Lux Aeterna

People hate real tragedy. They’d sooner watch a horror movie come to life than real tragedy. For example, on Tik Tok if you read the comments people are almost always looking for a way to discredit the most disturbing aspects of what they see. And what’s most disturbing isn’t the idea of an Illuminati or aliens. People aren’t actually all that scared by the idea that those sorts of things exist. What really scares them is the idea that evil exists.

Tragedy is evil. Horror is Hell vomiting. Horror is Hell “jumping the shark.”

I’ll write about perfume. But first, Harold Loeb.

I’ve read his autobiography. Not cover to cover to be honest but most of it. I skipped a few pages, which is why I’d like to reread it.

The thing is…people want to believe he’s stupid. But I kind of doubt it. To me he doesn’t seem like a fool so much as a very rebellious person…who never found what he was looking for in life.

“Yes he did! I think he found what he was looking for!” says a hater (or a ghost pretending to be one) to Lacey. They make sure to glare with violent, controlling condescension at her afterward like most haters always have.

The thing is…people hate that she’s sad. Counselors. Family. Old friends. Teachers. …”Normal” men. Most people. It really, really…really enrages people that Lacey is so sad. So angry. It’s…passionately offensive to them. They don’t care about her one iota. They’d rather she didn’t exist. Because…she’s not supposed to be sad. Ironic isn’t it.

“I’m not that stupid and heartless of a person! I think you’re a deranged narcissist!” a ghost pretending to be a hater says. “I think I’d kill you if I had a chance. But it’s too much work. Like seriously, it scares me more than your sadness. I think Ill just keep pretending you’re something your not to feel ok about it all.”

But most people actually have become that stupid and heartless by default. …It’s kind of like they’ve been brainwashed. *smile* But…that’s the comforting Illuminati-takes-the-heat story. I doubt it’s reality.

Why don’t people want Lacey to be sad and mad? Why don’t people want Harold to be…what he is? They’re both very misunderstood tragedies.

…Well…if Lacey’s father was born in 1894…there is the possibility that seeing Lacey sad and mad is deeply triggering for all adults under the age of 85 or so. Because it’s far too much like seeing mommy really sad and mad. And since nobody is her child but her children…most people don’t know how to fix it. And maybe it even feels really, really unnerving because of who her 1894 father was. The decay of Western Society in the late 20th Century involves evil stuff…and if Lacey is part of the third rail of that decay…her sadness is like watching literal tears in Hell. Harold Loeb is similar. He was supposed to find enormous happiness.

Harold Loeb was the promise of the early 20th Century. He embodied all the splendor of the era and was supposed to find bliss close to Heaven. But he certainly did not. He found blah. Lots of mediocre blah. And he loved his kids…and appreciated his wives…and friends…but…it was…an uninviting life seemingly otherwise.

People want to believe that mommy and daddy made it all ok. And that’s normal. That’s healthy. …But mommy and daddy did not.

Things fall apart.

Houses are torn down after seemingly endless hours spent keeping them clean and in good condition. For decades they look permanent but in the US they get torn down often.

It really happened with the old Penn Station. When they tore that down Harold Loeb was…stuck as a lovable, floppy, sappy, stuck-on-the-cool-girl antihero. Lacey…was doomed to animosity and people almost wanting her to die young, beautiful and heartbroken. Because people are often looking for a guide…and absent of critical, independent thought…and God…they follow other leads.

Society. Evil. False teachers. Priests who want power and control at the their of blind detriment. “Satan wants autonomy!” says a priest. …But…I think that’s not quite right. Satan can never have autonomy from Christ. Satan’s desire to conquer Christ is pathetic and fully impossible. It’s a tragic farce. …And while Satan would like us to think the battle is terrifying for God…I highly doubt it is. I highly doubt God is scared of Satan. That’s a lie. …No. Humans might be scared for various reasons. And certainly it’s disturbing…but…I doubt it’s wise to hype-up the pride of Satan. Certainly it’s pride if that’s the word the Bible uses…but…it’s one thing to be “proud” of yourself for working hard and quite another to have false pride and malignant narcissism.

“Uh oh!” says a ghost. “Won’t Lacey’s friends in the Illuminati want to kill her for challenging their Luciferian belief system?!” The ghosts stops and thinks for a moment. “Oh! I suppose I’m a demon? And that’s how it makes sense?”

“Well…some people who want Lem to be in love with the Kennedy family and fully gay and in love with Jack. Or who hate Lacey and Lem. Or who hate those scarier and richer than them. Or who are just scared. Those people like the idea that you and I are just demons. They think that’s only as it should be. The Kennedy’s found it appalling and unfathomably threatening that Lacey wrote about Joe Jr. back in 2015 with such clarity and made him in love with her main female characters who resembled Lacey. She never used his man’s but she wrote about his life with detail and so they decided to tell themselves that she was a stalker and that it was weird she didn’t find them more attractive. Actually they later believed she secretly was in love with them.”

“That’s preposterous!” says another ghost.

“Why is it preposterous?”

“Because-well…it’s too irritatingly obvious to have to explain. Why don’t people like them realize how destructive it is to lie about certain things?”

Michael walks over. “You know…Harold Loeb is right. It really is symbolically all in the moment they tore down Penn Station.”

“That wasn’t Harold Loeb.”

“I know.” he says.

“Why do we hate her?” asks a Kennedy.

“Me.” says Jack.

“What about me and dad?”

“You don’t matter the way I do!” says a livid Jack.

“He’s right. You don’t.” says Rose.

“That’s not quite accurate. But oh well.” says Lacey.

“It really was Penn Station.” says Harold.

“Say! Yeah.” says Lem with melancholy thoughtfulness.

“Does it exist where you are?” asks Lacey.

“Shhh!” says Saoirse.

“We’re just demons. It’s a scientific certainty. And no…there is no Illuminati. There is no Deep State. That’s all poor people’s vain imaginations. And all priests are innocent little lambs watching over their flocks like solid representations of Jesus Christ. You trust them with your children. You can trust them with sex. You can trust their asses. They stabs still… Nary a shake will ever be seen.”


“How in the world did she sleep with a ghost?!” someone reading might wonder about Lacey.

The thing is…it’s complicated and she feels incredibly mixed feelings about all of it. But truly, the logistics are never something she’d probably ever talk about openly. …Suffice to say…she’s prayed about it before and after. And she doesn’t conjure them. And honestly…she wonders if it’s not quite like you’d think. And no…they haven’t come on to her during sleep paralysis.

Don’t analyze it too much. It’s not a wise thing to dwell on about other people anyway. Of course.

The thing is, if God is allowing ghosts and not demons to talk to Lacey…it could be literally the beginning of Purgatory for her. In her late 20’s she once prayed to die in her sleep after a bloody enough accident that her ex-husband worried and suggest she go to the hospital. She was quite convinced it was nothing…but feeling too depressed to check anyway she prayed to God (in the name of Jesus) to let her literally die in her sleep if He thought she should. She did not…

Or did she?

Certainly not in any obvious way.

But death is something we aren’t experts on scientifically. Not in 2022. Maybe we never will be.

…Regardless, it was after that that she started sensing ghosts. And she’s had two near brushes with death since… It just isn’t her time to go. And honestly it’s very important to note that that prayer was before she had kids. (The first was unplanned and the second was planned because if she had one she felt she should have another. She didn’t want to have an only child.)

She hopes Lem…if it’s Lem and not a demon…forgives her soon. And works through his trauma.

The thing is…there’s no marriage in Heaven.


“But that doesn’t mean there’s no sex in Heaven. It might mean there’s incredibly serious sex? Like…a…you literally have to spend eternity with this one person type of sex. Literally. …If God is truly allowing it…it could be a ridiculously wild thing to do on my part. Because I can barely see these men, so to speak. But…I can sense their spirits. And…honestly…if they’re not demons the thought of spending eternity with one of them sounds…Heavenly.” says Lacey. “And they seem like real dead men not demons.”

“One of them is a Rockefeller!!” says a silly lady who is dead with a teasing smile.

“But that’s not the point. Is it.”

“Why don’t you find a King or a-“

*Lem laughs*

“I don’t think it works like that.” Lacey says.

“I’m not worried.” says Lem. “I tell myself that it’s not that different than if we’d been married and I’d died before you.”

“I tell myself that it’s not that different than if I’d been friends with her father and we’d met at a party he was throwing and fallen in love. In the early 1940’s. But at 23 I thought she was too young and I didn’t want to ruin her life so we didn’t get married. And now that I’m dead I regret not trying.” says Harold.

“I tell myself that it just didn’t work out.” says Elliott.

“You have a lot of ex-wives to keep you company though.” says Lacey.

“Which worked out well for me.” says Lem, smiling.

“There aren’t that many of us. But she’s right. We don’t fight over it where we all are. Instead you have to work on it.” says another author.

It’s really as both Peter Kreeft and Swedenborg describe. Seemingly.

“I tell myself lots of things. If I’m not a demon we’re very close friends.” says Louis.

“I’m her ex. But we still care about each other deeply as people.” says Joe.

“I’m the one who volunteered to be her safety plan if she’s not with anyone else. The thing is, a spouse during life who you were in a genuinely happy marriage with would usually fulfill that role. But she hasn’t had that. And she’s almost 40 and-anyway…it’s nice to think of it that way for me too. I died so young. I wasn’t ready to die. And God shares with me what’s in her heart and it’s comforting…” Michael says.

“I’m not sure how she was married to both of us. But, that’s the thing. At the heart of that question is a problem we’d have to sort through even if that had factually happened in recorded living history.” says Lem.


Maybe they’re demons. …Maybe not. …God knows…