Author Archives: L.

The other day when I decided to post a blunt, intentionally too candid and potentially abrasive account of my basic socio-economic status I did so because I was mad and totally fed up. What was I mad and totally fed up about? Well, the starting portion of the post explained it. Over the last two years it seems that there’s been a barrage of nonsense that previously hadn’t existed much in the fragrance community on IG.

One person constantly seems to pester you with one-upping comments about everything, even with things as mundane as the brand of toothbrush you use. Someone else copies and competes with you in their next post and then repeats the next day and the next. Then another person makes patronizing, snide, (if you actually took them seriously) hurtful or just totally annoying comments obviously driven by insecurity and/or jealousy but would balk at the suggestion they feel anything but happiness for you if you confronted them. And I could go and on and on…and on.

I think one thing that always drives me crazy are people who try to compete with you using something that clearly won’t work, because they’ve either stretched the truth into oblivion or they’ve overestimated their weapon of choice. How do you respond to them in a positive way? It’s always very frustrating and sometimes genuinely complicated.

I once had a lady compare her $300 vintage ring to one I own that’s worth $6,500 or more. “They look so much alike!” she insisted. But there were obvious differences between the rings she must have either sadly missed or willfully ignored. And they seemed to believe I was supposed to be very impressed with their ring… I was supposed to realize that we were very much equals in this regard (and in others of course too) and that, really, I should treat her with the sort of reverence and awe she demanded. She likely wanted to be or thought she was actually… “better” and that I just didn’t understand that yet.

And then, after telling me they were twins, she proceeded to tell me that she had brought her ring into a jeweler for more information but they didn’t know almost anything about it. That’s when I lost it inside, although on the outside I was polite.

What sort of jeweler did she bring her vintage ring into? I wondered. Was it Zales? Or maybe Jarrod or Helzberg? Yeah, a salesperson at Zales, Kay, or whatever chain store of that sort is pretty unlikely to know much about vintage jewelry… You have to bring a piece of jewelry that old to the right jeweler. But still, even though she was relying on me for more information (and I had that information) I was clearly supposed to be impressed with her and recognize that I should have known better and I should tip toe around her from then on.

Actually that was more than two years ago. But anyway, it’s a good example.

Truly though there are a lot of people who seem to think their (perhaps leaky) canoe can compete and win the race over someone else’s sturdy sailboat. And that’s in the ocean, mind you. And…if you try to tell them they’re being ridiculous (you might just be the one observing it from shore) or if they get a whiff of something that speaks to reality being different than what they demand of it they either attack you for bursting their bubble, attack someone else, their target, themselves or they try harder to “win” to the point of absurdity and some form of total deceit.

That lady with the ring often tried to win in her canoe. It got to the point where I doubted almost everything she said. Her stories of fabulous conquest and accomplishment that she often used to compete with me nearly daily almost always had loopholes, false bottoms or were basic lies. But she just seemingly couldn’t stop and it kept getting weirder and weirder.

I used to try not to upset people like that. But…that’s really emotionally draining after a while, especially when you want to enjoy their company when they’re not being full of wildly competitive, jealous and greedy zeal. Or in other cases, it’s just difficult to avoid them. Either way, some people are determined to win (like the lady above) to an unhealthy degree and keep bugging you until they feel they truly beat you one way or another.

The irony, of course, is that we can all win almost every time in some way. And I mean that in the best way possible.

For example: the lady with the vintage ring had a gift for taking flattering photos of herself. She knew how to pose in front of a camera well. She had actually done some professional modeling. I could never figure out why she didn’t focus more on that.

I’m truly awful at taking photos of myself. I’m a lot better looking in person. Sorry, but that’s the truth. I’m not bragging. And, the thing is, she knew that. She knew I wasn’t lying (I shared that I’m not photogenic on Instagram and have since) and instead of being like, “Well, sweetie, I’m a professional model and I’m amazing at it. So there!” she decided to copy me and compete and claim to also be unphotogenic.

She would have “won” by being honest. By lying and competing she just looked desperate and incredibly down on herself. And that was doubly angering and sad considering she was a beautiful woman in her own right and truly quite photogenic. She cheated herself out of a win.

But anyway, I shared what I did because: I want people to stop coming at me to try bludgeon me with their cubic zirconias (it’s not flattering to anyone and it’s awkward and angering), I get irritated by inaccuracy when I see it, and I was hoping to shock some people into minding their own business (warning: some of you might think this is about you but if you’re actually nice and respectful about such things it likely isn’t.). Also, I was hoping someone might confer with me about a similar experience (and they did).

Of course, to be clear, I’d bet some people have more than me on Instagram. But I’m not worried about them. I don’t try to be something I’m not. If they don’t like me and want to snub me for whatever reason that’s their business, although frankly I don’t “believe in” snobbery the way a lot of people do. It’s complicated.

Also, I’m sure someone read my post and found themselves thinking one of the following things or something like it: a. “She’s got to be lying about something!” b. “But…they were farmers. That’s never a “well off” business.” c. “But she was raised middle class, I’m better than that. I was raised upper middle class.” Well… Hmm. My dear(s), you’re coming at me with a canoe, I see you and your leaks (you might not even realize them yourself) and you best turn around for shore. Ask yourself this: why do I care so damn much about Karrie in this negative way? Is it for any redeeming reason or do I need to grow up and let go of something silly that’s holding me back?

Then, here’s my response: Yes, I was technically raised with middle class financial resources (as it was until I was older) but the mentality we had was carried over from my grandparents and great grandparents and etc. I’m not sure where that mentality would land me but it’s likely somewhere in the upper middle class or so. …My parents were also very deep people and still are. …Also, what’s truly so wrong with being very middle class anyway? Middle class people…sometimes have admirable traits that are much less common in other classes (even in the “upper middle class”). Everyone brings something valuable to the table.

What else… Hmm.

Some farms are poor and some are wealthy (or some variety between that). It depends on where they are, how big they are and/or who is running them. Also, there were many other investments (some incredibly lucrative) that built up people’s wealth in the family’s I belong to.

I’m not lying. I could have easily made some things sound much more glamorous or impressive and some things possibly less, but I tried to be accurate. Maybe too much so actually…

Whatever. It was long winded. Most of you probably didn’t even finish reading it. And if you made it this far in this post congratulations! 😂☺️

…I guess, just try to be kind. The world is such an ugly place right at this moment in some ways, let’s try not to make it worse by preemptively attacking people we barely know who just want to get along or be left alone. ❤️