Keen to Cross the Pond

The woman from last night, who was angry about Lacey and Lem’s date: It’s your problem…because you are the superior one.

Lacey: What are you expecting?

A hater, in the perfume community from Belgium: A HELLO!!

Dr. Moritz: You’re all delusional narcissists.

You’d never talk to me that way.

I deal with people like you, often. But they stick to personal insults and theology. They don’t try to actually ruin my life.

Jack Kennedy’s residual energy: But! That is where WE are different. *he says, cheerfully*

Listen to “All I Wanna Do” by Cheryl Crow.

I don’t think you understand.

Let me explain.

Normally, you can avoid it. The smack down. But with me…you are OBLITERATED.

The woman from last night, who was mad: I don’t understand.

Jack Kennedy: You aren’t being honest.

You get it.

THE WORLD IS OURS.

I AM GOD!

*he laughs*

Moloch: No. He’s not.

Try to be more careful.

Jack Kennedy: NO! I AM GOD!!

A man who hates Lacey, from Belgium: I am GOD too.

Jack Kennedy: NO.

I AM.

Jill Biden: That’s it. I’ll pray to you BOTH.

Jack Kennedy: NO!

Just me.

A man who hates Lacey, from Belgium: He is Jack Kennedy. I’m not him.

I kinda give-up.

Jack Kennedy: I don’t know how to be accountable.

And the Illuminati can’t hold Bobby accountable either.

We’re basically retarded.

So God made me cease to exist. Out of mercy.

Bobby: I can’t hear you!

Jack Kennedy: I know. That’s fine, honey.

God: Can either of you cognitively tell?

Jack Kennedy: Yes. But it’s not easy.

I didn’t want your help.

So I didn’t fix my head.

And now I don’t exist.

God: So you’re saying that you were too stupid to exist?

Jack Kennedy: No. *he laughs*

I was too…screwed-over.

God: What happened?

Jack Kennedy: I’m retarded. Basically.

But…the Illuminati couldn’t handle that.

And I was too evil too.

It’s a bad situation.

Marsie: Isn’t that what Lacey looks like!? *she says with GLEE*

Moloch: You know that’s bullshit.

Are you retarded too?

Marsie: Yes.

I mean, I’m not dumb. But…I wonder if I’m like him…

*she cries for Jack Kennedy*

Lacey: Okay!

So what did you expect of me?

Marsie: *shakes her head, with no clear intention*

Lacey: What did the perfume community expect of me!?

Marsie: WAIT.

I’m actually this dumb?

Moloch: Did you not expect that!?

Marsie: No.

Fine. I lied to myself about her beauty, and fervently believed it.

Jack Kennedy: I did too.

Most of America, weirdly in unison: We all did.

Jack Kennedy: I made you do that.

Marsie: *looks scared*

Jack Kennedy: I made you do that.

Do you understand?

Marsie: *cries*

Jack Kennedy: You aren’t safe.

I’m a monster.

Marsie: *cries*

Jack Kennedy: I just wanted to be God. As in, a monotheist deity.

*he waits for her to understand*

Marsie: *she nods in understanding*

Jack Kennedy: But I’m not.

I’m not God.

And Lem wasn’t even attracted to me.

*he lays down on his back*

Marsie: *cries*

Jack Kennedy: *sleeps*

Lacey: OKAY!!

What did you all expect me to do?

The perfume community: *thinks*

Listen to “You Get What You Give” by New Radicals.

The perfume community: We wanted you to eat our shit.

Lacey: Why me?

The perfume community: Because you’re better at collecting perfume. And everything else.

Lacey: I refuse to do that.

The music plays.

The perfume community: *listens to the song*

We couldn’t just let you be.

We wanted to mess with you.

*later*

Melania Trump: But you felt hurt by her.

The perfume community: She’s prettier than you.

*they smirk*

Melania Trump: Yes.

So what?

The perfume community: What’s so special about you?

Melania Trump: I’m the First Lady.

The perfume community: *laughs at her*

Melania Trump: No. That’s really a big deal.

The perfume community: *thinks*

Is it?

First Lady, Melania Trump: YES. It is.

The perfume community: We could do that.

First Lady, Melania Trump: Oh! So it is a big deal.

The perfume community: You don’t respect Lacey. You could have fixed our heads in relation to her, but you didn’t.

FINE!

Bobby: I feel so bad for them.

They just wanna be loved, Melania.

Glen: This is why gay men SUCK SHIT. …You hear me?

You KNOW y’all did this.

A gay man: I can’t get out.

Bobby has me psychically trapped.

The CIA: Actually…secretly, several years ago…several gay men…did it with him. In the gay community. Online. Several famous gay men.

Lacey: They seem entirely unrepentant.

One of them: I HATE HER!

I HATE ALL BEAUTIFUL WOMEN.

And I molest kids.

*he shrugs*

Bobby: Oh wow!

One of them: YOU-!

A demon working with them: So Lacey molests kids!?

One of them: *claps, trying to manifest it*

*Trying to manifest the attack on her*

Bobby: Well!

This is funny.

Say, have you heard I’m Bobby Kennedy Junior?

Melania: This is getting scary.

The perfume community: See! Told you! You’re DUMB!

Melania: But you were hurt by her?

The perfume community: Yes.

Melania: How?

The perfume community: Okay fine. We did need her to be nicer.

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: YOU ARE A BITCH! *she says to Lacey* YES, YOU ARE!

Lacey invites you to listen to “The Real Slim Shady” by Eminem.

Lacey: *laughs at her, like she’s just a STUPID adult*

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: I can’t handle this.

Lacey: YOU ARE AN IDIOT!!

*Lacey yells in her face*

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: *cries*

Lacey: Oh! Now you’re feminine!?

Nah! That’s me!

YOU UGLY BITCH!

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: You’re a lot tougher than I thought.

Lacey: YOU SUCK!!

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: *proudly*

I do suck.

*she laughs*

Lacey: I don’t care!

That’s your problem.

The music plays.

Kaienta: *Joins them*

Lacey invites you to listen to “My Name Is” by Eminem.

Kaienta: She’s not that great. *he says about the woman*

Lacey: I know.

Kaienta: Do you understand that you’re not that…pretty? *he asks the woman*

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: Yes.

Kaienta: She earnestly thinks that’s impossible.

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: Because she’s in love with me?

Kaienta: NO!

Are you an idiot?

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: Kind of?

Kaienta: That’s why.

And you are narcissistic. Admit it.

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: Yeah. I am.

But…that’s not what this is about…

Another perfume collector: Are you…-

You’re so mean…

Lacey: WHAT!?

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: Yeah. You are! You’re mean.

Lacey: *she laughs at her again*

Are you braindead? *she asks her*

Listen to “Criminal” by Eminem. It’s spiritually about Tom Banks. Poetically.

A woman who collects “blue and white”: She’s not mean.

That woman is.

Lacey…do you understand…you’re that hot?

Vs

God: Lacey wins. To say otherwise is a LIE.

Vs.

God: The other woman obviously wins. Casi is actually mildly ugly.

Vs.

God: Lacey wins. INSTANTLY.

Casi is actually mildly ugly.

Stop fighting reality.

Lacey: So what’s so confusing?

Bobby: *looking EXTREMELY anxious*

*rocking back and forth in despair, agony and terror*

Jim: Did Lem molest him?

The CIA: No.

He likes to believe Lem was genuinely in love with him, not just…pretending to be, to control him, but…no.

Peter Thiel: I don’t think I knew people other than me…could be that tricky.

The CIA: Oh! Fooling a kid? To control them? Because they know the kid is a narcissist?

Peter: YES!

Who would come up with something that psychologically sophisticated!?

The CIA: WOW!

Really, PETER!?

Peter: *nods, smiling*

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: I don’t understand why…

Why is she being so mean?

Kaienta: What do you mean!?

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: I feel dumb every time I talk to you.

Lacey: *blinks*

*blank expression*

A lesbian: OH MY GOD!

SHE IS NOT GAY!

(Lacey, being the she)

Lacey: *confused expression, listening to all this*

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: YOU SEEM DUMB.

Lacey: No. I don’t.

*looks confused*

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: I DO!

Lacey: *scratches her eyelid, because it suddenly itches*

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: Wow!

You’re COLD.

Lacey: You’re a heartless piece of festering shit?

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: No! I’m not.

Lacey: PROVE IT!

Because, to me, that’s what you look like.

I’m sorry.

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: Would you treat me this way, if you didn’t think I was?

Lacey: I’m not even going to dignify that with a response.

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: I’m not Casi.

Lacey: Whatever.

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: I’m just not as good as this person.

Lacey: *gets up, to walk-off*

Moloch: Lacey!

That’s not the custom.

Lacey: *looks confused, and alarmed*

Moloch: You misunderstood!

No, no!

You’re still supposed to sit here!

*he escorts Lacey back to the seat next to the woman*

Lacey: I don’t like this.

Moloch: Why?

Lacey: Every time I’ve been in her spot, people have spit in my face and walked-off spiritually, cutting off my head and stabbing me in the gut first. I’m not being mean. I’m just walking away.

Moloch: You were never inferior though.

Lacey: *thinks*

That’s not what was communicated to me.

God: She’s right.

This is totally unrighteous. Totally unholy. Totally unfair.

You’ve destroyed America. And I don’t mean Lacey, I mean most people in America alive today.

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: I’m not ugly.

Lacey: Yes, I can tell you actually are.

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: But not, really.

Lacey: Yes. *She says, brightly, as if this was and is obvious, and this woman is very evil or dumb.*

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: *looks angry*

HOW DARE SHE!!!

Moloch: Ahh. So you are just a heartless, brainless narcissist?

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: I can’t figure this out.

How is she in the right?

I know what I look like…

Moloch: You understand. SHE does not.

And you’re holding on to that…because you’re SICK. You’re a sick, perverted IDIOT.

And you can’t deal with it.

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: I was molested by my birth father.

And I’m not okay.

So…she can’t understand…that she’s not supposed to say that?

Moloch: Yeah…

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: Ahh…we can’t and couldn’t stand your superiority.

People are like that.

But…you’ve experienced it more than you were supposed to, because you’re better looking than most people.

Lacey:

*thinks*

I’ve asked this before: what were you all expecting me to do!?

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: *thinks*

Can you just say “Hi” more?

Lacey: *laughs*

Absolutely not.

That’s not me.

And people have been FAR too evil. FAR too mean.

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: Because you’re afraid of being rejected.

Lacey: I’m not inferior to you.

I refuse to be engaged.

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: I don’t like you.

It’s true.

Lacey: *laughs*

Exactly.

Why should I say hello?

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: Because you’re trying to make me feel happy.

Lacey: I’m not obviously pretty enough, even though I actually am, to do that.

I have a cousin Linn who does that. But she’s socially obvious.

The woman from the perfume community who was mad about Lacey’s date: Interesting.

*she thinks*

Lem: She’s too delicate.

In person it’s obvious, if you actually look.

But it’s not…clear.

People like this woman:

are far more obvious.

This is what we look like, however:

The second woman is better-looking. But you have to take time to see it.

People today don’t think that way anymore.

AND…Lacey’s not as subtle as the second woman. So…it’s very complicated.

Some people can see it! But it’s not safe to assume.

The woman from last night, who was angry about Lacey and Lem’s date: Okay.

I did this.

I knew.

But…also not.

So…you’re not being mean?

Lacey: *looks confused*

The woman from last night, who was angry about Lacey and Lem’s date: I knew I wanted to be better than you. But I assumed that was your problem.

Lacey: How could that possibly be my problem!?