Category Archives: Journal

One of Casi’s biggest fans: Okay.

But Lacey is a mean girl.

Okay!?

Because she knew our Casi was different. She’s not normal. …Okay!?

*he thinks*

And…why did she do…what…she did…if she’s so damn nice!?! …NO WAY! …If it’s so obvious Casi is insecure…then how would she not know that she basically hates herself!?

Yes! Our Casi…hates herself.

I take pity on people like that. I don’t go around telling them off. Especially when they’ve been nice enough.

A reader: Even if they’re being weird as hell!?

You can’t just copy someone’s actual soul. And then go around claiming it’s your soul. …I’m pretty sure Casi did that…

Lacey: …I don’t think I understood that she hated herself.

What does that even mean, anyway? To hate yourself? …Are you just feeling guilty?

One of Casi’s biggest fans: No! It’s not just guilt.

…It’s when you actually hate yourself.

*he thinks*

Do you hate anyone!?

Lacey: No.

How can you truly hate a person? How is that even possible?

Casi: Okay.

It’s just the emotion of hate!?

Lacey: *Lacey thinks*

But that’s a horrible thing to feel for a person!

A dead member of the Greatest Generation: We didn’t struggle with hatred of people, nearly as much as you think. Actually, World War II caught us off-guard, because we didn’t hate people as much.

Lacey: Okay…so…she hates herself?

One of Casi’s biggest fans: Yes…

Lacey: WOW.

Yikes.

*thinks*

Yeah, I didn’t know that.

Casi: I thought everyone was insecure!

Lacey: I’m not.

Tom: I wasn’t either.

Lacey: Some people just aren’t.

Casi: *looks confused*

*thinks*

HOW WAS IT NOT OBVIOUS I HATED MYSELF!??

Lacey: You reminded me of Tallulah Bankhead.

She didn’t hate herself. She was just…difficult.

A gay man: YES!!!

Or Joan Crawford.

Joan Crawford: *laughs*

I didn’t hate myself…

Casi: Okay. That was a persona.

Lacey: Entirely?

Casi: No.

Elliott: We can’t tell. I can’t see it either.

If she was my daughter or granddaughter, I could tell. But otherwise? No.

Joan: You’re just different!

One of Lacey’s neighbors: Casi, are you just a narcissist? They can dysfunctionally both love and hate themselves.

*later*

A reader: So…how is Lacey evil?

I’m starting to think she was just crucified.

Lacey: I didn’t understand that Casi hated herself.

What difference does that make!?

Elliott: YEAH!

…I think…it’s like they…feel…more vulnerable.

Is that right? *he asks God*

God: Yes, they are more vulnerable. It’s easier to make them feel incredible despair.

Lacey: But she feels hot!?

*she looks confused*

God: Yes. But she also thinks she’s dumb. And overall, she hates herself. …Not just, “Oh! I hate myself!” in some flippant way, either. She actually feels self-hatred.

Lacey: *laughs*

I’m sorry. I’m trying to take this seriously…but I’m so traumatized. *she laughs*

WHY WOULD YOU HATE YOURSELF!?

*she laughs*

God: Because there’s something wrong with you. That’s one possibility. You could also…want approval and never get it…

Those are two examples, but there are more.

A Catholic: You’re a liar!!! *they yell at Lacey*

Lacey: No. I’m really not.

*she thinks*

Hmm.

Another Millennial: What’s it like? For us?

God: What would it be for a Millennial?!

Like if you were genuinely accused of being pure evil because you forgot someone’s birthday.

Another reader: Casi, you were trying to find something wrong with her. Weren’t you?

Casi: Yes!

Fine! Yes, I was.

*later*

Bobby: I actually don’t hate myself, either. I’m constantly in love with myself.

…And actually…it’s one of my strengths. Despite my narcissism.

Lacey: I agree.

I don’t-

You hate yourself?

Casi: So it’s not always correlated to narcissism?

The FBI: Yeah. An unstable sense of self? Yes. But…actually hating yourself? …Not necessarily…

A reader: I think the perfume community is nuts.

I’m starting to think all of Instagram just went completely downhill after 2017.

Tucker Carlson: Actually, I hate myself. Secretly.

And it is related to guilt. And shame. Mostly.

Lacey: Are you all in some secret club?! The “I hate myself.” Society.

I feel like you’re all…quite…snooty.

Tucker: No. It’s real hatred.

Lacey: Do you feel condemned to Hell?

Tucker: *Thinks*

Hmm.

For being inadequate?

Lacey: *Thinks*

For being icky?

Tucker: *Thinks*

Maybe we do seem like we’re in some private club.

*he laughs*

I’m sure we all overcompensate too.

*he thinks*

Yes.

Lacey: *nods*

That’s sad.

God: I can heal them. Of course.

Lacey: Well, that’s too bad.

Not that you shouldn’t heal them. It’s too bad how much they hate themselves.

Lem: In 2016, Lacey was attacked by the Illuminati.

She had been following several New Money, Millennial, white Liberals…on Instagram. In the Illuminati, unbeknownst to her, at the time. For months. One of them had only 5,000 followers at the time, and he was the instigator of her attack. He felt hurt…that she had more followers than him. Because he’s famous. So he pretended to be in love with her, sensing that she was painfully lonely.

Why was he so hurt? Because she’s much better looking than him, his wife, and all of his friends. She doesn’t photograph well, and he knew that.

But also because he grew-up poor. And she seemed naturally aristocratic. And people like Casi…who followed her…religiously commenting on her posts…seemed painfully, embarrassingly beneath her.

And now, ten years later, both the Illuminati and the perfume community still have a massive delusional fantasy that she’s deeply vulnerable, incredibly weak, pathetically poor, obviously ugly and profoundly evil. …And they lie about that fantasy, pretending to themselves and us, that “that’s not what’s really going on”. But in reality, they’re narcissistically fixated, out of control, and basically insane.

It’s incredibly pathetic. …Both the perfume community and the Illuminati have become incredibly pathetic. …But, they’re as secure as Dolly Parton’s skin around her bizarrely shaped “boobs”. …Did you ever notice how she kept them so covered? …Did you ever notice how weirdly they were SHAPED? Yuck. …I’m a straight man, and I find them disgusting. …I’m sorry. …They looked WEIRD. …Like they were stuffed with giant water balloons under her skin. Overfilled and misshapen. …Can you imagine what her skin must have looked like? Thin, damaged, possibly regularly bruised or strangely white and pale. …That’s analogous to these people’s sense of self, given the…issue of their…egos. Something ghastly.

Poor Ms. Dolly Parton. I’m sorry if I don’t understand her psychologically, as a man. But…I think my analogy works. I’m sorry.

Another dead man: Except now we have to talk about her boobs.

Lem: Why? They’re hideous. There’s no need to dwell on them.

Another dead (American) man: I kind of liked them. They looked…natural. Because boobs are often flawed, and so hers looked natural…being so flawed.

And I like big boobs! *He laughs*

Lem: *Thinks*

Well, that’s good for you then.

Another dead (American) man: You don’t like big boobs?

Lem: *Thinks*

Not really.

Big boobs can be attractive. Yes. Of course. …But I don’t prefer them. They’re…big. You know?

*a moment later*

A living adult male (also in America): Honestly? Dolly Parton’s boobs looked weird.

I don’t know why we weren’t allowed to just say that! …There were many times, as a man, when I wanted to say something, and I never did.

Lem: Yes.

Alright.

So, the Illuminati got into Lacey’s brain…by eating a baby’s brain. Like the Asmats.

They’ve been reading her unprocessed thoughts, like fully absorbed and fully focused thoughts. Because they don’t understand the spiritual implications of eating a human brain, and many members of the Illuminati ate human brains.

Bobby: I never ate a baby brain! *he says, indignantly*

Kate Spade: That’s not true!

Bobby: *laughs, as though he’s part of an inside joke with her*

Kate Spade: Bobby, I’m not laughing. *she says seriously*

Bobby: *looks confused*

Karl Lagerfeld: Bobby, we’re feeling embarrassed right now. …We aren’t…proud, at the moment.

Bobby: *looks confused*

Kate Spade: Bobby, I’m accusing you…

Bobby: And I’m definitely denying it!

*He suddenly looks very intense and serious*

Kate: Why…were you…LAUGHING?

Karl Lagerfeld: *Smirks*

Bobby: You know why.

Kate: YES.

Because, you think it’s funny to do evil things.

Bobby: *laughs*

Kate: Yeah, you think it’s funny.

Bobby: *controls himself now, trying to seem serious and mature*

*looks manly and quite serious*

*a moment later*

A reader: Can we talk to Dick Cavett?

God: I know that seems comforting, and rightly so. But not at the moment. …You can’t at this moment.

A reader: What’s he up to?

God: I can’t tell you that. *God smiles* It’s just none of your business.

He’s doing well.

*a moment later*

Lacey: I’m not hearing any condemnation of Bobby.

Why!?

*she waits for a moment to hear a response*

Wow! That’s…concerning.

*Much later*

Casi: When I called you trash…after you blocked me, in 2019…I wasn’t completely serious. I was testing to see if you were trash. And I knew you weren’t, based on your reaction. But I couldn’t handle it. …And that’s why I keep stalking you. I need to find my payback.

Elliott: Your paycheck? …For WHAT!?

Casi: For BEING MEAN.

I was expecting her to do something.

Cry or something.

Elliott: Do you consider yourself a stalker?

Casi: No. I’m just-

She’s just an annoying bitch.

Elliott: You’re an actual stalker, Casi. And you’re part of the reason why she’s writing the way she is, on this blog.

We don’t expect you ever comprehend that.

*he laughs at Casi*

Lacey: Do you think you’re…hot?

Casi: Yes.

Elliott: You’re not.

Lou: *laughs at Casi*

Casi: I’m not going to dignify that.

Lou: You already have. …You’re obviously OBSESSED with Lacey.

Your obsession with her is all the confirmation I find necessary.

Lacey: Which is why you should just go away, Casi.

Casi: I take assumption…as a way in.

Lacey: But even psychopaths have to eat. …I’m sure I’ve walked by psychopaths in grocery stores. …Just go away. …Paying so much attention to me is hurting you.

Casi: I wasn’t really myself around you. I invented that persona from a group of girls I knew in the industry.

I’m a hick. And actually, I’ve done pretty well for myself.

I have a clean apartment. Some nice furniture. A diamond ring.

*later*

Casi: Lacey, I can’t socially afford to be myself. Because I have ambitions. I need to copy my betters, or people automatically treat me like shit. Unless I’m surrounded by other people like me.

I’m not just a psychopath. It’s not like that.

Elliott: *smirks*

Lacey: Nope. Still not okay to go around impersonating me.

…I feel sorry for you?

Lou: Casi, you can’t become someone else. That’s completely impossible. Which is why you have to create an actual persona, not just plagiarize someone else’s actual identity like a freak.

The FBI: So true!

There’s a huge amount between being inspired by someone and pathologically copying them.

One of Lacey’s neighbors: Are you too poor or mentally-ill, to understand that Casi?