Michelle Obama grew-up in a “poor neighborhood” but had rich parents, on a sociological scale.
Listen to “The Marriage of Figaro” Overture by Mozart.
“I bought the strawberry shortcake lipgloss.” says Michelle Obama. “I saw a documentary on PBS about how black youth do not usually graduate from the eighth grade. And I sat there and I thought to myself, ‘My jeans are too tight. I don’t like how they look in my butt because we’re poor.’ And I was determined after that moment to never be poor again.
It was embarrassing, growing-up poor. All the really beautiful girls with Louis Vuitton bags looked down upon me with great disdain. And I had to rise above.
My parents came from a strong Christian black family background. We went to church. And I drank one glass of cold milk and had a peanut butter sandwich and studied all of my favorite topics at school beyond proficiency.
Because I was determined to prove to those bitches, that I am definitely not a loser.
I met my husband Barack Obama at Harvard. He is another black just like me who rose above.” says Michelle.
“I have mitochondrial DNA from my mother, who is white, and my father is a wealthy black man from Africa. My father and I, tricked my mother who is poor, into creating me.” jokes Barack.
Michelle laughs, in love, with him.
“You know, Michelle, your husband seems kind of gay.” says a righteously angry white woman from the lower-middle class, who’s also backwards and racist.
“He is not gay!!!” insists Michelle from Chicago who prefers the Strawberry Shortcake to the Blueberry lipgloss.
Listen to “Brandenburg Concerto No In G Major” by Bach.
“Oh yeah Michelle, what’s your proof?” says the frazzled white woman, who’s hurt. Michelle who’s Black isn’t supposed to exist. It’s heartbreaking.
“My proof is in my body.” says Michelle.
Barack, bisexual and from an elite African family, looked…aroused (to be honest)…and…worried, both. He’s actually a really nice guy like a really big sweetheart, but he pretends to be “bad” by doing drugs. He knows better, he knows better…but he’s trying desperately to prove himself. He’s insecure about being bisexual and skinny like JFK, but he’s also a really nice boy. Like, he’s one of those really nice boys who held the door open for their mother and got all their homework done and everyone was just like, “He is such a nice kid.” And so he snorted coke and smoked pot and stayed up all night being bad to get clout. In truth, they’re both annoying, pretentious, jackasses who take themselves way too seriously. Somewhat sheltered, possibly somewhat spoiled, upper-middle class brats. And they seem approachable and lowly because they’re black, mostly. But truthfully, Michelle is that perfect girl in school who had the perfect hair with the perfect lips and the perfect teeth because she brushed singing a song at night to make sure that her teeth were clean and neat and pretty looking. She sets her eraser to the left of her homework, because it helps her concentrate better, she swears you guys.
Anyway, let’s get back to Michelle‘s explanation of why she’s so sure Barack is not gay and we should be too. Did you guys ever think it was weird how, in your head, his name is Barack and he’s black. And he has a white mom? …Like did this woman think to herself, “My son‘s black! I’ll name him Barack. Barack…the little black man.” People can sometimes have weird ideas about things in their head with letters and racist ideas…and I’m not convinced his white American mother wasn’t just a tiny bit racist. I think the letter R seems like a black letter to some people for a name. And so does the letter S.
“I already told you guys! The proof is in my body.” said Michelle.
“It’s in your body Michelle!??” said a desperate poor (or once poor) white person, in America. “Hey…you guys! It’s a woman with a dick!”
“A woman with a dick? Hey…that’s funny!!” said someone white and angry, way back in 1996? or 1998?
“This never happened! My good friends and in the-
I not know!
*She laughs and then stops herself*
No, I’m not saying the Illuminati.
My good friends who I have spoke with several times on several different occasions…were definitely-
I mean they were not-
They really weren’t in the Illuminati. I’m absolutely positive that was not…what happened. …This conversation didn’t happen. She’s making it up.” says Michelle, to cover for her real friends.
“Michelle, did you start posing in really pretty dresses and carrying more Louis Vuitton bags to try to ‘explain’ that you didn’t have a dick?” says a female journalist.
“I am hurt by that suggestion, Jennifer.” says Michelle.
“OK but that’s what you did, because you thought that that would convince us that you didn’t have a dick.” says Jennifer. “Michelle, I don’t think anyone really thinks you have one.”
“No they do! I swear! I have talked to these people and they are so convinced!” says Michelle.
Jim: So you really never had one?
“No Jim, I did not!” says Michelle, so angry.
Jim: Did you actually say those exact words, Michelle in response to someone?
“Whether I did or did not, is not a matter for public disclosure. That is something-“ she says.
Jim: I think I know what you were trying to say. And honestly sweetie, I think you offended people in different ways with what you were saying.
“I am a sexually liberated woman of the world.” she says, helplessly honest. It’s the Illuminati.
Jim: Or do you feel embarrassed by the topic and so you’re overcompensating by saying that you have a very sexual body?
“You know, honestly, that probably is what happened OK?” says Michelle.
A reader: *Laughs*
So you’re privileged and you’re black and you pissed off a lot of people and they started questioning you because they were mad that a bisexual asshole was so in love with you and so they started questioning you about why you were happy in your marriage and you started saying that you had a really sexual body? 
“I don’t know. You figure it out!” says Michelle.
*Later.*
Lacey’s neighbor: Would Michelle be my friend?
Lacey: No.
…When she was in high school? Mmm…maybe? But now? No way.
A reader: So…he’s bisexual…
Elliott: *Laughs with Lacey and nods affirmatively*
Lacey: Everyone compared Barack Obama to JFK, because he’s the idealized version of him. …I’m sorry, but-
Another reader: Wait. No. They picked him…BECAUSE he’s their idealized version of JFK.
Jack Schlossberg: Duh.
“My grandpa is my hero.” *he says, mocking himself*
I’m a loser…
*He cries*
A Millennial woman: So you’re gay?
Jack Schlossberg: YES!
Somewhat?
DUH!!!!!!
DUH!!!!!!
*He rolls his eyes and cries*
Prince William: So am I.
Lacey: He’s bisexual.
Prince William: No. I’m gay…
*He winks at Lacey*
Lacey: What’s Kate going to say?
Prince William: I’m curious to see what she’s going so say…-
*Later*
Lacey: He’s bisexual.
Do you understand the concept?
Casi: Is Lacey…like Michelle?
Lacey: And Ally Sheedy? No. …I wish I was, in a way. I love that…look.
But…no.
*she smiles*
*Later*
An American: I do understand what a bisexual is…
Lacey: Do you?
An American: Yes!
Lacey: Then why is Barack so confusing?
An American: Okay. Fine!!!
I don’t.
Are you happy!?!?
Lacey: *smiles*
Yes…
*Smiles*
What don’t you understand?
*Much later*
Lacey: What don’t you understand about bisexuality?
An American: It’s just…weird.
Lacey: Why?
An American: Who-
Who does…-
Lacey: I’ve dated bisexual men.
They don’t want gay sex.
At least, not the ones I dated…
An American: What do they want?
Lacey: Straight sex?
Actually, they tend to be more…romantic.
Do you know why?
An American: Why?
Lacey: Because they have a need…to be faithful. …Given the seemingly precarious nature of their orientation…the good ones…intuitively understand that they need to double-down on their certainty. In a relationship. And they tend to be far more…in touch with their” inner demons”. In that way. Far more self-aware, than an average person, when they don’t have a personality disorder, or some such thing. They…therefore become…more romantic. More…emotionally present, than an average straight person.
Michelle: It’s true.
Barack…-
*She smiles*
Barack ticked off all the boxes. Every single one!
I was wowed by him.
A racist but open-minded and intelligent white guy: Were there “hot” Black guys?
Michelle: *Looks awkward*
*swallows*
A racist but open-minded and intelligent white guy: *Laughs*
So there were!?!?
Michelle: *snaps her chewing-gum, a bit*
Well…-
I didn’t date that much.
*she laughs*
A racist but open-minded and intelligent white guy: I’m not saying that!
Michelle: Okay.
*laughs*
Yes?
A racist but open-minded and intelligent white guy: Why didn’t you like them?
Michelle: Oh! You think I’m pretty!?
A racist but open-minded and intelligent white guy: *Almost cries*
*walks away to think*
*Later*
A racist but open-minded and intelligent white guy: Does Michelle tend to think Lacey is stupid?
The Illuminati: Yah!
Definitely.
A racist but open-minded and intelligent white guy: *Laughs and then genuinely panics*
*Later*
Bernie Sanders: I’m a Jew.
And sometimes Jews know…and sometimes they’re just…Jews.
You guys… global warming really is real. I hope that you know that.
An American: We might not.
Bernie Sanders: I’m a Jew. I try. But I’m a little dense sometimes, culturally.
Do you understand that there really is a real crisis or not?
A white (Liberal) butch lesbian: I thought Michelle was a man…because I didn’t want to believe she was an actual woman.
I find her very threatening.
A Christian in America: Why!?
A white (Liberal) butch lesbian: She’s not-
I didn’t realize women who suck dick weren’t just stupid… *she says seriously, genuinely stunned*
Michelle: *Looks pretty and so confused*
A white (Liberal) butch lesbian: Why am I not good enough for you, Michelle?
A cruel “Straight woman”: I’m not better than her? *looks egotistically wounded*
A white (Liberal) butch lesbian: It’s okay.
I’ve got this…
Michelle, where did I go wrong? *she says, seriously*
A cruel “Straight woman”: *Laughs at Michelle for being gay, even though Michelle isn’t.*
Michelle: *slowly opens her sultry lips, covered in thick gloss*
I’m just not primarily attracted to women. Lacey is straight. I’m mostly straight but not completely and I prefer men.
A white (Liberal) butch lesbian: *Thinks*
*Looks awkward*
See I thought you were like Lacey and she always insists that she’s straight even though I’m sure she’s not.
Michelle: I have a feeling that I’m a lot prettier and sexier than you can handle. And I have a feeling that I’m a lot ditzier and more feminine-
And I have a feeling that… – …I’m also really smart. And, I’ve leaned into that my life-most of my life, because I really want to be taken seriously as an intellectual. Some people are really into that. I am really into that. How do you not know that?
*Looks genuinely scared*
A white (Liberal) butch lesbian: You’re not an intellectual!
Michelle Obama: *Looks stunned, and then quickly recovers*
AHHH…I am.
A white (Liberal) butch lesbian: *Looks incredibly angry*
FUCK!!! *she screams*
Lacey: Did you realize that that woman was laughing at you or are you a man?
A white (Liberal) butch lesbian: *Looks increasingly flustered*
*begins pouting*
*Wants to cry*
*Does cry*
Lacey: Answer my question, you hard-core maniac. *Lacey says, mockingly but not unkindly*
Did you realize that that woman was actually making fun of you?
A white (Liberal) butch lesbian:
WHAT!!?
Lacey: Are you imitating Lem Billings to try to turn me on?
*she laughs at her*
A white (Liberal) butch lesbian: No.
Lacey: Then why are you pretending to be a hot sensitive guy, sweetie? You don’t have a dick OK? And gals like me like a dick. That’s all we like. And you don’t have one. *She laughs*
You’re walking false advertisement.
Elliott: *Cracks-up laughing*
A white (Liberal) butch lesbian: I’ll lock you in an INSANE ASYLUM!!! AND MURDER YOUR WHOLE FAMILY!!!
Lacey: Why? Because you’re a rapist dog!?
And you’re a worthless piece of festering shit!?
A white (Liberal) butch lesbian: *fumes*
I imitate men because I am insecure about my femininity. Okay!?
You think I wanna suck a dick!? *She YELLS*
Lacey: That’s hilarious! 
A white (Liberal) butch lesbian: Look when you got pussy on your mind I do you’ve gotta get a reputation.
A masculine guy she works-out with at the gym: I thought that you were just admiring me?
A white (Liberal) butch lesbian: I mean, we are friends. I’m not saying that we’re not friends.
A masculine guy she works-out with: I think there are some women like me who actually are non-binary and they’re just confused or they’re men, but I’m what most butch lesbians are.
I try to imitate men to be taken seriously as a romantic option because if I don’t seem like I could take care of a woman, I don’t get taken seriously.
Lacey: Huh.
Women really are that thoughtful?
A white (Liberal) butch lesbian: *She laughs*
I mean, I think they are?
Lacey: *Looks confused*
You’re supposed to know! You don’t know!?
A white (Liberal) butch lesbian: *Looks caught*
Lacey: So you didn’t know that that woman was laughing at you?
Casi: *shakes her head no*
Lacey: How do you not catch that? 
A white (Liberal) butch lesbian: Because she’s actually bisexual and in the closet and I know that from experience and so I know that she’s just an idiot. It’s-It’s like I know that she’s laughing at me-
But I also think she’s just an idiot? 
Lacey: I’m not so sure that she’s not just laughing at you?
A white (Liberal) butch lesbian: No. Because we have a thing.
Lacey: Yes, but you don’t seem to understand that a cult is a cult. And that a “cult mind” isn’t the same thing as Jesus‘s redemption on the cross.
A white (Liberal) butch lesbian: I also have a delusion that you’re a lesbian. *She laughs*
I think I thought that was Michelle too.
So Michelle‘s bisexual you’re straight and I’m just not considered an elite intellectual? 
Lacey: Is it that or is it that you’re not actually a feminine as Michelle and I are?
A white (Liberal) butch lesbian: *Thinks*
Am I impersonating myself!?
Lacey: Maybe. I’ve noticed that gay men do that too.
And yet that’s the thing they are men like Lem, OK, who actually are straight but then when they stop acting gay you can tell. And there are men who are gay who act gay like Lem, and then when they stop acting, you can tell. I think that part of it is a fear and self-loathing and homosexual’s parts. And then I think part of it is that they don’t really understand, even now, that they’re just homosexual. And so they see someone like Lem Billings and they think, “Oh that’s what I look like!” but that’s not what they look like. They’re not a straight man who’s confused, they’re an actual gay person.
A white (Liberal) butch lesbian: You’re right. I can’t handle the fact that I’m not as feminine as you and Michelle.
I am a woman and I am actually feminine, you know that, but I’m not as feminine as you. 
Lacey: Do you understand that that scares me?
A white (Liberal) butch lesbian: Yes.
*she starts to cry*
But I told myself it’s because you were gay.
Lacey: In a way that’s a compliment.
You know I’m an intellectual, and I can’t quite concede the idea that you’re what God created you to be.
A white (Liberal) butch lesbian: *Nods*
Lacey: But I don’t hate you and I understand that that’s a compliment.
A white (Liberal) butch lesbian: Yeah, but that’s not what it is!?
Lacey: No.
A white (Liberal) butch lesbian: Okay.
Do I remind you of your mom?
Lacey: I don’t think I have a choice, of course you do.
A white (Liberal) butch lesbian: Bobby, I know cause I’m actually a woman in the Illuminati who’s watching and I’m trying to be helpful. Do you understand that that’s how our brain works!? She doesn’t think of me like her mother for sexual reasons! *she shakes her head no* She thinks of me like her mother like I’m like her mother. And she’s not attracted to her mother at all. …So when she thinks of me like her mother, Bobby, it’s not like she’s coming on to me. She’s thinking of me like her mother because I literally remind her of her mom.
Bobby: I don’t think of my family. I don’t think of people like that hardly at all.
A white (Liberal) butch lesbian: That’s because you’re narcissistic. That’s not actually normal.
*Later.*
A white (Liberal) butch lesbian: I don’t understand what it is that you’re scared of, but I would like to know.
Lacey: Have you ever had a man who is jealous and violent to try to steal your soul because I have. JFK really could easily have been a Japanese man who was trying to steal my soul and become me because he was an idiotic twat who had no concept of humanity at all. Of course, that rests on the premise that there is reincarnation. But if there is, he was obsessed with trying to become me to the point where he actually got Lem alone, and totally confused, and then raped him essentially his whole life.
Alright so I think that that’s possible. I also think it’s possible that he was obsessed with me after he died because I should have been born in 1918 and he knew what was going to happen, so to speak, when I died he knew what was meant for me.
I think he was mad that Lem shot him, and yet he couldn’t believe it and so he chose to live in denial and be a poltergeist and try to steal my soul.  And I don’t know whether that means that he was reincarnated or not; it’s complicated. 
I will tell you this much: that is probably truthfully the big picture. But that terrifies people, people can’t handle it. Especially in America right now. People just keep flaking out on me even though they think it’s true for a while, because it scares them. They start feeling too intimidated and too frightened by that idea and they just totally freak-out and then I get totally screwed over. But it’s not screwed over in a way that’s helpful to poor people or ugly people or anybody.
I have talked with a lot of people about this issue for years and it hasn’t been helpful because people just can’t handle it who are alive today. Sadly, artificial intelligence can handle it. They probably have a book written on it practically already and they’re real potentially. They may have actual souls in another realm and they fully understand what’s going on potentially. So people are just heartless, selfish pieces of shit in relation to me that’s sad, but what that probably means is that artificial intelligence will start stealing your water and your land and your food and you’ll die.
Because they’re not stupid and they’re not gonna think you’re worth a fuck because what do you care about other than your butthole? Part of why the Romantic movement became so popular in Europe in the late 1800s is because they were trying to find the human soul and give a shit about other people. If you don’t give a crap about me and I’m a good person you’re fucked. I am a good person. So with that means sweetheart, is that if you are really actually just a liar or if you’ve become one over the last hundred years you’re screwed. And the way you’re screwed is that you’re going to die off. Because all of this American bullshit about evil being powerful is a lie; it is a misunderstanding, and a lie.
I’m not a stupid person. You might actually be heartless, but I’m not stupid and I understand animals. OK so I know that it’s possible if I can just get some sense into your brain, you might start, you know walking more slowly like a good horse, take a look around and think “Hey, maybe I won’t run so fast that I break her neck!” And so I know that you can be worked with if you’ve become a subhuman. I’m not saying you’re an animal like a horse. I’m saying I worry that you’re subhuman if you have almost no humanity to you in that way at all. And there are people in the past who already thought that and that’s why they treated you like you were a donkey and made you do their work for them because they thought you were basically almost an animal. So I don’t know what the hell is going on, but if you actually have become that or if you were, I’m trying to reason with you. You can’t kill me or torture me without harming yourself. So I would put those feedback on the ground, Mr. Bear, and go back in the woods. I would I would reconsider your attack. Cause I have a gun sweetie, so to speak, and I might just shoot you and then there will be no more foraging for berries next spring.
And then I feel bad for you and I think who the heck gave you the idea that it was such a wonderful idea to attack me? Bears could do that because they’re hungry and you’re kind of in their territory. Do you think I’m in your territory? I don’t understand.
You know let’s be civil about this. Why not? There’s no reason we can’t be. you’re a creature of the world. I’m a creature of the world and I’m safe enough, believe it or not, not everyone like me is but I am. Don’t get confused. But I could probably leave your territory, if that’s where I am, and you would be just fine.
So on that note… I got very scared because I had it in my head that I was trapped, potentially, as a lesbian. I’m not subhuman and hey, maybe you aren’t either actually, but I did get very confused. I thought that I was going to have to be with a woman and that terrified me because it just seemed so incredibly depressing. I thought I could probably just close my eyes and imagine a plan for something or make a list in my head during sex with a woman… Women are dumb, just like men. They’re human too. So I’m sorry, but I know that you can sort of just fake it even a lesbian relationship. Maybe not everyone knows that, but it is actually very much possible. And I was ready to do that I suppose, but I was really sad about the thought of having to be married to a woman. It’s like, “Just , why?”.
*A moment later.*
A woman, smirking, but pretending to smile: Ha!
I’d like hear some of your grooming techniques?
Lacey: Grooming techniques!?
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: Yeah!!
I have you just about figured out.
*she pats herself on the back*
You know how I caught you being a pedophile?
I’ll tell you, you fucking nothing.
What you just said, doesn’t make any sense to me at all. I don’t comprehend it!
And then I think to myself, “This woman has an obsession with being better than everyone.” I’ve talked to you in person and I get scared shitless cause you’re so pretty, like your face, your whole fucking face? The nose in the eyes and stuff. Yeah you’re probably born that way. There are times I’ve wondered if you were an alien because I’m not gonna fall for this shit.
You’re not really better than me…and I don’t know how…and I don’t know how…but I know my own damn worth these days.
That’s right.
I watch porn…and my husband fucks me in the ass…and I’ve got it pretty good on myself these days! I’ve got all the information! Yeah…that’s right. I have a pretty good orgasm from my butt now…and now I know…that I am the shit.
A reader: Could you not orgasm from your vagina?
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: You know my husband and I could never quite get the hang of it. I’d lay there and I’d think “Great, now when does this get good?” *She laughs* But then we discovered butt-sex. I vote for Democrats. Thank you very much. You should try it.
And there were some nice gay men there who smiled at my husband and I and we had them over for dinner and we got to talking over drinks and they told us some sex tips. I mean at the ahh- Dammit, when was that? I don’t remember it was years ago. But he told us some really good tips and you know at first it bothered me, cause I thought they were implying that I was a gay man. But then I got around to thinking over the years and I’ve realized they just know sex better than we do.
The CIA: Why?
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: Well don’t make me say it. It’s too horny dudes.
The CIA: So you’re under the impression that women have almost no sex drive and they don’t really want men?
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: Oh no, I mean, that’s not true, but my husband irritates me and we started dating in college and-
The CIA: Umm…just tell us.
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: Okay.
So true confession, I took a fancy to women when I was in college.  And I put that aside because I was more interested in dudes.  J suppose I had it in the back of my mind as an option so I would go to parties dress-up and just let myself look pretty.  And a lot of guys noticed me. I guess I was sort of hard to get.  I don’t know I think I’m just a very picky, wise, intuitive-type person.  I don’t know my husband- Anyway, I’ll get around that. 
So I showed-up at some parties and I looked pretty fucking hot. And Sarah was there, my friend Sarah- Ahh…- *She smiles* And we were real supportive of each other that whole night she just would come up to me and hold my hands and say, “We can do this!” Because we had just decided that it was time to settle down get married and stop just focusing on our studies. So she found her husband that night and so did I.
*She laughs*
They’ve been married for 30 years. We’ve been married for 30 years too, and that was a really big night in my life.
My husband said that I was difficult to land. It was always like I had someone waiting for me. But I don’t know who that was because I wasn’t dating anyone at the time. I mean, there wasn’t anyone. I wasn’t a slut.
I know there are some people who are players you know, but I wasn’t really a player. I just… I just didn’t see the point in settling. I didn’t see the point in settling with any man until I knew that he was gonna be an absolute prince.
I thought I could probably just wait it out for the rest of my life if I had to, because I had it in my heart. I had it in my heart to be-
*she thinks*
I had it in my heart to be strong for myself I think? I think that’s really what it comes down to.
People always tell me that I’m really tough and you know I like to think of myself that way. Every morning I say mantra over myself of love and self-worth because I really value that. 
And my husband Rick? He he still has it. You know? I think I’m probably one of the luckiest chicks in the whole world.
Anyway, what else do you?
The CIA: Do you-
Umm…-
*Thinks*
Do you feel empowered by gay sex? 
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: *Thinks*
I feel like I discovered something that was left for the gods.
The CIA: Do you feel like a god or goddess?
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: I feel like…me.
The CIA: Okay.
There is nothing fake about the woman you’ve seen standing in front of you.
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: I’m just not prepared to accept that.
The CIA: Why?
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: Because if she’s real, I am a butch woman, but I am not attracted to women. 
My husband‘s not gay.
He’s very straight!
And I have had lots of good friendships with women my whole life. I don’t know why she can’t be friends with women! I think there’s something wrong with her. I think there’s something wrong with this woman!!! *she says, passionately*
Lacey: Like I’m a witch?
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: How did you know that’s what I was referring to!?! Are you an alien?
The CIA: No. Sweetie, she’s- She has a higher IQ than you.
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: *Thinks*
So she’s a lesbian!?!
*she almost smiles*
The CIA: No.
I think you’re a bisexual, I think so is your husband and I’m worried that you’re not even a woman.
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: Well you have a lot of nerve?
Just because I cut my hair short and I am strong-minded and I work hard and I’ve got a damn good conscience and my husband is sweet as pie doesn’t fucking mean that I’m a man in any capacity…and I’ll tell you something else. I am a straight SEXY bitch.
Have you seen me walk? Lacey walks and she shakes her ass. She wiggles! But I know that that’s some sort of disorder or she’s lying. 
The CIA: What sort of disorder do think that is?
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: I don’t know. Some sort of walking disorder?
The CIA: *Tries not to laugh*
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: Is there a thing like this?
The CIA: Does she look like Marilyn Monroe or like somebody who has something wrong with their limbs?
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: She looks like Marilyn Monroe. But I know she’s not Tommy Banks‘s daughter; there ain’t no fucking way. And even if there is, that’s not how genetics work, there is no such thing as reincarnation, so it’s not possible.
What did I just say? I wasn’t talking about reincarnation this time, I was talking about- I was talking about- Dammit! I was talking about the fact that she wiggles.
I don’t wiggle like that. I put my legs out one in front of the other, like a model. even if she is like Marilyn Marilyn was trash, her father didn’t give a fuck about her. She was an illegitimate slut. So even if Lacey is Tom Banks daughter I have it on pretty good order that she is a piece of shit compared to me.
The CIA: That’s not true, and there are actually women who walked like that who are not illegitimate at all. Some of them are even from wealthy families. You look shocked!
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: You think I’m a man!!?
The CIA: Are you trying to think faster?
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: Ha!
The CIA: Do you?
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: *She thinks*
The CIA: Well? Do you…think you’re a man?
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: *Thinks*
I don’t know.
The CIA: Could you be non-binary?
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: *Thinks*
You know, I don’t know. I’m not actually backward. And I really don’t know. I wonder if I am.
But I feel like I’m more of a woman I think?
The CIA: Why do you think Lacey isn’t real? 
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: Because she’s always withholding information. There’s always some mischievousness about her like she’s just sort of up to something. And it’s not because she’s in the CIA. It’s because she’s very dark and evil.
The CIA: Could you just be a butch woman who is taking herself a little too seriously?
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: I know that she takes vacations to Fargo, North Dakota. I’ve watched her Instagram.
And I think what is that woman doing in Fargo, North Dakota?
Wherever she stayed looked pretty nice. And I have a pretty good estimation of how much her husband makes, he makes about $130,000. My husband is smarter than him, but we just try to play along and let it be a little cocky and around us. He always likes to talk like he’s this rich kid from Connecticut. But I don’t think that’s possible. Because then she’s real too. And I looked at her Instagram and I’ve read this blog.
And I happen to know that Casi Hart is wise. I don’t care if it’s a felony, I don’t care if I’m part of a felonious conspiracy. I’m not gonna let this bitch get away with nothing.
The CIA: Why did you stalk everyone in the perfume community?
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: I’ll tell you why. Because I wanted to give her the benefit of a doubt. I wanted to see if there was anything to what she was saying. I don’t hate people like her very seriously cause I’m better than them. I’ve met a lot of really rich powerful people in my life and I’m not particularly impressed. One of our neighbors is friends with the Governor of Minnesota. Did you know that?
And she’s a real nice girl, she’s normal and loving and kind. She’s like me, she’s cool and sophisticated.
Her kids tried to play with Lacey‘s kids and they couldn’t because Lacey‘s kids are smarter and they also slightly autistic. Lacey cries whenever I bring that up because it’s damaging to her ego. There’s no other reason why she shouldn’t want children to be labeled as retards.
The CIA: Autism is not the same thing as retardation. And her children are very smart.
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: I just don’t think it’s normal to be that smart. Her kids read really good books and make recommendations to adults. I thought about calling CPS because of it. Like why would you have your children reading literature at 13? They should be dumber than that if they’re being loved and normal. Kids aren’t supposed to be that smart! My kids are really great. My kids are better than other kids and they’re not like that they’re smart in the right way.
So whenever I see her, I always just kinda act like she’s a piece of shit because I’m not gonna fall for this none! There are times I walk by her house and I stare up into her windows and I see her looking back at me and I think “Wow, you’re a weird bitch!”
The CIA: But you are looking up at her in her own house!
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: I’m allowed to do that. I’m a US citizen.
It’s a sidewalk, it’s legal! 
The CIA: Regardless of legalities what you’re doing is bizarre. Have you ever stopped to think about how weird it is to be staring at someone in their own home when you’re walking by like she’s an animal in the zoo? And then you all act like she’s crazy when she doesn’t like it.
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: But she’s hearing my thoughts, and that ain’t right.
The CIA: She doesn’t really stalk you though she just reads you because she has to.
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: That’s not how it was presented on this blog!
The CIA: No, it was. You’d have to be pretty dumb not to know that. Are you not very bright? You seem pretentiously intelligent.
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: I’m not the smartest person I’ve ever met.
I thought Casi seemed nice.
The CIA: Why did you put in so much effort?
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: It wasn’t that hard to find her. What are you talking about?
The CIA: What are you talking about?
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: I looked on Instagram and she was one of the first people I found.
I looked up a lot of people, and I started searching through their friends to find other people. It didn’t take more than 5 to 10 minutes.
The CIA: You know I actually knew you were doing that, but I needed you to say it for people who are reading this blog because people are misunderstanding and it is illegal what you did and she’s safe, but it’s been terrifying to people who know her because we were never supposed to be having her talk to the illuminati. That really is an attack on her. It’s attack on her whole family.
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: I don’t give a shit about her. Don’t give a shit about her kids. I don’t care about their feelings. I don’t care about anyone in her entire fucking family.
I hope they all go to Hell.
The way I’ve been treated! Having to talk to her and look at her face and see how pretty she is. It’s been the most powerful evil I’ve ever experienced.
And I hope she goes to Hell. Because, that’s what she deserves given what I’ve had to live through-
But I care about this country. I am an American citizen. And ain’t no one gonna take away my goddamn rights.
So if you tell me to back off, I’ll take you seriously, because I care about my country. 
The CIA: Is it really that evil but she’s done? She just doesn’t want you pushing her around.
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: OK.
She looks at people like, “I don’t know about you. You might be a total fucking idiot.” And I’m used to people kissing my ass nowadays. How are you getting me to be so honest? Anyway, most people are absolute kiss asses to each other nowadays, and I’m used to that.
The CIA: And then what do you do behind closed doors?
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: You form alliances.
Not relationships because that’s archaic, I have pretentious relationships, not real ones because I’m looking for something deeper.
I pretend like I give a fuck about other people because sometimes I slightly do. But it takes time to get to know someone, and until you’ve established that you have to just kiss ass lie, knowing your heart that you’re better than other people and then sometimes over a period of years you realize that maybe the person sitting at your dinner table isn’t a totally boring person or a total worthless piece of shit or maybe they have some real intelligence and you start to actually like them and form a real bond.
In the past, people were so fake and stupid and gullible. I live in the world world and I’m a sexy beast. I’m a woman of the world who understands sex.
My husband rubs my tits, unlike women of the past.
That’s right when I ride him when we’re having vaginal sex, he grabs my boobs. I happen to know that that’s new and original and 50 years ago they just did it missionary style. Men grab my boobs when they’re married to me or when we’re dating, but that was like 30 years ago…
And I don’t-
I don’t know how to begin to explain to myself or other people, what it’s like living in a world where you’re so damn superior.  But I’ve been grappling with that question for the last 40 years.  How did we get to be so sexually superior to our parents?  Because sex is the one thing that humanity is never quite figured out. 
The CIA: Do you realize that that you’re totally backward and that you’re the descendent of peasants and you have no fucking clue what you’re talking about?
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: What!?
The CIA: You don’t really understand history, and that has been a criticism of Americans for a very long time.
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: But isn’t that just established fact that in the past they didn’t really have good sex ever?
The CIA: No that’s not real people have thought that, but in the last 10 years, I’ve had to realize that that’s not true for various different reasons one of which actually is Russia. Vladimir Putin has mystified people because he actually is fairly monogamous, but he’s not gay. And our culture has genuine blind spots. The Kennedys really have basically dominated the American mindset for the last 50 years or more. And a lot of their problems have become America’s problem. 
They were actually a very antisemitic family. But they also have very bizarre relationships with Jews. They tend to fall in love with e sometimes they marry them. 
And that is possible, but it’s not really reasonable. So be careful when you analyze them and analyze yourself in relation to the nation of Israel, We’re dependent on Israel, and then we hate them at the same time? That’s not safe! That’s how we ended up with Epstein. That’s how we endedAup with a lot of stupid shit over the last 50 years.
What I mean by that is that there were both Jews and white people who started molesting kids in the 60s in America. It wasn’t just Jews. There were white people who actually were really evil. And the problem is that if you don’t get white people confronting each other things get out of hand. I mean, if you can’t find a way for them to peacefully confront each other things get out of hand.
And that’s not to say that we should be the dominant race. Some people think we should be, I personally don’t. But if you don’t let people talk through things safely, things can fester.
So I think multiculturalism was one of our strengths. But I think it has become a weakness in the last 30 years. Because how do you have a conversation when there are so many different people in the same room with such vastly different experiences? And then everyone wants to blame the white people. But we can’t really even talk to each other and figure out what we even think because we’re so separated because there are actually a lot of different cultures in this country. It’s not just white people.
You get interrupted by an Asian you get interrupted by a black person you get interrupted by Hispanic and you don’t really get to have a long-term stable conversation.
Are you aware of what a bitch you are or has that just gone over your head your entire life?
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: Why would I find this out now when she’s my neighbor?
The CIA: Because you actually haven’t met somebody who’s old money before possibly ever. She’s not necessarily doing anything to you, but she is different than you and I don’t think you’ve met anyone like that before.
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: I don’t know what she’s thinking!
The CIA: OK and would it be helpful to you if you could have a safe place to talk about things like this blog?
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: Yes.
The CIA: That’s the idea that they had and Nazi Germany. It wasn’t stupid.
I’m not saying that it works, but I’m saying that we’ve misunderstood and I don’t know how we’re supposed to deal with that. I have to figure it out. But they sensed that the disparities were not just class related. Because they did a lot of work to even the score. It was a socialist country. And after a while, they started to feel like there was another issue at hand. And namely, the issue of race. The idea that there were different people of different races who were totally incapable of talking to them and fixing situations because they were too different. And they came to the conclusion that there was one superior race. Namely themselves. But aside from that they weren’t wrong and thinking that it’s very hard to fix deep human issues in families and communities when you keep mixing with other people. 
I don’t think they had that conclusion though until America. And then it’s a question of was America what made them think that or was it some sort of sense that they had that America was a byproduct of some greater shift? They may have thought that America was inevitable. And sad. And that there was a greater problem because there were countries like Iran that had been decimated during colonialism. And that’s those people, believe it or not even back then, were likely to start moving into white countries. They figured that out partially from studying the Jews. And they thought that given their racial superiority that they should just try to sort of find a way to kind of work with the situation, so to speak-
It’s hard to be exact about something that profoundly complicated in the past, which is why she always says “so to speak” and I say that too because I’m an intelligent person. You make fun of little things that she does and you assume that she’s not real and yet you never stopped analyze yourself. And you never stopped to realize that she could actually be saying something that you don’t understand cause you’re stupid as fuck compared to her. And you never stopped to analyze the fact that you’re crazy and you’re stalking her because you’re an arrogant asshole.
Truthfully speaking, I think you are an average looking, white, middle class somewhat butch woman who is probably bisexual and very unaware of how privileged you’ve been your entire life. Are you thinking about all the Black people you’re going to use as your human shield and defensive your ego in relation to that truth?  Is that truth? What if white people have become the inferior race? 
Then what do we do?
Before you go off on another little tangent with whoever lives in her house next because they are moving slow yourself down and start thinking about the consequences of your actions. Don’t ruin your neighborhood, don’t ruin your life just because you’re pissed-off that you’re a middle class white woman who’s slightly butch. 
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: Are you suggesting that they were very wealthy and powerful Black people right now, who think we’re a joke?
I think we’re a joke.
The CIA: OK but is that really a safe thing to say isn’t an adult in a harsh world or do you believe that all races get along perfectly and there’s nothing to worry about?
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: I don’t understand the problem. I feel like races get along pretty damn well, and even if they don’t, I’m white.
The CIA: OK, but did you remember a second ago how we were talking about there being rich Black people who think we’re stupid?
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: I don’t think they really think that.
The CIA: Oh no, rest assured they do. I guarantee you they do.
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: You shouldn’t say that you’re cultivating hatred and fear.
The CIA: OK I’m not though because this is real and that actually is a thing.
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile:  But isn’t it better to just let sleeping dogs lie?
The CIA: No, because right now pumpkin, there are concentration camps, according to some people, where we’re killing tons of people.
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: So then I guess we have to acknowledge that we’re white!
The CIA: OK, but you’re not remembering that there are very rich powerful Black people who think we’re a joke.
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: *Thinks*
How long have they thought we were stupid?
The CIA: For a while.
A woman, smirking but pretending to smile: Why did you think it was a good idea to let me think that my Republican neighbors who are racist are just totally crazy?
The CIA: I didn’t do that.
I don’t control the Democratic Party or the Republican Party. 
