
A Gen. X guy: I’m bothered by Wikipedia. How can we know his orientation with such certainty? There’s something…extremely disturbing about that.
The CIA: Yeah.
A Gen. X guy: I feel like presumed gay is appropriate. Why can’t we say that!?
The CIA: Because it leaves the door open for doubt, and some people can’t handle that in regard to him. They need the public to completely believe he’s gay. …Safety in numbers for their increasingly fragile delusions.
An aging Boomer: Did we make Casi’s life better?
The perfume community: Lem? Were you done?
Lem: No. But he’s asking a good question.
So…you let yourself exonerate Casi…using Lacey’s identity. Of course, that’s sick as hell.
In truth, Casi is a cutthroat, difficult, rude woman. Totally different from women of the past. Her wearing Chanel No. 22 as her signature is a farce. *He laughs.*
What a joke! Anyway, Lacey can’t wear Mon Guerlain the way Casi does. It smells amazing on Lacey, but…it was designed for my grandkids and daughter. Not…my wife. …It’s real science.
They romanticized us. They romanticized Chanel No. 22 because Lacey is a gorgeous woman. And it was Instagram. And they couldn’t see her humanity. Just…the beauty of Chanel No. 22.
And when they did find her humanity…they made it pure evil, in their wicked imaginations. No empathy. No integrity. No respect. No…insight.
An aging Boomer: Do you understand why he got so confused, Lacey? With Jack?
Lacey: *Smiling*
Yes! I really do.
I feel terrible for him. Lem, that is.
I’ve been more hurt by other things. Not Jack’s gender. Maybe what Jack did with his gender, but not his gender in and of itself.
Lacey’s realtor (?): Doesn’t it seem like Jack was abusive?
Lacey: Yes! It’s not just that he was man.
The perfume industry: *Looks scared*
An aging Boomer: I don’t get it.
Lacey: He weaponized his gender. JFK weaponized his gender.
An aging Boomer: What!?
Lacey: He…took…his gender…like a witch…and made it…an evil broomstick. Metaphorically speaking.
He won the U.S. Presidency because he was a man. Unfair!
And then he turned around and smugly went off with other men! No consequences! Because he was…evil. Doubly unfair.
A lesbian could get away with it. Like Eleanor Roosevelt. As the First Lady. A gay U.S. President? No. Not easily. But…Jack got away with it…because he weaponized his gender.
He slept around. Manipulating women, and men, left and right. He sexualized every speech. Every debate. …He paid women to sexually throw themselves at him, in public. …And there’s more.
JFK…weaponized his gender. He used his male privilege like an axe. And it became more than just privilege.
*They think*
An aging Boomer: *Thinks*
*Looks disturbed*
Lem: Anyway, you can’t do what you did. In the perfume industry.
An aging Boomer: Do your kids hate you, Lem?
Lem: No.
I won’t let them suffer. And neither will Lacey. It’s absolute nonsense!
An aging Boomer: You don’t seem gay.
*He laughs.*
Lacey: *smiles*
Lem: Well, I’m not.
An aging Boomer: *Laughs harder*
CRAP, dude!
*He laughs*
Lem: *Looks sad, very serious, and walks away to control himself, and keep from crying.*
Lacey: I was waiting for one of you to make that joke.
An aging Boomer: Yeah.
*He laughs*
Lacey: Aren’t you glad it wasn’t you?
An aging Boomer: *Thinks*
Yeah.
Lacey: Thank goodness! I’m glad it wasn’t me, too. Yuck!
An aging Boomer: Yeah.
I did some experimenting in college. But in all honesty, I’m a bisexual anyway…
*He laughs*
Lacey: Huh.
I’m not. I’m glad it didn’t happen to me!
An aging Boomer: *Thinks*
*Looks sad*
A Millennial mom: *laughs*
An aging Boomer: *Looks less sad*
Lacey: Yeah! Well…you figured it out.
*She smiles*
An aging Boomer: I did!
Not everyone.
Lacey: I’m sorry it’s just you.
An aging Boomer: *Looks sad, and empathetic towards himself*
Lacey: Yeah! We’ll be fine. It’s just an ugly business.
An aging Boomer: *Thinks*
YOU HAVE WAY TOO MUCH POWER OVER MY BRAIN.
*He looks freaked-out*
Lacey: Okay.
There’s nothing I can do about that.
An aging Boomer: We did that to ourselves…
Lacey: Yes. You raised me.
But it’s cool!
It’s cool.
Lem: Well…now he’s scared.
But he’s going to be okay.
Anyhow, you can’t just walk away. Perfume community: YOU MADE A HORRIBLE MISTAKE.
Because you can’t make Casi into another person. She’s NOT Chanel No. 22. Lacey is more than most people alive. And Mira must smell atrocious in No. 22.
Perfume is personal. It is objectively its own thing. But it is personal.
So you’re making losers now. Huh? Like Northern Lover? Styrax? Funny. …Did you mean to reference her or no?
The Illuminati: Yes, and no.
Lem: But it’s the yes that’s scary.
You’re not completely comfortable with Lacey’s actual sexuality. Are you?
And I mean her heterosexuality. Nothing else.
An aging Boomer: Wow.
Casi: Wait, what!?
Lem: You’re the new norm.
A white, possibly middle class, bisexual woman. Able bodied.
Casi, you’re not “the minority” nowadays. And some people don’t understand that yet. But I do, and Lacey does at least subconsciously.
The perfume community wants to let you be “victim” and “innocent damsel in distress” because you’re traditionally that person. And traditions are comfortable. And because you’re the new norm. You’re the privileged one. In that way. Lacey is old money, and you’re not. And male beauty standards for women are…like titanium. And she’s prettier. But…you’re actually the complete bitch. Not Lacey.
You had the approval of the perfume community. Not Lacey. They “liked” you. Not Lacey. In that way.
You don’t have her glory. You aren’t her. And you’re a huge entitled bitch. Casi. …But, welcome to being one of “the privileged”. They’ll never be morally responsible enough to call you out for what you really did. Unfortunately they’re not more moral than people of the past. That’s a sad illusion.
And actually, Lacey and I can handle it. …But…we are old money. And you can’t be us.
And…you’re going to have to move on.
All of you.
In a way, it’s nice that the new normals are picking a fit with old money. It’s less icky. But, the downside is that…you can’t be us.
You can’t actually be us. And so…you’re going to keep making stupid stuff. And being stuck five years ago. Because…you’re not us.
Northern Lover? What demon inspired that?
*I laugh*
The Illuminati: A demon of…false pride?
Lem: Yeah?
Who is the Northern lover?
The Illuminati: They’re not the gal on roller skates in Florida. *They laugh*
Lem: Yeah! Talk about stalkers. And stupid conclusions.
Is it Lou?
The Illuminati: No…because…they used styrax like an insult. Like, “We can too copy you! Try and stop us!”
It can’t be Lou.
Lem: Right.
Then who is it!?
The Illuminati: Yes. It’s an allusion to her. Certainly. Accident or not.
Umm…they seem to understand it’s not her? Because she’s clearly stated she doesn’t wear men’s perfume. Many times. They’d know that.
*They think*
Lem: Then WHO IS IT!?
The Illuminati: Yeah. It does have to be someone or it’s just…a totally unprofessional, laughable product. No longer normal at all. An embarrassment to the brand.
So…
Lem: And it’s in America?
The Illuminati: *Totally panics!*
SHIT!!
SHIT!!!
She has no Northern lover. Anywhere in Belgium. And referring to Belgium as “the North” isn’t a thing. Culturally, we don’t do that. That’s an American expression. Obviously.
Did they make fun of her for saying “Southern” in reference to the South like she’s uneducated?
*They check with themselves*
Yes. Because we’re like illiterate, pseudo snobs or something…
Wow!
Umm…-
But there is no lover in Belgium…
Lem: Yeah.
Was there ever a man in Belgium who delusionally believed Lacey was in love with him?
Illuminati: Yes. And we made fun of that too.
He was an absolute idiot. Just like Casi, but worse. He also completely hallucinated a romantic relationship with her. She may have found him vaguely attractive…but nothing more. And he let himself get…totally carried away.
Lem: So…Northern Lover…is…bizarre. Genuinely bizarre.
It’s a copycat of one of their previous perfumes.
The Illuminati: Yes.
Lem: That’s an important house! This actually does mean a lot.
Important is still important.
The Illuminati: Should she just stop paying attention to new releases?
Lem: She can’t. They’re ads.
The Illuminati: So…it’s based on a delusional romance-
*They crack-up laughing*
And it’s really just a copy of an older original?
Lem: Yes.
The Illuminati: *Thinks*
They need to let it go. They NEED to. Or they’re SCREWED.
Lem: Okay. And that’s where us being old money but not the norm…is hugely problematic. They don’t know how to.
Because we’re the victims, but they can’t accept that. Partially because it’s their identity to see themselves that way. And partially because they’re…not established. They’re the norm. Yes. But not established and certainly not old money.
So they feel…arrogant and feisty. Yes? But…it’s based on norms. Not…real power. Just new societal norms. Not old traditions.
A reader: So we get to kick her ass? Or we already have?
Lem: No. You never get to.
Let me explain again. Or better, possibly.
Lacey and I…are old money.
We’re not…poor Black people. You’re used to dealing with victims like that. But this time, it’s different.
One of Lacey’s haters: Then what do we get?
Lem: Well…-
It depends! Do you want total societal unrest and collapse? No food in the grocery at all? Millions of people stabbed in their own homes?
Or…do you want something more…normal?
Them: *They think*
I want more food than we have right now!
Lem: Okay. Then you’re going to have to completely let it go. You’re never going to be us. Not us. Maybe old money in Heaven, but not US.
Them: *panics*
I don’t want to be “the norm”. I want to be the best.
Lem: That’s simply not a thing. If you’re not skiing you’re not skiing. If you’re not a treadmill you’re not a treadmill. You can only be what you are.
Some old money people are bisexual. But…that’s not the norm.
And you’re all only getting the traction you’re getting because you’re the norm.
Them: What if we made old money…the norm?
Lem: Then it would be the norm.
And it would be real. Not a way to make Casi “win”.
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