Lem felt guilty. Not for the confusing legacy he left behind for Lacey to unravel but for the way he felt he’d stolen her away from any other possible flames. He felt he’d charged ahead and not been fair.
And now he realizes that was a mistake. A huge mistake.
It wasn’t his love for her he had to be wary of but the purity of his love. The willingness he truly had to be…truly serious.
He’s very quiet about it but in truth he’s overwhelmed by his company. Lacey may be with him…but he needs to convince Lacey he’s more God’s choice than Michael.
Well…it’s a silly blog. Right?! So to reiterate, Michael Rockefeller. Yes thee Michael Rockefeller. But then it’s also Louis…and Harold.
“It’s comical.” says someone but she means it in (genuinely) the best way.
The pilots from WWII…the one Millennial… and everyone else is “gone.”
“She didn’t set out to pick a particular type of man. Lem proves that.”
Lacey thinks they all flatter each other. To all be compared together in such a manner as this.
…Michael might understand how lost she feels the most. Not to be ironic. And yet…he’s too decent and brave and smart and trusting in God to not feel quite sure that if Lem is better for Lacey he should actually let him go forward and win, so to speak.
But…without the others none would be where they are in relation to her. And that worries Lacey. Still, it doesn’t. Michael is profoundly comforting should it be at all real.
She’s going to pray that they pray. Scott agrees. And he’s trying to be as impartial as possible… Possibly truly. So is Zelda.
People hate real tragedy. They’d sooner watch a horror movie come to life than real tragedy. For example, on Tik Tok if you read the comments people are almost always looking for a way to discredit the most disturbing aspects of what they see. And what’s most disturbing isn’t the idea of an Illuminati or aliens. People aren’t actually all that scared by the idea that those sorts of things exist. What really scares them is the idea that evil exists. Mega rich, conniving humans who could be stealing your kids are less scary than absolute evil. Even though that is actually absolute evil it still involves humans and therefore it’s less scary than actual eternal Hell looking you in the eyes and inviting you in.
I think that that’s the part of “The Shining” Stanley Kubrick missed. He didn’t depict Hell as fully devoid of God’s love enough. Or what? He was trying to stay true even just slightly to the novel? To me he depicts Purgatory not Hell.
Tragedy is evil. Horror is Hell vomiting. Horror is Hell “jumping the shark.”
I’ll write about perfume. But first…Harold Loeb.
I’ve read his autobiography. Not cover to cover to be honest but most of it. I skipped a few pages, which is why I’d like to reread it.
The thing is…people want to believe he’s stupid. But I kind of doubt it. To me he doesn’t seem like a fool so much as a very rebellious person…who never found what he was looking for in life.
“Yes he did! I think he found what he was looking for!” says a hater (or a ghost pretending to be one) to Lacey. They make sure to glare with violent, controlling condescension at her afterward like most haters always have.
The thing is…people hate that she’s sad. Counselors. Family. Old friends. Teachers. …”Normal” men. Most people. It really, really…really enrages people that Lacey is so sad. So angry too. It’s…passionately offensive to them. They don’t care about her one iota. They’d rather she didn’t exist. Because…she’s not supposed to be sad. Ironic isn’t it.
“I’m not that stupid and heartless of a person! I think you’re a deranged narcissist!” a ghost pretending to be a hater says. “I think I’d kill you if I had a chance. But it’s too much work. Like seriously, it scares me more than your sadness. I think Ill just keep pretending you’re something your not to feel ok about it all.”
But most people actually have become that stupid and heartless by default. …It’s kind of like they’ve been brainwashed. *smile* But…that’s the comforting Illuminati-takes-the-heat story. I doubt it’s the full reality of “what’s happened to people” if it is at all. …People do seem almost brainwashed if not literally brainwashed though…
Why don’t people want Lacey to be sad and mad? Why don’t people want Harold to be…what he is? They’re both very misunderstood and sorta-secret tragedies. And I don’t think Ernest Hemingway intended it that way.
“It’s because I want to be happy!” says a hater in her mind. Is she thinking Lacey and maybe Harold were bi-polar? Because I doubt either of them are or were.
…Well…if Lacey’s father was born in 1894…there is the possibility that seeing Lacey sad and mad is deeply triggering for most adults under the age of 85 or so. Because it’s far too much like seeing mommy or even grandma or great-grandma really sad and mad. And since nobody is her child but her children…most people don’t know how to fix it. And maybe it even feels really, really unnerving because of who her 1894 father was. The decay of Western Society in the late 20th Century involves evil stuff…and if Lacey is part of the third rail of that decay…her sadness is like watching literal tears in Hell.
Harold Loeb is similar. He was supposed to find enormous happiness. But instead he got labeled by Ernest Hemingway as, “Jewish and superior” the decade before the rise of Nazi Germany and two decades before the Holocaust. And that was after having his heart deeply hurt and his mind twisted into confused knots.
Harold Loeb was the promise of the early 20th Century. He embodied all the splendor of the first part of the century and he was supposed to find bliss close to Heaven. But he certainly did not. He found blah. Lots of mediocre blah. And tragedy.
Harold Loeb loved his kids…and appreciated his wives…and friends…but…it was…an uninviting life seemingly otherwise.
People want to believe that “mommy and daddy made everything ok in the past.” And that’s normal. That’s healthy. …But mommy and daddy did not. Not enough to keep evil at bay forever, at least.
Things fall apart.
Houses are torn down after seemingly endless hours spent keeping them clean and in good condition. For decades they even look quite convincingly permanent but in the US, at least, they get torn down often.
…It really happened with the old Penn Station…
When they tore that down Harold Loeb was…stuck. He became frozen in time as a lovable, floppy, sappy, stuck-on-the-cool-girl antihero. And Lacey was doomed to animosity and people almost wanting her to die young, beautiful and heartbroken. Because people are often looking for a guide…and absent of critical, independent thought…and God…they follow other leaders.
Society. Evil. False teachers. Priests who want power and control in blindness to their own detriment.
“Satan wants autonomy from God!” says a priest that suggests Satan might actually get it if we let him. …But…I think that that’s not quite right to say in that way. Because Satan can never have autonomy from Christ. Satan’s desire to conquer Christ is pathetic and fully impossible. It’s a tragic farce. …And while Satan would like us to think the battle is terrifying for God…I highly doubt it is. I highly doubt God is scared of Satan. That’s a lie. …No. …It’s important to acknowledge evil as what it is but not more than what it is. In fact, God already has won. So all would be saved. It’s our choice to accept that salvation or reject God.
Humans might be scared for various reasons. And certainly it’s disturbing…but…I doubt it’s wise to hype-up the pride of Satan. Certainly it’s pride if that’s the word the Bible uses…but…it’s one thing to be “proud” of yourself for working hard and quite another to have false pride and malignant narcissism. I have to think Satan’s pride isn’t about his actual merits in comparison to God but his false sense of merit. A talented person can still become a liar when they indulge in conceit. And conceit is not happiness, joy and a healthy self-esteem.
“Uh oh!” says a ghost. “Won’t Lacey’s friends in the Illuminati want to kill her for challenging their Luciferian belief system?!” Then the ghosts stops and thinks for a moment. “Oh! I suppose I’m a demon? And that’s how it makes sense?”
“Well…some people who want Lem to be in love with the Kennedy family and fully gay and in love with Jack. Or who hate Lacey and Lem. Or who hate those scarier and richer than them. Or who are just scared. Those people like the idea that you and I are just demons. They think that’s only as it should be.
The Kennedy’s found it appalling and unfathomably threatening that Lacey wrote about Joe Jr. back in 2015 with such clarity and made him in love with her main female characters who resembled Lacey. She never used the man’s name but she wrote about his life with frightening accurate detail and some of it could be found online and so they decided to tell themselves that she was a stalker and that it was weird that she didn’t find them, the living ones, more attractive. Actually they later believed she secretly was in love with them.”
“That’s preposterous!” says another ghost.
“Why is it preposterous?”
“Because-well…it’s too irritatingly obvious to have to explain. Why don’t people like them realize how destructive it is to lie about certain things?”
Michael walks over. “You know…Harold Loeb is right. It really is symbolically all in the moment they tore down Penn Station.”
“That wasn’t Harold Loeb.”
“I know.” he says.
“Why do we hate her?” asks a Kennedy.
“Me.” says Jack.
“What about me and dad?”
“You don’t matter the way I do!” says a livid Jack.
“He’s right. You don’t.” says Rose.
“That’s not quite accurate. But oh well.” says Lacey.
“It really was Penn Station.” says Harold.
“Say! Yeah.” says Lem with melancholy thoughtfulness.
“Does it exist where you are?” asks Lacey.
“Shhh!” says Saoirse.
“We’re just demons. It’s a scientific certainty. And no…there is no Illuminati. There is no Deep State. That’s all poor people’s vain imaginations. And all priests are innocent little lambs watching over their flocks like solid representations of Jesus Christ. You trust them with your children. You can trust them with sex. You can trust their asses. They stand still… Nary a shake will ever be seen.”