Category Archives: Journal

Bobby: Kem!! IT IS!!

It’s not LEM.

*Bobby has a demonic seizure*

A gay male psychic: Umm-

So he’s back to that?

The CEO of L’Oreal: Yes.

A gay male psychic: It’s not normal.

The CEO of L’Oréal: No.

But we can’t do anything about it.

A gay male psychic: Okay.

Does he tend to start…that….when he’s scared?

The CEO of L’Oreal: Yes!

It feels like…safety, to him. He can’t quite let it go. Because it’s a memory. It feels…like being 40 again and having better health-

A gay male psychic: I get it.

What does it mean to him?

The CEO of L’Oreal: Being younger. Having better health. Being…with Ted. Being…in a safer country-

A gay male psychic: YEAH!

He gets destructive with it though. Yeah?

The CEO of L’Oreal: It could be nuclear war.

*Later*

Lem: I’m gonna speak on her behalf because she’s exhausted. Let’s just say that homosexuality actually is an exception and it’s allowed in heaven.

What exactly is it that you want from us?

A gay male psychic: Well…-

*Long wait*

I just want you to be able to let me- I just think we need to be able-

OK, so you’re not understanding-

It’s just like-

I don’t really-

Well it’s just kind of like why are you in the right?

Lem: Do you even know what you’re talking about? 

A gay male psychic: Yes.

Lem: I don’t.

It seems like you’re refusing that I’m straight and that’s all you’re thinking of right now, and that’s completely asinine. You’re asking for details of my current sex life and that’s repulsive. 

You have no right to ask for that. I’ve tried explain as much as I could, and I’ve literally had people calling the police as I’ve done that because they believe that I’m doing something incredibly awful. 

A gay male psychic: Oh my god!! *He freaks out*

Lem: I’m not gay. I was never attracted to you or any other man.

You’re gonna have to accept that because that is reality.

If that’s too much for you to handle then that’s your problem and there’s something wrong with how you see possibly everything. But that’s not on me. I didn’t do that to you, believe it or not. 

A gay male psychic: I can’t handle that you’re straight. I literally cannot handle it.

Lem: Okay.

Unfortunately, I can’t help you.

A gay male psychic: *panics*

For what it’s worth I think the whole perfume community started to base their entire meaning off of just attacking you and your wife. I don’t really think they exist unfortunately for them for any other reason at this point other than to just attack you. I don’t think they have a real aesthetic anymore. I don’t think they have any meeting anymore. I think they’re just a bunch of idiots who are entirely focused on defeating an imaginary enemy. 

Jim: Are you just shocked that you’ve been lied to?

A gay male psychic: Yes.

Jim: *Nods*

I’m in my 70s. I outed myself as a homosexual in my 50s.

I think that a lot of people today have been hoodwinked by men that I used to know. Maybe literally, maybe not. It seems like you could trust Gore Vidal but I know who that man really was and I know that he was a very sneaky person. 

You guys tend to mythologize people today, and it’s dangerous. We always have done that, but I’ve noticed more and more over the last 10 years people myth everyone who dies who is ever nice to anyone at all.

Dolly Parton was not a nice person.

A gay male psychic: Hmm.

Jim: Did she seem nice to you? To me she seemed like she could be- I don’t wanna use the word.

A gay male psychic: *Laughs*

Yeah, she probably was sort of-

Jim: *Nods*

I like her. I actually really like her.

But I would not have thought of her as a saint.

A gay male psychic: Yeah.

*Later*

A man in the Illuminati: Now Bobby is going to try to kill her. And her kids. Because he’s mad as Hell.

He realizes she’s not mean. She means well. And he’s…just wrong. And he starts a lot of evil stuff.

Lacey. Don’t ever help him again.

He can’t even make it through the day without being evil, when you do. He’s that…broken.

Lem wasn’t gay. He secretly was straight…and he’s just going to have to crash and burn.

God: This is a nightmare for her, because she cares.

A gay guy in Minnesota: I feel like I’m supposed to hate her?

God: Don’t.

A female reader: So…is he fighting with her or what?

Lou: No!

He’s not gay. Lem was genuinely heterosexual. I’m not being clever. He was just heterosexual…

Listen, it’s sad.

Lacey walks with Eric. Around Lake Calhoun.

Eric: It’s Bede Maka Ska. But we’re calling it Calhoun.

For safety reasons.

Hey…why aren’t you more interested in being cool?

Lacey: What even is that?

Eric: It’s…when you try to be…popular.

Lacey: Okay.

But why?

Eric: Huh.

Listen to “String Quartet No. 2 Company” by Philip Glass.

Lacey: Why be popular? What’s the point?

Eric: To get people’s approval.

Lacey: Their approval?

Listen to “Brandenburg Concerto No. 3 In G Major” by Bach, as performed by the Academy of Ancient Music, Richard Egarr conducting.

Eric: Yes! To be…popular.

Lacey: But why!?

Eric: To feel…powerful?

Lacey: But that’s absolute rubbish, strategically speaking. Alliances and real bonds are one thing. Popularity? Ha! What does that even do?

I mean…you may be saved from a witch hunt. But it could also cause one.

Eric: Yes.

Well…-

How often does it cause one?

Lacey: Far too often. I may have experienced that in the perfume community, to a small degree.

Eric: YOU DID!

Lacey: *Looks sick, makes a gagging face*

What RUBBISH!

…Why would…I be the victim?

Eric: Because you actually were unique.

Lacey: *Rolls her eyes*

Eric: Well…that was why.

Lacey: *Rolls her eyes*

Eric: They cared about that! That’s part of the reason why Casi hates you. All of them! They remember when you mattered. And those were better times, for everyone.

Lacey: But it was such nonsense.

There’s us. All of us. And there are cultures. And there are families. And there’s…nature. And…there’s social class.

What nonsense do they believe in?

And no, I don’t mean…God. I believe in God.

A man from the 1800’s: To be honest…I hear what she’s desperately trying to say.

What is this…popularity?

Eric: It’s what Casi is doing now.

Listen to “Greenwich Mean Time” by Charlotte Gainsbourg.

Lacey: I’m not interested in crumbs.

1:50

America: HELP US LACEY!!!! HELP!!!

The song ends. Listen again.

Elliott: Et toi?

A shadow shifts.

Casi: I have a crooked tooth. Right in the front. It’s…crooked.

2:11

The song ends.

Lacey: Who is that whispering?

The man from the 1800’s: Demons. Taking the messages…like carrier pigeons…for the Illuminati.

C.S. Lewis: That’s actually about what they sound like!

Isn’t that something?

The demons, I mean.

A Catholic: STOP DELIVERING THEIR MESSAGES!

A demon: I CANNOT!

I can’t!!!!

I’m a DEMON. Not a Nephalim. I’m a REAL DEMON.

Catholic: What difference does that make!?

A demon: ARE YOU THE EXPERT YOU CLAIMED TO BE OR NOT?

Catholic: No.

A demon: *Laughs at him*

I KNOW THAT.

I watch you.

*He laughs*

I’m not necessarily a fallen angel. And if I am…you don’t understand. It seems. I fell.

I’m like a drug dealer and addict. I can’t…just…get over it.

A psychic: Okay…so what I’m hearing…is that this demon actually feels like…you’re harassing him.

A Catholic: I’m trying to do spiritual warfare.

A psychic: Cool.

What’s your aim?

Like, where are you going with it?

A Catholic: Ahh…-

I don’t know…

You attack them with…yourself? I don’t know.

A psychic: Not with…the cross?

A Catholic: No. I use the cross.

A psychic: For real though?

Listen to Mozart. Preferably some symphony.

A Catholic: Yeah.

But no really.

I tried imitating Lacey.

A psychic: I would not do that.

Just pray. Your prayers avail much. If you’re going at it with a holy heart.

Eric: Lacey…popularity means a lot to them.

Lacey: What is it she’s doing!?

Eric: She’s…being popular.

So…like…you take the cool photos. With the smug attitude. You never did that, but they can’t accept that.

You…suddenly look….ravishing.

Lacey: How weird.

Eric: You have looked ravishing. But it’s just you.

Lacey: She looks like she’s conquering something?

Eric: Yes! That’s the idea!

Lacey: But what’s she conquering?

Eric: They are very backward. They think everything is a popularity contest. And America has brainwashed them into believing that even more.

Basically nothing.

I mean…she’s not actually richer. She’s not…anything of any physical importance. But…she’s being egged on by people who predicted the “inevitable” collapse of Russia two years ago.

She’s not…strategically better off. At all.

Lacey: Then what’s the point?

Eric: To harass you…to humiliate you.

Lacey: That’s slander. That’s completely illegal.

They’re DECLARING WAR.

Listen to DENIAL IS A RIVER by Doechii.

Eric: I know that.

They don’t.

Lacey: It doesn’t matter.

It is…WHAT…it is.

Listen to Bizet’s Carmen, “Habanera”.

Eric: *He laughs*

There could be nuclear war because of what happened. Literally.

*He laughs*

But they mostly keep seeing it through the stupid American lens of popularity.

Lacey: Wow!

Do they not grasp much beyond that…or are they completely sold on that narrative?

Eric: Could they attend church where you did, this Sunday?

Lacey: They’d find it…far too…Anglican.

Anglican in the old sense.

Eric: Huh.

And how would they feel?

Lacey: *Thinks*

Did they like my Catholic Church experience? My stalkers?

Eric: Yes!

Believe it or not, they loved it. They’re not paying attention during mass.

Lacey: But that’s so close to the old Anglican Church. It’s very traditional!

Eric: Yes. And you’re not Lutheran either.

What are you?

Lacey: I can’t decide.

I genuinely can’t decide.

Eric: Well…they’d hate most Lutheran churches. They’d hate most real Episcopalian churches. …They like the Charismatic Church. They…love…Catholicism.

Calvinism? Maybe. But…not really?

They’re not big on order.

Lacey: So what’s popularity to them?

Eric: It’s…-

A beautiful life.

Lacey: ?

Eric: You would have been popular in the 1950’s.

Lacey: That’s just joining a community. And thriving.

Eric: YES!

But they don’t do that here.

They compete.

You can just mind your own business and be chill. But…people prefer if you don’t.

Lacey: They can’t do what I did. I was just being myself. Literally.

Eric: Yeah.

But they’re determined to replicate your success. And they’re too backward to understand what happened.

Listen to “Fledermaus Overture” by Strauss.

Lacey: I just used the algorithm. It was very effective in 2015. And 2014. For what I was doing. To get followers.

And…I had an original concept. And a good aesthetic. Money. Etc..

Eric: Yes.

But then how do they replicate it?

Lacey: You can’t.

You can’t be someone else.

Eric: Could they replicate it…in another way?

Lacey: *Thinks*

What real hope do they have?

Eric: Casi’s husband does love her?

Lacey: *Looks hopeful*

What about…-

Why not…lean in on her actual face? Not the ridiculously edited version.

And take photos of that.

Like, her actual happiness.

Eric: Yeah!

But then how does she take you…down?

Lacey: *Looks confused*

Why does she have to take me down?

Eric: Because that’s how people today see it. It’s actually kind of…tone deaf and dangerous. But…that’s what people are still up to. It became a thing about 20 years ago.

Lacey: What are we doing? A RODEO!?

Eric: Yes.

Lacey: Hold on.

I HATE country music. HATE it.

Hold on.

I literally almost just vomited.

…Umm…-

It sounds like cigarette butts floating in rancid cold coffee, to me.

Hold on.

*She takes a deep breath, with the help of AI*

Okay.

Umm-

Huh.

There’s nothing to take down. The Nazis lost the war. How about that?

Werner: *Nods*

Listen to “Life In a Glasshouse” by Radiohead.

Lacey: I don’t know how else to explain it.

I’m just not…that person.

Casi: NO!

You have to be!

We all are?

Werner: Not necessarily.

3:47

The song plays.

Werner: She’s not my wife.

But…-

Casi: No.

We can and do take each other down.

Werner: Not us.

I’m like Lacey.

I just…would never.

Lacey: It’s not about…life and death. In the perfume community, according to me. It’s about…art.

Things fade. Things remain. Some are…static. Some are…bizarre.

…I can just…be gone.

*She thinks*

Look…if you need to take me down…let me think about how to help you. Because you’re not getting it right.

*She thinks*

You leave.

Yup! YOU LEAVE.

I’m Egypt metaphorically speaking. You can’t win. You’re descendants of the Jews. The West really did descend from Ancient Israel.

So…you just leave.

I won’t chase you. I know better.

Casi: How do we do that?

Lacey: You truly move on.

I’m GONE.

I’ve left the perfume community.

So…just focus on yourselves. Not imitating me. But…being you.

If you can’t do that…you might be mentally-ill in a serious way. Like, you have a real personality disorder. Or…maybe…you just don’t value your own real opinions enough.

Don’t compete with me. Just move on. With your opinions too.